Yesterday I went out fishing with a friend and his dad, aww cool by sea. Where I live you can get huge fish pretty much any time of the year with a little luck. So we set up our rods, cast them and waited. Nothing for 2 hours or so when my friend's dad felt a tug and pulled. The fish got away and we were pissed. An hour later we gave the fuck up and went home. First we had to rub off (lol) the lines my friends dad said it's because all kinds of filthy shit gets on em. I pulled a iece of seaweed off and "rubbed it down."
He dropped me off at my house and I really needed to take a leak so I whipped out Pvt. Richards in the bathroom and aimed at the toilet. I pissed and was feeling relieved. Suddenly my member felt itchy. I scratched my crotch area.
"FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-" was heard throughout the neighborhood. My dong was in extreme pain. It was fucking agony. My mom and dad came in to see me pissing over the wall and screaming like a fucking banshee. "HEALP SDFAFDAES" I yelled. "HELP MEEE DEAR GOD" The dog walked in and I swear I could see the poor bastard laugh.
I rolled on the ground, cock flapping in the metaphorical wind for half an hour, with the dog just wagging it's tail and grinning an angry dog grin the whole time. My parents just left embarassed as fuck and I managed to crawl into bed, Joe the dog headbutting my ballsack all the time, taking pleasure in my flailing hurt.
I reached for my phone and screamed into it rather unclearly, "MY COCK IS ON FUCKING FIRE." I didn't even know which number I dialed but the guy said back to me "Whit?" then hung up. I went to my personal directory and phoned a random number. "HELP ME OH GOD HEELPPP KILL MEEE." My friend (The one from the fishing trip) replied by asking me what the fuck I was talking about, so I told him about my intense agony and even the dog smashing its cranium into my ballbags.
"Oh, that sounds like Jellyfish cock."
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT AAAAAAGH"
"The stuff that's on the jellyfish tentacles gets onto your hands when you rub down the lines. There were probably a few in the water. When you took a leak, well..."
"YOU MEAN MY POLE IS COVERED IN JELLYFISH POISON? AAAAAAAGH GOD"
"Just rest, try not to walk for a few days."
"YOU'RE FUCKING WITH ME RIGHT?"
Guys in the background burst out laughing. "No, your penis is going to feel like its got a spear stuck in it to be honest."
"OH GOD NOOOOO"
"Phone a doctor man, we don't know what kind of jellyfish that was."
And that's how it happened. I've had a two days to recover now and I can now piss without use of special medical techniques. My penis no longer feels like it has a spear lodged in it - Now it only feels like a moderately large sword! On the bright side my dog is cheering up for the first time in quite a while.
tl;dr dick covered in possibly deadly poison, flail in pain in while pissing on a wall.
Wow, I love sea fishing. It's so relaxing and it's very exciting when you hook something. But that sounds like it sucks.
jellyfish poison = good lube
Ouch.
I honestly didn't see the first post.
That sounds fucking painful, all the best to you.
At first I thought you were gonna get your dog to piss on it or something then
Jesus, that sounds like the most painful thing ever. :byodood:
Thread made my balls itch.
What the.. embarassed in front of parents or what? lol, epic story.
Saving Pvt. Richards
[QUOTE=Xmeagol;19040967][img]http://www.spousebuzz.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/09/05/munch_scream.gif[/img][/QUOTE]
I had to write so many papers on that fucking painting and my teachers said I never nailed it- NOW I know that he's frightened because he'll get jellyfish stingers on his cock!
Your dog is a douchebag.
[QUOTE=Herbie3;19040983]jellyfish poison = good lube[/QUOTE]
More pain, the better the gain. :smug:
[QUOTE=Pascall;19041058]Your dog is a douchebag.[/QUOTE]
[url]http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=831055[/url]
I feel sorry for you man.
Oh my god hilarious i wish that happened to me.
you should have had sex and see your partners reaction.
Saving Ryans Privates. The movie. Oh my god I am sorry I laughed. That must have stung.
[editline]05:33PM[/editline]
[QUOTE=The Mighty Boatman;19041092][url]http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=831055[/url][/QUOTE]
Oh yeah that thread oh my lolz.
OP----> :byodood::fh:
[QUOTE=The Mighty Boatman;19041092][url]http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=831055[/url][/QUOTE]
Oh, so he was getting you back. I see.
It hurt to read this!!
[QUOTE=Pascall;19041162]Oh, so he was getting you back. I see.[/QUOTE]
Sometimes he bites them just for fun. :saddowns:
I expected you would say you had a jellyfish on your dick
[QUOTE=Noob_Reaper;19041054]I had to write so many papers on that fucking painting and my teachers said I never nailed it- NOW I know that he's frightened because he'll get jellyfish stingers on his cock![/QUOTE]
He's frightened because the sky is burning, the heat even distorts his head and body, it's so simple how could you not figure it out?
[QUOTE=The Mighty Boatman;19040901]Yesterday I went out fishing with a friend and his dad, aww cool by sea. Where I live you can get huge fish pretty much any time of the year with a little luck. So we set up our rods, cast them and waited. Nothing for 2 hours or so when my friend's dad felt a tug and pulled. The fish got away and we were pissed. An hour later we gave the fuck up and went home. First we had to rub off (lol) the lines my friends dad said it's because all kinds of filthy shit gets on em. I pulled a iece of seaweed off and "rubbed it down."
He dropped me off at my house and I really needed to take a leak so I whipped out Pvt. Richards in the bathroom and aimed at the toilet. I pissed and was feeling relieved. Suddenly my member felt itchy. I scratched my crotch area.
"FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-" was heard throughout the neighborhood. My dong was in extreme pain. It was fucking agony. My mom and dad came in to see me pissing over the wall and screaming like a fucking banshee. "HEALP SDFAFDAES" I yelled. "HELP MEEE DEAR GOD" The dog walked in and I swear I could see the poor bastard laugh.
I rolled on the ground, cock flapping in the metaphorical wind for half an hour, with the dog just wagging it's tail and grinning an angry dog grin the whole time. My parents just left embarassed as fuck and I managed to crawl into bed, Joe the dog headbutting my ballsack all the time, taking pleasure in my flailing hurt.
I reached for my phone and screamed into it rather unclearly, "MY COCK IS ON FUCKING FIRE." I didn't even know which number I dialed but the guy said back to me "Whit?" then hung up. I went to my personal directory and phoned a random number. "HELP ME OH GOD HEELPPP KILL MEEE." My friend (The one from the fishing trip) replied by asking me what the fuck I was talking about, so I told him about my intense agony and even the dog smashing its cranium into my ballbags.
[/QUOTE]
I couldn't stop laughing
[QUOTE=Technopath;19041193]He's frightened because the sky is burning, the heat even distorts his head and body, it's so simple how could you not figure it out?[/QUOTE]
I thought it was just a sunset, and the boat was unoccupied and the people headless so I thought he was afraid of religious rapture.
This man should win Best New User 2009.
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