How do I tell a child that it's not their birthday?
41 replies, posted
So it's my 18th tomorrow, and my parents always do something for my nieces on peoples birthdays. They relight the candles and everyone (except me) sings happy birthday and let them blow out the candles on someone else's cake.
I don't see the point of this, other than the fact that it will just entitle them to whatever they want. But I really don't want this to happen tomorrow, really sickens me (Sounds fucking horrible, I know).
How do I tell them that I don't want them to do this, one is 4 and the other is 2 and has anyone else had this happen to them in the past? I'm generally intrigued as I haven't heard about anyone else doing this before.
Sorry if wrong section, really didn't know where to post this.
I don't know about birthdays but one time when it was christmas and we had no money for presents my father went out back and fired a shotgun into the air, and then came back in and told us that christmas was cancelled because Santa just committed suicide
Just be straight forward with your parents.
And if they don't listen, then just tell them not to get you a cake or do anything special since it's obvious they are doing it for the kids and not you.
Sounds harsh but it's tough love.
I don't understand this tradition. A little back story maybe? Sounds confusing for the kids.
[QUOTE=Xonax;49268025]Just be straight forward with your parents.
And if they don't listen, then just tell them not to get you a cake or do anything special since it's obvious they are doing it for the kids and not you.
Sounds harsh but it's tough love.[/QUOTE]
Right, I'll do that. Thanks for the help :)
[QUOTE=agentfazexx;49268045]I don't understand this tradition. A little back story maybe? Sounds confusing for the kids.[/QUOTE]
Basically, whenever someone has a birthday, all of our (local) family come round to our house and then they throw them a little get-together. I generally stay out of the way because I can't stand being around groups of people, but I do go downstairs when things are happening and not just chatting. We turn the lights off and someone brings in a birthday cake and we all sing happy birthday. Once they've blown out the candles and everyone cheers the kids get really excited and expect the candles to be relit and everyone to sing happy birthday for them again, even though it isn't their birthday. Just infuriates me that my family give into them the second they ask.
That seems really weird to act like every birthday is also their birthday. Family traditions are weird!
well the Chinese give their unmarried relatives red pockets on new years which in retrospect is pretty strange right?
How much harm can it do?
I don't see the harm in it generally, but if you definitely don't want it happening on your birthday, just bring it up to your parents.
Keep in mind that these girls are 4 and 2 so.. you know.. be polite about it lol.
[URL="http://southpark.cc.com/clips/388723/happy-birthday-stan"]I never thought that there were actually kids treated like this.[/URL]
My dad actually does this at his house with my youngest brothers (which are 3 and 6), he even told me to bring small presents for both of them on other family member's birthdays as well. I usually don't mind it, but my brothers are very spoiled and get upset pretty easily If one gets a nice present and the other one gets something they don't like as much, even if its not on their birthday. Oh well I guess, I mentioned it to him but he doesn't seem to care. I don't really mind it/care tbh, I'm 20. I see that other families do this as well from this thread.
Glad he didn't raise me and my other younger brother this way.
My mother's side of the family used to do this. I don't know if they do anymore. I just stopped having parties.
Solves most problems, I find.
That reminded me of when it was my younger brother's birthday back when we were toddlers. I blew out the candles instead and he cried his eyes out :v:
Sounds like that started because some kid got buttmad that a birthday party was happening and it wasn't [I]their[/I] birthday so they didn't get the attention that bday parties yield. So they pitched a bitch fit and instead of dealing with it properly the parents of said kid went "ohmygod shut up here its your birthday too".
And now the kids expect it. So now if you stop it'll be a huge fucking ordeal. Now you're trapped.
[I]but the cycle must break somehow.[/I]
Tell your parents you don't want that to happen. Frankly I wouldn't want it to happen at my party either. Its not that I hate kids or don't want them to be happy but damnit learn when its your turn. Its not your birthday so [I]shut up and stop expecting attention to always be given to you.[/I]
Be straight forward with your parents and if they don't listen, just go out and spend some time with friends.
Happy Birthday!
I'll be the dissenting opinion and say they're just candles and they'll grow out of it.
We do this at most parties in my family (we have quite a few young ones). Normally they just gather around whoevers birthday it is (Mine was last) and help blow candles out. I don't really mind, it's my two Nephews and it never becomes "Hey let's relight the whole cake because one didn't get a go!"
If you really don't want to though, lock the nieces in the bathroom while you do the cake.
First i've heard of this happening, tell the kids parents that this will not be case and if the kids start to protest in the politest way possible tell them to fuck off and that perhaps they'll be cursed if they eat that cake until they're old enough to understand that just because it's someone's birthday it's not theirs to treat themselves to.
I think you really need to take a step back and ask yourself if this is negatively affecting you in any way.
You still get your birthday presents and cake, does it really matter if your nieces get to have their own fun? They're 4 and 2, for the 4 year-old it's a bit weird but the 2 year-old is not really old enough to accept the concept of "no, you have to wait X months to have your version of what's happening today".
I think you'll enjoy your birthday a lot more if you can just have fun along with a couple little kids having fun, instead of hiding in another room getting mad about it.
[QUOTE=Zeke129;49275287]I think you really need to take a step back and ask yourself if this is negatively affecting you in any way.
You still get your birthday presents and cake, does it really matter if your nieces get to have their own fun? They're 4 and 2, for the 4 year-old it's a bit weird but the 2 year-old is not really old enough to accept the concept of "no, you have to wait X months to have your version of what's happening today".
I think you'll enjoy your birthday a lot more if you can just have fun along with a couple little kids having fun, instead of hiding in another room getting mad about it.[/QUOTE]
Now, I'm no parenting expert, and I sure as hell doubt I'll ever be a parent let alone a expert; wouldn't waiting years until saying "No, you need to wait your turn." have more consequences? For years they are told to go ahead and believe it's their day too, until one day they are suddenly told the opposite.
Now, I honestly can't for the life of me remember if I was the same growing up, and if I was I hope I changed because now I can't begin to celebrate one for myself because I don't see the appeal in it personally. I'd celebrate others out of being courteous to family and friends, but starting them young on the truth would seem a more fair option. Children are more intelligent then you and I would begin to think. Even a simple two year old could handle a firm "no" rather then the whole explanation.
[QUOTE=LtKyle2;49276676]Now, I'm no parenting expert, and I sure as hell doubt I'll ever be a parent let alone a expert; wouldn't waiting years until saying "No, you need to wait your turn." have more consequences? For years they are told to go ahead and believe it's their day too, until one day they are suddenly told the opposite.
Now, I honestly can't for the life of me remember if I was the same growing up, and if I was I hope I changed because now I can't begin to celebrate one for myself because I don't see the appeal in it personally. I'd celebrate others out of being courteous to family and friends, but starting them young on the truth would seem a more fair option. Children are more intelligent then you and I would begin to think. Even a simple two year old could handle a firm "no" rather then the whole explanation.[/QUOTE]
Exactly. This is how I was raised, and I'm sure most kids I grew up with were. When someone has a birthday, it is THEIR day. Your day will come sooner or later. As far as I recall, my younger sister and I accepted this even at extremely young ages as "just how things are done". It made birthdays that much better anyway.
Just be happy you get some of their cake. :v:
That's just stupid. Tell the kids that they're not special in any way, and back off of your cake.
[editline]8th December 2015[/editline]
Or simply just tell your parents that instead.
[QUOTE=LtKyle2;49276676]Now, I'm no parenting expert, and I sure as hell doubt I'll ever be a parent let alone a expert; wouldn't waiting years until saying "No, you need to wait your turn." have more consequences? For years they are told to go ahead and believe it's their day too, until one day they are suddenly told the opposite.
Now, I honestly can't for the life of me remember if I was the same growing up, and if I was I hope I changed because now I can't begin to celebrate one for myself because I don't see the appeal in it personally. I'd celebrate others out of being courteous to family and friends, but starting them young on the truth would seem a more fair option. Children are more intelligent then you and I would begin to think. Even a simple two year old could handle a firm "no" rather then the whole explanation.[/QUOTE]
Is it really OP's parents' place to tell these kids to wait their turn? That's [i]their[/i] parent's job. If he's really bothered by it he should probably talk to his niece's parents about it instead of his own.
It's really common to completely spoil children that aren't your own because you don't see them every day.
I can't say this is something I've personally experienced but I definitely remember my extended family doting on me way too much. I don't know, the whole thing seems really innocent and OP being the grumpy uncle on his birthday is probably going to stick with the kids longer than the fake birthday will.
Tell the kids that you only age when you blow out the candles on a cake; doing this more than once per year has dire consequences.
To scar them nice and deep, show them that scene from Indiana Jones 3 where the dude drinks from the wrong grail and rapidly ages. Tell them that it is real life footage of a 6-year-old who blew out too many candles.
[QUOTE=TwistedThrill;49267957]So it's my 18th tomorrow, and my parents always do something for my nieces on peoples birthdays. They relight the candles and everyone (except me) sings happy birthday and let them blow out the candles on someone else's cake.
I don't see the point of this, other than the fact that it will just entitle them to whatever they want. But I really don't want this to happen tomorrow, really sickens me (Sounds fucking horrible, I know).
How do I tell them that I don't want them to do this, one is 4 and the other is 2 and has anyone else had this happen to them in the past? I'm generally intrigued as I haven't heard about anyone else doing this before.
Sorry if wrong section, really didn't know where to post this.[/QUOTE]
I have a spoiled cousin who literally got to blow out my candles and open my cards and stuff. It's not right, it makes them think everything is about them.
I was actually raised in a similar way, but nowhere near that degree.
My sister and are less than 2 years apart, and whenever one of us had a birthday, the other would get 1 small gift.
I think it stopped when I was 5 or 6 and asked "Hey, uh, why are we getting a present if it's not our birthday, anyway?"
There was only one time where I cried because someone else got a gift and I didn't, but that was because 1, it was the mother giving a "thanks for coming" gift to every kid at the party but me, and 2, I used to cry because of [I]everything[/I]. There would be times when I was younger where I wouldn't even be upset, I would just start crying. Hell, I wore my emotions on my sleeve until college.
So how did it go?
They're four and two years old respectively? Just chill out dude, they'll grow out of it.
I think at a very young age it's okay to give a SMALL little something to a kid. Only because of the very young age meaning they may feel a bit of exclusion when just one person is getting attention. Kids are like that after all, these things aren't very well known to them. That said, not doing something like that is great too since it's not needed at all.
And just for context, by "Small little something" I mean maybe a bag of sweets or something.
[editline]12th December 2015[/editline]
I'm really curious as to what went down too.
I hate the idea of blowing out candles. Spit goes all over the cake.
Reminds me of when I was at this party/fun place with a friend, and we were watching some other kid's party (we didn't know them, we werent part of it) and legit the kid went to blow out the candles, and he vomited a little on the cake. it was awesome
Just tell your mother that they need to learn when it's their time and when it's your time. They shouldn't grow up thinking they always get what they want
it's kinda retarded and takes the magic out of having birthdays if they just go ahead and celebrate it like it's their own twice a year. Parents are fucking weird.
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