• The storytelling thread v1 Because the retail sucks thread isn't enough!
    5 replies, posted
You may ask why, and the answer is that out of enjoyment of the retail sucks thread, I thought, "Hmmm, why be limited just to the strange tales of facepunch retail when it could be a general thread?" This thread was born in the process. No shitposting, this isn't the fast threads. Normal rules apply, NSFW must be linked to and warned about. Stories must be [b]nonfictional[/b], not every post requires content, but must be related to the thread. Lets try to keep the format similar to the RS thread. Go! May the funnies be in your favor! [editline]26th June 2012[/editline] Let me know if this already exists!
I got my balls sucked on once, the end.
This seems like a good idea with poor execution, but I'll give it a shot. So, I was with my parents and some of their friends and their son at Fremont Street a couple months ago. We pretty much just walked down the street then back up, but as we were going towards the end with a hotel on it this one random lady in her late 20's, early 30's comes up to me and asks to get a picture with me. I look over to my parents, they shrug, and another girl who was somewhat younger than her (they looked like sister but I don't know) took a picture of her standing with her arm over my shoulder, no big deal, right? Well the chick who wanted the picture slips a ten into the palm of my hand, and disappears into the crowd, and I'm left wondering what the hell just happened. On our way back up the street towards where we parked, I had the security people with the bikes stop me just to compliment me on my style and how I fit perfectly with what is apparently Fremont Street's motto: "Everything is different, but it's not.". I still don't know how to feel about this. I could seriously get a job at Fremont Street though...
This one time I was browsing facepunch, and I spotted this thread. It was entitled [I]The storytelling thread v1 Because the retail sucks thread isn't enough![/I]. I thought to myself, "hmmm, this seems interesting, perhaps I should venture within, and see what this fine chap has to say. So decided to pore over the initial posting, and discovered that Mr. S. Distruct didn't have very much to offer. He explained himself very nicely, but ultimately, his musings left much to be desired. I took it upon myself to attempt to tell my own tale of how I came to arrive here into this thread, and began to type my tale into the letterbox upon my screen. I finished what I had to say, gave it a quick proofread, and clicked the post button. And that, my friends, is the story of how I arrived here to this very thread.
Content: Me and my stepdad like to scare eachother at random times in the day. So one day, we happened to be at bed, bath, and beyond looking at curtains. I, being the dumbass that I am, decided to hide in the curtains. (At this point, my stepdad notices me trying to get in a good position and watches, amused) Thinking, 'I'll just pop out when he walks by', I chilled there for a minute or two. 45 seconds in, some old lady walks by and takes a liking to the exact curtains I'm hiding in. Not the ones next to me, [i]the[/i] curtains I'm standing in. As I had no choice, I stood there like a dumbfuck as she pulled the curtains back. Let me just say, I scared her shitless. Meanwhile, my stepdad was getting some cheap entertainment out of it 30ft away. He didn't even try to stop the lady from opening the curtains...he just stood there, watching intently.
Moar Content: I was once in a computers class when I was in junior high. It wasn't anything special, it just taught how to use basic things like Excell, Word, Publisher, Powerpoint, and an old version of Photoshop. So not many of the kids were really experienced with computers all that much (including me, I was just a bit more experienced than most of the class). So one of the assignments was to use photoshop to make a picture of an alligator (school mascot) hold a cellphone. The source files were located on the school's public server (which everyone had read/write access) and the students were told to copy them to their computers to avoid overwriting the files. After the teacher presented what to do, he told everyone to start working, but rather than working, I decided to have a bit of fun. I opened a command prompt and set the attributes of the source files to +s +h, so they wouldn't be visible to the computer with the default configuration. After sitting back and watching for ~2-5 minutes, I almost couldn't contain myself as the class started shitting a brick about the files disappearing (they were visible during the teacher's presentation, which makes it all the more funnier) and the look on the teacher's face when he JUST HAD THE FILES there a second ago. And of course, right before he goes to fix it, the files "magically reappear." And that was just the beginning of the year... [editline]30th June 2012[/editline] Double post god dammit. [editline]30th June 2012[/editline] Even moar content: I was in a foreign language class my sophmore year. The teacher was (and is) one of my favorite teachers ever, but she uses assigned seating arrangements so the class does not become disruptive. Here is the process of how she changes the (monthly) seating arrangement: 1. She prints out a grid that looks similar to the arrangement of the desks in the classroom. 2. She puts the date (month/year) on the top left of the paper 3. She fills the grid in with the names of the students (corresponding to the desk they would sit in for the month) 4. -On the day of the seating arrangement change- The dismissal bell for the class BEFORE us rings, she sets the new arrangement on the front-center desk so everyone can see it when they walk in. 5. She leaves the class to go to the staffroom (she does this inbetween every period) 6. Students walk in, see arrangement, and sit in their new seats 7. Teacher comes back, class starts It's not as complicated as it seems, just detailed. So my friend and I decided to make our own seating arrangement using the teacher's as a reference. So we both agreed to take the seating arrangement on the day that she changes it (after everyone sits in their new seats). So we waited about 1/4 of a month, and when the day came, we took it. Then I took it home and made a high res scan of the paper and we returned it the next day (it wasn't missed, so I put it on her desk and put some random papers on top of it to look like it has been there). Over the next couple of days, my friend and I made a custom seating chart using the chart we borrowed as a reference. We copied the names off the grid and put them on a blank canvas, cleared the grid, and pasted the names back on the grid in the way we wanted it. It actually took careful planning to do, we wanted everyone next to their friends, yet we didn't want it obvious. When we got done rearranging, it was perfect. Then we made (not copied, made) a new date for february (as opposed to january). We waited about 3/4 of a month, arriving to class first EVERY DAY so when she changed the seating arrangement, we would replace it. We had to swap out the teacher's seating arrangement for our own at the right time (when she was out of the classroom, and there were no other students there to fuck it up). The timing was perfect, we swapped them and sat in the seats that WE assigned, not hers! And when the bell rang, I couldn't hold back a grin. Me, my friend, and 6 of his friends were grouped (in a non obvious way) together. Then the teacher walked in. She walked in as students were sitting down in their new seats, talking to [i]their[/i] friends. She picked up the seating arrangement, the one we [i]printed[/i], the one in [i]her handwriting[/i]. She stared right at the paper, and read the names of the students to tell them where to sit. And it didn't even cross her mind that it wasn't even hers. That was a fun month... And I still have the files.
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