If I love a girl, am I making a mistake by leaving for college? Will she be the one that got away? - General

I have a question I've been asking myself for a while. [B]If I [I]love[/I] a girl, am I making a mistake by leaving for college? Will she be the one that got away?[/B] My freshman year of high school, I was awkward. For the first few weeks I wandered around the halls before class started in the morning. Then a guy I knew from back in elementary school asked me to come talk with him. He led me over to a group of people, two of which were girls also from my elementary school. The others were new to me at the time. This group became the little clique I would be a part of. One of the girls from my elementary school, well, let's just say I had my sights set on her almost immediately. She was pretty nerdy and quirky, so I thought she'd be a good person to try to connect with at an affectionate level. There was one issue though. She did [I]not[/I] like me, heh. She'd make fun of me a lot, nothing really bad, but she basically was annoyed by my presence. The crazy thing was, she was so fun to talk to. It didn't matter that she'd take a jab at me so frequently, there was just something about her. All those moments where she teased me were just, special. The more I hung with all of them, the less she made fun of me, because you know, when you get to know a lot about somebody you form a bond with them. We got really close. We could talk about almost anything with each other, I'm sure you all know what I mean. Those basement gatherings where you all talk about things that 14-year-olds consider taboo, like sex etc. (Let's call her "Em" from now on) The next few years, we both had feelings for one another, but either couldn't muster the courage to make them known or tried to deny it. Em got a boyfriend, I got sad because I felt I had missed my chance. Em broke up with him, there was still hope, but I was too scared. I didn't want to risk our wonderful friendship. Later on, [I]I[/I] got a girlfriend, and then Em felt [I]she[/I] missed [I]her[/I] chance. I eventually came to terms with myself, and realized that that wasn't the person I wanted to be with. I ended that relationship because, I knew I belonged with Em. I finally got the courage to tell Em how I felt. And, she told me that she had just recently given me up as a lost cause. She now had her eye on someone else. I was crushed, the next few weeks were filled with me being a bitch and listening to depressing music. It was pathetic. But then, came finals week. School ended early every day that week so we had a lot of time to do things during the day. Em and I had never seen Howl's Moving Castle, so we were going to watch it together. Halfway through the movie, I realized she had fallen asleep on me. I paused the movie and sat for a while. Then, I gently woke her up. She blinked a few times, and looked up at me with a smile that I can't describe with words. Then, she pulled me down and gave me a kiss. Just like that, 3 years of prolonged tension between us was shattered in the blink of an eye. It felt like fireworks were going off in my mind. We never did finish that movie. :3 I took her to the Junior Prom, and ever since then life has been happier than ever before. We are still together, and in senior year now. She's going to the local community college for the first two years, while I could potentially go away to a university to pursue my interests. On one hand, I like the sound of getting away from my parents. However, I'm not sure if I'm ready to move away yet, that community college would save a lot of money too. Staying there for two years to figure things out sounds good, plus, I really don't want to lose Em. I really appreciate if you read this whole thing, and I would be eternally grateful if at least one of you could help point me in the right direction. I feel really lost.

You have listed no benefits other than getting away from your parents for the university. Sounds like you really want everyone to jump in and say go to the community college. Then again the difference between community college and university are probably quite apparent to people in the US so there is that. Moving away to university you should definitely break up with her. Staying you can stay with her. Either way you're still staying in school and since degrees are more about who you know not what you know and all that jazz... I think you should go to community college because you clearly really want to. If you do move away and you do break up, then you will both move on, it will hurt, but you'll get over it and find someone else or the same person if she was so right for you in a couple of years. If you think community college will negatively impact your life at a rate greater than being with her will go to the uni, if you think going to uni will provide an additional benefit that her presence does not then go to community college. If you do move away and don't break up it will be far, far worse for you both. So whatever you do don't do that. If you don't move away and she breaks up with you other than the fact that you love her or whatevs will you feel like your whole life is ruined because now you're stuck with less debt and a worse degree or will it be bearable? Lots of questions. My opinion: stay at community college. What I am actually doing at the moment though is the opposite of this, I love someone far away and if I wanted I could up and move. It would cost a lot and take up a lot more time from my uni work etc but I could definitely do it if I had the courage. But the biggest thing is I just wish I didn't love them because then the distance wouldn't hurt nearly as much. If the options were go to uni or don't go to uni I would say go to uni though. So if community college is that much worse then go to uni. omg I can see your dillema I can't even decide what I'd do.

How far away is the university you want to go to?

leaving for a girl would be foolish that's an insane gamble that's bad even if it turns out "she's the one" never think with your pee pee / va jay jay

[QUOTE=J!NX;46283182]leaving for a girl would be foolish that's an insane gamble that's bad even if it turns out "she's the one" never think with your pee pee / va jay jay[/QUOTE] I'd agree but they aren't leaving they are proposing to get a community college degree instead of a university one. Are they really that different? I honestly don't know.

Do it. Education is a lifelong process, if you have a [B]genuine interest for learning[/B] , you will do just fine with or without going to college. Sure, before mass printing and internet, you would have had no other way to access information [I]other than going[/I] to a university, but that hasn't been the case for some time now. Unless you're at Yale/Stanford/Oxford w/e your diploma isn't gonna weigh much. You also pay a ton of money in the US for attending lectures, so you have to weigh in the pros and cons, because my intuition tells me that you want the education that your college provides for the job opportunities that diploma would entice. That's only gonna help you for your first job though, and not that much for the rest of your career. It's a certificate, not a ticket to heaven, so bear that in mind. That being said, you, me, and everyone else want a nice family, good income, an interesting career, perhaps one where you're entepreneur or w/e. Neither of those come from grinding a few years through college. So take your life in your own hands and make the best of it.

Community college in the U.S. (assuming your community college isn't absolute shit) is 100% the best option you can take unless you're going for some niche degree that doesn't have any relevant courses at your CC. It's often a LOT cheaper than a university, and you'll be able to actually dabble in other courses without having to feel like you're screwing your self over. The difference here is fucking astronomical, the local CC's tuition is roughly $1300 for a semester and the state uni is roughly $5000 a semester (IN STATE too!) Out of state tuition is exponentially worse. You can always go to a uni after you get an associates degree from your CC. Usually there's very few complications with transfer credits and the like.

[QUOTE=gerbe1;46283212]I'd agree but they aren't leaving they are proposing to get a community college degree instead of a university one. Are they really that different? I honestly don't know.[/QUOTE] They aren't unless you're going to be a top notch broker on wall street or a senator; if you're gonna live your life like a normal human then a bachelors is a bachelors whomever's college name is on it. As for my opinion on the topic of having been with a girl all through highschool then going to college; we were together for 6 years and broke up. I'm sure glad that I didn't make a lot of decisions to please her and my penis. If its getting p**** you're worried about and don't want to admit it; you'll find endless amounts at a university; enough to get over her. In fact; if you really want to think with your penis then go to the university; break up with her and get every piece you can. Just make sure you use protection. Don't trust "love" to make your decisions though; you will find it again. I did. [QUOTE=godfatherk;46283220]Do it. Education is a lifelong process, if you have a [B]genuine interest for learning[/B] , you will do just fine with or without going to college. Sure, before mass printing and internet, you would have had no other way to access information [I]other than going[/I] to a university, but that hasn't been the case for some time now. Unless you're at Yale/Stanford/Oxford w/e your diploma isn't gonna weigh much. You also pay a ton of money in the US for attending lectures, so you have to weigh in the pros and cons, because my intuition tells me that you want the education that your college provides for the job opportunities that diploma would entice. That's only gonna help you for your first job though, and not that much for the rest of your career. It's a certificate, not a ticket to heaven, so bear that in mind. That being said, you, me, and everyone else want a nice family, good income, an interesting career, perhaps one where you're entepreneur or w/e. Neither of those come from grinding a few years through college. So take your life in your own hands and make the best of it.[/QUOTE] ^^^^ BEST ADVICE ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN ABOUT COLLEGE *just saying*

[QUOTE=gerbe1;46283212]I'd agree but they aren't leaving they are proposing to get a community college degree instead of a university one. Are they really that different? I honestly don't know.[/QUOTE] No, I'd be going to community for the first two years. The idea behind that is that in case you have a drastic change in what you want to study, you can easily change. If you go straight to a uni that's geared towards one field, and then decide you don't want to do that, it's a lot harder on you. However, from visiting a lot of universities I've seen a lot of benefits to being more immersed in your studies because you live them, and usually better professors are at universities not community college here in the US. You're right when you said I should've listed more advantages there. Anyway, this is more about whether I will regret losing my relationship with her, and furthermore if we'd be able to get back on track once we are finished with school. We've already agreed that a long distance one is pretty much out of the question. I'm hoping someone has some input from personal experience.

Base your decision on this, which of the schools are better for what you want to study/your career and moving away is a great thing for a person, it will teach you a lot of things, let you meet tons of people, mature you and make you a lot more independent so if that interests you then choose moving away. Don't base your decision at all on the girl if she is actually going to be there with you long term then the long distance should only be an annoyance and if you lose her because of it it's probably for the best. The world is huge don't be dumb and limit your self/base your decisions because of 1 girl, yeah sure you feel happy right now but you will feel a lot happier if you do whats best for you. Also don't listen to dumb vague replies like this: [QUOTE=godfatherk;46283220]Do it. Education is a lifelong process, if you have a [B]genuine interest for learning[/B] , you will do just fine with or without going to college. Sure, before mass printing and internet, you would have had no other way to access information [I]other than going[/I] to a university, but that hasn't been the case for some time now. Unless you're at Yale/Stanford/Oxford w/e your diploma isn't gonna weigh much. You also pay a ton of money in the US for attending lectures, so you have to weigh in the pros and cons, because my intuition tells me that you want the education that your college provides for the job opportunities that diploma would entice. That's only gonna help you for your first job though, and not that much for the rest of your career. It's a certificate, not a ticket to heaven, so bear that in mind. That being said, you, me, and everyone else want a nice family, good income, an interesting career, perhaps one where you're entepreneur or w/e. Neither of those come from grinding a few years through college. So take your life in your own hands and make the best of it.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=godfatherk;46283220]Do it. Education is a lifelong process, if you have a [B]genuine interest for learning[/B] , you will do just fine with or without going to college. Sure, before mass printing and internet, you would have had no other way to access information [I]other than going[/I] to a university, but that hasn't been the case for some time now. Unless you're at Yale/Stanford/Oxford w/e your diploma isn't gonna weigh much. You also pay a ton of money in the US for attending lectures, so you have to weigh in the pros and cons, because my intuition tells me that you want the education that your college provides for the job opportunities that diploma would entice. That's only gonna help you for your first job though, and not that much for the rest of your career. It's a certificate, not a ticket to heaven, so bear that in mind. That being said, you, me, and everyone else want a nice family, good income, an interesting career, perhaps one where you're entepreneur or w/e. Neither of those come from grinding a few years through college. So take your life in your own hands and make the best of it.[/QUOTE] Wow, that's really different. But, back to the "who you know not what you know" stuff, some of these universities can get you really connected with some of the companies in my desired field, that's a huge benefit. But, hell, I could do just that by coming to uni just after two years at community, right? I dunno. All this is really good stuff, it's becoming a bit clearer to me now...

Ok let me tell you what is going to happen You're going to put off college for this grand romantic gesture following this facile notion of "the one" (theres 7 billion people on this planet, roughly 50% of which are women, the chances of you finding the very last girl you will ever be both sexually and personally attracted to is slim), initially your girlfriend is going to dig it, but in the back of her head there is going to be both the psychological pressure that she is responsible in some manner for you not moving forward with your life, and the tacit implication that you're so emotionally immature and inexperienced with women that you were ready to give up everything just to be with her - in the movies, this is the happily ever after moment, in real life this is the "help facepunch my girlfriend is cheating on me and i dont know how to handle it"

The decision is your's to make ,lad, not mine. Do as you wish, do what you think is best. Just remember, nothing is set in stone for the future, but ye can never change the past.

[QUOTE=Nightscout;46283234]No, I'd be going to community for the first two years. The idea behind that is that in case you have a drastic change in what you want to study, you can easily change. If you go straight to a uni that's geared towards one field, and then decide you don't want to do that, it's a lot harder on you. However, from visiting a lot of universities I've seen a lot of benefits to being more immersed in your studies because you live them, and usually better professors are at universities not community college here in the US. You're right when you said I should've listed more advantages there. Anyway, this is more about whether I will regret losing my relationship with her, and furthermore if we'd be able to get back on track once we are finished with school. We've already agreed that a long distance one is pretty much out of the question. I'm hoping someone has some input from personal experience.[/QUOTE] Well then I currently regret immensely losing my relationship with someone I still love. This is only about 6 months on. I am still not over them and it still bugs me. I agreed with them to not do a long distance relationship thing but it's working out that way anyway. I talk to them every day, I cap my phone credit talking to them, I get stressed if they aren't responding. I keep saying I should stop talking and they keep saying it's a good idea but neither of us wants to so we just keep going. Make sure if you go then you really do break up, no "we'll stay in touch though" From what I hear you won't regret losing the relationship in a year or so, it's the intervening year that has been hard for me so far. Like I said it's now been about 9 or 10 months and I am still not over them at all. I still beat myself up for things I did and said that I feel made me at fault. I've tried "moving on" but usually I go on a date and end up talking about them and the person goes "wth" and says "you need to move on buddy" and I am back to square one. Maybe I just have problems. It's essentially my first "break up" with someone I loved. I think it's going really badly? Anyway. Everyone says I'll get over it. Hasn't happened yet.

[QUOTE=Nightscout;46283234]No, I'd be going to community for the first two years. The idea behind that is that in case you have a drastic change in what you want to study, you can easily change. If you go straight to a uni that's geared towards one field, and then decide you don't want to do that, it's a lot harder on you. However, from visiting a lot of universities I've seen a lot of benefits to being more immersed in your studies because you live them, and usually better professors are at universities not community college here in the US. You're right when you said I should've listed more advantages there. Anyway, this is more about whether I will regret losing my relationship with her, and furthermore if we'd be able to get back on track once we are finished with school. We've already agreed that a long distance one is pretty much out of the question. I'm hoping someone has some input from personal experience.[/QUOTE] Then break it off with her and if anything the relationship can start again when your done, you never know what will happen anyways, after high school is when everyone actually matures which is why you shouldn't take the relationship seriously in the first place. I am 99% sure you will find both of you drastically changing and maturing at this stage. When I was young finishing highschool I almost did the same thing, change my life for a girl but that ended and I actually saw what I was going to do was just going to harm me in the long run and now doing what I actually want to do and putting any type of relationship on hold until I'm where I want to be has made be a lot happier and mature. [editline]20th October 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=dilzinyomouth;46283252]Ok let me tell you what is going to happen You're going to put off college for this grand romantic gesture following this facile notion of "the one" (theres 7 billion people on this planet, roughly 50% of which are women, the chances of you finding the very last girl you will ever be both sexually and personally attracted to is slim), initially your girlfriend is going to dig it, but in the back of her head there is going to be both the psychological pressure that she is responsible in some manner for you not moving forward with your life, and the tacit implication that you're so emotionally immature and inexperienced with women that you were ready to give up everything just to be with her - in the movies, this is the happily ever after moment, in real life this is the "help facepunch my girlfriend is cheating on me and i dont know how to handle it"[/QUOTE] Said it a lot better then I can atm, like I mentioned I have experience with this and I am 100% I did the right thing moving away from my highschool relationship. I have traveled the world, made new life long friends, matured and doing what I actually want to do now, etc..... Don't put YOUR life on hold for someone else.

I really don't think they are putting their life on hold for someone else or throwing away anything or putting off college if a college degree and a uni degree are pretty much just as valuable as the other. If that is the case I can't see how they'll regret it? There will be experiences and lessons to be learned either way tbh. I don't think it's so extreme to stay with their gf and go to community college as some people are making out and I don't think it will be regrettable anymore than leaving. Maybe staying will feel more regrettable because the relationship might end in an unexpected way and they blame themselves etc etc and wish they had done x and x differently. But then a year or so after that I don't think they'll be going "oh I ruined my life for this person"

[IMG]http://troll.me/images/this-nigga-fucked-my-bitch/nigga-you-fucked-up.jpg[/IMG] [highlight](User was banned for this post ("Image macro" - Craptasket))[/highlight]

There are two ways to test a love connection. One of them is long-ass camping trips. The other is long-ass periods of time apart. Go to college. If you still love her after a four year long-distance relationship, you have my permission to stick your dick in her pooper.

that is a good response my friend

High school romance is never adult romance and it will never last after high school. And it's laughable that you found "the one" while you're a hormone driven teenager who has few real-world experiences.

Romance is the kind of thing that if you commit to, often than not it all goes terribly wrong. At least when you're this young.

[QUOTE=Emperor Scorpious II;46283880]High school romance is never adult romance and it will never last after high school. And it's laughable that you found "the one" while you're a hormone driven teenager who has few real-world experiences.[/QUOTE] High school romance does last after high school, it's just not overly common. And no it isn't laughable that they might find the one while you're a hormone driven teenager with few real world experiences. It's perhaps unlikely and the odds should be stated but I don't see why it has to be so harsh. [QUOTE=Eonart;46283979]Education is more important than love. Just putting that out there.[/QUOTE] tbh I would prefer to be stupid and love and be loved back for eternity than be as smart as Einstein and never have it last. That's a subjective statement.

[QUOTE=Emperor Scorpious II;46283880]High school romance is never adult romance and it will never last after high school. And it's laughable that you found "the one" while you're a hormone driven teenager who has few real-world experiences.[/QUOTE] That's not true. There are many couples who have been together since High School and make it work. Do the majority of them fizzle? Yeah, but it doesn't mean it's impossible. But in regards to OP's situation I recommend placing your education and your future first before worrying about your love life while you're still young. It's much easier when you're single.

Go to the university you bum

You're going to regret it either way. Education ain't everything, and neither is love. The choices you make aren't permanent nothing is set in stone. You should really just choose what you think makes [B]you [/B]happy.

There are many reasons you might attend the same school as someone else. A crush is one of those things that should be at the very VERY bottom of that list.

i think the question here should be does she love [I]you[/I] enough to say she'll wait for you to finish schooling? i doubt it unless either of you are seriously committed to a long term, honestly, it'd be better for your future to just go to uni. the simple fact that going to uni has this issue of leaving your girlfriend should tell you how serious it is.

Should go for the university. Only person you can completely trust in life is yourself, so you should go for your personal future. And if she [I]really[/I] loves you, she will be waiting.

Go to school and get Skype.

Go to uni. My fiancee and I made it through our undergraduate degrees long distance and are currently both in the middle of grad school still long distance.