I believe RayvenQ wants to commit suicide!!! Can someone please contact and help him !! - General

I believe RayvenQ wants to commit suicide!!! Can someone please contact and help him !! I really don't know what do to do [code] RayvenQ entered chat. RayvenQ: Welp guise, you may not see me after today ryan: why? RayvenQ: 'cause unless my mental state largely improves, I'll cease to exist RoboChimp 2000: it will ryan: ye RayvenQ: Not really, its now more unstable than it was the other day where I was 30 seconds away from hanging myself if my friend hadn't intervened, but my friend isnt going to be around today RoboChimp 2000: have you focused on all the things you have archieved in life? ryan: everything will improve ryan: itll take some time to improve RayvenQ: Which are pretty much nothing, or dead gone and in the past as much as dust. RayvenQ: A house cant stand without foundations, and mine got completely knocked out from under me, which is even worse ina house filled with all my problems RoboChimp 2000: I mean, look at me for instance, I've been on living with my parents forever and don't have a job, you have a you're respected on a community that I'll never been accepted in RayvenQ: I dont have a job, probably never will, fuck all money, dont go out, dont socialise, in constant physical and emotional pain, evenmoreso recently, the onyl thing I've really achieved in all 30 years of my life is being an example to stubborness and not laying down to die. And I'm fuckling sick of having to live a suffering and pain filled life, just so i dont make other people unhappy RayvenQ: The worst thing is this all started over an uncertainty, an uncertainty which someone didnt even bother trying to discuss with me RoboChimp 2000: But you've been accepted in a community that I still don't understand. RoboChimp 2000: You do socialise RoboChimp 2000: and talking to people isn't hard RayvenQ: Only on the internet which while better than nothing still isnt fantastic RoboChimp 2000: haven't you every met FP people in real life? RayvenQ: 2 people, years ago, for about 5 minutes each RayvenQ: well, a 3rd too but she's the bitch that knocked my foundations down RoboChimp 2000: I assume you have FP in England, why can't you meet up with them now and again? RayvenQ: because of my back, my antisocialness, my lack of money RoboChimp 2000: it seems to me like you're just lonely. RayvenQ: I fucking hate the universe, I just dont get it, we were fucking happy as anything together, we were good for each other to an unbelievable degree, then the universe decides to fuck with my and make her doubt and then dump me over a doubt RoboChimp 2000: I know, but that doesn't maen you won't be happy again RoboChimp 2000: You need people RayvenQ: and then i'll doubt that happniess always, especially in relationships or whatever, because if me andher can end like how we did, can pretty much happen with anyone else in the world RoboChimp 2000: Your friends, you family, you need some to talk to RoboChimp 2000: *someone ryan: ye RayvenQ: No, I need to fucking die, I was brought into this world without my consent, so I'm damn well going to leave it my fucking way RoboChimp 2000: Ok listen to how that sounds RayvenQ: my ex dumping me isn't the cause of all this, it's the straw that breaks the camels back RoboChimp 2000: That's ok, RayvenQ: Death is a release, I don't fear it, I welcome it. I crave oblivion and an end to all things, even though there are things i do want to see and do in the future, I want oblivion more than i want those things RoboChimp 2000: But you do need to talk to someone, if I knew how to help I would but if you do one last thing, talk to someone RoboChimp 2000: Can't you call you parents? RoboChimp 2000: *your RayvenQ: And talking will achieve preciesly squat RoboChimp 2000: NO it won't RoboChimp 2000: AS I understand it, your back pain is the cause of your problems RayvenQ: 18 years of physical and mental suffering, for fucks sake if i was a dog I'd be euthanised for my own good long ago RoboChimp 2000: God, that no comparison RoboChimp 2000: *is RoboChimp 2000: No one would do that to a dog RayvenQ: If we euthanise animals to ease and stop their suffering, why should I, a person, be forced to live and suffer for what, so i dont make a few other people sad for a while? RoboChimp 2000: let alone you RoboChimp 2000: because human being a self aware RayvenQ: Yes, and I'm self aware of how much I am suffering and how much life does not appeal to me anymore RoboChimp 2000: No RoboChimp 2000: You didn't have this issue when you were with your ex, so you won't be depressed when you're with someone else RayvenQ: I had a shit ton of issues when i was with my ex, but i put them all aside for her, then she burns my world liek she did, Dude, I've been suicidal since the age of fucking 12 RoboChimp 2000: And you're still standing RayvenQ: I've always held off for other peoples benefit, but I'm at the point where enough is enough and I've had enough of pretending I'm still fine RoboChimp 2000: People accept that everything is not fine RayvenQ: I've been the person thats always been there for people, and put people before them no matter what, but my ex killed me off, not physically, but emotionally, I'm no longer the same person I was even four weeks ago RoboChimp 2000: I understand that she was your world, but that doesn't been you have can't be awesome again RoboChimp 2000: *mean RayvenQ: why the fuck should I, why the fuck should i put all the effort in to building myself back up just to get at the level that i was previously RoboChimp 2000: Because, she is one person, one experience in a world of people. RayvenQ: fuck the world RayvenQ: ive lost all reason to give a fucking shit anymore RoboChimp 2000: don't be angry ErKeL: man, fucj ErKeL: anyone with experience with google hangouts? ErKeL: I don't understand how it works :/ RoboChimp 2000: The world isn't such a dark place RoboChimp 2000: no idea Erkel ErKeL: yeah gonna admit I hadn't read into the previous convo, 1 sec RoboChimp 2000: Rayven, you to talk people, I would, but I'm on the otherside of the world RoboChimp 2000: *have to RayvenQ: Talking at best will be onyl a temporary reprieve before im right back to where I am, it's just putting off the inevitable RoboChimp 2000: If that's the case then stay with someone you know RoboChimp 2000: You have to hang out RoboChimp 2000: do something fun RayvenQ: Fuinnily enough, I'm always there for other people, and now i need it, there's nobody for me RoboChimp 2000: why not? RayvenQ: because thats just how my fucking life is RayvenQ left chat. [/code] [QUOTE=RayvenQ;48915514]So, apparantley my ex is now in love with someone else and very happy a mere 3 weeks later, so much for all she said about how she cared for me and how we were gonna be together for good and all the other bullshit she told me. So much for all we had, so much for her apparantley caring for all we had, not even the slightest bit torn up Fuck her, just seriously, fuck her the dearanged fucking sociopathic fucking psychopath. I hope her life becomes a living fucking hell. Even then thats better than what she fucking deserves. I know she's probably going to see this, but I have this to day; You fucking [B]used[/B] me, You used me, kept me, strung me along until you thought you found someone better, then you just threw me away like I was a piece of trash, well fuck you. Last time, I was so awful and 30 seconds away from hanging myself, now I'm worse, which, while it may not be 30 seconds away, I doubt I'll survive past the end of the day.[/QUOTE]

I really don't know either. He's been emotionally compromised over the past few days and consoling isn't getting through. I fear he may actually go through with the plan. Anyone here have a closer relationship with him? Maybe phone numbers or whatever? Anything to try to get in touch?

Played with you a few times RayvenQ. Probably know me better under the name of, "ErKeL". I know you've had some pretty rough years mate. Always feel free to message me either on FP or on Steam.

he's currently gone dark on both FP and steam and is unavailable to contact. If anybody at all can help with contact information it would be extremely helpful to see if he's OK.

According to my steam he went offline 35 minutes ago

Rayven, if you're reading this while logged out, please know that we're all willing to be there for you. You aren't alone.

Yeah I can't find anything on him or get a response. Kinda hoping someone else can at least get on the horn with him. Don't even know what else can be done.

anyone heard anything?

I'm still around, just needed a break, but like I said, consolation won't help, and the only person who could have made the situation better has already moved on and doesn't give a shit. Like I said, I'm not sure if I'll make it through the rest of the day, and that entirely depends on whether something will intervene like it did a few days ago 30 seconds before I was about to hang myself. It isn't just a reactionary thing, it's a culmination of 18 years of mental and physical pain, suffering and anguish. I've been this way for 18 years of my life, ever since I was 12, only holding on for other people, and the person who I was, who did that, got destroyed by someone, and I'm not the same person I was.

Someone must have him on fb, skype, or have his email or something right? I hope he doesn't do anything reckless :( [QUOTE=MuTAnT;48915895]Played with you a few times RayvenQ. Probably know me better under the name of, "ErKeL". I know you've had some pretty rough years mate. Always feel free to message me either on FP or on Steam.[/QUOTE] Got the google hangouts working yet?

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;48916278]I'm still around, just needed a break, but like I said, consolation won't help, and the only person who could have made the situation better has already moved on and doesn't give a shit. Like I said, I'm not sure if I'll make it through the rest of the day, and that entirely depends on whether something will intervene like it did a few days ago 30 seconds before I was about to hang myself. It isn't just a reactionary thing, it's a culmination of 18 years of mental and physical pain, suffering and anguish. I've been this way for 18 years of my life, ever since I was 12, only holding on for other people, and the person who I was, who did that, got destroyed by someone, and I'm not the same person I was.[/QUOTE] Realize this won't solve anything. You're only going to hurt those that do care about you instead of expecting the other person to drink water and die of poisoning. You don't have to do this.

[QUOTE=Vaught;48916287]Realize this won't solve anything. You're only going to hurt those that do care about you instead of expecting the other person to drink water and die of poisoning. You don't have to do this.[/QUOTE] And all my life I've carried my own hurt, kept quiet for those I care about, while people on here know bits and pieces of my life, that's just the tip of the iceberg of it. People keep trying to tell me things are going to get better, but what people dont seem to get is that no, it won't, and that isn't just an emotional reaction to that statement, it's the truthful one, I'm on a downhill slope and I just want to get the fuck out of dodge before I hit the bottom.

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;48916336]And all my life I've carried my own hurt, kept quiet for those I care about, while people on here know bits and pieces of my life, that's just the tip of the iceberg of it. People keep trying to tell me things are going to get better, but what people dont seem to get is that no, it won't, and that isn't just an emotional reaction to that statement, it's the truthful one, I'm on a downhill slope and I just want to get the fuck out of dodge before I hit the bottom.[/QUOTE]Please don't go

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;48916336]And all my life I've carried my own hurt, kept quiet for those I care about, while people on here know bits and pieces of my life, that's just the tip of the iceberg of it. People keep trying to tell me things are going to get better, but what people dont seem to get is that no, it won't, and that isn't just an emotional reaction to that statement, it's the truthful one, I'm on a downhill slope and I just want to get the fuck out of dodge before I hit the bottom.[/QUOTE] Sounds like you're already at the rock bottom, why throw your life away for another 6 feet? I know I'm just a random guy on the internet and I'm no therapist, but for all it's worth I hope you at least sleep on this. There's help out there man, don't do anything rash.

For those who are unaware: RayvenQ has a serious spinal condition that can become fatal and is constantly painful. In regard to that I can't honestly say that suicide isn't the best option. I'm not living through it. But you've held on for all this time so far. I'll bet that you already know the reasons you'd like to continue living, under the pain.

[QUOTE=Buck.;48916375]Sounds like you're already at the rock bottom, why throw your life away for another 6 feet? I know I'm just a random guy on the internet and I'm no therapist, but for all it's worth I hope you at least sleep on this. There's help out there man, don't do anything rash.[/QUOTE] Because all the pain and suffering will stop, even if I don't get to experience anything else ever, it'll stop. It's not just current emotional pain, its a combination of depression for 12 years, the latest events and the fact that every single day I suffer so much pain that it overrides my entire nervous system to the point where pain from anywhere else is barely registered. I've slept on it every day since I was 12, I'm now 30. Every single night I've silently pleaded to whatever deities out there may exist to just let me let go of life in my sleep and never wake up. [B]EVERY SINGLE NIGHT[/B]

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;48916278]I'm still around, just needed a break, but like I said, consolation won't help, and the only person who could have made the situation better has already moved on and doesn't give a shit. Like I said, I'm not sure if I'll make it through the rest of the day, and that entirely depends on whether something will intervene like it did a few days ago 30 seconds before I was about to hang myself. It isn't just a reactionary thing, it's a culmination of 18 years of mental and physical pain, suffering and anguish. I've been this way for 18 years of my life, ever since I was 12, only holding on for other people, and the person who I was, who did that, got destroyed by someone, and I'm not the same person I was.[/QUOTE] This girl really seems to be beating you up. The straw will lift again. Don't go offing yourself if you're doing it for revenge (which I get a feeling the anger is making you want to do) - it's not worth it. You'll probably reply saying the girl isn't the cause, and if that's the case so be it, but you know the truth yourself. Go try do the stuff you want to do while you're still kicking, or work your way towards it. I've said this to a friend of mine who has considered suicide a few times, but death is waiting for all of us, and we're all going to be dead a hell of a long time, so there's zero reason, especially if there's stuff you want to do in life, to go extend that time.

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;48916402]Because all the pain and suffering will stop, even if I don't get to experience anything else ever, it'll stop. It's not just current emotional pain, its a combination of depression for 12 years, the latest events and the fact that every single day I suffer so much pain that it overrides my entire nervous system to the point where pain from anywhere else is barely registered. I've slept on it every day since I was 12, I'm now 30. Every single night I've silently pleaded to whatever deities out there may exist to just let me let go of life in my sleep and never wake up. [B]EVERY SINGLE NIGHT[/B][/QUOTE] Sometimes I feel like the pain i go through will never end. But i keep going in hopes it will get better one day. Even though my mental state is getting worse I don't want to give up and neither should you.

No, it's not revenge, she's not the direct cause, she's the catalyst, with how she treated me, she demolished pretty much every form of shield I'd put up to protect myself from the depression and the pain, shields that took 18 years for me to get this far, I just haven't the strength to fight it anymore. If you were to apply the Spoon theory, I'd be owing someone enough cutlery to furnish buckingham palace for decades. It's pretty much destroyed the person I was, the person who put others before himself, even with my own suffering, who always helped people however I could, who was always the strong one because somebody needed to be. It has irrevocably altered my life and my perception of life to such a high degree of magnitude, it's hard to explain. I can never put my trust in people again, can never give as much as I always had, an never live without expecting the other boot to drop. She was my hope, and my hope for the future, and my reason to hang on and stay fighting as long as possible, but with the way she so callously and cruelly threw me away, that hope is gone and my brain won't allow it to come back. See, one of my normal defences against this thing was that my brain would just shut down everything, all emotions, for a long time, until it felt I could cope again, but now it wont even defend itself by doing that.

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;48916531]No, it's not revenge, she's not the direct cause, she's the catalyst, with how she treated me, she demolished pretty much every form of shield I'd put up to protect myself from the depression and the pain, shields that took 18 years for me to get this far, I just haven't the strength to fight it anymore. If you were to apply the Spoon theory, I'd be owing someone enough cutlery to furnish buckingham palace for decades. It's pretty much destroyed the person I was, the person who put others before himself, even with my own suffering, who always helped people however I could, who was always the strong one because somebody needed to be. It has irrevocably altered my life and my perception of life to such a high degree of magnitude, it's hard to explain. I can never put my trust in people again, can never give as much as I always had, an never live without expecting the other boot to drop. She was my hope, and my hope for the future, and my reason to hang on and stay fighting as long as possible, but with the way she so callously and cruelly threw me away, that hope is gone and my brain won't allow it to come back. See, one of my normal defences against this thing was that my brain would just shut down everything, all emotions, for a long time, until it felt I could cope again, but now it wont even defend itself by doing that.[/QUOTE] I honestly don't know what to say but at least I'm glad you are getting it all off your chest. But please man just don't do it. My uncle did it for very similar reasons around the same age, he was a bad diabetic in a lot of pain, and his wife left him for another man. Nothing good came out of it, sadness for everyone but his wife in the end. He never had the courage to reach out to someone.. If there's a chance my words can discourage anyone from doing the same it's worth it. I'd say there's plenty of fish in the sea but what do I know, I've been single for years. Either way, there's always another girl, don't lose hope.

You should do what I do when I get sad: look in the mirror and be reminded that I'm a strong beautiful man who don't need no woman to be happy

[QUOTE=Buck.;48916605]I honestly don't know what to say but at least I'm glad you are getting it all off your chest. I'd say there's plenty of fish in the sea but what do I know, I've been single for years. Either way, there's always another girl, don't lose hope.[/QUOTE] That's something of a non issue, because even if there was another girl, I wouldnt be able to put the same level of trust and commitment and giving that I did with my ex, I'd also be constantly thinking it was going to end, because honestly, with the way things were with my ex, if things can end like they did with her, they can end like that with anyone. But nope, she only cares about herself and as long as she can live her life how she wants, she doesn't give a shit, despite having an air of always caring about others when, looking back on it, it was always about her. Which is funny because I'd still take her back, my bond with her was that much, but she's already moved on, like the sociopath she is.

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;48916658]That's something of a non issue, because even if there was another girl, I wouldnt be able to put the same level of trust and commitment and giving that I did with my ex, I'd also be constantly thinking it was going to end, because honestly, with the way things were with my ex, if things can end like they did with her, they can end like that with anyone. But nope, she only cares about herself and as long as she can live her life how she wants, she doesn't give a shit, despite having an air of always caring about others when, looking back on it, it was always about her. Which is funny because I'd still take her back, my bond with her was that much, but she's already moved on, like the sociopath she is.[/QUOTE] Yeah, you say that now right after she broke your heart. What matters is how you come out from this, if you come out in one piece then you know you can always do it again. Fuck her man, you sound stronger than that.

[QUOTE=Buck.;48916713]Yeah, you say that now right after she broke your heart. What matters is how you come out from this, if you come out in one piece then you know you can always do it again. Fuck her man, you sound stronger than that.[/QUOTE] She didn't break my heart, she broke ME. This is the most damage I've taken in my life, I'm not in one piece, I'm in thousands, and no matter how it gets glued back together, it's never the same. All this with her, however, is simply the catalyst, like I've said in my other posts, the entirety of my being of who and what I am has been knocked out from under me, and I lack the strength or will to rebuild.

Relationships always have a risk of ending. Life always has a risk of ending. Everything has a risk of ending. To give up based solely on the fact that every relationship or path in life has that risk is to ignore the fact that it's not about the end result, it's about the journey. You don't go into relationships thinking "my end game is getting married" or something else because you'll almost always be disappointed when things don't go immediately the way you want them to. And you forget what the point of giving yourself over to another person is. It's about the experience and the path you take to GET to that end game. And if things veer off course, it's okay. The ending of relationships is not the end of the world. And there is no "the one" out there for every person. There are tons of possibilities if one has the fortitude to just keep going and figuring things out. There's no timeline for this either. You have your whole life to figure it out. If you end it here, ultimately, it's your call. But just know that you can recover from a broken heart and a broken spirit. It may not seem like it, but you can. I hope you can pull yourself out of this, Rayven. You're a cool guy and I'd hate to see it go down like this.

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;48916735]She didn't break my heart, she broke ME. This is the most damage I've taken in my life, I'm not in one piece, I'm in thousands, and no matter how it gets glued back together, it's never the same. All this with her, however, is simply the catalyst, like I've said in my other posts, the entirety of my being of who and what I am has been knocked out from under me, and I lack the strength or will to rebuild.[/QUOTE] humans are like a sheet of glass. once they're broken you can't really ever put them back together the same. but with the pieces you can make a mosaic more beautiful than ever before

[QUOTE=Ninja Gnome;48916779]humans are like a sheet of glass. once they're broken you can't really ever put them back together the same. but with the pieces you can make a mosaic more beautiful than ever before[/QUOTE]Nice moira quote You're right, though. Rayven, I don't want to believe that you're broken. You're certainly different now, and maybe you'll never be the same. But the fact that life changes so much is one of the best reasons to live, in my opinion. Sticking with it through the good and the bad is just how it is. Of course, you've had more bad than good, perhaps much, much more. But living through it makes you more amazing to everyone else.

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;48916735]She didn't break my heart, she broke ME. This is the most damage I've taken in my life, I'm not in one piece, I'm in thousands, and no matter how it gets glued back together, it's never the same. All this with her, however, is simply the catalyst, like I've said in my other posts, the entirety of my being of who and what I am has been knocked out from under me, and I lack the strength or will to rebuild.[/QUOTE] What happened exactly..? Or, elaborate or don't, but I hope it doesn't stop you from facing life, as is.. and all the shit it throws at people's face every day.

While I do not codone the act of suicide, I think discussing and thinking about it is always a brute way of getting it out of your system. I know your pain, the struggle and the defeat of depression too well. What I feel that people are failing to realize that his ex is not the source of the anger and depression. But merely its a major factor in attributing this large spike in these thought processes. There is many things over the course of 18 years that have occured to not just Rayven, but to all of us. What helps us make it through is the pride we get from achievements that we reap in on those good days. The beauty of the sun sets or the smell of a forest or whatever else you want that makes you feel accomplished, sated your requirements for life. But sometimes, we do not see this light. We just feel how evil defeat feels. We lose our ways, and fail to perceive anything as being useful or beautiful on this rock. I have, and I do wish that I could slip from the suffering of life in my sleep. Every time I look for answers, i get more questions. And those questions hit hard, like what kind of things im accomplishing that makes me feel full. However, these question go unresolved. Absent and alone in a sea of answers that do not fit to both truth and reality. And sometimes, this is what I just live by. I've been told over the decades that I've suffered from this deplorable disease, that is so widely misconstrued and misunderstood. It all gets better. And lets face it, it doesn't. Either your standards are too high, and you refuse to back them down. Or you just cant see anything worth the time. So try to reprieve yourself. Try to find some light on the darkest of days. Perhaps, you'll find peace in the darkness. Sedated by the feeling of misery, the thought that this is your life. That this may be your role. While things seem bad now, they can certainly be worse.

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;48916735]She didn't break my heart, she broke ME. This is the most damage I've taken in my life, I'm not in one piece, I'm in thousands, and no matter how it gets glued back together, it's never the same. All this with her, however, is simply the catalyst, like I've said in my other posts, the entirety of my being of who and what I am has been knocked out from under me, and I lack the strength or will to rebuild.[/QUOTE] You've been on this earth for a good 30 years and been suffering under this for about 18. I understand you loved her and that this feels like it's destroying you, it doesn't give you the excuse to do something like this. You're smart enough to know how depression works. You know that these feelings are temporary. I understand how much it hurts to lose her like that and how it feels as though you can't take anymore, piling on top of the culmination of all these years of suffering. But you've been doing this for twelve whole years and even though it's miserable you've still pushed forward. You know how strong you are and something like this can't take you down. And most of all, think of all those around you who care and love you. Do you not care about a single one of them? Do you not understand the pain they will all go through once you're gone? I can't say I know much about your life, but I do know you're a great fucking guy, enough to be respected so much on the forums here, and I highly doubt there aren't others who deeply care about you in your life as well. I might not be in the right to say this kind of stuff to you. You might feel as though I'm some shithead for trying to tell you that I could possibly understand how you feel. But I can't just sit here and do nothing while someone I admire is basically saying they're going to kill themselves.