Anyone feel like spell-checking my College admissions essay?
33 replies, posted
I figured it wouldn't hurt asking for some help spell checking my admissions essay. It's about garry's mod, anyway. I'm applying for the digital media (basically game design) program at a semi-reputable college. The question asked why you chose the major. Anyway, here's what I got:
Roughly two years ago I was watching a video on YouTube that I found compelling enough to call my brother in to watch with me. It depicted a game called “Garry’s Mod.” After a little research, I discovered that Garry’s Mod was a very popular sandbox-style game, meaning that it gives players the freedom to interact with the world around them however they please without having to worry about a centralized objective or goal. The only limit is your imagination. Throw in the possibility of showing your creations to other people online, and you have yourself a real fun time. The game cost me a total of $10. I had no idea how much of an affect that $10 would have on who I am today.
Since then, I’ve poured so many hours into Garry’s Mod that I’ve lost count. The possibilities for creativity in the game are infinite, especially if you download the free Wire mod add-on which allows you to make even more complex contraptions. The first thing I made with it was a light that operated with a button. My mind was blown. I felt as if I had just discovered fire. From that point on, I spent my time in Garry’s Mod mastering the use of Wire. My passion was born.
Through exploring the endless possibilities of Garry’s Mod, I inadvertently learned the basic skills needed to be a game developer. I learned how to write code, make maps, and create 3D models. I learned how to work with people from around the world on collaborative projects. I even started to work on a game of my own, and if all goes well it’ll be completed by the time summer’s out.
Then one day I learned from a friend that you can make levels for games for free. The level-making tool was called Hammer. It was fairly simple to use, and I picked it up pretty quick. Somewhere along the line I realized that Hammer wasn’t just what the general public was using, but the pros used it too! People used it every day sitting at their desks being payed to do exactly what I’ve been doing for a long time. Learning to map brought me one step closer to realizing my dream job as a game designer.
I just recently decided to start learning a programming language called Lua. Lua is what’s used to make add-ons for Garry’s Mod (such as wire mod). It can be used to make things like custom weapons and tools. More advanced users can make entire games with it. These are called Fretta games, and are short, whimsical multiplayer games with simple objectives or goals. Just about three weeks ago I started to make one of my own. My game is called “Ants”. It uses a 2D perspective like the classic Mario game. There are 2 teams, red and black ants. The objective is to dig down underground and collect 10 pieces of nectar before the other team does. The catch is that each team only has 8 pieces of nectar on their side of the field, meaning they have to go onto the other team’s side and try to steal their pieces. Everyone starts with the same set of weapons, and can acquire more by digging, killing the other team, or gathering nectar. I decided to make it my summer project for this year.
In life, every little thing changes you in one way or another. Yet there’s always one thing that stands out above the others. It might be a hobby. It might be a sport. It might be a person. In my case, this defining factor was a $10 game. If I hadn’t purchased Garry’s Mod two years ago, I’d be an entirely different person. No doubt about it.
[highlight](User was banned for this post ("Not what this forum is for" - Dragon))[/highlight]
Doesn't Word already have a spell check feature?
you wrote a college admissions essay on garry's mod? i mean, it makes sense because you're applying for a games design course but really?
I don't think saying video games are the only thing you do is the best first impression you should make to a college. Admissions essays are supposed to give admissions officers an idea of how well you would do in their school. This essay gave me the impression that you would play Garry's Mod all day instead of studying.
[QUOTE=shoffing;23811087]I'm applying for the digital media (basically game design) program at a semi-reputable college. The question asked why you chose the major.[/QUOTE]
lol faggot writeing about garrys mod
[highlight](User was banned for this post ("flaming" - Jaanus))[/highlight]
Gmail spell check saw nothing wrong, except that it doesn't know what Lua and Fretta is, and that it puts multiplayer separated (multi player).
Sorry, but focusing your essay purely on gmod? Nobody can take it seriously. You don't show any industry experience, you don't talk about achievements or give any facts on what you have done/learned. Also, from what I can tell, you're a beginner at every field you described.
you should probably have no more than a paragraph or two related to garry's mod and your course.
i know when i did a similar thing for my UK university i put maybe two paragraphs about chemistry, another paragraph and a half about work experience and school, half a paragraph about my job and then the last one a bit more about me and my interests.
Write about your sex life.
[highlight](User was banned for this post ("Why reply?" - Jaanus))[/highlight]
you should focus your essay on you, what subjects you are taking/have taken at school and how they relate to your course, etc..
I would like to see this "Ants" game
[QUOTE=Ali Legend;23811557]Write about your sex life.
[highlight](User was banned for this post ("Why reply?" - Jaanus))[/highlight][/QUOTE]
why would he want to leave the page blank?
[QUOTE=shoffing;23811087]I figured it wouldn't hurt asking for some help spell checking my admissions essay. It's about garry's mod, anyway. I'm applying for the digital media (basically game design) program at a semi-reputable college. The question asked why you chose the major. Anyway, here's what I got:
Roughly two years ago I was watching a video on YouTube that I found compelling enough to call my brother in to watch with me. It depicted a game called “Garry’s Mod.” After a little research, I discovered that Garry’s Mod was a very popular sandbox-style game, meaning that it gives players the freedom to interact with the world around them however they please without having to worry about a centralized objective or goal. The only limit is your imagination. Throw in the possibility of showing your creations to other people online, and you have yourself a real fun time. The game cost me a total of $10. I had no idea how much of an affect that $10 would have on who I am today.
Since then, I’ve poured so many hours into Garry’s Mod that I’ve lost count. The possibilities for creativity in the game are infinite, especially if you download the free Wire mod add-on which allows you to make even more complex contraptions. The first thing I made with it was a light that operated with a button. My mind was blown. I felt as if I had just discovered fire. From that point on, I spent my time in Garry’s Mod mastering the use of Wire. My passion was born.
Through exploring the endless possibilities of Garry’s Mod, I inadvertently learned the basic skills needed to be a game developer. I learned how to write code, make maps, and create 3D models. I learned how to work with people from around the world on collaborative projects. I even started to work on a game of my own, and if all goes well it’ll be completed by the time summer’s out.
Then one day I learned from a friend that you can make levels for games for free. The level-making tool was called Hammer. It was fairly simple to use, and I picked it up pretty quick. Somewhere along the line I realized that Hammer wasn’t just what the general public was using, but the pros used it too! People used it every day sitting at their desks being payed to do exactly what I’ve been doing for a long time. Learning to map brought me one step closer to realizing my dream job as a game designer.
I just recently decided to start learning a programming language called Lua. Lua is what’s used to make add-ons for Garry’s Mod (such as wire mod). It can be used to make things like custom weapons and tools. More advanced users can make entire games with it. These are called Fretta games, and are short, whimsical multiplayer games with simple objectives or goals. Just about three weeks ago I started to make one of my own. My game is called “Ants”. It uses a 2D perspective like the classic Mario game. There are 2 teams, red and black ants. The objective is to dig down underground and collect 10 pieces of nectar before the other team does. The catch is that each team only has 8 pieces of nectar on their side of the field, meaning they have to go onto the other team’s side and try to steal their pieces. Everyone starts with the same set of weapons, and can acquire more by digging, killing the other team, or gathering nectar. I decided to make it my summer project for this year.
In life, every little thing changes you in one way or another. Yet there’s always one thing that stands out above the others. It might be a hobby. It might be a sport. It might be a person. In my case, this defining factor was a $10 game. If I hadn’t purchased Garry’s Mod two years ago, I’d be an entirely different person. No doubt about it.[/QUOTE]
It seems to stray very off-topic with the whole "ants" thing and you used "paid" while explaining Hammer wrong.
It's paid, not payed.
Back on topic, if you come up with a more relevant essay (or make this one a lot more substantial and meaningful) then these two sites might help you out a lil.
[url]http://paperrater.com/free_paper_grader[/url]
[url]http://www.online-tech-tips.com/cool-websites/improve-and-analyze-writing-skills/[/url]
Keep in mind I haven't really tried them that much, I only bookmarked while Stumbling.
You feel like you should go to college because you know Lua and Wiremod because that is exactly what it sounds like. Pick a different thing to show your skills but if you don't have anything else then you should wait a little longer and learn something else/more advanced in that time.
Also, you don't need to tell them everything you've done, you just need to give them basics as to what you're capable of and why you want to do what you want to do.
[quote]meaning that it gives players the freedom to interact with the world around them however they please without having to worry about a centralized objective or goal.[/quote]
isn't this off garrys mod/steam page?
that's plagiarism, you're going to burn in hell
What college are you applying to? Aside from [i]maybe[/i] Digipen most colleges with game design courses aren't overtly difficult to get into.
Unless you're trying to get into something like Carnegie Mellon at which point I'd tell you to not bother with an essay like that.
I don't think Lua would get you very far, you might have a little more credibility if you learned a better language.
[QUOTE=Craptasket;23812331]isn't this off garrys mod/steam page?
that's plagiarism, you're going to burn in hell[/QUOTE]
I actually wrote that by myself, and it's a general description of all sandbox games, but I can change it.
[editline]08:35PM[/editline]
[QUOTE=Jaanus;23811403]Sorry, but focusing your essay purely on gmod? Nobody can take it seriously. You don't show any industry experience, you don't talk about achievements or give any facts on what you have done/learned. Also, from what I can tell, you're a beginner at every field you described.[/QUOTE]
The thing is, I took an essay writing course over the summer. The teacher was an english teacher, and insisted that I keep it as simple to understand and as general as possible, while still focusing on a central topic (?). Every time I would delve into the field of study, she would bring me back out and tell me to dumb it down. Which makes sense, I guess. The person reading the essay won't be someone in my career of choice possibly, and you don't want them to feel alienated by the essay.
Also, she emphasized the fact that essay readers read hundreds of these every day, and something that stands out really raises your chance to get in. She cited this book in particular, and read quite a few essays from it (many were more strange than mine):
[url]http://www.amazon.com/Essays-That-Worked-Successful-Applications/dp/0449905179/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1280881919&sr=8-3[/url]
Anyway, thanks for all the criticism, helpful or not...I'll take it into account and revise the essay. Maybe I'll try to figure out whether I'm writing to someone in my field or not.
[editline]08:38PM[/editline]
[QUOTE=Rasrap Smurf;23812632]I don't think Lua would get you very far, you might have a little more credibility if you learned a better language.[/QUOTE]
I've learned several other languages, but again, my English teacher insisted that the essay's not about me, and that listing them would be boring. I don't even go into my 3 years of modeling experience at all in the essay. I'm hesitant because I'm not entirely sure they give a shit about what I can do...they care about how well I can write and entertain.
[editline]08:40PM[/editline]
[QUOTE=SwissArmyKnife;23812393]What college are you applying to? Aside from [i]maybe[/i] Digipen most colleges with game design courses aren't overtly difficult to get into.
Unless you're trying to get into something like Carnegie Mellon at which point I'd tell you to not bother with an essay like that.[/QUOTE]
[url="http://www.drexel.com/"]Drexel[/url].
[editline]08:41PM[/editline]
[QUOTE=GhettoGeek;23812094]I would like to see this "Ants" game[/QUOTE]
[url]http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?p=22193150#post22193150[/url]
Let me join guyz I play gmod!!
[QUOTE=shoffing;23813088]I actually wrote that by myself, and it's a general description of all sandbox games, but I can change it.
[editline]08:35PM[/editline]
The thing is, I took an essay writing course over the summer. The teacher was an english teacher, and insisted that I keep it as simple to understand and as general as possible, while still focusing on a central topic (?). Every time I would delve into the field of study, she would bring me back out and tell me to dumb it down. Which makes sense, I guess. The person reading the essay won't be someone in my career of choice possibly, and you don't want them to feel alienated by the essay.
Also, she emphasized the fact that essay readers read hundreds of these every day, and something that stands out really raises your chance to get in. She cited this book in particular, and read quite a few essays from it (many were more strange than mine):
[url]http://www.amazon.com/Essays-That-Worked-Successful-Applications/dp/0449905179/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1280881919&sr=8-3[/url]
Anyway, thanks for all the criticism, helpful or not...I'll take it into account and revise the essay. Maybe I'll try to figure out whether I'm writing to someone in my field or not.
[editline]08:38PM[/editline]
I've learned several other languages, but again, my English teacher insisted that the essay's not about me, and that listing them would be boring. I don't even go into my 3 years of modeling experience at all in the essay. I'm hesitant because I'm not entirely sure they give a shit about what I can do...they care about how well I can write and entertain.
[editline]08:40PM[/editline]
[url="http://www.drexel.com/"]Drexel[/url].
[editline]08:41PM[/editline]
[url]http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?p=22193150#post22193150[/url][/QUOTE]
You're english teacher sounds stupid.
Like they want you to not get in by writing a shitty essay
[QUOTE=Aman V;23813485]You're english teacher sounds stupid.
Like they want you to not get in by writing a shitty essay[/QUOTE]
it's your not you're, you're is a contraction of you are, your is something that belongs to you like your car.
Right now it reads like a ten year old wrote it
[editline]04:00AM[/editline]
Scrap the entire thing and do as someone said above, just have a paragraph (a short one) on GMod
someone POST THIS ON YOUR OWN WEBSITE AND COPYRIGHT CLAIM IT fuck the op do your own god damn homework you faggot
You have a "payed" that should be changed to "paid," the sentence where "The pros use this too!"
Otherwise, looks good (besides the Gmod centric nature of the essay)
Write about are your abilities. Although I didn't have to write a essay to get in my college. Anyway, you write about why you want to become a program and all that jazz.
"I inadvertently learned the basic skills needed to be a game developer. I learned how to [b]write code, make maps, and create 3D models[/b]. I learned how to work with people from around the world on collaborative projects. I even started to work on a game of my own, and if all goes well it’ll be..."
In short, elaborate on your skills.
all you wrote about was Garry's Mod..
terrible
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.
