How to Win an Argument on Facepunch: A Handy Guide by Noss™ - General

[U][B]How to Win an Argument on Facepunch: A Handy Guide by Noss™[/B] [/U] [I]Forward:[/I] At some point browsing Facepunch, you're inevitably going to be involved with a pointless argument that will derail the thread and spill in to page 13, eventually ending in an argument about who is the best Transformer and why. If you want to learn how to speed up this process and brutally rek your opponent, here's how: [B]1. The Original Statement [/B] The person who you choose to argue with will make an innocent statement, such as; [I]"I personally hate ice cream, I understand people like it but I don't see the appeal."[/I] Whilst this persons argument may seem as if they are targeting nobody in particular, and are just voicing their own opinion, this [U][B]IS NOT OKAY[/B][/U]. This person has a different opinion to you and they must be punished for their crimes. [B]2. Introduction to Strategy[/B] Once this statement has been made, you must immediately lay down the foundation for your argument, before people forget the original post was made. This timeframe is usually 1-5 posts after they have made their statement. Now, you would think that you should be rational about your argument, simply explaining why you and others may enjoy ice cream - but this is WRONG. Instead, you should intend to win the argument and successfully make the previous poster look like an idiot. You must instead focus on the semantics of the argument - is there any hyperbole, or any combination of words that could possibly have more than one meaning or be taken out of context? Remember - [B]H[/B]yperbole, [B]M[/B]eaning, [B]C[/B]ontext [B](HMC)[/B]. [B]3. Creating Your Argument [/B] We must now go back to the original statement; ; "I personally hate ice cream, I understand people like it but I don't see the appeal." Remember your [B]HMC[/B]s now, [B]H[/B]yperbole, [B]M[/B]eaning, [B]C[/B]ontext. Do you see anything it can be applied to here? Look at the statement, [I]"I personally hate ice cream"[/I]. The clever people among us who are reading this will have already identified their [B]HMC[/B]s. This poster has said that he hates ice cream - but how can he say that if he hasn't tried every flavour of ice cream? This is an obvious flaw in his statement, and now we're going to exploit that. [B]Example 1:[/B] [I]"How can you say that you hate ice cream if you haven't tried every flavour?" [/I] This is a good start to the argument. It takes what the poster was saying originally and creates an unrelated argument to his statement. This is setting the foundations for a good thread derailment, but doesn't go quite far enough to insult the poster and imply that he is, by all definitions of the word, retarded. [B]Example 2:[/B] [I]"How can you say that you hate ice cream if you haven't tried every flavour? Oh wait - you can't." [/I] This is an improvement. It adds a bitchy final statement which not only serves to flame this person, but also makes him be percieved as an idiot by the vast majority of people reading the thread. But this still isn't enough to gain the widespread public support that you need. [B]Example 3:[/B] [I]"How can you say that you hate ice cream if you haven't tried every flavour? Oh wait - you can't. Both I and billions of other people enjoy ice cream, and we're not going to stop just because you don't like it." [/I] This is a perfect example of a quality argument - and one that you should strive to achieve. The first part of the final statement rallies up support from other Facepunchers and guarantees that you will be showered with agrees and supportive posts. The final part, "We're not going to stop just because you don't like it." also puts words in the poster's mouth, and suggests that he wants to ban ice cream entirely - even though he originally stated that he himself didn't understand the appeal. If you've made it this far - congratulations. You are now ready to go out in to General Discussion, Sensationalist Headlines, or any other subforum you desire, and begin to start shitstorms and derail numerous threads. If this person has the audacity to defend himself against you, continue posting remembering to formulate your argument with the [B]HMC[/B] ([B]H[/B]yperbole, [B]M[/B]eaning, [B]C[/B]ontext) method and you're guaranteed success. Good luck! [I]This is an exert from 'How to Win an Argument on Facepunch: A Handy Guide by Noss™'. The full guide can be purchased from Noss Publications directly for £34.99. Do not reproduce or redistribute this material.[/I]

Make sure to throw an ad hominem in there by saying something such as: [i]How can your opinion of ice cream have any credibility when you only have 50 posts, are a blue member, are a 2014'er, play Rust, and already have two bans?[/i] Always remember, join date and post-count elitism.

great guide noss u should narrate it

sick stuff thanks noss I'll be sure to use it when talking about mobas oh wait

[QUOTE=Noss;45475428] [I]This is an exert from 'How to Win an Argument on Facepunch: A Handy Guide by Noss™'[/I][/QUOTE] excerpt*

This thread is inevitably going to be filled with people parody-arguing with each other.

[QUOTE=scurr;45475637]This thread is inevitably going to be filled with people parody-arguing with each other.[/QUOTE] Uh, how can you possibly predict that for certain? You're saying that every Facepunch member would stoop as low to do this - way to generalize. I couldn't help but notice that you also only joined in 2009 and have under 1500 posts. How could you possibly know enough about Facepunch to make a broad generalization like that?

That sounds like something Hitler would have said

Remember: When all else fails, just shitpost until all of your opponents just give up and leave.

[QUOTE=cameleot;45475707]That sounds like something Hitler would have said[/QUOTE] don't compare apples to oranges what's your parameters?

[B]4. The Back Up Plan[/B] If all else fails, make a thread on FP parodying the people you argued against the day before. That makes you look like the most intelligent and mature person.

[QUOTE=No_0ne;45475756]don't compare apples to oranges what's your parameters?[/QUOTE] Let me put it this way, don't compare apples vis a vis oranges in terms of me per se as it were, so to speak

[QUOTE=Manibogi;45475802][B]4. The Back Up Plan[/B] If all else fails, make a thread on FP parodying the people you argued against the day before. That makes you look like the most intelligent and mature person.[/QUOTE] i'm glad this guide is working for you

[QUOTE=Marcolade;45475709]Remember: When all else fails, just shitpost until all of your opponents just give up and leave.[/QUOTE] Or everyone gets banned in the thread for shitposting and flaming. Ah, good times on Facepunch.

[QUOTE=cameleot;45475805]Let me put it this way, don't compare apples vis a vis oranges in terms of me per se as it were, so to speak[/QUOTE] you're being defensive, kind of like hitler

[QUOTE=No_0ne;45475834]you're being defensive, kind of like hitler[/QUOTE] You're begging the question What are hitler's parameters?

[QUOTE=Marcolade;45475709]Remember: When all else fails, just shitpost until all of your opponents just give up and leave.[/QUOTE] Been doing that since 2009

[QUOTE=cameleot;45475851]You're begging the question What are hitler's parameters?[/QUOTE] hitler qua hitler as it were, let me put it this way don't compare apples to orange in terms of hitler vis-a vis so to speak, Q.E.D

I usually just ban people that argue/disagree with me, but I guess this works, too.

[QUOTE=postal;45476006]I usually just ban people that argue/disagree with me, but I guess this works, too.[/QUOTE] starpluck and postal are the same person???

[QUOTE=cameleot;45475805]Let me put it this way, don't compare apples vis a vis oranges in terms of me per se as it were, so to speak[/QUOTE] You're begging the question. I know this because Peruvians are underpaid. This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission published May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?

everyone knows the best way to argue on FP is to write passive-aggressively in all lower case, avoid all punctuation, and end your sentence with lmao

[QUOTE=code_gs;45475471]Make sure to throw an ad hominem in there by saying something such as: [i]How can your opinion of ice cream have any credibility when you only have 50 posts, are a blue member, are a 2014'er, play Rust, and already have two bans?[/i] Always remember, join date and post-count elitism.[/QUOTE] don't forget to use their avatar against them as well, like this cabbage fucker [QUOTE=Cabbage;45476308]everyone knows the best way to argue on FP is to write passive-aggressively in all lower case, avoid all punctuation, and end your sentence with lmao[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=Cabbage;45476308]everyone knows the best way to argue on FP is to write passive-aggressively in all lower case, avoid all punctuation, and end your sentence with lmao[/QUOTE] ok

[QUOTE=Cabbage;45476308]everyone knows the best way to argue on FP is to write passive-aggressively in all lower case, avoid all punctuation, and end your sentence with lmao[/QUOTE] oh here comes a gold member thinking he knows all [editline]23rd July 2014[/editline] who even pays for gold member lmao

Non-gold member opinions are irrelevant.

rolond's guide to winning arguments on facepunch: realise you're arguing on facepunch

[QUOTE=Cabbage;45476308]everyone knows the best way to argue on FP is to write passive-aggressively in all lower case, avoid all punctuation, and end your sentence with lmao[/QUOTE] um ok thanks for your contribution i'm sure everyone needed to hear this [editline]a[/editline] lmao

Grimlock is best Transformer because he can transform into a T rex and doesn't afraid of anything

snip