How my vision impairment changed the outlook and quality of my life.
99 replies, posted
What's up, Facepunch, it's your friendly neighborhood "I am going to bitch/whine/moan about my life" thread. Nah, just kidding. But this is a thread about how my vision impairment changed my life, amongst other things. So read on if you so wish, and feel free to offer advice.
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Alright, so the thing that caused my vision problem (it's what I'm gonna explain first) is myself being a premature child, in case you didn't know, means I was born before the expected date I was due. In this case, my little undeveloped self was said to be dead the day after I was "born", which really was being pulled out of the womb through a C-section. Being undeveloped caused my eyes to not develop right (hell, they may still be developing) which in turn caused my vision problem. What is my vision problem, you may ask? Besides having ROP (retinopathy prematurity), which is where my retina is premature and doesn't function right), I also have macular drag, which drags my macula to one side, causing me to look cross-eyed. Ironically, this is in my good eye (my right eye). I am also very nearsighted, so I can't see much in the distance or farther than, I don't know, 20, 30 feet. My good eye has an acuity of 20/100, while my left, and bad, eye is 20/200, legally blind. I have to use special equipment, such as a CCTV (which is my computer monitor; it can zoom in on papers I need to copy or read) and a white cane (yes, I have one, but I barely use it. It's good to have in case it is either really dark out or I go blind.). Now that you know this, I can delve into the sad-ish part.
Five or so months after I was "born", I developed liver cancer. Lord knows how it got there but I was cured by taking out 3/4 of my liver (which promptly grew back). I was very damn small for a preemie, as we're called - eleven inches long, and very fucking thin. I swear on my grandmother's grave I was: bathed in a margarine dish; given Cabbage Patch doll clothes to wear; I had a washcloth as a blanket. I still have this shit it you want a pic. Knowing I almost died hit me, but it's not really a cause of my, what I think, depression. Anyways, I also almost drowned when I was six or seven causing me to enjoy swimming as much as I would. Basically I was saved from death twice in my childhood. Not a very good start, eh? I functioned well in school, even with a vision impairment I was oblivious to. End of seventh grade I stated seeing a vision itinerant, who gave me all that equipment, as well as this computer, which I crashed/put a virus on/put Ubuntu on many times.
Skip to now, nearing my junior year in high school. I am now really damn sad because of my vision. My parents are, understandably, overprotective because of my vision but I want to go out and have a social life, have a girlfriend, that type of shit. No, instead I sit on my ass day after day. I'm getting sick of it. Being sheltered also made me a bit socially awkward, something that I wish to fix. Oh, and did I tell you I contemplated suicide over all this? Yessiree Bob, I did. I have a legit reason but luckily I never attempted to off myself. Of course, if it wasn't for the doctors saving my life what with the cancer and all, I wouldn't be here.
I'm also very self-conscious, mostly because of my vision but also because I don't think I'm a good looking guy, which friends of mine have rendered untrue. This, coupled with the socially-awkwardness, makes me not have many friends (the two or three, or maybe more I have are very good friends however) and makes me seem unappealing to girls. Well guess what, women? Free man over here. May not be good-looking but he sure as hell has nice qualities. Free for the taking. I need to put that in a newspaper or something, hehe.
I have lived and still live behind a façade of happiness, only exposing my unhappiness to a few of my friends and of course to you guys, who I hope are understanding in these situations.
Don't say "talk to a counselor" because I am going to a blind & vision rehab center (basically a dorm that teaches us visually impaired folk how to live life) and will talk to the guy there. I just want to talk to a varied community of people who can help me out somehow and help me get past my awkwardness and shit besides the fact that I'm probably ugly as sin and half-blind.
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Too long; didn't read: there is none, go back and read this.
Thanks to anybody who took the time out of their lives, which are better than mine, to read this and thanks to those who comment and help a brother out, it means a lot to me.
thank God I only have to wear glasses
Get a tl;dr down there or I won't read it, Jeyhhsus.
[highlight](User was banned for this post ("tl:dr" - GunFox))[/highlight]
Well this is a very sad tale, and quite frankly the only piece of advice I can seem to muster up is to enjoy life while you can, and don't take anything for granted.
[editline]11:16PM[/editline]
Also person above me is an asshole.
[QUOTE=JDER14;23116899]Also person above me is an asshole.[/QUOTE]
Indeed I am, and boy, do I enjoy being one. :mmmsmug:
I'm extremely nearsighted, so TL;DR or I'll ruin my vision more.
Thanks, JDER14, that is helpful. Any advice helps.
What about my self-consciousness? Or am I forced to post a picture of myself, which I have no problem with?
You won't get far here if you keep up that attitude. Either that or your a really bad troll.
[editline]11:19PM[/editline]
@ failtroll '10 guy.
[editline]11:19PM[/editline]
If you want to post pics of yourself go for it.
I can also understand how having a disability can make you self conscience. I had extreme cases of eczema as a child, and for it most of my body is covered in deep scars, and I mostly end up wearing clothes that cover most of my body, which sucks because when I sweat it irrates my skin causing me to itch more. Which led to my dislike of athletic abilites, which also contributed to my well, I'm not obese, but I have a bit of a stomach which even makes me mores self-conscience. So yea, it can be tough, and there have been points in my life where I too was suicidal. But I've keep going, and I've slowly started to form a social life for myself. And well, like I said enjoy it while it lasts man, enjoy it while it lasts.
tl;dr: AHAHHA there is no tl;dr.
People want attention. I'm not one of them. I'm simply sharing a story and asking for advice.
[QUOTE=JDER14;23116956]You won't get far here if you keep up that attitude. Either that or your a really bad troll. @ failtroll '10 guy.[/QUOTE]
Oh, join date discrimination, now that hurts me, it really does. :smithicide:
Think about things that are good in life, focus on those and learn to work through the disability. You can still have a normal social life, just leap into it and try your best.
I sit on my ass all day every day, but I have no physical disabilities :(
Just because I called you an '10er does not mean I was being an elitist. If I had said that all '10ers were stupid cunts that were not worth my time, then yes; that would be join date elitism. But I digress and if we are going to argue lets take it over Pms so we don't derail the thread and so others won't have to put up with your immaturity.
Quality of life is just as you make it. Don't look at the bad sides, look at the good sides. And like Monty Python oh so long time ago sang, [URL=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlBiLNN1NhQ]Always look on the bright side of life.[/URL]
One way of getting more social over the internet is to just talk to people, like, buy a mic or something, play a game or just talk to different people. Sure it doesn't do much, but little is better than nothing.
Life of Brian. Never thought that would come up in a serious conversation.
[editline]11:29PM[/editline]
If your trying to get a "rage" response out of me you won't get any, and I'll just ignore you from now on.
Sad story, OP...Hope things go better for you.
That all sounds terrible man, I hope your life gets better.
[QUOTE=JDER14;23117128]
If your trying to get a "rage" response out of me you won't get any, and I'll just ignore you from now on.[/QUOTE]
Sure thing, sport; t'was nice arguing with you, anyways.
Special equipment? Im 20/175 in my left eye and my right eye is 20/230 and I only wear glasses. Each year my vision gets worse and I have to go back for a new pair. I dont know why I have such bad sight, but my eyes are shaped like footballs on an xray. I am extremely nearsighted, and I fear I may simply be blind eventually. [B]BLIND[/B]. DARKNESS.
Wow, I though my vision was bad. -2.5 in each eye. Damn, I feel like an ass for complaining about my vision. :saddowns:
I have fucked eyes too.
I can only use one eye at a time, so whatever eye I'm not using goes off and turns into a lazy eye. I have to switch between eyes constantly because one is nearsighted and one is farsighted. This also makes depth perception a slow process for me because I have to take a picture of something with one eye, switch, then take a picture with the other in order to determine accurately how far away something is.
I'm not the most attractive guy in the world either. Despite these things, I have a successful social life because I don't whine about them. Your intention may not be to whine, but every time you blame being sheltered and your vision for your social ineptitude, you're whining. Really, all you can do is just man up and deal with it. Life isn't like poker, you don't get to fold and get a new set of cards. You have to play the ones you're given, even if they're really shitty. However, you're more likely to win if you bluff and bet your ass off than you are if you sit and tell everyone how shitty your hand is.
My ugly mug at prom.
[IMG]http://c2.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/91/l_dc5ace893689447abf62b11da4adb189.jpg[/IMG]
Seriously. Fuck counseling, fuck trying to find ways around things. There is no way around what you have. There is no magical way to put aside your vision impairment and your looks as if they never existed. Play your fucking cards the best you can, let luck handle the rest. Can't get lucky if you never gamble.
[IMG]http://i50.tinypic.com/nwg10z.jpg[/IMG]
Here is me. I don't smile in any pictures and I wasn't aware one was being taken, so....
I'm pretty near sighted, actually a lot more than normal but nothing serious.
It gets fucking annoying not being able to see what is written on the chalk board 10 feet infront of me.
You look pretty good I know alot of other guys that look alot worse than you.
is there any way to fix your vision like surgery?
[QUOTE=AmericanInfantry;23117263][IMG]http://i50.tinypic.com/nwg10z.jpg[/IMG]
Here is me. I don't smile in any pictures and I wasn't aware one was being taken, so....[/QUOTE]
Cool I have those same glasses!
[QUOTE=JDK721;23117322]is there any way to fix your vision like surgery?[/QUOTE]
Surgery can only do so much. I don't know about the case the OP has, but I've gone through 4 different surgeries from 4 different surgeons attempting to fix my eyes and not a single one of them worked.
[QUOTE=Jorma Kay;23116937]Indeed I am, and boy, do I enjoy being one. :mmmsmug:[/QUOTE]
Shut up.
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