Irregular heroes :WIP: - General

Irregular heroes is a fiction set in the 1950s during which Nazi germany won in stalingrad and took over russia, and won the atomic bomb race first, after stealing all of the seret Soviet plans for Tsar Bomba. They then proceeded to destroy Britain, which is now a barren wasteland where only a few settlements remain. New Munich is a large gothic city, in which there are cathedrals to the reich church, industry and settlements. the german countryside is still there, and is a beautiful place with streams and creeks, valleys and nature. New munich is black and polluted, except for red swatstikas and the silver and gold reichstag The story follows the group of Christian hunters sent from the vatican to inspect a heretical act in new munich. this group is: Askar-two swords and throwing knives Tank-strong as an ox Swift-fast Mr .Hyde- trillby and automatic revolver (Main Characters) Zeke- frginge n crossbow (Main Characters) Cliff- priest Azreal- guy with Winchester Emaus- only females protagonist long chain of rosemary beads as weapon (She stays behind) when the Nazis are alerted of their presence Hitler assigns Feldwebel Gorenstein to tackle them. feldwebel is the Head of the N.O.O.S.E. (Nazi Occult Operations System Elite. Their is also N. O.O.S, the non elite) and has Kreigen-noose. Nazi ninjas, a present from japan. the ELITE of the elite. Here is a taste: Dublin, Ireland 1939 Black boots hit the cobbles of the weathered path. He looked up from underneath his trillby hat at the spire, stopping for a second to admire the craftwork. He re animated himself and walked the remaing distance. He paused hurridley and only hesitating to open his trench coat and peer inside at his custom loaded .357 magnum, with the round tips containing holy water blessed by the pope himself. He closed his coat and threw the doors open, breaking the lock in two. "doctor livingstone I presume?" chortled the demon, laughing maniacly. "the former." replyed the stranger, lifting his weapon. He emptied his magnum rounds at the demon, all piercing him straight through the forehead, leaving a fist sized hole that sizzled with the burning holy water. A thick black, oily smoke rose from the wound. As the stranger walked up to it, reloading, he began saying calmly under his breath, "the power of Christ compells thee, the power of Christ compells thee" getting louder until finnally shouting "the power of Christ compells thee!" "critical aclaim there." replied the demons voice, distant yet hallowed and nearing every second. Suddenly the blood red skin started to reform, the black oily smoke returning to the weaving wound. "the power of Christ compells thee, you demonic piece of shit." He fired twice more and hit the demon in both his eyes. "COME HERE" chortled the demon, jumping on Mr. Hydes torso, and onto his blessed jacket. the demon reeled his hands back and clutched them burning from the holy water. Mr. Hyde slowly aimed his gun towards the demons chest, and stuck his gun through its ribcage, into his heart, and fired a single shot; that rang like the bells of the vatican. I think this could work because the nazis could have won, and were interested in the occult. sorry for bad grammar, spellings etc. new keyboard. :(

-bumP-

Nobody really reads these... Most of us like visual arts, got any pics?

sure a couple of drawings

You use too much words/jargon, remember Orwells rules of writing, Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print. Never use a long word where a short one will do. If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out. Never use the passive voice where you can use the active. Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent. Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous. Also, The names aren't that great, and your cast is pretty much just stock characters, try making them a bit more unique. The Tsar Bomb was built in the 60's. The germans wouldn't use swords when they could use a gun, also religion would probably be abolished becuase Hitler was Atheist. Japan wouldn't send Germany Ninjas becuase they were only allied towards a common cause, and would kill eachother the first chance they got.

[QUOTE=Squeaken;17281008] The Tsar Bomb was built in the 60's. The germans wouldn't use swords when they could use a gun, also religion would probably be abolished becuase Hitler was Atheist. Japan wouldn't send Germany Ninjas becuase they were only allied towards a common cause, and would kill eachother the first chance they got.[/QUOTE] no, in irregular heroes world the tsar bomba plans were there already, sorry if i didnt make myself clear. when did i say they used swords? Gah i really need to work on the backstory more to make this work out.

[QUOTE=Squeaken;17281008] Hitler was Atheist..[/QUOTE] No he wasn't. Hitler was Christian. He proclaimed a divine mission to save Mother Germany after getting smacked in the face with Mustard Gas during WWI. He denounces modern religion but is devoted to the faith as written in Mein Kampf.

Because when you get a new keyboard, you totally start overlooking spelling errors and grammar. The text was an interesting read, although I don't know if it would be tiresome to read in the long run. It wasn't overly bad either, so keep training!

[QUOTE= "Adolf Hitler"] My feelings as a Christian points me to my Lord and Savior as a fighter. It points me to the man who once in loneliness, surrounded only by a few followers, recognized these Jews for what they were and summoned men to fight against them and who, God's truth! was greatest not as a sufferer but as a fighter. In boundless love as a Christian and as a man I read through the passage which tells us how the Lord at last rose in His might and seized the scourge to drive out of the Temple the brood of vipers and adders. How terrific was His fight for the world against the Jewish poison. To-day, after two thousand years, with deepest emotion I recognize more profoundly than ever before in the fact that it was for this that He had to shed His blood upon the Cross. As a Christian I have no duty to allow myself to be cheated, but I have the duty to be a fighter for truth and justice.... And if there is anything which could demonstrate that we are acting rightly it is the distress that daily grows. For as a Christian I have also a duty to my own people.... When I go out in the morning and see these men standing in their queues and look into their pinched faces, then I believe I would be no Christian, but a very devil if I felt no pity for them, if I did not, as did our Lord two thousand years ago, turn against those by whom to-day this poor people is plundered and exploited. -Adolf Hitler, in his speech in Munich on 12 April 1922[/QUOTE] Yeah, he was an atheist alright.

[QUOTE=Squeaken;17281008]Hitler was Atheist.[/QUOTE] Hitler was a hardcore Christian. Why do you think he hated Jews so much?

[QUOTE=BugsyXoX;17321511]no, in irregular heroes world the tsar bomba plans were there already, sorry if i didnt make myself clear. when did i say they used swords? Gah i really need to work on the backstory more to make this work out.[/QUOTE] Your characters are german (New Munich), and they use swords. [editline]08:05AM[/editline] [QUOTE=Cheezy;17322758]Yeah, he was an atheist alright.[/QUOTE] I always thought he was an atheist? Eh, My mistake.

[QUOTE=Squeaken;17350438]I always thought he was an atheist? Eh, My mistake.[/QUOTE] Some Christians will try to tell you he's atheist as a supposed example of how evil atheism is. Then it backfires in their faces because he was christian.

remember that everything hitler did, was legal.