Quick back story:
[QUOTE=Wonky;20656743]As I sit here, typing this story, I look back at the single most awful wank I have ever had in my life, and just think to myself how all of this could have been stopped, how having a piece of tissue on hand could have prevented my room from becoming a shit-stained cum soaked mess.
Today, around four I decided to jack off for the first time in about three months. Between school, sports, and friends it has been really busy, so I decided I was overdue for some "me" time. A side note: I had to shit a little bit before I started. I took my seat at my laptop, jumped on redtube, and got to work. About 10 minutes in I was just about done when I could feel my shit about to push out, so I decided to finish up. Ready to blow my load I reached into my desk drawer to grab a tissue, but the box was fucking empty. At this point the logical thing to do would have been to just cum on my hands and then rush to the bathroom to take a shit. Unfortunately, I was not thinking clearly at this time. So, I jumped out of my chair and quickly walked to the bathroom with my pants down. On the way there I walked under the ceiling fan in my room, which was on the highest setting.
The next 37 seconds of my life were a mix of pure ecstasy and sheer horror. The air blowing over my dick caused me to orgasm. This was NOT your standard “wank for 10 minutes” orgasm, this was a “holy fucking shit” deal. I was sort of frozen in this state of pleasure, but then things went to hell. As a result of this mind-blowing jerk my load managed to shoot up and into the fan (the fan is about 7 feet from the floor). It wasn't just blown back down, it somehow hit the fan blades. This resulted in a sort of semen mist that was sprayed all over the room. The walls, the floor, my face, everywhere. Also, at the exact time all of this was happening my bowels decided enough was enough and let loose. Oh, but this was no ordinary shit either, this was more of a mud avalanche. My ass cheeks tightened and the crap, somehow accelerated from my jacking off, flew out my ass, spraying everywhere (taco bell does not agree with me). I stood in place, my jaw on the floor as I gazed at this cum covered shit stained room, and was frozen by the sheer insanity of what the fuck had just happened.
And so, the cleanup began. I used this steam-vac thing to get the shit and cum out of the carpet, and some magic erasers for the walls and ceiling. I've sprayed about a full can of air freshener in here, but now it just smells like shit, cum, and flowers.
MS Paint picture for the lazy or illiterate:
[img]http://filesmelt.com/dl/ohmygod.png[/img]
[/QUOTE]
Now for my main problem: My walls still smell like semen. It has crusted into the wall, and smells just awful. I've resorted to sleeping on my sofa because of the smell. I don't want to buy new drywall, and have tried every brand of air deodorizer on earth.
Haha oh wow
err, have you tried stain removers?
Possibly bleach
hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahah
oh god
[QUOTE=Luuper;20790635]Haha oh wow
err, have you tried stain removers?[/QUOTE]
I don't want to use the carpet kind out of fear of fucking up my paint.
Bleach the walls
If it's paint, you can just wash it off with soap and water. (Get a bristled brush if it's really crusted on there)
What the fuck do you eat that makes it smell that bad?
I stopped reading when I got here:
[quote=Wonky]I decided to jack off for the first time in about three months[/quote]
Also, what kind of fucked up freak are you to post a pic like that? I'm not sure whether to laugh, be grossed out, think your dumb...
[QUOTE=^0mKTank;20790675]What the fuck do you eat that makes it smell that bad?[/QUOTE]
Taco bell.
[QUOTE=darkheadcrab;20790680]freak[/QUOTE]
This man is intelligent! :downs:
Really though, you could just get it out by scrubbing with a rag and some soap.
If that fails, sandpaper. Enter your plaster into a soapbox derby race.
I have been round FP for a while but this is, without a doubt, one of the weirdest things I have ever read. Also why not just paint over it with anti-mould paint, it is made so no moisture will get in so it should keep any scent in.
[QUOTE=Mr Drover;20790899]This man is intelligent! :downs:[/QUOTE]
Yes, he is intelligent. You see, you're the one who's giving some stranger on the internet *friendly & helpful* advice on how to clean fucking cum and shit off his stuff, and I'm the one who recognizes that this guy has some issues to be posting a story like that on the damn-fucking internet (even including a fucking MS Paint illustration).
You're obviously so much more intelligent than him by complaining about it, instead of just leaving the thread :downs:
How is it that the cum smells bad but no shit residue is causing that?
I didn't know cum smells worse than doody
[QUOTE=dudder;20790968]You're obviously so much more intelligent than him by complaining about it, instead of just leaving the thread :downs:[/QUOTE]
I will - watch.
...
Have some respect for your own property damn...
Been posted before. Nothing new.
edit: by wonky ;)
[QUOTE=DOG-GY;20790970]How is it that the cum smells bad but no shit residue is causing that?
I didn't know cum smells worse than doody[/QUOTE]
The steam vac got most of the shit out, but the cum was absorbed into the wall.
Thanks for the tips guys, I'm going to pick up some anti-mold paint tomorrow.
I like how you apparently have like 4 balls.
[QUOTE=Abstrakt;20791229]I like how you apparently have like 4 balls.[/QUOTE]
That's his ass in the back, genius.
I know this sound stupid, but are you sure you aren't just imagining the smell? About a year ago something went wrong with my fridge and it blew a bunch of smoke into the freezer and made all the food in it taste like smoke. Sometimes I can still taste that smoke in ice cream and such when I remember that incident, even though it was years ago.
[QUOTE=M_u_d;20791306]I know this sound stupid, but are you sure you aren't just imagining the smell? About a year ago something went wrong with my fridge and it blew a bunch of smoke into the freezer and made all the food in it taste like smoke. Sometimes I can still taste that smoke in ice cream and such when I remember that incident, even though it was years ago.[/QUOTE]
I've had friends over who smelled it too. They just walked by the door and would complain of a stench, did not even step inside.
[sp]My semen smells like a mixture of bleach and apples.[/sp]
It's not all bad.
I came in here expecting to read about you fucking a wall.
I was not dissapointed
How the flying FUCK did you manage a jet of cum into your FAN which is 7feet in the air?!?
And what did you ejaculate like a litre of the stuff???
It's threads like these that really make me think about how weird us humans really are...
This looks like a job for...
[img]http://www.picshag.com/pics/112009/smiths-cum-cleaner.jpg[/img]
K, seriously, did you cum buckets or something?
Cause in order to seriously hit the fan with your cum and make it go everywhere and hit the walls has gotta take a lot of semen to do it.
You must not have fapped for months.
At least the shit didn't hit the fan.
this thread is really [i]shitty![/i] xD
Sandpaper it off
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