[quote]
Intense romantic relationships often include powerful arguments, followed by powerful make-up sex. In general, make-up sex is bad news because it reinforces fighting and emotional drama. Think about it: If you have amazing sex after you have a huge fight, doesn't it make sense to fight again when the reward is so great?
In a healthy relationship, two people can come together after a disagreement and share physical intimacy because they feel close. However, the search for greater intimacy and trust isn't what motivates most make-up sex. The truth is that most make-up sex results from having felt and expressed extreme negative emotions during a heated argument, without any true resolution afterward. Because these individuals get sick of feeling the negative extreme end of the spectrum, they hunger to switch gears and jump to the opposite end of the spectrum — to feel the high that comes with making up. Honestly, it's not that different from an addict who needs a hit of cocaine.
During make-up sex, couples often express extreme positive emotions and they reach a momentary state of bliss. They declare grand statements of love and feel, in that moment, that they are sure they belong together.
The problem: this isn't real intimacy. Intimacy is about a mutual love and balance, while drama is about extremes and fantasies. Make-up sex often reflects the unconscious fantasy to be able to make everything better with sex. Sadly, it's often after couples have this heated sexual moment that they feel sadder and more lonely when the old feelings come back.
When you find someone you truly belong with, you feel balanced because you think things are in the emotional order they are supposed to be in. The next time you have a fight with your partner and you later try to initiate make-up sex, sit with those feelings a little longer and make sure you are having sex for the right reason.
Should you find yourself in the middle of a sexual encounter and suddenly realize that you feel confused, angry or sad, gently pull back and explain to your partner that you want to stop and try again later. If your partner pushes you to explain in that moment exactly what's going on wityh you, simply say "I'm not sure, but I know that it'll make sense to me a little later." These moments can be difficult and uncomfortable, but checking in with yourself and communicating honestly and directly is the best way to keep the problem from snowballing.[/quote]
[url]http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201205/make-sex-hurts-why-and-how-avoid-it[/url]
I don't know how this applies to Facepunchers, but interesting read anyways.
So after the argument, when is the point where make-up sex becomes just sex
[quote]Should you find yourself in the middle of a sexual encounter and suddenly realize that you feel confused, angry or sad[/quote]
"Who are you?! I HATE YOU! I'm so sorry that I am such a dumbass. We should try this again later."
The point of the article is that having sex right after a fight (to where it could be positively reinforcing the behavior) is a bad thing.
Makes perfect sense to me. Can't see myself turning down sex though after something stressful though.
I think it refers to the situation where a couple has sex right after a fight without resolving it, which obviously isn't healthy in a relationship. So I guess if the couple genuinely makes up beforehand, it's alright to have sex.
"Does this make my ass look fat?"
"No, your ass makes your ass look fat."
"You're so mean, I hate you, I want you to leave!"
"You asked the question goddammit!"
"Let's fuck!"
"Yeah!"
having sex with someone you don't have feelings for anymore in a relationship is the loneliest feeling in the world.
Gentleman we have found the cure for Make-up Sex.
it's called Make-up Sex sex.
The problem isn't the make-up sex, it's the arguing.
So, chill, smoke weed, have normal sex, problem solved
The easiest way to not have make-up sex is to not have a girlfriend at all :D!
...
No shit it hurts, especially if they're still pissed at you.
Sad, how some people only end up having make up sex.
Be it they fight too much, or they can't find it in themselves to like each other any other way.
.
Doesn't matter had sex.
[QUOTE=Lankist;35866492]No shit it hurts, especially if they're still pissed at you.[/QUOTE]
[b]DON'T BITE IT! OH GOD, DON'T BITE IT![/b]
[img]http://dl.dropbox.com/u/8416055/FacepunchEmots/Gonk.gif[/img]
[QUOTE=D3TBS;35866438]The problem isn't the make-up sex, it's the arguing.
So, chill, smoke weed, have normal sex, problem solved[/QUOTE]
NEVER discuss issues, guys. I probably have a PHD, you should listen to me, maybe.
When you're stressed out for whatever reason it may be, arguments are easier to start. Sex relieves stress, so it's kind of perfect for argument resolution. Not all arguments can (or should) be solved when you're in an irritated mood. It makes more sense to me to have make up sex or do something stress relieving, then deal with whatever the problem is when you're calm.
This article is bad.
Wrong, make up sex is awesome and this is stupid.
A Uni friend of mine is in a vicious cycle with his Girlfriend, every 2 weeks they argue and break up, then within a week they're back together. A month ago they decided to end it, for real. Now they're just "Fuck buddies with feelings" And they're still breaking up and getting back together again. Rawr.
[QUOTE=Mlisen14;35869696]Sex relieves stress, so it's kind of perfect for argument resolution.[/QUOTE]
Don't bonobos do that?
[QUOTE=Neo Kabuto;35869909]Don't bonobos do that?[/QUOTE]
guess who our closest relatives are
Part of me wishes I could be in the bedroom when these psychologists are getting it on, just so I can say "Hey, did you know that you're not actually 'feeling good', but it's rather a mixture of endorphine and other chemicals giving you the illusion that you are? You could eat a chocolate bar for the same effect, and it'd be a lot less physically straining too! By the way, did you know that she exists for ~70% out of water?".
[QUOTE=TheHydra;35870627]guess who our closest relatives are[/QUOTE]
Chimpanzees.
This probably explains why my flatmate's been constantly bickering with his girlfriend for 6 months.
[QUOTE=cecilbdemodded;35866337]"Does this make my ass look fat?"
"No, your ass makes your ass look fat."
"You're so mean, I hate you, I want you to leave!"
"You asked the question goddammit!"
"Let's fuck!"
"Yeah!"[/QUOTE]
They sure want us to lie :v:
When I first read it I thought that the girl you were going to have sex with's facial make-up was going to hurt you and I was truly worried.
[QUOTE=thisispain;35866384]having sex with someone you don't have feelings for anymore in a relationship is the loneliest feeling in the world.[/QUOTE]
Having sex with someone who doesn't have feelings for you anymore is worse.
[QUOTE=TheHydra;35870627]guess who our closest relatives are[/QUOTE]
Bananas
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.
