Thinking of a Masterplan: Some fools stealing my food - General

I need help on planning some evil shit. So basically I live in a dorm where theres 6 rooms and a shared kitchen. In this kitched we share fridges and theres no locks. And now the food stealing part: Ive seen my food "magically disappear" from my fridge about 3 or 4 times now for the course of the last few months. Im tired of this shit because sometimes at the end of the day its all I have to eat and when its gone Im left with not much. Since we all know each other in our "house" I didnt suspect it would be anyone from inside ,and I was right, because tonight I met a trio of guys from eastern europe or some shit just chilling in the kitchen alone. I dont know where they were from or who they were with, but after they left I noticed that they probably had rearranged my fridge compartment. So now Im gonna ask around see who these guys are. And in the meantime, its payback time. So what can I do to fuck up with these dumb bitches? Of course theres always the confront them and talk it out or take it out, but Im sure theres better ways. I was talking to a friend of mine and he suggested that I put a trap, like some kind of laxative food. Then what would be better was if I could lock the door and place a camera in there. Thats recipe for a viral video. But Im sure we can think of better plans. So how is it going down?

You could substitute the laxatives with a [I]moderate[/I] amount of LSD! I've yet to see such a viral video.. edit: Hell, you could put both in at equal amounts.. Now THAT would be instant gold.

Talk to them first instead of jumping immediately to passive-aggressiveness maybe

Get a small fridge for your room. And a safe.

buy some ghost pepper powder put some in the food and wait

[QUOTE=No_0ne;43841654]buy some ghost pepper powder put some in the food and wait[/QUOTE] This man has your answers.

[QUOTE=No_0ne;43841654]buy some ghost pepper powder put some in the food and wait[/QUOTE] cyanide

Getting a bit of dèjá vu here, but last time this question was asked, OP of that thread used some sort of ink bomb if I recall correctly.

[QUOTE=Zeke129;43841564]Talk to them first instead of jumping immediately to passive-aggressiveness maybe[/QUOTE] For CHRISSAKES. They're going into someone else's food bin and STEALING from it. There's no sorry note, no second thought, no remorse.. The bastards who do this have it coming.

bleach your food

rat poison it's the only answer [editline]9th February 2014[/editline] I am being totally serious here

Piss on your food.

Lace the food with anti-depressants. Start on low doses and work on going higher. Then stop doing it after about a month. A couple weeks after you stop they will feel real shitty from the cold turkey withdrawl. If you do this then you are a true mastermind/psychopath. I've always wanted to do it though. Alternately you could leave some bait food for them. Leave some food you don't mind being stolen or if you're particularly feeling evil, leave some foods high in fat content (salo) for them. 20 years later those mother fuckers will die from a heart attack, won't be a big surprise for you. Leaving LSD is a good idea but it might end up backfiring as they will steal more food for dat LSD. Plus LSD is expensive. Also to that person suggesting he piss in the food, he isn't trying to get revenge on noseless fucks here, retard.

I can't think of anything other than spiking the food with some insanely spicey hot sauce or chilli, or just laxatives. You can also put dog food in a bowl and in the fridge and see if they eat it

find out if they like dessert items, and make something with dairy and a citrus fruit - like pineapple cheesecake. it sounds delicious, but the pineapple will make the cream cheese spoil and they will regret eating it [editline]9th February 2014[/editline] alternatively; spike with ghost pepper.

Put laxatives and viagra so that they get poopboners

Lace it with laxatives and some ghost peppers, they'd be screaming so hard while trying to take a shit, they'd have no choice but to breath in their shit fumes.

[QUOTE=Zeke129;43841564]Talk to them first instead of jumping immediately to passive-aggressiveness maybe[/QUOTE] Last time I confronted someone about theft, even with proof, they screamed and threatened me for 'accusing' them. It's not always easy talking it out.

Why bother with ghost peppers and laxatives when a simple soap sandwich is punishment enough? Alternates could be tried later if need be, the worse you do to somebody, the worse they try to do to you in return. Always be mindful of how much is needed.

Alcohol based antibacterial hand gel in a sandwich or whatnot. That shit tastes absolutely foul. They won't rob again after it.

Tape them, and then talk to them. Then in the argument, you reveal you put lax in your food. They'll get placebo and you aren't doing anything shitty against them

If you know a butcher nearby you can do this: Ask him if he has a spare pig eye or any disposable meat that he can give to you. (the grosser the better). Cover them in chocolate and make em look like sweets. Put in fridge, done. Also i've seen this done before, they bite everytime.

Sounds like you need this ingenious invention [video=youtube;bYAwcT0tJx4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYAwcT0tJx4&feature=player_embedded[/video] Yes, I remembered it from a [URL="http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1213599"]year and a half old thread[/URL].

holy shit I thought that video was still fairly recent. I dont know how easy it is to get ghost peppers around here and I dont want to go the extra step just to fuck with someone. But laxatives it is. Ill leave a bait sticking out for the week, see if they come again and bite.

[QUOTE=Murkrow;43845661]Sounds like you need this ingenious invention [video=youtube;bYAwcT0tJx4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYAwcT0tJx4&feature=player_embedded[/video] Yes, I remembered it from a [URL="http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1213599"]year and a half old thread[/URL].[/QUOTE] I was trying to find that to post but couldn't for the life of me remember what the hell it was called. Anyway, OP you could put lard in an ice cream container. That's something me and one of my buddies did at our restaurant once.

-snip-

[QUOTE=No_0ne;43841654]buy some ghost pepper powder put some in the food and wait[/QUOTE] Include copious amounts of laxatives to insure maximum victory.

passive-aggressively place a trail and nesting doll of stickynotes on the fridge, one on the doors, seran warp your food togather put a note ontop of that, then a note on the individual items and then a note inside each item. by the time they finally get through all that they will think that its a trap that or make some contact explosives [url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nitrogen_triiodide[/url] is a good one because its more stable when its chilled so it lasts longer, place it on the lid of your stuff and after getting hit with a cloud of purple stuff a few times they will stop (that or they'll call the bomb squad) unfortunately i know a guy who was trying to make the stuff and it is kinda hard to make so...get a methlab to make you some

[QUOTE=D3TBS;43841436]I need help on planning some evil shit. So basically I live in a dorm where theres 6 rooms and a shared kitchen. In this kitched we share fridges and theres no locks. And now the food stealing part: Ive seen my food "magically disappear" from my fridge about 3 or 4 times now for the course of the last few months. Im tired of this shit because sometimes at the end of the day its all I have to eat and when its gone Im left with not much. Since we all know each other in our "house" I didnt suspect it would be anyone from inside ,and I was right, because tonight I met a trio of guys from eastern europe or some shit just chilling in the kitchen alone. I dont know where they were from or who they were with, but after they left I noticed that they probably had rearranged my fridge compartment. So now Im gonna ask around see who these guys are. And in the meantime, its payback time. So what can I do to fuck up with these dumb bitches? Of course theres always the confront them and talk it out or take it out, but Im sure theres better ways. I was talking to a friend of mine and he suggested that I put a trap, like some kind of laxative food. Then what would be better was if I could lock the door and place a camera in there. Thats recipe for a viral video. But Im sure we can think of better plans. So how is it going down?[/QUOTE] Buy your own fridge?

Have all of your roommates "disappear" one by one. Eventually, you'll either kill the thief, or scare the thief. Also, you get more room to roam around! Win - Win!