Today, a man came to my school by the name of John Halligan. He presented a 2 hour story about his son, Ryan. Ryan and his family lived in Essex Junction, Vermont. Ryan took his own life at the age of 13 due to constant bullying from his peers at school and online.
I am not posting about this simply because I want you to feel bad for this man and his family. I felt the need to post this because this man, this father's story was so gripping, riveting, so strong that it provoked not only my empathy, but my anger, my rage, my hate for the people who contributed to the rapidly gaining snowball leading up to Ryan's suicide. The way Mr. Halligan told his story with tears welling up and with his voice wavering had a profound effect on not only me but everyone else in the auditorium.
I'm going to try to write his story as he told it this morning. It may not have the same effect as it did on me at the time, but just imagine a grief-stricken father on the verge of losing it reading you this. This is going to be written in first-person as it's easier to write it that way and I think it will have more of an impact that way.
I have copied and pasted a few passages from [url]www.ryanpatrickhalligan.org[/url] to save some time with the typing of larger passages.
This is Ryan's story. Rest in peace.
[quote]October 7, 2003, is the day that divides my life. At the time, I was a high ranking IBM manager on a business trip away on a business trip in New York that morning. The phone rang and on the other end of the phone connection was my wife in hysterics. She said
"John, you need to come home. You need to come home right now. Ryan is dead. He killed himself, John."
I packed my bag that morning, headed to the airport, and bought a flight ticket back to Essex Junction, Vermont. Through the entire flight home, I would look out the window with tears running down my face, asking
"Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?".
Our son, Ryan, was a sweet, gentle little boy. He was born in Poughkeepsie, New York in 1989. He started to grow up to be the most perfect little man parents could ask for. He was as courteous as a 2 year old could possibly be, well-mannered, and rarely fought with his older sister. Sure, they had their sibling rivalries at times, but that was normal for kids their age. At the time, IBM was going through a rough time and many workers were laid off. I was not as unfortunate. I was offered a job in Essex Junction, Vermont. Neither me nor my wife were happy about the move, but we didn't have an option at the time.
Ryan had problems with speech and motor capabilities early on. He was now 3 and had not spoken a word or started to walk yet. It was then that I decided to see if Ryan qualified for state special needs. He did, and that god for those special needs teachers. Without them, Ryan would have had an even tougher time than he did in his short life.
He was now reaching his sixth birthday, when he entered Hiawatha Elementary School. He was in special needs classes at that time for his speech impediment. Then, in fourth grade, we received wonderful news. He had tested as caught up to his peers in normal fourth grade classes and would no longer require special needs teachings.
It was during the fifth grade that we first began to encounter the bullying problem. A certain kid and his friends picked up on Ryan’s academic weaknesses and his poor physical coordination. But since he was not being physically bullied by these boys, only by words, we advised him to just ignore them, walk away and remember that he had good friends to count on. We even went so far as to get him a therapist to further help him develop coping skills and to boost his self-esteem during this school year. By the end of fifth grade he seemed fine and so, based on the therapist’s advice, we stopped the sessions.
The next year, Ryan entered the Albert D. Lawton Middle School. This was a huge change for him because this building had grades 6-8 in one building. He was getting average grades and special needs classes were presented as an option at multiple times. The bullying problem popped up his first year of middle school but it was nothing too severe and it didn't require a drastic response.
In December 2002, the bullying problem surfaced to a worsened height. That month, I came home from work to find Ryan sitting at the kitchen table with his head down on the table. My wife said he'd been like that since he got home. I asked him what was wrong and he gave me this response, which will be forever burned into my mind. He said
"I hate that school, I never want to go back, can you homeschool me, can we move?"
He then insisted that I didn't go to the school, nor the principal or anybody else because the problem would get worse. Instead, he asked me if I could teach him self-defense in case this bully ever started something. He wanted to learn "Billy Blanks Taebo Kickboxing". We did this together. Some of the best memories of my son were down in that basement doing the reps.
Sure enough, we got a call from the assistant principal after a school day in February 2003. He just broke up a fight between Ryan and the bully at the nearby Maple Street Park in our village. He said Ryan was ok but wanted us to be aware. We were very grateful for his intervention. When we found Ryan walking home, he was both scared and elated. He was shaking but said he got a few good punches in and felt good he was able to stick up to the bully. He said,
“I got a few good punches in before Mr. Emory got there. That kid probably won’t mess with me anymore.”
We were all feeling pretty relieved that day for Ryan; for being able to stand his ground and seemingly make it through a typical teenage rite of passage.
Ryan’s young teen life included swimming, camping, skateboarding, biking, snowboarding, playing computer games and instant messaging. A typical array of “healthy” and “normal” teen activities … or so it seemed. My son loved being on-line, staying connected with his friends after the school day and throughout the summer. But during the summer of 2003, a greater deal of time was spent on-line, mainly instant messaging. I was concerned and felt compelled to remind him of our internet safety rules.
* No IMing/chatting with strangers
* No giving any personal information (name/address/phone) to strangers
* No sending pictures to strangers
* No secret passwords
After Ryan's death, we ripped the house apart looking for a suicide note. It looked like a tornado had ripped through the house. I looked in his 7th grade yearbook and found he had written terrible, nasty things about people in them. On his friends he drew crowns and put stars around them.
Trying to find the cause of Ryan's suicide, I entered Ryan's AIM info and logged in to ask his friends. Within seconds, messages popped up, some angry that someone was on his account, some sad, some wondering. A girl I talked to mentioned a program all the kids had installed to mod their AIM program. What most kids didn't know was that it saves logs of all chats you've ever done since the program was installed. When I found this wealth of information, all I could do was read.
Over the summer before Ryan's death, a boy had spread a rumor that Ryan was gay. Also over the summer he started talking to a girl from school, and divulged personal info to the girl thinking he could say that she was his girlfriend and the gay rumor would stop. He got the courage to ask this girl on a date, but the girl said
"Ryan, you're just a loser. I was just kidding".
And then she and her friends laughed.
It’s one thing to be bullied and humiliated in front of a few kids. It’s one thing to feel rejection and have your heart crushed by a girl. But it has to be a totally different experience then a generation ago when these hurts and humiliation are now witnessed by a far larger, online adolescent audience. I believe my son would have survived these incidents of bullying and humiliation if they took place before computers and the internet. But I believe there are few of us that that would have had the resiliency and stamina to sustain such a nuclear level attack on our feelings and reputation as a young teen in the midst of rapid physical and emotional changes and raging hormones. I believe bullying through technology has the effect of accelerating and amplifying the hurt to levels that will probably result in a rise in teen suicide rates. Recent statistics indicate that indeed teen suicide is on the rise again after many years of declining rates.
Nothing can ever bring back our Ryan. Nothing will ever heal our broken hearts. But we hope by sharing the personal details of our tremendous loss, another family will have been spared a lifelong sentence to this kind of pain. [/quote]
This really makes you think about what you've done as a teen/what you're doing as a teen.
No tl;dr. If you're too lazy, don't post.
This is why kids take knives/guns to school and shoot/stab their class mates.
Some kids will kill them selves rather then retaliate violently.
(bullying causes death either way or the other if you can't derive that)
I remember hearing this at school.
People are assholes.
Bullying is stupid. Joking around is fine but just make sure they know you don't mean it.
I have red hair. Believe me, I get shit. But I don't really care anymore. Still, they can go fuck off. I don't take the shit however.
[QUOTE=ScoutKing;21725082]This is why kids take knives/guns to school and shoot/stab their class mates. (bullying if you can't derive that)[/QUOTE]
You didn't read that quote that quick. Not to mention that has nothing to do with this.
[QUOTE=FFStudios;21725110]You didn't read that quote that quick. Not to mention that has nothing to do with this.[/QUOTE]
Kid killed him self cause he was bullied, its relevant.
we are on the topic of bullying/suicide/death, so im just connecting other occasions and actions that happen as a result.
I hope they get bullied in prison. Seriously I was on the verge of suicide for years for bullshit like this.
Bullies=cunts overcompensating for lack of a dick, or some asswipe with childhood trauma. That story isn't the first I've heard like it.
They should deport all bullies to Antarctica or something.
[QUOTE=Arachnidus;21725142]Bullies=cunts overcompensating for lack of a dick, or some asswipe with childhood trauma. That story isn't the first I've heard like it.[/QUOTE]
Most bullies are in a bad situation/and sometimes just random assholes.
Most bullies are miserable and a lot of the time they take it out on other people so they don't have to deal with it them selves.
[editline]12:56AM[/editline]
[QUOTE=magepro99;21725155]They should deport all bullies to Antarctica or something.[/QUOTE]
Everyone be deported.
Its a cycle almost
Kid has a tragic home life/sad/ or just a asshole- kid bullies other kids- other kids become pissed- other kids bullied- the kids who got bullied, are now bully other people.
OR kid has tragic home life/sad/ or just asshole- bullies kid, kid resists violence, trys to be good, kid can't take it, snaps in his high school years, takes knife/gun, kills school mates.
The way to defeat bullying is close the circle logic, the best and effective way is to start with the home life.
Bu
I hope the bitch that turned him down knows what she did.
Actually, I believe I had the same man come to my school and give the same speech. Unfortunantly it was lost on a lot of our students, which is really sad. I just wish people would take a look at their actions and the things that happen as a result...
[QUOTE=NuclearAnnhilation;21725100]Bullying is stupid. Joking around is fine but just make sure they know you don't mean it.[/QUOTE]
The thing is some people are ten times too sensitive and will still fucking sob even if they are repeatedly told that it's a joke. At this point if they cannot take such things then I don't think they're going to have a good time in situations at later times in there life where there is no teacher or principal or rules to help them.
[QUOTE=Brokein3;21725185]I hope the bitch that turned him down knows what she did.[/QUOTE]
She's the loser
[QUOTE=Brokein3;21725185]I hope the bitch that turned him down knows what she did.[/QUOTE]
She actually kept in touch with Mr. Halligan and went on Oprah with him and answered questions.
How did he commit suicide?
[QUOTE=xxncxx;21725233]How did he commit suicide?[/QUOTE]
He hung himself.
I just got done dealing with a bully that I've had since the second grade last Thursday, he pushed me in the hall and I punched him in the face.
This guy came to my school last year, It's depressing that poor kid.
[QUOTE=DesolateGrun;21725263]This guy came to my school last year, It's depressing that poor kid.[/QUOTE]
Even worse, the kid that made the rumor that he was gay [b]continued to talk shit about him for up to 3 weeks after Ryan's death, saying he was weak, and he liked men, etc.[/b]
Alternate title:
[quote]Internet Computer e-Cyber-Bullying Predators: The News Report: The Story: The Movie[/quote]
[QUOTE=FFStudios;21725283][b]continued to talk shit about him for up to 3 weeks after Ryan's death, saying he was weak, and he liked men, etc.[/b][/QUOTE]
= Dead Sentence
I knew A Kid who left our school for some reason, Turns out A kid stayed at his house because he felt sorry for him having no friends
He found a Pink dildo in his draw. Confronted the Kid and he said it was his.
People call each other gay all the time at school it's really not worth killing yourself over
[QUOTE=ScoutKing;21725169]Most bullies are in a bad situation/and sometimes just random assholes.
Most bullies are miserable and a lot of the time they take it out on other people so they don't have to deal with it them selves.
[/QUOTE]
Indeed; they're miserable enough without someone taking it to heart and retaliating. In fact, I know a guy who claims he's a troll (and he is, when he's on Steam and I piss him off). He's one of those guys who is constantly insulted and annoyed, and trolling seems to be the way he vents his angers. I used to get insulted constantly, as well, but fortunately the anger I have is the kind that evaporates if you bottle it up (and yet popular culture suggests I beat whoever said that to a bloody pulp, go figure).
[QUOTE=Captain Lawlrus;21725371]People call each other gay all the time at school it's really not worth killing yourself over[/QUOTE]
Then you haven't seen anything yet.
:frown:
[QUOTE=FFStudios;21725049]I believe my son would have survived these incidents of bullying and humiliation if they took place before computers and the internet.[/QUOTE]
Why did he have to say that? Prepare for the oncoming onslaught of angry parents trying to get games/internet/technology banned.
But yeah it sucks he died.
Inb4 internet tough guys.
[highlight](User was banned for this post (""in b4"" - SteveUK))[/highlight]
It's odd that you post this two days from the anniversary of my friend's brother killing himself.
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