I'm not writing this to tell you guys I have it the worst, or to preach to you about criminal justice or say whether or not I deserve everything that has happened with me. I am writing this to tell a story. To vent and hopefully get some of the stress off my chest. I am not looking for pity, just for another person to listen and possibly understand the problems I am going through.
You might have seen my thread about getting locked up for 3rd degree assault. If not then read it if you want to understand why I am a convicted felon, because I am not going to re-tell the story here.
This event has been a life changer for me. I had to withdraw from school, and move back with my parents. My dad is on disability and my mom recently got laid off from her work. My family has to go live paycheck to paycheck, constantly juggling different bills hopefully not getting anything shut off. We can afford internet, hulu, and netflix, at the expense of eating well some days(netflix and hulu combined costs maybe a day or two's worth of dinner). Today I just ate the last of the tuna, so now there really isn't anything for breakfast or lunch except eggs and bread. There are people who have it worse, but there are certainly people who have it better as well. I've gotten used to skipping breakfast.
I have almost no money of my own. My grandma pays me some money to help take care of the yard. We have a blackberry bush infestation so I am grateful that it gives me a project that I can get paid for. When I get paid it goes to three things: Nicotine(I am a smoker), my phone bill, and monetary obligations. I literally have nothing left over and I am still struggling just paying my monetary obligations. I owe $500 a month to my college that I simply can't pay, student loans which luckily(since I have no income) I am not obliged to pay right now, $20 a month to my probation, and $20 a month to the court. Those are monthly obligations I know I have to pay, but I have other obligations like paying $40 to take a drug and alcohol evaluation, where they tell me I have to pay another $70 for a class even though I have no drug alcohol dependency problems(the evaluation even said so). I have no idea how I'm going to pay that, I asked my friend if she could loan me the money and she said she might since she gets paid the day before, however she doesn't make a whole lot of money either and I feel bad for even asking.
Getting a job is a serious bitch. I have been applying but in my town you can count the number of job openings I qualify for on one hand. I am also a convicted felon with absolutely no work experience(since I was doing school). This puts me at the bottom of an already long list of potential employees. I know that if I can get an interview I can make an impression on the employer, and I know if I can just get a job I can prove myself and move up the ladder. The problem is just getting a hold of the ladder. I applied to volunteer for Habitat for Humanity as well, because they have a cause I believe in, and because it will give me at least one thing to put on an application and resume.
I can't vote or petition. Being a felon gets rid of those rights. So although I am politically minded I can't really be politically involved to any extent. I don't know when I can get these rights back but eventually I will. I think it's wrong that felons are treated like second-class citizens even after they pay their debt to society, but whatever this isn't what the thread is about. It's just frustrating, to say it lightly.
I think my bipolar disorder is the number one problem facing me. It makes normal activities a burden, at best. For those of you who don't know what bipolar is, it is basically a mood disorder where the victim cycles between periods of 'mania'(elevated mood, motivation, energy, cognition, hallucinations, paranoia etc.) or 'hypomania'(less severe mania) and episodes of depression. Depending on severity it can last months between episodes(bipolar 1), days or weeks(bipolar 2), or hours to days(rapid cycling 1 or 2). I have 2, which is significantly less severe than stories I have heard of people with 1, but it is hard as shit to deal with. For 4 days to a week I will be energetic as fuck, I will want to work my ass off, have sex(I get extremely horny during my manic episodes), do drugs(in particular stimulants), socialize, and all of that shit. This will be followed by another 4 days to a week of extreme depression, where I hardly want to get out of bed. It feels like life loses it's shine, that everything was interesting but suddenly now nothing is interesting. Suicidal thoughts plague me during both depressive and manic episodes. When I'm manic I feel like everyone secretly hates me because I have so much energy, and that they are plotting to do something bad to me. I feel like there is just too much energy in my body and I want it to stop. When I'm depressed I simply don't want to live. I am tired of life and everything in life, and I think everyone would be better off without me. You guys might even have been able to tell how I am by my posts in sensationalist headlines.
Unfortunately I don't have medical insurance, so I can't get therapy, and I can't get mood stabilizers to help me. I am stuck with my disease until that changes somehow.
Basically that's all I can think of right now. I don't know if this has helped at all. Maybe I'll find out when I press the submit new thread button.
The title just says "bad luck". But I hope the best in the future for you mate.
Maybe go find a car garage or something and ask if you could take up an apprenticeship there. One of my friends did that and now he knows how to fix cars and shit and got a job there.
You have the right idea of applying for charity type work. A long list of experience and good recommendations on that will work against the felony. I think some can agree that if you are upset or annoyed at something, you read a story like this and you realise how easy you have it because people do suffer a lot.
Charity work would do you well, that and maybe something creative to express yourself/take up spare time. Would have you focused on tasks instead of thinking about your bipolar disorder and stressing out. Hang in there, it will get better.
Sorry about all that, OP.
About all those ups and downs you have... everybody has them. IMO you should find something that can keep your mind busy (get a gf, do some workout, play some music, anything), for starters.
[img]http://www.ecademy.com/images/clubs/6284.gif[/img]
Keep your chin up, bro!
[QUOTE=SteelReal;31962641]Maybe go find a car garage or something and ask if you could take up an apprenticeship there. One of my friends did that and now he knows how to fix cars and shit and got a job there.[/QUOTE]
This is a really good advice (car garages can always use use an extra hand). [B]Learn a trade.[/B]
[QUOTE=MisterM;31962661]You have the right idea of applying for charity type work. A long list of experience and good recommendations on that will work against the felony. I think some can agree that if you are upset or annoyed at something, you read a story like this and you realise how easy you have it because people do suffer a lot.
Charity work would do you well, that and maybe something creative to express yourself/take up spare time. Would have you focused on tasks instead of thinking about your bipolar disorder and stressing out. Hang in there, it will get better.[/QUOTE]
I always want to learn a new skill but it's always so overwhelming for me and I lose interest in a few days. I play guitar but I that's about it for skills. I wanted to learn photoshop since I got a copy during better times, but it seems like every time I try it just boggles my mind with all of the tools, and then I give up.
Maybe becoming a felon was a bad idea
[QUOTE=Aman VII;31962834]Maybe becoming a felon was a bad idea[/QUOTE]
Why do you say that? I was under the assumption it was a good idea.
I think you should really try and cut out the smokes, cost you a lot in a number of different ways in the short and long run, probably not the best thing when you are already short of cash.
[QUOTE=Sharpshooter;31962882]I think you should really try and cut out the smokes, cost you a lot in a number of different ways in the short and long run, probably not the best thing when you are already short of cash.[/QUOTE]
On a completely rational level I agree with you 100%. However when I am trying to quit and I am having nicotine cravings the rational level of my mind starts to shut off as far as smoking goes.
[QUOTE=yawmwen;31962866]Why do you say that? I was under the assumption it was a good idea.[/QUOTE]
I think he's one of the people who thinks felons should be shipped off to an island and forced to do manual labour on a diet of moldy bread
yawm the system completely fucking failed you and I hope you get back on your feet as soon as possible. I don't have enough money to help you out financially but if there's anything at all I can do to help let me know (doubt it but hey, never know)
[QUOTE=yawmwen;31962810]I always want to learn a new skill but it's always so overwhelming for me and I lose interest in a few days. I play guitar but I that's about it for skills. I wanted to learn photoshop since I got a copy during better times, but it seems like every time I try it just boggles my mind with all of the tools, and then I give up.[/QUOTE]
No offense, man, but nothing changes unless [U]you[/U] change. Try to be more proactive!
[QUOTE=Pretiacruento;31962950]No offense, man, but nothing changes unless [U]you[/U] change. Try to be more proactive![/QUOTE]
Dude he has psychological problems that society refuses to help him with, cut him some slack
If therapy wasn't free for me here I'd probably be dead by now
[QUOTE=yawmwen;31962810]I always want to learn a new skill but it's always so overwhelming for me and I lose interest in a few days. I play guitar but I that's about it for skills. I wanted to learn photoshop since I got a copy during better times, but it seems like every time I try it just boggles my mind with all of the tools, and then I give up.[/QUOTE]Structure it out is what I did, something like Photoshop is very powerful but has a lot of tools which can be overwhelming, some of which you'll try out and not get a desired effect and just get fed up with. Follow tutorials (plenty to be found) and with what you get from that, use different settings than the tutorial and experiment, get creative with that!
I can appreciate how difficult giving up smokes is, my friend made it sound easy cutting down but he's currently struggling. Hanging around smokers and meeting up with friends for drinks all lead towards him smoking, so try and avoid that.
[QUOTE=yawmwen;31962901]On a completely rational level I agree with you 100%. However when I am trying to quit and I am having nicotine cravings the rational level of my mind starts to shut off as far as smoking goes.[/QUOTE]
The point of quitting is going against what your minds telling you man. Ive been there, the best way is to stop saying "im going to quit tomorrow, next weeek, etc" and just fucking stop cold turkey.
You have to last 3 days.
thats it
then you just deal with mental man.
gl.
[QUOTE=Zeke129;31962968]Dude he has psychological problems that society refuses to help him with, cut him some slack
If therapy wasn't free for me here I'd probably be dead by now[/QUOTE]
I know, but judging by what he says, looks like that's the only option available for OP... he can give it a shot :/
Again, didn't mean to sound disrespectful or anything.
[QUOTE=MisterM;31962977]Structure it out is what I did, something like Photoshop is very powerful but has a lot of tools which can be overwhelming, some of which you'll try out and not get a desired effect and just get fed up with. Follow tutorials (plenty to be found) and with what you get from that, use different settings than the tutorial and experiment, get creative with that!
[/QUOTE]
Thanks. I really don't have trouble learning in a class environment, that's how I learned how to record music and use Pro-Tools proficiently. It has always been the structure, that the teacher starts you off with learning something easy then you continue to challenge yourself as the easy shit gets too easy, that makes it possible for me to learn.
Maybe I will just start doing all the tutorials I can and see where I can get. Making graphics in photoshop would be completely awesome.
[editline]27th August 2011[/editline]
[QUOTE=Pretiacruento;31963019]I know, but judging by what he says, looks like that's the only option available for OP... he can give it a shot :/
Again, didn't mean to sound disrespectful or anything.[/QUOTE]
You guys are both right, I do have problems and that definitely makes things harder, but it shouldn't be an excuse for me. I shouldn't just give up because of my mental problems, I should push through it, since I have no other option.
However that's also easier said than done.
I don't have much sympathy for convicted rapists and killers but reading your story before sounded like you were wrongly punished for defending yourself against someone physically attacking you. If that is the case then you have my sympathy.
I'd consider looking into the options of starting your own business.
[QUOTE=Zeke129;31962926]I think he's one of the people who thinks felons should be shipped off to an island and forced to do manual labour on a diet of moldy bread
[/QUOTE]
NEED AN AUSTRALIA 2.0
How did you end up getting 3rd degree assault? Did the other guy get any charges for beating the shit out of you?
I'm guessing it had something to do with you refusing to leave his property.
[quote]internet, hulu, and netflix, at the expense of eating well some days[/quote] Know how you feel. I pick internet over food so I have to eat ramon noodles and potatoes at the end half of the month. Oh and there are places out there where you can buy boxes of almost expired food for 20$ if thats helpful.
It may sound gross but supermarket dumpsters if you're really desperate for food
Get close with a stockperson at a supermarket and get them to put day old stuff outside the back door instead of in the trash for you, all that shit is perfectly edible and is just being fed to the seagulls and ravens
I did that countless times when I worked grocery and wanted free lunch
[QUOTE=Aman VII;31962834]Maybe becoming a felon was a bad idea[/QUOTE]
Being a felon is a good idea.
Hell, it's what I'm going to college for.
[QUOTE=Darkebrz;31963472]How did you end up getting 3rd degree assault? Did the other guy get any charges for beating the shit out of you?
I'm guessing it had something to do with you refusing to leave his property.[/QUOTE]
He posted a thread here, it was something about self defense and he had a knife. The whole thing was BS IMO, and OP shouldn't have to deal with this.
[QUOTE=Aman VII;31962834]Maybe becoming a felon was a bad idea[/QUOTE]
Wait, fuck, it is? So now what am I going to do with the bodies?
To the OP: That really... really... really... really... sucks. I hope you can get back on your feet. I wish I could give you advice, but I'm not feeling terribly wise today. Or ever.
[QUOTE=Zeke129;31963603]It may sound gross but supermarket dumpsters if you're really desperate for food
Get close with a stockperson at a supermarket and get them to put day old stuff outside the back door instead of in the trash for you, all that shit is perfectly edible and is just being fed to the seagulls and ravens
I did that countless times when I worked grocery and wanted free lunch[/QUOTE]
Not a bad idea actually about putting the stuff outside (but I really wouldn't recommend supermarket dumpster diving - you really wouldn't want to pick food out of that bin, at least the bins where I work, for all you know someone could have thrown a bag of dog shit in there).
I'm working in a grocery store while I'm attending college and just the other day when taking out the garbage to the compactor I noticed that they were throwing away like 10 roasted chickens just because they didn't sell in time for closing. They do this every night and this is just one department of several!!! What an absolute waste, I think I'm going to talk to my manager or something to see if they can give that food to someone because the amount of food they waste is atrocious. I can understand needing to get the old stuff off the shelves to put the fresh stuff out, but there are better ways to get that done than pure waste.
The produce department also throws more food in the garbage than any other department I know of in the store. Have a talk with these guys at your local store and see what they can do for you, chances are they're throwing away perfectly good food.
[QUOTE=Noble;31963287]I don't have much sympathy for convicted rapists and killers but reading your story before sounded like you were wrongly punished for defending yourself against someone physically attacking you. If that is the case then you have my sympathy.
I'd consider looking into the options of starting your own business.[/QUOTE]
a business? in this economic climate? with my credit rating(its either none or very poor due to my defaulting on a few payments to my college)? i dont even know much about business. it seems like a huge risk and not enough reward.
[QUOTE=Zeke129;31963603]It may sound gross but supermarket dumpsters if you're really desperate for food
Get close with a stockperson at a supermarket and get them to put day old stuff outside the back door instead of in the trash for you, all that shit is perfectly edible and is just being fed to the seagulls and ravens
I did that countless times when I worked grocery and wanted free lunch[/QUOTE]
my dad was thinking about doing that since he was in a band with a few people at our local grocery store.
my mom said no because she thought there was some law against it. but if its legal then i dont see any problem with it, like you said all that food is edible, i dont think my family would be against it.
[editline]27th August 2011[/editline]
Wow it's weird how I go from typing properly to going back to
typing like this
and making random paragraphs for no reason.
I wonder why I do that.
Mind sending a link to the 3rd degree assault thread? I couldn't seem to find it.
Wow, that's really terrible.
Best of luck, not many can recover from something like this.
boy i'm exactly in your situation.
except i'm not a felon and i have bipolar 1.
go me!
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