"All across America, parents are mangling names to trumpet their kid’s individuality." - Polidicks

[url]http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/05/07/complaint-box-brittney-brittny-brittneigh/[/url] [release]I saw a birth announcement the other day and groaned. In recent years, I’d learned to accept the flood of trendy tots named Madison, but this was my first Madicyn. If you care about spelling, my advice is to pour yourself a stiff drink before untying that pink or blue ribbon and reading news of the blessed event. In a similar vein, leafing through the newspaper these days is like crawling through a minefield of makeshift names. An article will catch my eye — say, something about a tornado that just missed ripping through a preschool beauty pageant — and I dread what’s coming next. They’re going to interview the pint-size witnesses, and I’m about to meet little Brittney, Brittny, Brittneigh, Brit’nee, Brittani and Bryttney. If you absolutely have to name your child after a rugged French peninsula, then get out a dictionary and look it up. It’s Brittany. I have a major gripe with the trend of misspelling baby names. On purpose. The parents’ logic runs something like this: “My child is special and unique. Thus, my child deserves a special, uniquely spelled name.” The upshot is that Chloe becomes Kloey, and Jacqueline metastasizes into something ghastly, like Jaq’leen. It would be easy to blame this on celebrities, since there appears to be an unspoken contest among them to saddle children with awful names. Gwyneth Paltrow set the bar high when she named her daughter Apple, but not high enough. Reign Beau, daughter of Ving Rhames, and Vanilla Ice’s Dusti Rain and Keelee Breeze are way up there. For boys, could any name be worse than Bronx Mowgli, son of Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz? Perhaps Jermajesty Jackson? Not that this is just a Hollywood problem. All across America, parents are mangling names in a misguided mission to trumpet their kid’s individuality. Take the wildly popular name Chase, which is actually not a name at all, but something a dog does to its tail. It was annoying to begin with, but now it gets worse as it slowly mutates from Chase to Chace, and on to Chayce. If there were any truth to the idea that a particular name can guarantee a particular character trait for the child — or vice versa — most people would be named Vaguely Dissatisfied. Or Kinda Bitter. In my case, my parents could’ve just named me Unemployed and saved everybody a lot of trouble. Misspelling a child’s name won’t make Junior special, creative or unique. Y’s and I’s are not interchangeable, and apostrophes are not some sort of newfangled confetti to be sprinkled liberally throughout groups of letters. Parents shouldn’t impose cryptic, incoherent or foolish spellings on their own children, nor on society as a whole. And they shouldn’t condemn their children to a lifetime of bleakly repeating that, no, the name in question is spelled “Shaiyahne,” not “Cheyenne.” (And while I’m at it, don’t name your child Cheyenne, either.) The liberty to name one’s child is not always absolute, certainly not outside the United States. In France, for example, the district attorney has a short window of time after a child is born to block names contrary to the interest of the child, including those that are pejorative or rude or would cause ridicule. I’m not suggesting we commission a similar corps of name police in the United States. But I am saying that a little humility and some common sense would go a long way. [/release] I hate how people think they need ghetto names to be unique. Shit, name your kid something like Ulysses, Alistair, or Maximilian, and you have a unique name that is also completely fucking badass.

I hate 'unique' names. There's this girl in my homeroom class, her name is Calypso. I don't even need to explain her.

We have a kid at our school who is a ginger, named Ginger.

My English teacher want's us to all name our kids Maximus.

I want my child to be unique, I will name him 'Unique'.

Everyone's trying to be "individual" to avoid the bandwagon, but in a sense being an individual IS the bandwagon.

When will these fucking people learn that if you want to call your child something unique, choose a unique [B]name[/B] and [highlight]NOT[/highlight] a unique [B]spelling.[/B] Also, my high school chemistry teacher told us that his twin brother wants to name his child(ren) Stoneblade if male, Summersky Valentine if female, and Diamond Ice can go both ways.

Some spellings of names are just downright absurd. I sometimes hate my own name. Half the time people see my name on paper and have no idea how to pronounce it. It's not that hard, really. Just a different spelling of Erin.

Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii.

[QUOTE=stone555;21830498]I hate 'unique' names. There's this girl in my homeroom class, her name is Calypso. I don't even need to explain her.[/QUOTE] [img]http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_NUbPhaVyuGs/RlfhmR-BpQI/AAAAAAAAAp0/fjxx3LpxQ3E/s400/Pirates-+4.jpg[/img] What Iz Dizz.

I heard of a girl named Abcde. Pronounced "Ahb-so-dee". [editline]03:03AM[/editline] And when my Mom was a school nurse one of the children she cared for was named Conseguir la Pistola. That's "get the pistol" in Spanish. :colbert:

Track (b. 1989) Bristol (b. 1990) (son: Tripp) Willow (b. 1994) Piper (b. 2001) Trig (b. 2008) :confused:

[highlight][u][i]My post is unique see how much better it is?[/i][/u][/highlight] It's like spraying shit with air freshener, in this case the post

[QUOTE=laval;21830592]Track (b. 1989) Bristol (b. 1990) Willow (b. 1994) Piper (b. 2001) Trig (b. 2008) :confused:[/QUOTE] ..Why would you name your kid after a type of math?

[QUOTE=PrismatexV8;21830489] I hate how people think they need ghetto names to be unique. Shit, name your kid something like Ulysses, Alistair, or Maximilian, and you have a unique name that is also completely fucking badass.[/QUOTE] We had 4 Alistairs in my class. It's popular in this area of Scotland.

I remember reading about that one kid where they named him Justin and his last name was Tyme Justin Tyme born on the first hour of new years. (get it yet?)

There is an Indian friend I have who's name is Aakash (Which means Sky in Hindi)

[QUOTE=robowurmz;21830705]We had 4 Alistairs in my class. It's popular in this area of Scotland.[/QUOTE] Well, it's the Gaelic version of Alexander, so I'd expect it to be common in areas of Gaelic influence.

I'm gonna name my kid Cicero or Titus

Ugh, just use a normal name for your kid. He most probably isn't special and chances are he never will be more than "another of those 6 billion people". At the very least chose a proper rare name, not butcher a common one.

I agree entirely. [editline]04:29AM[/editline] I'll name my kid Zeus.

[img]http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/exploits_of_a_mom.png[/img] I'm sorry, it had to happen. Seriously though, any child is special to their parents, and if they don't want him be just like the other 6+ billion, then help him be better than them! Give him education, teach him to make his own decisions, etc etc.

[QUOTE=Panda X;21830804]I agree entirely. [editline]04:29AM[/editline] I'll name my kid Zeus.[/QUOTE] I'll name my kid Jupiter. :smug:

My last name is Bieber, so I think I will know what to name my son.

[QUOTE=CobraUnit;21830876]My last name is Bieber, so I think I will know what to name my son.[/QUOTE] Notthatfaggot?

[QUOTE=Nikita;21830847][img]http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/exploits_of_a_mom.png[/img] I'm sorry, it had to happen. Seriously though, any child is special to their parents, and if they don't want him be just like the other 6+ billion, then help him be better than them! Give him education, teach him to make his own decisions, etc etc.[/QUOTE] Randall Munroe seems to live in some bizarre fantasy world where programmers and IT people reproduce.

[QUOTE=laval;21830592]Track (b. 1989) Bristol (b. 1990) Willow (b. 1994) Piper (b. 2001) Trig (b. 2008) :confused:[/QUOTE] Sounds like when a round starts in Quake 3.

I'm naming my child Icarus.

Fuck that, there's this indian kid in my class named 'manmeet'.

I'd name my kid Ike after Eisenhower. That or Hiram after Hiram Maxim.