• A foreigner's guide to ENGLISH POLITICS
    142 replies, posted
Basically, England's political system is made up of several (nine) key parts: [img]http://www.independent.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00127/lupe_sanchez_127595t.jpg[/img] THE ENGLISH: The general population of England, THE ENGLISH are by and large a group of nitwits who have tricked Americans into thinking they are smart because of their accents. Common hobbies of THE ENGLISH include drinking bad beer and complaining that people mix up ENGLAND and GREAT BRITAIN. Little do they know, no one cares. [img]http://alexlarman.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/in-the-loop.jpg[/img] THE GOVERNMENT: These guys have a few different parties but Labour always wins so it doesn't matter. The government's job is to pass laws protecting MUSLIMS, install CAMERAS to spy on people, and keep THE BNP from being elected. [img]http://www.topnews.in/files/cctv.jpg[/img] CAMERAS: Robotic eyes that watch THE ENGLISH go about their lives. They are ostensibly operated by THE GOVERNMENT, but some believe the CAMERAS may have their own objectives. [img]http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00001/ed_imgQUESTION-TIME_1575a.jpg[/img] THE BBC: Although THE BBC is technically funded by THE GOVERNMENT, they spend most of their time reporting on things happening in countries that are more important than England, like America and Pakistan. They also make a lot of bad television shows, although sometimes they accidentally produce ones that are good, such as "Top Gear." [img]http://politicalscrapbook.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/daily_mail_asylum.jpg[/img] THE DAILY MAIL: Arch-nemesis of THE BBC, THE DAILY MAIL is a newspaper that teaches THE ENGLISH to be terrified of IMMIGRANTS and HOODIES. [img]http://www.theage.com.au/ffximage/2004/07/30/w317_wall_wideweb__430x296,1.jpg[/img] IMMIGRANTS: These are people who come to England in order to a) be lazy and b) steal British jobs. They are also often MUSLIMS. [img]http://islamfinland.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/muslimdm1511_468x310.jpg[/img] MUSLIMS: These are people who are faithful to the great and true religion of ISLAM. Their hobbies include being discriminated against, keeping to themselves, and beheading. [img]http://blogs.ballyfermot.ie/darrens/wp-content/blogs.dir/72/files/funny-pictures/lord-of-the-chavs-antichavism-79515_500_375.jpg[/img] HOODIES: These are young people who wear hooded sweatshirts. They are also known as "chavs" by THE ENGLISH. Their primary activities include being blamed for everything by THE DAILY MAIL, making grime music, being whined about by THE ENGLISH on the internet, and collecting welfare checks. [img]http://richardwillisuk.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/griffin.jpg[/img] THE BNP: A surprisingly popular English political party that believes that ugly fat white men with lazy eyes represent the genetic peak of human evolution. Often accuse THE GOVERNMENT, THE BBC, THE ENGLISH, IMMIGRANTS, and MUSLIMS of discriminating against them. Any questions?
This is hilarious. I lost it at the chav picture. The Daily Mail part is spot-on.
Wow, thanks for clearing that up.
Do they all like having tea and crumpets?
Rated Informative. But, I still think Americans are more stupid than Brits.
Why is your country an island. That is just novel.
Dear UK, Wtf happened?
I feel informed. and kind of glad I don't live in England.
I figure THE MUSLIMS are the THE ENGLISH's version of Mexicans. We had a similar problem over here in the states, but we just got over it. Prepare for national anthems and commercials in Arabic if they aren't already.
If it weren't obvious that the thread is just to stir, I would point out that we don't live in England, we live in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.
Bonus! [img]http://www.tpuc.org/files/image/police.jpg[/img] POLICE OFFICERS: The English police force is a group of men and women who are made to wear highlighter-yellow vests and not be allowed to have the cool things that police are supposed to have, like GUNS and SWEET CARS. They are largely incapable of hurting people, but every once in a while someone will fall down near a POLICE OFFICER and THE GOVERNMENT will take away their RADIOS and HANDCUFFS to prevent such abuses from occurring in the future. Analysts project that English Police will be unarmed and naked by 2015.
You need to write a history book in this style.
England is not all of the United Kingdom, FYI.
Where's the Aristocracy.
Bonus! [img]http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Qm2i8mXTjhs/Sg_A625fpYI/AAAAAAAABYk/wwQrcFPgBwQ/s400/20050620_ukip.jpg[/img] THE UKIP: THE UKIP is an extremist political party, similar to THE BNP. Their policy platform consists primarily of not being THE BNP, although conspiracy theories about a fictitious, all-powerful organization known only as "the EU" also play a part in their rhetoric.
[QUOTE=Roll_Program;21154766]England is not all of the United Kingdom, FYI.[/QUOTE] yeah but it's the only one that really does anything
Lolled at the security camera section. People outside the UK really do shit their pants about that.
Bonus! [img]http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/09/03/article-1052085-0053DDA400000258-366_233x360.jpg[/img] THE IRA: A civil rights group dedicated to putting to rest the vicious stereotype that only MUSLIMS can be psychotic terrorists. THE IRA operates in a part of England so contentious that many of THE ENGLISH will claim it's not part of England at all.
Wait am I not allowed to wear a hoodie in England, with being dubbed a chav?
[QUOTE=Sigma-Lambda;21154829]yeah but it's the only one that really does anything[/QUOTE] ummmm...
[QUOTE=TH89;21154947]Bonus! [img]http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/09/03/article-1052085-0053DDA400000258-366_233x360.jpg[/img] THE IRA: A civil rights group dedicated to putting to rest the vicious stereotype that only MUSLIMS can be psychotic terrorists. THE IRA operates in a part of England so contentious that many of THE ENGLISH will claim it's not part of England at all.[/QUOTE] You need to make a distinction between the different IRAs. The Old IRA, anti-treaty IRA, PIRA, RIRA, OIRA, and CIRA are all significantly different. Protip: The RIRA, OIRA, and CIRA are the dicks. Oh, and you're right - Northern Ireland isn't a part of the UK - it's part of the Republic of Ireland.
I feel informed and knowledgeable now.
Don't forget that the UK government is also responsible for the security of the entire world! [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iPaiylUYW0[/media]
[QUOTE=TH89;21154947]THE IRA operates in a part of England so contentious that many of THE ENGLISH will claim it's not part of England at all.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=PrismatexV8;21155058]Oh, and you're right - Northern Ireland isn't a part of the UK - it's part of the Republic of Ireland.[/QUOTE] See?
[IMG]http://paxarcana.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/british_gentry.jpg[/IMG] I thought this was a normal citizen of Great Britain.
TH89, you have taught me something useful once more. A informative is you.
[QUOTE=mbutler2;21154556]Rated Informative. But, I still think Americans are more stupid than Brits.[/QUOTE] "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."
This is hilarious. Thank you for the info :love:
Is that bad-teeth thing nonexistent these days or what's the deal with that? Break it down for me - fifty words or less, thank you.
[QUOTE=ghosevil;21155301]Is that bad-teeth thing nonexistent these days or what's the deal with that? Break it down for me - fifty words or less, thank you.[/QUOTE] Brits have the fewest cavities per capita in the world.
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