Dark Secrets (TF Series) - General

I've been recently writing a short story series on deviantART with a focus on TF elements. The parts are here (I will keep updating as I do more Prologue - [URL="http://raptorboy98.deviantart.com/art/Dark-Secrets-Prologue-343930935"]http://raptorboy98.deviantart.com/art/Dark-Secrets-Prologue-343930935[/URL] Chapter 1 - [URL="http://raptorboy98.deviantart.com/art/Dark-Secrets-Chapter-1-347784349"]http://raptorboy98.deviantart.com/art/Dark-Secrets-Chapter-1-347784349[/URL] Thanks for reading...

Furry transformation short-stories. Great. You couldn't have missed more on your audience, man.

I expected TF to stand for Team Fortress. :(

[QUOTE=Mikkelmann;40012083]Furry transformation short-stories. Great. You couldn't have missed more on your audience, man.[/QUOTE] Thanks. [editline]24th March 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=Kahgarak;40012212]I expected TF to stand for Team Fortress. :([/QUOTE] Haha, I should have expected that in a place like here. It means 'transformation' in this context.

Hey, I understand that you're delving into the magical world of creative writing, and that you're 14-15 years old, but you really need to realize that your writing stuff that is VERY reader specific. No one that I know here will enjoy your stories because it [I]screams[/I] fetish. What you need to do is look at your audience, and then realize you're writing and posting to the wrong people. To be quite honest, your writing is quite bland and tasteless, and I couldn't get past the first few lines without throwing up a little bit in my mouth. You really need to start generalizing your writing at first. Get a good idea of what you want to write, none of this fetish crap, and write stuff that the masses will enjoy. Creative writing is expected to tell a story, or to give ideals/meanings to the reader. It's most effective that way. Your writing is comparable to extremely bad fan-fiction, which lacks taste or any sense of originality. I know I'm being a bit harsh, but your writing is outright bad and weird.

[QUOTE=Eyefunk;40030060]Hey, I understand that you're delving into the magical world of creative writing, and that you're 14-15 years old, but you really need to realize that your writing stuff that is VERY reader specific. No one that I know here will enjoy your stories because it [I]screams[/I] fetish. What you need to do is look at your audience, and then realize you're writing and posting to the wrong people. To be quite honest, your writing is quite bland and tasteless, and I couldn't get past the first few lines without throwing up a little bit in my mouth. You really need to start generalizing your writing at first. Get a good idea of what you want to write, none of this fetish crap, and write stuff that the masses will enjoy. Creative writing is expected to tell a story, or to give ideals/meanings to the reader. It's most effective that way. Your writing is comparable to extremely bad fan-fiction, which lacks taste or any sense of originality. I know I'm being a bit harsh, but your writing is outright bad and weird.[/QUOTE] I'm sorry? I'm not writing for a competition. I write because it helps me in attitude. And also, it's not like I'm the only one who likes them - explain the four favourites in total and all positive comments. And also, I'v never had any truly negative criticism, only small bits that are CONSTRUCTIVE. Also, it's an interest, not a fetish. Stop hating on other people's likes and dislikes, that'll never get you anywhere.

[QUOTE=someonecrap;40045925]I'm sorry? I'm not writing for a competition. I write because it helps me in attitude. And also, it's not like I'm the only one who likes them - explain the four favourites in total and all positive comments. And also, I'v never had any truly negative criticism, only small bits that are CONSTRUCTIVE. Also, it's an interest, not a fetish. Stop hating on other people's likes and dislikes, that'll never get you anywhere.[/QUOTE] Neither will rejecting actual criticism and letting blind praise go to your head.

[QUOTE=Reno360;40049973]Neither will rejecting actual criticism and letting blind praise go to your head.[/QUOTE] I'll take criticism for language, pacing, grammar or detail, but the subject is up to me. How can you even call it your story or enjoy reading it if the subject is dictated by someone else?

[QUOTE=someonecrap;40050221]I'll take criticism for language, pacing, grammar or detail, but the subject is up to me. How can you even call it your story or enjoy reading it if the subject is dictated by someone else?[/QUOTE] While I will agree that your writing should be on a subject you enjoy, it should also be enjoyable to a wider audience. Take for example the Animorphs series. It covers a subject similar to yours and was published and read by millions. Your writing was very dry, it was a struggle to make it through the first part. You had a few good descriptions but that's about it. Also, this was a personal qualm but I figured I would mention it anyway, why not write your stories in the structure of a book? You know, with paragraphs and the like? The broken up style you have everything laid out is really disrupting to any sort of flow you would have going on. And finally something that may seem like a personal attack but I mean it in the most helpful way possible, Razerfang is so cliche I cringed when I read it. Try to come up with a better name. [editline]26th March 2013[/editline] I'm only telling you this in hopes that you will not be like the majority of deviantart. If you choose to listen to helpful critiques and improve in your writing, then good on ya. You are now a part of a pleasant minority. However, if you choose to shut out criticism and embrace the praise of blind masses, then I have wasted my time and you are wasting your existence.

[QUOTE=someonecrap;40045925]I'm sorry? I'm not writing for a competition. I write because it helps me in attitude. And also, it's not like I'm the only one who likes them - explain the four favourites in total and all positive comments. And also, I'v never had any truly negative criticism, only small bits that are CONSTRUCTIVE. Also, it's an interest, not a fetish. Stop hating on other people's likes and dislikes, that'll never get you anywhere.[/QUOTE] Well, the reason I brought up the subject is because you posted it here on Facepunch. There aren't many people here who enjoy what you are writing, since the community isn't based around that. Your statement about you being the only one who likes the type of story is kind of invalid, since that was posted on a forum that revolves around this kind of style. I'm talking about Facepunch's community, not your Deviant Art buddies. My criticism was negative due to the position you put yourself into, and for that I am a bit sorry. I did come off a bit rude, and I truly apologize for that, but you really need to understand the difference of audience. Also, it is more of a fetish if most if not all of your work is based around it. Fetish was probably not the right word to use, but more of a cognitive obsession or critical hobby. What I'm really trying to propose to you is to expand on your creative writing and understand that not all writing lies within your interests. You may surprise yourself if you try other things! Also, I read your blog post on Deviant Art. I was not trying to flame you, but give you sort of an intervention of your actions. I'm sorry if I have offended you, but sometimes the offensive can help form a truth within. [QUOTE=Reno360;40050458]I'm only telling you this in hopes that you will not be like the majority of deviantart. If you choose to listen to helpful critiques and improve in your writing, then good on ya. You are now a part of a pleasant minority. However, if you choose to shut out criticism and embrace the praise of blind masses, then I have wasted my time and you are wasting your existence.[/QUOTE] This was my exact intent, but I did not give criticism off in a formable fashion. Hopefully more fellows like Reno360 on Facepunch can help you.

Really not a very good story. You repeat yourself in the opening sentence (I know that's intentional, but it doesn't work), and there's no internal reality to the story - characters can live and die and survive just because the plot needs them. If you wanted to fix this, the first thing I'd do is I'd lose the first person perspective. That's a cop out that a lot of burgeoning writers like to use to discard important rules of writing, but until you actually understand those rules, you won't be able to break them. [editline]27th March 2013[/editline] Okay, better criticism cause that was kinda bullshit: Kid, you got taste. You know what you like in a story, and you try to relay it. You have imagination and a sense of wit, and best of all [I]you're not writing fanfiction.[/I] That puts you a step above most other people. The only problem is in your writing I see a lot of apologizing for the odd factors. You can't ever stop the narrative to say "OMFG GUIZE LOOK HOW AWESOME THIS WEREWOLF SHIT IS". We know that's going to happen, it's not a shocking or scary thing to us. Show us [I]what that means[/I], instead. And as for what the earlier poster said, don't cut out the "furry fetish crap"- if that's what you like, then write it. The only thing is you must FUCKING OWN IT - don't give me suspense or make me linger longer than I have to. If you want to write gore-filled furry porn, then write it goddammit. Run with it further than you think you have to. Hope that helps.

[QUOTE=Reno360;40050458]While I will agree that your writing should be on a subject you enjoy, it should also be enjoyable to a wider audience. Take for example the Animorphs series. It covers a subject similar to yours and was published and read by millions. Your writing was very dry, it was a struggle to make it through the first part. You had a few good descriptions but that's about it. Also, this was a personal qualm but I figured I would mention it anyway, why not write your stories in the structure of a book? You know, with paragraphs and the like? The broken up style you have everything laid out is really disrupting to any sort of flow you would have going on. And finally something that may seem like a personal attack but I mean it in the most helpful way possible, Razerfang is so cliche I cringed when I read it. Try to come up with a better name. [editline]26th March 2013[/editline] I'm only telling you this in hopes that you will not be like the majority of deviantart. If you choose to listen to helpful critiques and improve in your writing, then good on ya. You are now a part of a pleasant minority. However, if you choose to shut out criticism and embrace the praise of blind masses, then I have wasted my time and you are wasting your existence.[/QUOTE] Yeah, also I was writing it for a fairly specific group anyway, so I was a bit restricted in content. [editline]27th March 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=Eyefunk;40050667]Well, the reason I brought up the subject is because you posted it here on Facepunch. There aren't many people here who enjoy what you are writing, since the community isn't based around that. Your statement about you being the only one who likes the type of story is kind of invalid, since that was posted on a forum that revolves around this kind of style. I'm talking about Facepunch's community, not your Deviant Art buddies. My criticism was negative due to the position you put yourself into, and for that I am a bit sorry. I did come off a bit rude, and I truly apologize for that, but you really need to understand the difference of audience. Also, it is more of a fetish if most if not all of your work is based around it. Fetish was probably not the right word to use, but more of a cognitive obsession or critical hobby. What I'm really trying to propose to you is to expand on your creative writing and understand that not all writing lies within your interests. You may surprise yourself if you try other things! Also, I read your blog post on Deviant Art. I was not trying to flame you, but give you sort of an intervention of your actions. I'm sorry if I have offended you, but sometimes the offensive can help form a truth within. This was my exact intent, but I did not give criticism off in a formable fashion. Hopefully more fellows like Reno360 on Facepunch can help you.[/QUOTE] Thanks for the feedback, but I also forgot to mention that I was writing for a group, so I was a bit restricted. Also, if you wouldn't mind, see my other stories and pics. I do varied stuff. I'll agre a lot of them and transformation, but even a couple of those are requested to guidelines by people. The othrs on other subjects, one ([url]http://raptorboy98.deviantart.com/art/A-Plan-Gone-Wrong-Part-1-251383517[/url]) isn't related to TF at all. And alright, I'l take criticism. [editline]27th March 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=tharmas;40051950]Really not a very good story. You repeat yourself in the opening sentence (I know that's intentional, but it doesn't work), and there's no internal reality to the story - characters can live and die and survive just because the plot needs them. If you wanted to fix this, the first thing I'd do is I'd lose the first person perspective. That's a cop out that a lot of burgeoning writers like to use to discard important rules of writing, but until you actually understand those rules, you won't be able to break them. [editline]27th March 2013[/editline] Okay, better criticism cause that was kinda bullshit: Kid, you got taste. You know what you like in a story, and you try to relay it. You have imagination and a sense of wit, and best of all [I]you're not writing fanfiction.[/I] That puts you a step above most other people. The only problem is in your writing I see a lot of apologizing for the odd factors. You can't ever stop the narrative to say "OMFG GUIZE LOOK HOW AWESOME THIS WEREWOLF SHIT IS". We know that's going to happen, it's not a shocking or scary thing to us. Show us [I]what that means[/I], instead. And as for what the earlier poster said, don't cut out the "furry fetish crap"- if that's what you like, then write it. The only thing is you must FUCKING OWN IT - don't give me suspense or make me linger longer than I have to. If you want to write gore-filled furry porn, then write it goddammit. Run with it further than you think you have to. Hope that helps.[/QUOTE] Thanks for the feedback, but I'm not a furry. What I'm writing is simply around an OC, for a group, which I had guidelines for. If you check the rest of my gallery, you'll see I do other stuff.

i cant wait for the love scene. very good stuff, keep going man!

[QUOTE=twofish;40103809]i cant wait for the love scene. very good stuff, keep going man![/QUOTE] Love scene? :pwn: