There's something inside my roof, what the tinkle berries can I do?! - General

So I'm enjoying some delicious Xtreemo Citrus Cooler flavored Gatorade and some crispy Triscuits while recovering energy from my latest fap fury when I noticed an unusual sound reminating from above me. It's past 1:00am and I have no idea where the interior-roof access is in my house because I don't stare at the ceiling very often. I can't go rummaging through the house in my ginchies at this time because I don't wish to wake my slumbering family with my bad gas (It must have been the cheeseburger flavored hotpockets). After-all, I don't think I'd want to peek my head up to see a wild willy wacker gleaming at me with ravaging eyeballs at this time of night anyways. I decided to come to Facepunch for advice on what I can do to ease my mind for the night and tips on what I can do tomorrow morning to find out what this nut snatcher wants. I'm limited on time as it gets quite hot down here in the tropics and this creature is sure to be a rotting corpse in no time. I'd prefer not to have to cops coming around asking me what that smell is again. Thanks in advanced. [editline]4th June 2012[/editline] Also, tips on how to reduce bad bowel gas would be appreciated, but is not necessary to the goal of the night.

It's a ghost. Your house is haunted and the ghost got angry at your fapping, because it is a sexually repressed Victorian-era ghost who thinks such things are ungentlemanly. You're going to die in a horrible, unimaginably painful way-[I]ghost murder.[/I] It might also be a hobo. A [I]sexually repressed Victorian-era[/I] hobo.

In addition, the ghost finds your gas offensive, and will find an ironic gas-themed way of killing you.

Dang nabbit fellas, I need an ultimate solution to my roof dwelling enemy. It could be a flapping flapjack up there for all I care, I just want a adequate resolve.

Print off a picture of a ouija board and make a pointer thingy, then contact the ghosts and tell them to post in this thread!!!

Smoke it out with your gas, just make sure it doesn't get into any of the vents.

I've already blasted off most of my shit trumpets, I'd have to eat another cheese and meat filled product. That's besides the point though, I don't know how to deal with trapped ravages on my own. I need solutions my brethren!

Try throw a ton of mouse traps up there and wait till mornin'. If you hear a snap then silence then job well done.

[QUOTE=Tarzy;36191189]I've already blasted off most of my shit trumpets, I'd have to eat another cheese and meat filled product. That's besides the point though, I don't know how to deal with trapped ravages on my own. I need solutions my brethren![/QUOTE] [IMG]http://www.neatorama.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/Ghostbusters-500x459.jpg[/IMG] Really, this whole situation is just proving that literally any situation can be solved by Bill Murray.

Tell another family member there is a piece of marsipan for them up there.

[QUOTE=pansarkurt;36193634]Tell another family member there is a piece of marsipan for them up there.[/QUOTE] Nobody would fall for that, marsipan is disgusting.

Throw a cat into your attic to thoroughly regulate the traffic of ceiling intruders.

This qualifies for best thread of eternity. I can sense it.

^, ^, v, v, <, >, <, >, B, A

this should calm your nerves [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_UxLEqd074[/media]

It's probably just your house settling.

Okay, so what you have to do is get to the ladder leading up to your attic, assuming you have one. Any other access hatch will do, though. Then, lob a few grenades in. Once they've gone off, take a flamethrower and blast whatever remnants there may be. If your attic collapses on top of you, just know that whatever's up there dies with you.

This same thing happened to me once. It turned out to be a mouse that starved to death in the attic just over my room. What happened was the mouse attracted maggots, who then slipped through the perforations in the attic floor... directly onto my bed. During the night. Waking up, literally covered in fucking maggots isn't the funnest thing. Go investigate, OP.

I can't wait for the OP to say what it was.

just knock on the ceiling a couple times he'll get the message

My advice? Lock and load. [IMG]http://www.insidesocal.com/sgvgov/the-terminator-1-1024.jpg[/IMG] let's 2nd amendment this problem!

Call the police, and light off a firecracker when they are asking what the disturbance is, when they show up and break down the door, point at the roof completely stunned! Pip pip!

Night number 2: I haven't heard any rustling in the steamy confinements of my ceiling as of yet, but the night is young. I have my ears wide and my nose ready. I informed other family members earlier today but they didn't seem to have anything important to add to the situation other than "Hm". This is a serious situation, I don't understand why people are brushing it off. Like that guy a few posts above said; I could have maggots attacking me in my sleep through my ceiling, damnit! I believe the ceiling access is within the master bedroom, upon being home alone tomorrow evening I dress in appropriate attire and attempt an investigation.

Oh man! The suspense is killing me!

[QUOTE=Tarzy;36203937]upon being home alone tomorrow evening I dress in appropriate attire and attempt an investigation.[/QUOTE] This sounds like the beginning to an autoerotic fanfiction written by someone with an inspector fetish.

the wild willy wacker prolly wacked him silly with his willy :(

[QUOTE=Enaicavor;36207714]the wild willy wacker prolly wacked him silly with his willy :([/QUOTE] dr seuss' witness testimony for a rape case

Go up into your attic and kill whatever it is with your bare hands like a real man.

I'm afraid you have a portal to another world in your attic, and demons are coming through it. And having parties. Have you heard any Judas Priest music being blasted up there? Or any Ozzy Osbourne? If so, stay calm. Just get a fire hose and a shitload of holy water and blast it up there. Also recommended to throw like, 50 crucifixes up there, just to be safe. Sure, you'll have a wet, soaking attic with crucifixes all over, and your ceiling might rot out, but no more demons!

thread reminds me of this [img]http://i.imgur.com/EyGKQ.gif[/img]