• Asking for advice. Losing close ones.
    2 replies, posted
Hello Facepunch, I don't post here often apart like two threads, but lately I have nowhere to lay things off my chest and maybe ask for advice. I've been hit by some troubles lately and I just don't know how to cope with them. I've tried many things, perhaps what mattered the most was spending more time with my relatives and family. I am limited though, there are drunks in my family that are just wrecks that would take you with them if they could. Refusal of professional help exists too. I have relatives outside the country I live in, they moved out and started a new life, I only talk to them over the internet rarely. There are some that wont contact nor even try to seem interested in keeping contact, and when they do get in touch, they are literally forced to due to some circumstances. Anyway, enough about that. There is one particular thing why I decided to make a thread and that is that my grandpa had a pre-stroke few days ago which was really bad. He lost his ability of speech, he does not understand that he did. He cannot walk anymore. He could barely before the incident and he was not always clear about what he wants to say when he was in his normal condition. I fear that he will spend the rest of his life in bed, oftenly without being able to communicate. All of this makes me extremely sad, I just do not know how to react. I never had a close relative die. When I was young some did, but they were distant and I was young, really young so I didn't really understand too well what was happening around. I started to take a lot of time to fall asleep even if it has been a few days, when I get up I do not think about how I will spend my day, all my thoughts are something like "shit is this actually happening!?'. Probably the worst thing out of all this is that I feel sad for my grandfather the least. As cold as it sounds, I fear for myself, he has been like a father to me since my parents divorced when I was young, so he helped me a lot. We spent a lot of time together back in the days. I haven't visited him much during the past few years, I am starting to feel like the worst grandkid to be ever had, I just simply don't know how to handle all this. The saddest part is that whenever I think what my mother and my grandmother are going through, I fucking tear up myself. I haven't been the best son, that's for sure, but I tried, and I am still trying. I have begun to understand how much of my mom's life has been an actual sacrifice. She has never been on a proper vacation since like her 30s. She has been cleaning the house and working the garden's of my grandparents for a really long time, all that stuff, on top of that helping to pay for studies for my brother, and now me that I am going to uni next year. I help as much as I can, but it is not enough, or so I think. So yeah... There has been a lot of silence in my home, my brother is in Sweden, my mom looks really sad when she gets back. I don't want to spark any bad moments so I avoid too much contact. I am trying to show her I care. My grandmother is an energetic old angry woman, the typical granny eh? Well I haven't seen her since few weeks ago. I heard she was crying a lot, now it may seem obvious that a person is crying over his husband/wife whom he lived with for a long time, but I've never seen my grandmother cry or be seriously all out sad. I'm just in a dark place and I just can't imagine what they both are going through. So what I want to do is do my best to show I care and that I feel for them and am there for them whenever they need me, I want to do that, yet I am not able to. I just don't know how to spark the conversation or just slip the right idea. I think I might do that when it's simply too late. I am realising I haven't been valuing their existence enough. If I lose my grandfather, it will devastate me for a long time. My grandmother has a weak heart, she might have a hard time to handle everything. I am also having some health problems, but I'm trying to not let them get into the way of all this emotional situation. So I ask you guys for advice, how to deal with all this? I have no experience, I have no one to talk to because my mother is as sad and I know that deep inside, she is going to be broken soon, I don't want to worsen things. My brother is far away I can't talk to him heart-to-heart either, internet doesn't do me justice, it wouldn't work. Thanks. And sorry for any grammar mistakes I have made and all that.
home-baked goods in wrapped up little baskets
I guess you could just spend some time with your grandfather and maybe visit your grandmother just to see how she is?
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