I was just involved in a love triangle... and I am absolutely crushed to hell and back when the trut - General

I met a girl about two weeks ago over the weekend at my fire station. We hit it off really well and ended up having everything in common. It was ridiculous how much in common we had and how much we connected. On Sunday, I asked her for a ride to my car, which was parked somewhere else. She told me she would, but first needed to pick up some stuff from her house before she goes on a trip to the beach. Sure, why not. So we get to her house, and we talk more. One thing leads to another and we hook up... as in all the way. Before we do so, she mentions she has a boyfriend, but "it's ok because they're in an open relationship." Whatever... I was too horny to think too much about it. Well, after that, we talk more, and then it's time to go. She drives me to my car. Whatev. She goes to the beach with her friends and her BF, and during this time, we're texting. The more we talk, the more I fall for her. It is ridiculous how much we have in common. Like as we were hooking up, we were making nerdy jokes, science and video game references, and so on. It's crazy... So she gets back, and we hang out today. We went to see a movie, and went back to her place. We made out for a bit and talked a bunch more before she had to go to her BF's. I drive home. I then tell her how I felt, and she tells me how bad she feels that I ended up falling for her and that it wasn't supposed to happen. Hell, I wasn't planning on falling for her either, but shit happens. Anyways, we talk about it, get some emotions out, and she goes idle. She comes back on about an hour later and says a few things and then asks, "So you really meant everything you said about how good the sex was?" to which I respond with a solid yes, among a few other things. Well, she turns out to be he... as in her boyfriend and responded with, "Good to know. This is her boyfriend. Hi. I devoted two and a half years to her. She cheated on me with you? Fucking pathetic. Later, dude. This is all saved online." Yeah... kind of like that. I tried calling, only for him to answer and say something very vague...I have no idea what the fuck it meant... I called back again like 40 minutes later, only for the phone to be answered and then hung up... I then go back, check her fb and notice that her bf is well no longer listed as her bf. Now here I lay, typing this, broken hearted and extremely confused. I have no idea what the fuck to think about this any more... [B]TL:DR[/B]: I met a girl and we ended up hooking up. She told me she was in an "open relationship" but she lied just to get with me. The more we talked, the more I liked her. I eventually told her, but her boyfriend of two and a half years found out and broke up with her. She is devastated and I am pretty crushed myself because of how she feels. [B]EDIT:[/B] I checked my facebook today and saw she blocked me. A friend suggested she just doesn't want to see me or think about me because "she's sees you as a giant mistake and every time she sees you on fb, she's reminded of her giant fuck-up." As far as age goes, she is 19, I'm 21, and I have no idea how old the ex is. I just feel like shit all around because I know that I have a lot of fault in this, and I should have never messaged the guy, never hooked up with her... Whatever. I can't even rationalize my actions... to me they felt like the right thing to do (mostly because I was drinking all of last night, but that's a lame excuse), but also I guess that my actions were not rational at all... they were strictly emotional... Case closed I suppose. Nothing much else to do. Thanks for all the feedback...sometimes the truth is just hard to hear...well read in this case.

Welcome to General Discussions. You're in the right subforum, but you've made a thread for something that could [b] easily [/b] fit into two other threads in this subforum. You'd better snip this before you get bann'd for blogging.

[QUOTE=ewitwins;36128187]Welcome to General Discussions. You're in the right subforum, but you've made a thread for something that could [b] easily [/b] fit into two other threads in this subforum. You'd better snip this before you get bann'd for blogging.[/QUOTE] I absolutely HATE megathreads. It's impossible to get sound advice when no one even sees your post.

[QUOTE=Master Kief-117;36128194]I absolutely HATE megathreads. It's impossible to get sound advice when no one even sees your post.[/QUOTE] In that case, you may as well post in Fast Threads. However, the two relationship megathreads that we have here in GD are usually [b]very[/b] good at garnishing support and suggestions, so you may as well give it a shot. I'm serious about snipping this and requesting a thread close though, I've seen people banned for less when it comes to "bloggery".

Just curious, why were you trying to hook up with her knowing she already had a boyfriend? Why would you be heart broken when you knew she was clearly cheating on her boy friend for you? It just seems so backward.

get drunk fight the dude and fuck the girl again tru advice~

I messaged the "ex" on facebook with the following, [quote]Hey. I want to tell it to you how it is. I feel extremely bad. I really do. I honestly didn't know the scope of everything, but here's the gist. I'm going to be extremely honest with you in hopes you can forgive Kate. She really really does love you. She told me you both were in an open relationship. She said she loved you a lot and could see you both being together for the rest of her life. We only hung out twice, but both of those times she would always mention how much she cared about you and how much she loved you. She was just confused, however, about having such feelings at a young age. She really wanted to commit, but she didn't know how. When I met her, I kind of clicked with her. Never have I met someone on the same intellectual level as she is. I don't exactly know why she was interested in me, but she was. Well, one thing did lead to another, and as the phrase goes, "shit happens." Sorry that it happened. I can't take it back and nor can she. You can, however, try to forgive her. I can't imagine how bad you must feel... betrayal after over two and a half years of something good, going to shit in a matter of seconds. However, it doesn't have to end that way. Everyone makes mistakes. It's a part of being human. It really is. You cannot let all the good memories of you both being together be tarnished by the split second impulse of a single act. She even made it clear that that there was no emotional interest in me. I know that whole thing, "once a cheater, always a cheater" is always said, but when looking at it from another angle, it doesn't always hold water. As said before, people make stupid mistakes and it's all part of the whole learning experience. With every mistake one makes, they become a stronger person both mentally and emotionally. Today when we hung out, I promise you that nothing happened. In fact, she kept mentioning how she couldn't wait to go and see you so you both could spend the night together. I asked when she'd be free next, but she had you booked far into the future. If that's not love, I don't know what is. But in all seriousness, I really really, really really, really...(ad nauseum)... think you should give Kate another chance. She really loves you. If it means that I stay out of her life, then so be it. I will vanish forever, never to be heard from again by the two of you. I cannot let three people feel like shit over a stupid impulse.[/quote] I really hope that this can be fixed. This whole situation is FUBAR... it is a nightmare. I wish my hair was longer so I could pull it out...

Heartbroken? Her boyfriend found out about you and broke up with her, and you're heartbroken? It's not like her ex is going to forbid you two from seeing eachother. Also you're way too emotionally attached to a girl you've only recently just met.

[QUOTE=ewitwins;36128187]Welcome to General Discussions. You're in the right subforum, but you've made a thread for something that could [b] easily [/b] fit into two other threads in this subforum. You'd better snip this before you get bann'd for blogging.[/QUOTE] guy is feeling like shit and you choose to correct his thread placement? come on. [QUOTE=Lol-Nade;36128349]Heartbroken? Her boyfriend found out about you and broke up with her, and you're heartbroken? It's not like her ex is going to forbid you two from seeing eachother. Also you're way too emotionally attached to a girl you've only recently just met.[/QUOTE] don't think that it's so much that he's totally heart broken that he isn't gonna spend time with this girl anymore (correct me if i'm wrong) but more that he fucked up their relationship (that of the boyfriend and the girl) and was, as he noted, in a love triangle without realizing. @OP sorry man. don't know what else to say other than that sucks, but you've done a good thing with your message to the boyfriend on facebook.

[QUOTE=Xed;36128444]guy is feeling like shit and you choose to correct his thread placement? come on. don't think that it's so much that he's totally heart broken that he isn't gonna spend time with this girl anymore (correct me if i'm wrong) but more that he fucked up their relationship (that of the boyfriend and the girl) and was, as he noted, in a love triangle without realizing. @OP sorry man. don't know what else to say other than that sucks, but you've done a good thing with your message to the boyfriend on facebook.[/QUOTE] Thanks for your support. You pretty much hit the nail on the head. In some way or another, the whole, "open relationship" thing seemed really sketchy the whole time...part of me almost knew she was cheating, but the rest of me wanted to deny it. I wanted to see more of her, and holy fuck, the sex was amazing...plus she could give head better than a fat person could eat McDonald's. In other words, I kind of feel pretty guilty myself for not pushing to learn more about the whole, "open relationship thing..." Plus, she was smarter than me, extremely creative, and highly convincing.

You come to FP for love advice? That in itself is humor.

Sit down and watch Casablanca?

obviously if she was cheating her relationship probably wasn't all that healthy to begin with.

[QUOTE=sam6420;36128548]They're broken up! Why are you heart broken?! Go for that shit![/QUOTE] [quote=Her]But I'm the biggest fucking idiot in the world, and I lost him. I don't fucking care about anything in this world but him. Facebook, I cheated on the most wonderful, perfect, brilliant and handsome man in the world. I had every intention and every want to marry this man. I wanted to, and still want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I fucked that up. I lost everything. Because of one really fucking stupid mistake. I deserve every little bit of this and more. I love him more than anything. And I will never make this mistake ever fucking again.[/quote] [quote=Her]So *Ex's name*, if you are reading this. I love you more than anything in the world and I'm going to miss you even more. Just know that if I ever got a second chance, I would not fuck it up ever again.[/quote] [quote=Her]Nothing I do will justify this. I want a second chance so badly and I wouldn't fuck it up... I've been sitting in his driveway for almost 2 hours waiting for something but i know hes not coming out. This is the only hope I have for him seeing anything I have to say. I know that I've lost him forever but Im not going to fucking leave until the cops show up or he points a gun to my head.[/quote] Uhmmm... how about no? She's in love with him. She told me while they were together and he was none-the-wiser. I rather they both reconcile and get back together, and hopefully get married like she dreamed of. That will make me happier than anything else at this moment.

She just might be a player my man. She sounds like a great girl but if she was willing to go all out for you like that, you might not have been the first. I'm impressed that you messaged the boyfriend though. That takes guts and humility, and if I were him I would probably take you and your plea seriously. I hope your shit turns out. Edit: Well, I guess I was wrong on the first account. I think he'll come around.

this is why you talk to people in person about your feelings and shit

Ugh, I hate talking to people via Facebook and text for this very reason. It is so much more difficult to see if they're being genuine or not.

You're a fireman?

You are backwards for simply even considering having relations with the girl, let alone actually going through with it, when you did know that she was in a relationship. Anyone who would willingly put themselves into a triangle like this deserves whatever negative feelings they get from it.

[QUOTE=U.S.S.R;36128714]You are backwards for simply even considering having relations with the girl, let alone actually going through with it, when you did know that she was in a relationship. Anyone who would willingly put themselves into a triangle like this deserves whatever negative feelings they get from it.[/QUOTE] It's not easy to stop liking a girl, even if she had a boyfriend and still put out for you

You scored a girlfriend by stealing someone elses. Congratulations, you've become an asshole unintentionally. Enjoy your new esteemed title. :golfclap:

So did you hit that or not?

[quote]she mentions she has a boyfriend, but "it's ok because they're in an open relationship." [/quote] here's some good advice for you and i think considering how your dick seems to take precedence over your brain you'd do well to take it. NEVER EVER EVER BELIEVE ANYONE IS IN AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP UNTIL YOU MEET THE PERSON THEY HAVE THE RELATIONSHIP WITH. though it might sound weird meeting a person who is in a relationship with the person you're trying to screw, that is how you prevent being an idiot and screwing over someone else. though he should feel better because he broke off with a CPOS.

You did wrong in believing the open relation bullshit and she did wrong by doing so too. You both fucked up. It all really depends on her now. Either she likes you more than him and you get with her or she doesn't. [editline]30th May 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=Lol-Nade;36128759]It's not easy to stop liking a girl, even if she had a boyfriend and still put out for you[/QUOTE] Yes and it's not easy to grow up and take a job and responsibility, point is: Easy or not you have to do it. [editline]30th May 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=Master Kief-117;36128599]Uhmmm... how about no? She's in love with him. She told me while they were together and he was none-the-wiser. I rather they both reconcile and get back together, and hopefully get married like she dreamed of. That will make me happier than anything else at this moment.[/QUOTE] No it will not. Only someone who is content with himself can truly love someone else and if you believe in the "sacrifice myself for the one I love " stuff you really need to think about what love is and how someone truly can be loved or give love. At the moment you are telling yourself "she is more important to me than myself" and you enjoy laying and swimming in your self-pitty, being the sad hero, the poor martyr. In a few years you'll realize how stupid and pointless that is. I've been through it. Wasted time. No regrets but still, wasted time. I learned from my mistakes and so should you.

Fucking hell OP have some respect for yourself, you don't go around knowingly banging some girl, that you KNOW shes got a boyfriend. The fuck is wrong with you.

This isn't surprising. When I get into a relationship I assume and do the following: A) There is a fifty/fifty chance she will cheat on you. B) Don't take it seriously because you'll be lucky if it lasts more than a month. C) Lowers your general expectations because they'll positively break them at some point.

[QUOTE=Lol-Nade;36128759]It's not easy to stop liking a girl, even if she had a boyfriend and still put out for you[/QUOTE] If that is true, I must be among the minority with any self control or restraint. I'd normally pass over any thread with inflammatory content like this, although simply hearing about something this absurd and idiotic has provoked me. The Original Poster should have never made an attempt to hold together an 'open' relationship in the first place, let alone stay with the woman even after it was clear to him that she wasn't in a truly open relationship at all. And the woman at the center of the triangle should simply be shunned and forgotten by both of the men, she really does sound like a shallow harlot to me.

[QUOTE=U.S.S.R;36129270]If that is true, I must be among the minority with any self control or restraint.[/QUOTE] how deliciously pompous of you

[QUOTE=CodeMonkey3;36129267]This isn't surprising. When I get into a relationship I assume and do the following: A) There is a fifty/fifty chance she will cheat on you. B) Don't take it seriously because you'll be lucky if it lasts more than a month. C) Lowers your general expectations because they'll positively break them at some point.[/QUOTE] young and cynical. the ladies must have been clawing at your feet.

It could be that she is one prone to cheating. But it could also be that her relationship was lacking, or was starting to tear. There are many possible reasons to why she cheated on him with you. For the time she preferred you over him, it might have been momentary. They relationship is most likely over. So if you have feelings for her you could give it a go with her. But then you should keep your head cool, being somewhat prepared to have the same thing happen to you.