Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v8 - Stop spamming her with texts. - General

Welcome to the Social Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread (v8)! Do you have problems with your friends? Do you need help asking that girl out? General advice? Chat? Ask us here! We have a plethora of users with loads life experience, ready to help you out, right now! Little tip for those giving advice - be nice, be tactful, and be honest. Think before you post and if you're not 100% sure if you're right, don't post. There's nothing worse than the feeling of knowing that you fucked someone's situation up by giving the wrong advice. It also helps if you watch the 2005 film "Hitch" starring Will Smith, as it's essentially the love advice handbook. (I disagree but this was in the last OP so whatever) For those receiving advice - Don't be afraid to ask questions, but be receptive, be polite and don't complain if you hear something you don't want to hear. Half the advice given in this thread will be of the sort that the receiver will not be pleased about. Sometimes it is hard to hear the truth. [URL="steam://friends/joinchat/103582791433756842"]CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE STEAM CHAT[/URL] Past Versions: [URL="http://www.facepunch.com/threads/1133771"]V1[/URL] [URL="http://www.facepunch.com/threads/1152241"]V2[/URL] [URL="http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1160400"]V3[/URL] [URL="http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1220984"]V4[/URL] [URL="http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1250101"]V5[/URL] [URL="http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1257818"]V6[/URL] [URL="http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1446327"]V7[/URL]

-snip, a lot more shit happened since this-

I've been recently buying a shitload of gifts for people I know, and dinners, and drinks, because I enjoy their company, even though I'm pretty broke. Is that a bad sign? I'm just really used to it, and I didn't mind.

[QUOTE=Ignhelper;51202204]I've been recently buying a shitload of gifts for people I know, and dinners, and drinks, because I enjoy their company, even though I'm pretty broke. Is that a bad sign? I'm just really used to it, and I didn't mind.[/QUOTE] I've been there. Keep it to special occasions else people just get used and entitled to it.

So around the end of the last thread I posted about a girl at work who I thought might be interested in me. Well, today I asked her what her last name is so I could look her up on Facebook, and she ended up giving me her name AND phone number. I texted her for a little while tonight and she said she's been wanting to ask me for my number for the last few days, and was really happy that I wanted to add her on FB. This is exciting stuff, I hope she really is interested and isn't JUST a generally sweet person.

small update from me, last time I posted here I'm pretty sure I was really depressed and hating myself for the breakup of my relationship to the point of being suicidal now 4 months later my ex and I finally ceased contact (I was open to being friends with her because we got along and also because she was super depressed and had been abandoned before and I didn't want to be that guy), I'm going to the gym 4 times a week, seeing a psychologist on and off (she works one day a week and has called in sick twice lol), and last night I went out in the city and got set up with a friend of one of my work friends and we kissed a couple times and were handsy and it was really nice even though I feel like I was totally awkward about it and probably really rude Right now I have no desire for a relationship and I hope it stays that way for a while. The last one was incredibly draining - I don't know how I managed to get through it. I hope I can keep up something casual while I focus on my job and mental health in the way that I am right now

My (now ex) girlfriend and I broke up today. Apparently I was too selfish. The last few weeks i hadnt given her a lot of attention because my uni work and other expectations from people and life really kept me busy. Things were really stressy so i didnt have much time for her. I get where she's coming from though. We were only together for 3 months, but of course, i still feel sad about the whole thing. I think i can move past this pretty quickly but for now I'm going to take some more time for myself. I'm not sure if its the right thing to post here but im happy to vent a little bit. :smile:

[QUOTE=damnatus;51200723]*snip* [/QUOTE] Long shot, but some of this sounds familiar to me and I've been through some of what you're describing. Could you be suffering from [URL="http://www.getesteem.com/lse-symptoms/symptom-details.html"]low self-esteem[/URL]? Pretty broad set of definitions in that link but a lot of the problems you're describing with insecurity and feeling others are better than you in every way sounds very familiar. I'm really no expert though, I'll wait for Guy Mannly to show up and offer an opinion.

[QUOTE=Strike 86;51208645]Long shot, but some of this sounds familiar to me and I've been through some of what you're describing. Could you be suffering from [URL="http://www.getesteem.com/lse-symptoms/symptom-details.html"]low self-esteem[/URL]?[/QUOTE] I've always knew I had self esteem problems but holy shit I never realized than that's what has been eating away at my life.. I fall under pretty much every definition, except for workaholic behavior Any tips on combatting this?

[QUOTE=damnatus;51208918]I've always knew I had self esteem problems but holy shit I never realized than that's what has been eating away at my life.. I fall under pretty much every definition, except for workaholic behavior Any tips on combatting this?[/QUOTE] Spend a good amount of free time improving yourself in many different ways. Work out, study useful and exciting things, learn how to swim or ride a bike if you don't already, produce content you can proudly show to others (Such as photographs, written articles, anything you want really). Take up hobbies. Learn carpentry, build or paint something. Low self esteem usually comes from/with a lack of objectives, and (at least in my case) this was the way to go.

Well, I just got myself some unwelcome clarification. So in the last thread I talked about a girl I had been seeing for the past few months. We had met in class and kind of hit it off from there. This summer, we had sex, and for a while things seemed good until she told me she wanted to take things slow. Well, tonight I saw her and got the chance to talk to her. It turns out over the past month since we started taking things slow, she was spending some time of her own thinking things over. As it turns out, she was very uncomfortable sleeping with me and needed to spend some time thinking about what it was she wanted. I knew beforehand that she was bisexual, but just a couple of weeks ago she decided that she's only really comfortable being with other women. Tonight she finally told me about her realization. She said she understood if I didn't want to be friends with her anymore, but I still kind of do and told her as much. The fact that she was straightforward and honest with me takes a lot of the sting out, and I've really enjoyed getting to know her. I wish it didn't hurt, but it does. I had really strong feelings for her, but in the end, I think I can put it past me. The spark was kind of dying anyway. It'll just take some time, but I don't know how long. I know this isn't an advice post, but I just needed to vent.

From last thread [QUOTE=Psycho9182]I think after x amounts of times my co-worker asking me to walk her to her car taking the long route each time, I figured out I have no idea to take a hint.[/QUOTE] She has a boyfriend

[QUOTE=killerteacup;51205613]small update from me, last time I posted here I'm pretty sure I was really depressed and hating myself for the breakup of my relationship to the point of being suicidal now 4 months later my ex and I finally ceased contact (I was open to being friends with her because we got along and also because she was super depressed and had been abandoned before and I didn't want to be that guy), I'm going to the gym 4 times a week, seeing a psychologist on and off (she works one day a week and has called in sick twice lol), and last night I went out in the city and got set up with a friend of one of my work friends and we kissed a couple times and were handsy and it was really nice even though I feel like I was totally awkward about it and probably really rude Right now I have no desire for a relationship and I hope it stays that way for a while. The last one was incredibly draining - I don't know how I managed to get through it. I hope I can keep up something casual while I focus on my job and mental health in the way that I am right now[/QUOTE] Okay so this girl is a bit keener than I was originally led to believe Does anyone know a good way to inform someone you're only looking for something casual? Not sure the next time I'm gonna see her, don't want to do it in text, so I guess also some advice on how not to escalate it would be good

Be honest with her about it. Explain to her why you're keeping it casual for the time being. In my own experience, women are pretty understanding about this kind of thing as long as you're being genuine about your feelings and intentions.

I guess im gonna have to. I just don't want it to escalate before i can clarify what my stance is

things are going weird in my relationship now. i think i do want to break up, i just dont know how. we've been getting closer again, i've been putting a little more effort into it, i'm sleeping in the bed again instead of on the couch (she kicked me out of bed a couple of times for snoring so i just started sleeping on the couch). still my interest in sex with her is 0%, and i can tell its getting to her, she keeps asking for sex but i put it off and dont even try anymore. the other day i was going to my friends house to hang out with some mates and she started crying so i asked her what was wrong, she told me to sit down and told me that she loves me, but i need to spend some time with her. shes not wrong, i go to work, come home and just sit on my computer of go to my mate's place. now things are just kinda back to normal, but i still feel the same way.

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;51215866]things are going weird in my relationship now. i think i do want to break up, i just dont know how. we've been getting closer again, i've been putting a little more effort into it, i'm sleeping in the bed again instead of on the couch (she kicked me out of bed a couple of times for snoring so i just started sleeping on the couch). still my interest in sex with her is 0%, and i can tell its getting to her, she keeps asking for sex but i put it off and dont even try anymore. the other day i was going to my friends house to hang out with some mates and she started crying so i asked her what was wrong, she told me to sit down and told me that she loves me, but i need to spend some time with her. shes not wrong, i go to work, come home and just sit on my computer of go to my mate's place. now things are just kinda back to normal, but i still feel the same way.[/QUOTE] You need to either break it up fast and completely or start treating her right. This kind of empty presence can destroy one's peace of mind, self esteem and so on, and while you keep her in such a state without breaking up, you are not allowing her to seek happiness.

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;51215866]things are going weird in my relationship now. i think i do want to break up, i just dont know how. we've been getting closer again, i've been putting a little more effort into it, i'm sleeping in the bed again instead of on the couch (she kicked me out of bed a couple of times for snoring so i just started sleeping on the couch). still my interest in sex with her is 0%, and i can tell its getting to her, she keeps asking for sex but i put it off and dont even try anymore. the other day i was going to my friends house to hang out with some mates and she started crying so i asked her what was wrong, she told me to sit down and told me that she loves me, but i need to spend some time with her. shes not wrong, i go to work, come home and just sit on my computer of go to my mate's place. now things are just kinda back to normal, but i still feel the same way.[/QUOTE] This is the way you feel. Stop waiting to feel any differently and rip the bandaid off. You are hurting her in the meantime and making her feel worthless. This happened in my last relationship. I cared a lot about her so i stuck around to try everything in my head to make me want it again but i just didnt. The relationship had become draining to me and i should have accepted that and done something about it a lot sooner than i did.

Have you guys ever decided to quit all this dating and chasing someone for a while and focus on improving yourself? I think I'm about to do that, all of this (dating and finding someone) is somewhat tiresome, so might give it a rest. First step I did was to join a gym close to home and will be going today for the first time, hopefully i'll feel better in a general context.

[QUOTE=Dahaka32;51218141]Have you guys ever decided to quit all this dating and chasing someone for a while and focus on improving yourself? I think I'm about to do that, all of this (dating and finding someone) is somewhat tiresome, so might give it a rest. First step I did was to join a gym close to home and will be going today for the first time, hopefully i'll feel better in a general context.[/QUOTE] Going to the gym is great, I can almost guarantee you'll feel much better. You'll look better, feel more confident, and plus it's just a nice way to clear your head and zone out for a little while.

[QUOTE=Dahaka32;51218141]Have you guys ever decided to quit all this dating and chasing someone for a while and focus on improving yourself? I think I'm about to do that, all of this (dating and finding someone) is somewhat tiresome, so might give it a rest. First step I did was to join a gym close to home and will be going today for the first time, hopefully i'll feel better in a general context.[/QUOTE] This is a good idea, if you are struggling in actively trying to chase/meet people then its probably a good idea to go back and work on yourself. Exercise is good for every aspect of your health and is an easy way to score free points (This person goes to gym regularly = this person knows how to take decent care of themselves) as well as being a talking point, cutting out most fizzy drinks, drinking 2-3L of water a day and not binge eating junk makes you feel 1000x better again in very little time. Feeling more confident and being in a healthy state in general makes it far easier to talk to people naturally and not scare them off by being awkward/trying to overthink everything and letting insecurities leak out.

[QUOTE=Dahaka32;51218141]Have you guys ever decided to quit all this dating and chasing someone for a while and focus on improving yourself? I think I'm about to do that, all of this (dating and finding someone) is somewhat tiresome, so might give it a rest. First step I did was to join a gym close to home and will be going today for the first time, hopefully i'll feel better in a general context.[/QUOTE] I'm in that stage right now. I've lost 5kg :)

my gf just complained that i dont spend enough time with her again. i feel like now would be a good time to talk about our relationship, but im really scared to do it. [editline]18th October 2016[/editline] ive only ever been on the other end of this situation and feels horrible, i dont want to have to put someone through that

It's either that or something far worse, dude. Band-aid method; rip it off and get it over with.

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;51220373]my gf just complained that i dont spend enough time with her again. i feel like now would be a good time to talk about our relationship, but im really scared to do it. [editline]18th October 2016[/editline] ive only ever been on the other end of this situation and feels horrible, i dont want to have to put someone through that[/QUOTE] You don't have a choice. Sticking around when you don't live her is not a choice

i told her how i feel, she took it well. she asked me if i was breaking up with her though and i said no, i dont know. she asked me how to fix it and i said i dont know. [editline]18th October 2016[/editline] Okay that was just the calm before the storm. She started crying so i laid down with her and talked, then i cried. Now shes staying at her friends house and im going to my brothers until i figure out what to do. I just keep thinking that im wrong and things will get better if i just try harder. I thought if i was breakong up with her i wouldnt feel so heart broken but it hurts so bad.

[QUOTE=Dahaka32;51218141]Have you guys ever decided to quit all this dating and chasing someone for a while and focus on improving yourself?[/QUOTE] Definitely. In fact, I'm fed up on chasing anyone, I want someone to finally chase me. I'm tired of hearing all the "wow hes so great, so interesting, so deep, so charming"(note the lack of comments about looks, its always the personality talk that gets me the most) from girls I know about their boyfriends, I want someone to finally say the same about [B]me[/B]. And for that, I need to focus on myself, not on others.

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;51220465]i told her how i feel, she took it well. she asked me if i was breaking up with her though and i said no, i dont know. she asked me how to fix it and i said i dont know. [editline]18th October 2016[/editline] Okay that was just the calm before the storm. She started crying so i laid down with her and talked, then i cried. Now shes staying at her friends house and im going to my brothers until i figure out what to do. I just keep thinking that im wrong and things will get better if i just try harder. I thought if i was breakong up with her i wouldnt feel so heart broken but it hurts so bad.[/QUOTE] Yeah it hurts. You care about her. But trust your gut. If you think you can make it work go for it, but take my advice and don't make a decision tonight. Have some breathing space to clear your head and try and think rationally about it.

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;51215866]things are going weird in my relationship now. i think i do want to break up, i just dont know how. we've been getting closer again, i've been putting a little more effort into it, i'm sleeping in the bed again instead of on the couch (she kicked me out of bed a couple of times for snoring so i just started sleeping on the couch). still my interest in sex with her is 0%, and i can tell its getting to her, she keeps asking for sex but i put it off and dont even try anymore. the other day i was going to my friends house to hang out with some mates and she started crying so i asked her what was wrong, she told me to sit down and told me that she loves me, but i need to spend some time with her. shes not wrong, i go to work, come home and just sit on my computer of go to my mate's place. now things are just kinda back to normal, but i still feel the same way.[/QUOTE] this all sounds just awful

would it be weird for me to ask an acquaintance for help with finding a time i could talk with a friend of hers i am interested in?