• How to Win at Life: A Tutorial
    287 replies, posted
Well it's pretty much decided upon that in order to win at life you must accomplish these four main objectives (or substitute your own criteria): [list]Have sex[/list] [list]Get your Ph.D.[/list] [list]Get everything you ever wanted[/list] [list]Be rolling in cash[/list] Now you here at Facepunch are obviously far behind these goals, so I've established a guide dedicated to landing you with at least two of these goals accomplished. Step 1 (Confidence) Arguably the most important. In order to win in life you have to be confident in yourself. If you hate yourself you will never succeed. Plus, being the shit feels good and even if you aren't actually the shit you can pretend to be in your mind. Plus this will subtly influence everyone around you into believing you are the shit. Step 2 (Learn How to Condition Responses) A fundamental understanding of psychology is key. If you can read and predict people's reactions, you will be king. Learn how to know exactly what to say in order to get what you want. Make sure not to hurt people, because negative connections are never good. Don't make enemies. Also be good at public speaking (kick the nervous habits) because all people that win at life have to make speeches. Step 3 (Establish Connections) People. Friends. Acquaintances. Whatever you call them. Well, you need lots of them in order to make it in the world. Connections get you everywhere in life. Whether you know a friend of your boss's who can convince them to promote you or if you know the CEO of the company, people are everything. The more friends you have, the better off you are. Make a conscious effort to make a good impression on every single person you meet. Step 4 (Be Interesting) Don't be boring. Have you ever noticed that no one important in life is boring? Everyone famous is interesting in some way. Make an effort to branch out. Have multiple hobbies (do something other than sit on the computer). Form your own unique opinions. Make jokes. Rules are boring. People will think you're boring without any vices, so try breaking some minor laws from time to time to make yourself look more bold, daring, and interesting. When you tell people of your adventures, make sure to enhance reality and make yourself seem more interesting. Make the situation more funny. You will seem more interesting that way. Always think on your feet so if someone calls you out on something you can convince them otherwise. Step 5 (Look Good) No one who wins at life is ugly or out of shape. Making a good impression on someone is everything. Whether it be the girl in your biology class or the guy doing your job interview, no one wants to date or hire some fat pimply faced guy. Wash your face everyday. Do lots of physical activities, whether it be sports or just hanging out outside. Practice good hygiene. No one likes smelly, sweaty guys. Get a stylish haircut like a fauxhawk. Work out at the gym at least twice a week, because being able to kick people's asses and intimidate those who would otherwise be your enemies is important. You need to be able to win every fight you end up in, or your risk being humiliated. Try to look your very best. It might just get you that girl.
You're such a fucking tool.
Thanks to this guide, I'm getting all the bitches.
[QUOTE=Camp er Joe;27557266]Thanks to this guide, I'm getting all the bitches.[/QUOTE] Glad to see we already have a success story.
[QUOTE=XxTheAvengerxX;27557245]No one who wins at life is ugly or out of shape.[/QUOTE] [img]http://img502.imageshack.us/img502/4760/newell.jpg[/img]
I guess I lost.
[QUOTE=TwinkieHouse;27557333][img_thumb]http://img502.imageshack.us/img502/4760/newell.jpg[/img_thumb][/QUOTE] He's a fat fucktard who cares
What is this exactly?
[QUOTE=Camp er Joe;27557266]Thanks to this guide, I'm getting all the bitches.[/QUOTE] Really? Because all of the bitches started to love me when I learned to Dougie.
[QUOTE=lockdown6;27557377]another "be confident get all the bitches" thread[/QUOTE] No, it's how to win at life. Can't you read?
[QUOTE=XxTheAvengerxX;27557388]No, it's how to win at life. Can't you read?[/QUOTE] Can you really win at life? I mean, you post here, and look at your name.
[QUOTE=WolvesSoulZ;27557408]Can you really win at life? I mean, you post here.[/QUOTE] zing
Thank you I am now informed.
Is it already that time again? Some dipshit always rolls into FP every so often with a retarded thread like this, claiming they know all the secrets to life. Do you have a Ph.D? Are you rolling in cash (that isn't your parent's)? Hell, I doubt you've even had sex. Don't spew bullshit like this until you've put your money where your mouth is.
[QUOTE=WolvesSoulZ;27557408]Can you really win at life? I mean, you post here, and look at your name.[/QUOTE] Look at your name bud.
These threads are beginning to sound like Barney Stintson.
[QUOTE=XxTheAvengerxX;27557346]I don't see him winning at life. Look at what you have to accomplish in order to win at life. (Hint: Top of the OP.)[/QUOTE] thanks for the tip. make awful threads on an internet forum to be successful
[quote=xxtheavengerxx;27557437]look at your name bud.[/quote] no look at [b][u][i]your name[/u][/i][/b]
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;27557431]Is it already that time again? Some dipshit always rolls into FP every so often with a retarded thread like this, claiming they know all the secrets to life. Do you have a Ph.D? Are you rolling in cash (that isn't your parent's)? Hell, I doubt you've even had sex. Don't spew bullshit like this until you've put your money where your mouth is.[/QUOTE] I go to UC Berkley and I'm working on my Ph.D. I get laid all the time and will be rolling in money as soon as I get my degree. Now get the fuck out mr. know it all.
[QUOTE=XxTheAvengerxX;27557437]Look at your name bud.[/QUOTE] Mine's decent compared to your. Look at that twelve years old signature name. Gosh.
[QUOTE=Kanshi;27557483]no look at [b][u][i]your name[/u][/i][/b][/QUOTE] What are you, 5 years old?
[QUOTE=XxTheAvengerxX;27557495]I go to UC Berkley and I'm working on my Ph.D. I get laid all the time and will be rolling in money as soon as I get my degree. Now get the fuck out mr. know it all.[/QUOTE] Wrong. [editline]21st January 2011[/editline] [QUOTE=XxTheAvengerxX;27557507]What are you, 5 years old?[/QUOTE] At least, I seem to be more intelligent than you. Well fuck it, I am more than you.
[QUOTE=WolvesSoulZ;27557500]Mine's decent compared to your. Look at that twelve years old signature name. Gosh.[/QUOTE] I made the name when I was young and it just stuck, so actually you're semi-correct. [editline]20th January 2011[/editline] [QUOTE=WolvesSoulZ;27557517]Wrong. [editline]21st January 2011[/editline] At least, I seem to be more intelligent than you. Well fuck it, I am more than you.[/QUOTE] Wrong.
itt: youre name is dumb, no YOURE name is dumb
[QUOTE=iBoss;27557558]itt: youre name is dumb, no YOURE name is dumb[/QUOTE] Your*
Can't we all just get along?
Wow, thanks OP! I followed everything in your guide and I turned into Brian May, the lead guitarist of Queen! [img]http://doseofdyas.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/brian-may.jpg[/img]
Well in short, it just shows how that guy is dumb, trying to get attention, expecting us to believe he gets laid, and that he believes he'll be rich with his fake Ph. D.
[QUOTE=XxTheAvengerxX;27557577]Your*[/QUOTE] shutup, im 12
This is disheartening. He's just trying to offer his two cents at being successful and people dump all over him. You don't have to agree with him but you don't have to treat him like he's a fool.
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