Doug's Wacky and Crazy Craigslist Adventures - General

[highlight]Welcome to the first annual inaugural bi-centennial edition Doug and Freesamples Bufardo's Wacky Craigslist Adventures season 1 episode 1 chapter 1[/highlight] A couple weeks ago my friends (whom I will nickname Freesamples and TheRed) and I were hanging out and we had a cool idea to post on Craigslist as a girl or whatever and see how many lonely perverts replied. Now apparently hundreds of kids do this daily which I didn't know of at the time so we did it anyway. The first time we did it we had some success and people would e-mail us and we would just tell them how much we hate them and how pitiful they are. This progressed and evolved into making people go visit places to meet a nonexistent girl to fuck, and then we just waited for them to email us back all pissed off because we never showed it. It was pretty much awesome, but every week that passed we had new ideas to try out. Two weeks ago we decided to send a shitload of guys to an Applebees 15 minutes to meet us at the bar. This was the back-story we invented for the Craigslist ad which we posted at about 8 PM: (I'm gonna post this in first person) I was playing a 25 year old girl who was attending a local college and was a member of the anime club at this college. The anime club was meeting at this Applebees, [b]in full cosplay attire[/b], for dinner and drinks at 9 PM, and they would be out of there by 10 PM and lonely little me would be waiting for someone to come fuck me. Worst, most obviously bullshit story ever, right? Yeah, people still fell for it. We had thirty different guys e-mailing us, interested in the idea of fucking a girl dressed up in cosplay like an anime character. We even Googled an anime girl to say we would be dressed up as (Rangiku from Bleach - Google it. No wonder these assholes fell for it so hard.). The trap was set and we were ready to wait for the angry e-mails to start rolling in but at 9:30 PM we had this great idea: why not go to the Applebees, sit down near the door and watch them all come in and leave in shame and disappointment? In about thirty seconds flat me Freesamples were in his car driving to this Applebees while Freesamples' little brother handled e-mails at home. We get to this Applebees at 9:45 PM and chill out until we are seated at about 9:55 PM (it's Friday night, Applebees is fucking packed). We don't have the best seats in the house, in fact we were pretty far in the back but I could still see the door. At exactly 10:00 PM our first victim came in. A short Hispanic man with a baseball cap pulled low to cover his eyes. He walked in and stared at the bar for a full 2 minutes looking for his caliente little anime chick. It took a little while for him to leave but over the course of the evening we had a good fifteen guys show up at this bar. It was really easy to pick them out because none of them fit into with the Saturday night bar crowd, they were all nervous looking and many had baseball caps on covering their eyes. We stayed until about 11:15 PM because Freesamples' little brother was at home directing people to come still. One guy drove an hour and thirty minutes, and just before we left our favorite pervert, RoberT showed up. RoberT had already been tricked once before when we made him meet at a different restaurant. When we found out how was there waiting outside for us, we went out to our car and yelled at him and called him a faggot douchebag as we peeled out of the parking light (mature, I know). This past Saturday, December 12, we did it again. We didn't go out this time to watch them even though I promised [b]OIFY and The Cool Cats of Facepunch[/b] Steam group I would get video of them arriving, but I did get some shit that's nearly as good - text messages and voice recordings. We put up the ad late in the night, technically Sunday morning at 2:30 AM, saying we were a 30 year old girl trying to get back at our husband who is about to divorce us. Over the course of the night, we had a good fifty people emailing us and I let a number of them text me as well. I have Google Voice so it redirects all my calls from a different number which I can pay $10 to change and I get free local calling and free text messaging. Below are the text messages and voice recordings I saved from that night, as well as the messages from Sunday afternoon where we sent people to a restaurant and the mall in the same way as described above. [b]ALL LINKS ARE VOICE RECORDINGS FROM PHONE CALLS - LISTEN TO THEM AS WELL - THEY ARE HILARIOUS - ALSO THE TEXT BELOW THE IMAGE EXPLAINS WHAT YOU ARE READING[/b] :siren: :siren: :siren: [b]NSFW ONLY TITS THOUGH NSFW[/b] :siren: :siren: :siren: [media]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/craigslist11.jpg[/media] :siren: :siren: :siren: [b]NSFW ONLY TITS THOUGH NSFW[/b] :siren: :siren: :siren: This is the original Craigslist posting Freesamples, TheRed and I came up with. It was just the right type of crazy to be believable. In fact, I don't think it was ever flagged or removed, it might still be on Craigslist for the metro-Atlanta area. Once they emailed us we began telling them we wanted to meet them at the top level of a mall-theater parking garage to fuck in my car. [img]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/craigslist21.jpg[/img] A couple minutes after the posting shows up on Craigslist we have a few emails and then... [img]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/craigslist41.jpg[/img] oh shit [img]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/texts01.jpg[/img] This guy was one of the quicker witted ones, the only guy I let text message me that night. I forget why I named him douchefag. Atleast 20 guys went to this parking garage though and one douchefag emailed us later saying he thinks we played him because he saw a bunch of other guys driving up there and then leaving. Yeah douchefag, you got played alright. [img]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/texts02.jpg[/img] We also did a random M4M(Man for Man aka GAY) posting on Craigslist, and this was one random guy who responded who we dealt with forever. As you can see he said he left home at 2:15 AM on the way to The Varsity in Duluth. It took him a full 35 minutes to get to Jimmy Carter Blvd. Anyone who knows the area knows The Varsity is RIGHT there pretty much as soon as you turn down Jimmy Carter. We were trying to give him the right directions but he fucked up and went past it so we went with it and told him to keep driving. From 2:50 to 3:15([b]twenty-fucking-five minutes[/b]) he drove all the way down Jimmy Carter looking for The Varsity. He drove for so many miles the road name actually changed, and he eventually told us to meet him at Chuck E. Cheese. At this point we said to each other, “Fuck it, he's already been driving around for and hour and a half, lets just let him chill there and forget about him and let him do his thing and wait for him to get angry and go home.” This motherfucker texts again from home and says his phone died and he went home to charge it, BUT he found The Varsity on the drive back. I can't believe I actually convinced him to go back to The Varsity, but eventually he did when his phone was charged a little. It has now been almost two hours since he first left home. He eventually gets back to the varsity at 4:44 AM which was when I broke the news to him that it was all an awesome prank. He is floored. He doesn't know what to believe, but I make him believe. Immediately he starts getting incredibly defensive and said he never even came back - an obvious lie. He starts making thinly veiled threats by saying he knows my name and number and email when he doesn't actually know any real info. Eventually he denies ever leaving his house and stops texting us entirely. Yeah, he got owned pretty hard. On Sunday afternoon we made another Craigslist posting during the day time with a generic picture of a hot girl and said we wanted to meet at the Mall of Georgia or a Red Lobster. The response to this posting was huge, and we decided to let most of the creepier ones text us. This was much less organized because of the volume of participants in our game. I was handling text messaging, Freesamples was handling emails, and TheRed was helping Freesamples. Brace yourself, the following text logs and voice messages own. [img]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/texts03.jpg[/img] Shit. Very early failure. My Google Voice voicemail still said the name “Doug.” I rerecorded it as "Dianne" in the best chick voice I could (you will hear this voice later). [img]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/texts04.jpg[/img] This guy drove thirty minutes to meet us, but he was boring as hell so I ended it quickly and told him to suck my dick. His reaction is priceless. Then I asked if he wanted to fight and he ignored us. [img]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/texts05.jpg[/img] These texts were from before I figured out how to record the calls - but essentially this douchebag got really angry when he figured out we were fucking with him, so he called me and I picked up and told him “I AM SATAN,” in my best demon voice. He told me he has my phone number and he was going to ruin my life. It was incredible - his voice was pitch perfect RAGE! [img]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/texts06.jpg[/img] This guy went to Spencer's at the Mall of Georgia. When he said he was there, a brilliant thought struck me – pretend to be an elaborate advertising scheme. I texted him and actual ad for an actual blacklight I found on the Spencer's website. He thought it was funny and so did I, and hey, maybe he did some Christmas shopping for his family there instead of being a freaky pervert trying to get laid by girl half his age off the internet. [img]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/texts07.jpg[/img] I'mOKwithVD is hilarious, I told him I have fucking crabs and he STILL wanted some, talk about desperate. I let him down fairly gently and just never let him know I was fake or texted him back. If he is that desperate for a fuck he must be in pretty bad shape. [img]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/texts08.jpg[/img] As soon as this guy said he was getting dressed up in a blue suit I lost it and almost died laughing. He was getting dressed up for a fancy dinner at Red Lobster for a girl he has never met who pretty much told him she just wanted a quick fuck When he got to Red Lobster we told him to ask the waitress for “Dianne” since we had a table open. We changed the story with him and told him my “husband” is there and he likes to watch. He actually sat down at a couple's table and talked to them for a little bit before he realized it wasn't us. [img]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/texts09.jpg[/img] This guy was really weird. He took forever to get ready and then he came to Red Lobster, realized he got ditched, left, and never texted us again. There was no anger or anything, he took it that we pranked him and moved on. The Man Who Didn't Care is hardcore. [img]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/texts11.jpg[/img] Ahhh, the pussy. He sent us a ton of emails and texts and whe he showed up at Red Lobster he gave me a call. As soon as the phone rang I had the idea to pretend to be “Dianne's” outraged boyfriend. I picked up and put on my slight southern twang accent and when he heard I was male he freaked. From there it was cake and I got really angry and scared him and he never texted us again. [b][url]http://www.tindeck.com/listen/vkpw[/url][/b] [img]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/texts12.jpg[/img] Who actually uses text message signatures? King Faggot was more of a pitiful mess than a king. He had to borrow his neighbor's car because his was broken down and he wouldn't meet us at Red Lobster because he said the same neighbor's wife worked at the Red Lobster and would notice the car. This is obviously a completely made up story. I don't know what the problem was with meeting there nor do I think I really want to know. I don't know what he thinks he is king of but I like to think he is King Faggot, crowned ruler of Fuckingloserwithoutacarland. [img]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/texts13.jpg[/img] Pretty standard ordeal with the Satanic Worshipper, he came to Red Lobster and called me. He called once and I picked up with the angry voice. He was so slick he asked for Dave instead of Dianne to make it look like he called the wrong number. [b][url]http://www.tindeck.com/listen/qesf[/url][/b] Twenty minutes later he calls back and I get my first opportunity to try out my sexy girl voice. [b][url]http://www.tindeck.com/listen/olql[/url][/b] He immediately knows I'm not a girl and starts asking questions. I don't know what to tell him and I'm on the verge of cracking up so I just go, “I AM SAT*cracks up*”. Shit. I tried to recover and scream at him “I AM SATAN” over and over, and then Freesamples and TheRed start yelling stupid shit in the background. This one was mostly a failure except that he drove all the way to Red Lobster. At least the Satanic Worshipper found it funny. [img]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/texts14.jpg[/img] Least educated fuck of the year award goes to... FAILED 1st GRADE! Woooh! I wasn't sure if people this stupid actually existed. For one I completely ripped on him and made fun of him and he still wanted to fuck. I asked if he was RoberT since he seemed very similar in that he was a perverted freak and was cool with being insulted. [img]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/texts15.jpg[/img] heres a two-for-one deal for ya - they both kind of explain themselves. [img]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/texts16.jpg[/img] Josh was a complete tool. Fuck this guy. Worthless asshole. [img]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/ted1.jpg[/img] [b]The motherfucking Tedmeister[/b]. He texts us we, get shit arranged, and then he calls and I do my sexy girl voice and he totally falls for it. [b][url]http://www.tindeck.com/listen/zzzq[/url][/b] Ted and I keep texting for a little bit and then I tell him to call me quick and I pull the now standard angry boyfriend thing. [b][url]http://www.tindeck.com/listen/jegg[/url][/b] Only this time Freesamples is in the background banging on the wall and screaming while I scream “Fucking bitch!” I hang up on him and calls back twice and says he is going to call the cops. “Oh yeah?” Fucking priceless. I decided to do an interview with him on the spot there and my friends started to yell like idiots again. This conversation is awesome though. [img]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/mrangrypants.jpg[/img] MR. ANGRY PANTS RAAAAAAAAAGE - this guy we had very little email and text correspondence, but when he called I pulled the angry boyfriend thing perfectly and he got real angry real quick. [b][url]http://www.tindeck.com/listen/vlvd[/url][/b] He tried to arrange a fight and I said I would make it to the Red Lobster in twenty minutes. He called back ten minutes later and said I was a pussy for not showing up and so he left, never to talk to us again. In the end he was the pussy for trying to start a fight and then leaving ten minutes early. Here are a few (and I do mean few, I got dozens more I didn't save) of the dick pictures I saved: :siren: :siren: :siren: [b]NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW[/b] :siren: :siren: :siren: [media]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/owned1.jpg[/media] :siren: :siren: :siren: [b]NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW[/b] :siren: :siren: :siren: Shout outs to: Freesamples, TheRed, and Freesample's little brother for the help. Greeman, and the Cool Cats for being so cool, as well as OIFY for being full of a ton of cool members too.

Doug showed me all of this shit on Steam, and its hilarious.

hi doug dont b mean to me anymore in chat k? k. oh yea also good read. btw why u got a mans voice on the phone???

This is gold. Craigslist is full of weird people. [editline]04:01AM[/editline] By the way I live in Atlanta too. I knew all of those streets.

This is hilarious. Do more. For SCIENCE! :science:

Chatlogs zzzzz. Good going though, fucking hilarious. I'd rate you winner.

[QUOTE=Roll_Program;18934817]Chatlogs zzzzz. Good going, though.[/QUOTE] probably one of those guys who got playa played

Great stuff Doug!

dateline: doug edition

This is just awesome stuff

oh yeah adding this to op and here but this is all of the pictures of dicks i could find in a cursory glance through the 300 emails my alternate email account has: :siren: :siren: :siren: [b]NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW[/b] :siren: :siren: :siren: [media]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/owned1.jpg[/media] :siren: :siren: :siren: [b]NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW[/b] :siren: :siren: :siren: i have literally gotten at least 20 more i couldn't be arsed to look for.

Look at dat black dick curly dick too

[QUOTE=phonenumbers;18934890]oh yeah adding this to op and here but this is all of the pictures of dicks i could find in a cursory glance through the 300 emails my alternate email account has: [b]NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW[/b] [media]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/owned1.jpg[/media] [b]NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW[/b] i have literally gotten at least 20 more i couldn't be arsed to look for.[/QUOTE] why do they all bend to the right or left???

Jerking off too much, show how desperate they are [editline]03:18AM[/editline] Actually I don't know

hey check this out :siren: :siren: :siren: [b]NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW[/b] :siren: :siren: :siren: [media]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/ass.jpg[/media] :siren: :siren: :siren: [b]NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW[/b] :siren: :siren: :siren: i dont know why he thought a girl would care about his grody asshole

[QUOTE=phonenumbers;18934976]hey check this out :siren: :siren: :siren: [b]NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW[/b] :siren: :siren: :siren: [media] [url]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/ass.jpg[/url][/media] :siren: :siren: :siren: [b]NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW[/b] :siren: :siren: :siren: i dont know why he thought a girl would care about his grody asshole[/QUOTE] grody

mydick7.jpg ahhaha count your lucky stars he didnt send you mydick 1-6.

Shows how the world has gone to shit really. P funny tho.

Hahaha. That's great. :v:

Haha pure gold!

You got them good.

Lol, I can't wait till one of those guys find out where you live and break into your house

"we yelled at him and called him a faggot as we peeled out of the parking lot." Wow are you guys 12 or what. If you prank at least do it properly, not some half-assed way...

ive seen better just saying :cool:

That was bloody brilliant

when i grow up i wanna b an oify too

Hahaha great!

lol

This was brilliant.

Epic