The Poetry Thread

[Equidistratic]

I thought that, since poetry is a pretty common art form, and yet it doesn't seem to deserve a thread of its own for each and every poem, I'd create one. Drop any new poems you have in here, provide constructive criticism, etc.

Something I created in appreciation of water

Pregnant with the carnal seeds of life
On its lithe shoulders the surreptitious advent of verve, of passion
In its fantastic power, a microcosm- rigor abundant
Nonplussed, stricken with passive tassivity
In its power, gaudy- furious, extirpating wide
In its care, fantastic- nurturing without pride a world alone
The affable essence of life

[Membrain]

this is...almost...good

aside from being waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too grandiloquent. no one knows what tassivity or extirpating mean.

the second line is pretty good though

[Equidistratic]

It's not good cause you don't know what the words mean?

[Membrain]

yeah and because no one would ever use them and theyre not very poetic either way

[Equidistratic]

There's no such thing as an "unpoetic" word

[Membrain]

yeah there is and you used a bunch of them

[Joey Skylynx]

One dose to keep you dizzy
Through the day
Two doses to keep you wizzy
All the way
Flashing streams of colors come through my eyes
Seeing them I may just whine
Remembering the rebellious flowers
Of 1969.

[spengbob]

Membrain is right, if you try to be too clever with words it just looks like you're trying to hard and only posh toffs can understand.

[Equidistratic]

[QUOTE=JoeSkylynx;20586000]One dose to keep you dizzy
Through the day
Two doses to keep you wizzy
All the way
Flashing streams of colors come through my eyes
Seeing them I may just whine
Remembering the rebellious flowers
Of 1969.[/QUOTE]

"Seeing them I may just whine" seems a bit low on syllables for proper rhyme scheming. Nice poem, though.

[Surreal]

[QUOTE=JoeSkylynx;20586000]One dose to keep you dizzy
Through the day
Two doses to keep you wizzy
All the way
Flashing streams of colors come through my eyes
Seeing them I may just whine
Remembering the rebellious flowers
Of 1969.[/QUOTE]

This is good.

[Joey Skylynx]

I made it awhile go for a school assignment based on Anti-War poetry of the Vietnam War.

I got an C though because it wasn't based on Vietnam ,and was based to far ahead of the time frame :C

[Ted Gills]

Thanks for the poetry thread. However poetry isn't a very popular art form here in Creationism Corner and so I find that the getting criticism from here can sometimes be bad. But regardless, it's about time we had a poetry thread!