'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America - Polidicks

[URL="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/16/i-am-adam-lanzas-mother-mental-illness-conversation_n_2311009.html?&utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false"]Source[/URL] [quote][B][URL="http://thebluereview.org/i-am-adam-lanzas-mother/"]Written by Liza Long, republished from The Blue Review[/URL][/B] [I]Friday’s horrific national tragedy -- the murder of 20 children and six adults at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut -- has ignited a new discussion on violence in America. In kitchens and coffee shops across the country, we tearfully debate the many faces of violence in America: gun culture, media violence, lack of mental health services, overt and covert wars abroad, religion, politics and the way we raise our children. Liza Long, a writer based in Boise, says it’s easy to talk about guns. But it’s time to talk about mental illness.[/I] [I]While every family's story of mental illness is different, and we may never know the whole of the Lanza's story, tales like this one need to be heard -- and families who live them deserve our help. [/I] Three days before 20 year-old Adam Lanza killed his mother, then opened fire on a classroom full of Connecticut kindergartners, my 13-year old son Michael (name changed) missed his bus because he was wearing the wrong color pants. “I can wear these pants,” he said, his tone increasingly belligerent, the black-hole pupils of his eyes swallowing the blue irises. “They are navy blue,” I told him. “Your school’s dress code says black or khaki pants only.” “They told me I could wear these,” he insisted. “You’re a stupid bitch. I can wear whatever pants I want to. This is America. I have rights!” “You can’t wear whatever pants you want to,” I said, my tone affable, reasonable. “And you definitely cannot call me a stupid bitch. You’re grounded from electronics for the rest of the day. Now get in the car, and I will take you to school.” I live with a son who is mentally ill. I love my son. But he terrifies me. A few weeks ago, Michael pulled a knife and threatened to kill me and then himself after I asked him to return his overdue library books. His 7 and 9 year old siblings knew the safety plan -- they ran to the car and locked the doors before I even asked them to. I managed to get the knife from Michael, then methodically collected all the sharp objects in the house into a single Tupperware container that now travels with me. Through it all, he continued to scream insults at me and threaten to kill or hurt me. That conflict ended with three burly police officers and a paramedic wrestling my son onto a gurney for an expensive ambulance ride to the local emergency room. The mental hospital didn’t have any beds that day, and Michael calmed down nicely in the ER, so they sent us home with a prescription for Zyprexa and a follow-up visit with a local pediatric psychiatrist. We still don’t know what’s wrong with Michael. Autism spectrum, ADHD, Oppositional Defiant or Intermittent Explosive Disorder have all been tossed around at various meetings with probation officers and social workers and counselors and teachers and school administrators. He’s been on a slew of antipsychotic and mood altering pharmaceuticals, a Russian novel of behavioral plans. Nothing seems to work. At the start of seventh grade, Michael was accepted to an accelerated program for highly gifted math and science students. His IQ is off the charts. When he’s in a good mood, he will gladly bend your ear on subjects ranging from Greek mythology to the differences between Einsteinian and Newtonian physics to Doctor Who. He’s in a good mood most of the time. But when he’s not, watch out. And it’s impossible to predict what will set him off. Several weeks into his new junior high school, Michael began exhibiting increasingly odd and threatening behaviors at school. We decided to transfer him to the district’s most restrictive behavioral program, a contained school environment where children who can’t function in normal classrooms can access their right to free public babysitting from 7:30-1:50 Monday through Friday until they turn 18. The morning of the pants incident, Michael continued to argue with me on the drive. He would occasionally apologize and seem remorseful. Right before we turned into his school parking lot, he said, “Look, Mom, I’m really sorry. Can I have video games back today?” “No way,” I told him. “You cannot act the way you acted this morning and think you can get your electronic privileges back that quickly.” His face turned cold, and his eyes were full of calculated rage. “Then I’m going to kill myself,” he said. “I’m going to jump out of this car right now and kill myself.” That was it. After the knife incident, I told him that if he ever said those words again, I would take him straight to the mental hospital, no ifs, ands, or buts. I did not respond, except to pull the car into the opposite lane, turning left instead of right. “Where are you taking me?” he said, suddenly worried. “Where are we going?” “You know where we are going,” I replied. “No! You can’t do that to me! You’re sending me to hell! You’re sending me straight to hell!” I pulled up in front of the hospital, frantically waiving for one of the clinicians who happened to be standing outside. “Call the police,” I said. “Hurry.” Michael was in a full-blown fit by then, screaming and hitting. I hugged him close so he couldn’t escape from the car. He bit me several times and repeatedly jabbed his elbows into my rib cage. I’m still stronger than he is, but I won’t be for much longer. The police came quickly and carried my son screaming and kicking into the bowels of the hospital. I started to shake, and tears filled my eyes as I filled out the paperwork -- “Were there any difficulties with… at what age did your child… were there any problems with.. has your child ever experienced.. does your child have…” At least we have health insurance now. I recently accepted a position with a local college, giving up my freelance career because when you have a kid like this, you need benefits. You’ll do anything for benefits. No individual insurance plan will cover this kind of thing. For days, my son insisted that I was lying -- that I made the whole thing up so that I could get rid of him. The first day, when I called to check up on him, he said, “I hate you. And I’m going to get my revenge as soon as I get out of here.” By day three, he was my calm, sweet boy again, all apologies and promises to get better. I’ve heard those promises for years. I don’t believe them anymore. On the intake form, under the question, “What are your expectations for treatment?” I wrote, “I need help.” And I do. This problem is too big for me to handle on my own. Sometimes there are no good options. So you just pray for grace and trust that in hindsight, it will all make sense. I am sharing this story because I am Adam Lanza’s mother. I am Dylan Klebold’s and Eric Harris’s mother. I am James Holmes’s mother. I am Jared Loughner’s mother. I am Seung-Hui Cho’s mother. And these boys—and their mothers—need help. In the wake of another horrific national tragedy, it’s easy to talk about guns. But it’s time to talk about mental illness. [URL="http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2012/07/mass-shootings-map%29"]According to Mother Jones,[/URL] since 1982, 61 mass murders involving firearms have occurred throughout the country. Of these, 43 of the killers were white males, and only one was a woman. Mother Jones focused on whether the killers obtained their guns legally (most did). But this highly visible sign of mental illness should lead us to consider how many people in the U.S. live in fear, like I do. When I asked my son’s social worker about my options, he said that the only thing I could do was to get Michael charged with a crime. “If he’s back in the system, they’ll create a paper trail,” he said. “That’s the only way you’re ever going to get anything done. No one will pay attention to you unless you’ve got charges.” I don’t believe my son belongs in jail. The chaotic environment exacerbates Michael’s sensitivity to sensory stimuli and doesn’t deal with the underlying pathology. But it seems like the United States is using prison as the solution of choice for mentally ill people. According to Human Rights Watch, the number of mentally ill inmates in U.S. prisons quadrupled from 2000 to 2006, and it continues to rise -- in fact, [URL="http://www.hrw.org/news/2006/09/05/us-number-mentally-ill-prisons-quadrupled%29"]the rate of inmate mental illness is five times greater[/URL] (56 percent) than in the non-incarcerated population. With state-run treatment centers and hospitals shuttered, prison is now the last resort for the mentally ill -- Rikers Island, the LA County Jail and Cook County Jail in Illinois housed [URL="http://www.npr.org/2011/09/04/140167676/nations-jails-struggle-with-mentally-ill-prisoners%29"]the nation’s largest treatment centers in 2011[/URL]. No one wants to send a 13-year old genius who loves Harry Potter and his snuggle animal collection to jail. But our society, with its stigma on mental illness and its broken healthcare system, does not provide us with other options. Then another tortured soul shoots up a fast food restaurant. A mall. A kindergarten classroom. And we wring our hands and say, “Something must be done.” I agree that something must be done. It’s time for a meaningful, nation-wide conversation about mental health. That’s the only way our nation can ever truly heal. God help me. God help Michael. God help us all. [I](Originally published at [URL="http://anarchistsoccermom.blogspot.com/"]The Anarchist Soccer Mom[/URL].)[/I][/quote] See, THIS is EXACTLY the mindset we should be on right now. All this talk about gun control yet nobody seems to believe that the mental health issue is just as big if not a bigger problem than that.

Mental health and gun control should be what people focus on right now.

[quote]A few weeks ago, Michael pulled a knife and threatened to kill me and then himself after I asked him to return his overdue library books. His 7 and 9 year old siblings knew the safety plan -- they ran to the car and locked the doors before I even asked them to. I managed to get the knife from Michael, then methodically collected all the sharp objects in the house into a single Tupperware container that now travels with me. Through it all, he continued to scream insults at me and threaten to kill or hurt me. That conflict ended with three burly police officers and a paramedic wrestling my son onto a gurney for an expensive ambulance ride to the local emergency room. [/quote] This is terrifying.

"This is America. I have rights" The right to own a gun and kill people if you are mentally unstable.

While I have a lot of respect for her speaking out like that, she's not exactly offering any alternatives besides a 'nation-wide debate', which I doubt will spark any legitimate results.

[QUOTE=Stalk;38857282]"This is America. I have rights" The right to own a gun and kill people if you are mentally unstable.[/QUOTE] The gun was actually illegally acquired. Any legislation impacting purchasing guns is not going to affect stuff like this, which is why restricting guns to prevent crime is idiotic in general.

Illegally acquired? it was still the "rights" that put the guns in his mothers home.

[QUOTE=Stalk;38857424]Illegally acquired? it was still the "rights" that put the guns in his mothers home.[/QUOTE] What? He attempted to purchase a gun and was denied, and then he unlawfully acquired and utilized his mother's one. You're making it sound like guns are being given out to mentally ill people with no regard.

[QUOTE=Stalk;38857424]Illegally acquired? it was still the "rights" that put the guns in his mothers home.[/QUOTE] There is no right to own illegal firearms.

[QUOTE=Starpluck;38857435]What? He attempted to purchase a gun and was denied, and then he unlawfully acquired and utilized his mother's one. You're making it sound like guns are being given out to mentally ill people with no regard.[/QUOTE] Yes he stole his mothers weapons. Her rights to own a gun made it possible for him to get the weapons.

[QUOTE=Stalk;38857491]Yes he stole his mothers weapons. Her rights to own a gun made it possible for him to get the weapons.[/QUOTE] It's not like his mom just fucking left it out.

[QUOTE=Stalk;38857491]Yes he stole his mothers weapons. Her rights to own a gun made it possible for him to get the weapons.[/QUOTE] No it didn't. Her mistake of not owning a safe made it possible. Her mistake of not giving her son mental help made it possible.

[QUOTE=Stalk;38857424]Illegally acquired? it was still the "rights" that put the guns in his mothers home.[/QUOTE] Knock it off, dumbass. If you don't like living in a country where the citizens have rights, then move to England, and be a subject. [highlight](User was banned for this post ("Flaming" - MaxOfS2D))[/highlight]

Yes, but in the end it is still the high availability of weapons that opens up the opportunities for these shootings to happen in the first place. Maybe someone should shoot some bullets of logic into you folks. Then you might understand the true cause of things if you survive.

Reading trough the article i could conclude the following; -Single mom -No biological father in the picture Why do we call ourselves civilized yet men & women are creating babies just to have them raised by a single mom? Tupac already warned about this ages ago in multiple raps. Raising a boy as single mom isn't a walk trough the park, they need a good rolemodel so they do not turn into savages.

[QUOTE=Zeemlapje;38857531]Reading trough the article i could conclude the following; -Single mom -No biological father in the picture Why do we call ourselves civilized yet men & women are creating babies just to have them raised by a single mom? Tupac already warned about this ages ago in multiple raps. Raising a boy as single mom isn't a walk trough the park, they need a good rolemodel so they do not turn into savages.[/QUOTE] I was raised by a single mother and am at university and get told I am a credit to her all the time. I'm introverted yes, but I am not a psychopath or a murderer, so I fail to see the connection. But on the mental illness front: not all psychopaths are murderers and not all murderers are psychopaths.

Shouldn't the guns have been in a safe? His mom is just in much hot water as with this guy

[QUOTE=viper shtf;38857521]Knock it off, dumbass. If you don't like living in a country where the citizens have rights, then move to England, and be a subject.[/QUOTE] Contrary to your belief people outside the US also enjoy rights. Some countries exclude or restrict the right to own weapons but that hardly means you, "don't have any rights".

[QUOTE=viper shtf;38857521]Knock it off, dumbass. If you don't like living in a country where the citizens have rights, then move to England, and be a subject.[/QUOTE] Way to be a twat, if you're going to argue against a moot point then do it sensibly.

He sounds very similar to a news story I read on psychopathic children.

[QUOTE=Starpluck;38857387]The gun was actually illegally acquired. Any legislation impacting purchasing guns is not going to affect stuff like this, which is why restricting guns to prevent crime is idiotic in general.[/QUOTE] Just like how laws prevent criminals from comitting crimes, yes? "If someone's gonna misbehave, why make their behaviour misbehaviour?"

Sorry, I had to let that out. I've been debating properly in another thread. [editline]16th December 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=Ryukrawr?;38857587]Shouldn't the guns have been in a safe? His mom is just in much hot water as with this guy[/QUOTE] No, you aren't required to keep your guns in a safe anywhere in the u.s., that I know of.

[QUOTE=viper shtf;38857668]Sorry, I had to let that out. [B]I've been debating properly in another thread.[/B][/QUOTE] oh ok i was about to get the wrong impression here

I laughed at that.

[QUOTE=Fatfatfatty;38857658]Just like how laws prevent criminals from comitting crimes, yes? "If someone's gonna misbehave, why make their behaviour misbehaviour?"[/QUOTE] Hence the word illegal meaning its against the law ergo he broke the law. You can't stop the black market :v:

[url]https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/make-mental-health-national-emergency/DLwvxxzJ[/url] do this

Does any country have a good system for dealing with the mentally ill? You see stats for best health and such, but never mental wellbeing.

[QUOTE=Stalk;38857526]Yes, but in the end it is still the high availability of weapons that opens up the opportunities for these shootings to happen in the first place. Maybe someone should shoot some bullets of logic into you folks. Then you might understand the true cause of things if you survive.[/QUOTE] I don't know if some of the people on here from other countries saying "ban guns like everybody else" have their heads up their asses or what, but it doesn't work that way. You can't just allow people to own guns, with a high percentage doing so, and then just be like "oh, guns are banned now". Like that's going to go over well. Especially people passionate about their hobby, would sooner barricade their house and hide them.

[QUOTE=Zeemlapje;38857531]Reading trough the article i could conclude the following; -Single mom -No biological father in the picture Why do we call ourselves civilized yet men & women are creating babies just to have them raised by a single mom? Tupac already warned about this ages ago in multiple raps. Raising a boy as single mom isn't a walk trough the park, they need a good rolemodel so they do not turn into savages.[/QUOTE] Tupac is clearly the most reliable source for this kind of issue.

Whoa, this is pretty much the same exact stuff I went through (except me being the boy). For years I would just have sudden outbursts, I would tell my own family members that I would kill them for stupid things, I would physically and verbally abuse my family. It would be the weirdest, smallest things that would just make me blow. I was admitted to an acute facility twice, both times for a week and a half (which I'm assuming this kid was in) and one of those times i was in there during Thanksgiving day, and it was January 30th, that I was admitted to a residential treatment facility. I was discharged from the residential about 5 and a half months later on July 17th, and I will still have an outburst here and there. But those many years before I received any help were a living hell. I attempted to kill myself several times, I was put on many different kinds of medications, it was just awful. I hate how very few people seem to understand how deep this issue is, because there will always be people who think the solution to a large probably is something small - but it's usually the smaller problems that are fixed by small changes.