Now, I've written a few stories in the past and they got good criticism. Figured it would be a good time to put my lacking skills to a test. [I]I'll just go and post some shitty fanfic on one of the harshest critic forums I know of.[/I] Oh well, I know that grammar is going to be a slight issue. Even though it's not my native language people claim me to be exceptionally "talented". Bollocks as far as I'm concerned, but I know I had some fun writing this. Loosely based on the lore of Dragon Age: Origins, and also not really canon if you want to know. I was always sort of interested in the idea of The Fade, the demonic entities within it and their relations with the world of the living. It actually got so interesting I shat this out of my mind to torture your heads. Enjoy...if you can.
A boy surrounded by six heavily armored templars stepping onto a boat in the middle of the night was an odd sight to an outsider, but around lake Calenhad this was common. Another to-be apprentice being escorted to the Circle of Magi to master his gift and curse. One by one the templars stepped on the boat, the knight-commander waiting for the boy to go before him. He waits, but the boy doesn't move. He groans and crosses his arms, staring at the small child with a gaze that could drill into solid rock.
"Well, get on the damned boat now, we don't have all day."
"But...the water."
The templar sighs, grabs the boy from his armpits and lifts him onto the boat, with the templar starting to row towards the Circle's tower. The lake and it's dark water seems to trouble the child. Save for quiet gasps when the boat slightly leaned to either side, silence stood heavily on the lake with two templars slowly rowing the boat towards a tower that seemed to reach the skies from this close. The other four and the knight-commander sat around the boy, switching their looks constantly from the boy to each other.
Everyone could feel the tension on the boat. It was almost like a primed trapwire. One wrong move could break it and cause havoc in the middle of a freezing cold lake. Thankfully, a small thump is heard when the boat hits the pier. One of the rowing templars steps out and drags the boat on shore. As the knight-commander and the boy step out, they both look up at the tower.
"Well, here we are, boy. This will be your home for the next ten years or so."
"It's huge."
"Oh, trust me when I say this: You're going to wish it was bigger sooner or later."
"Am not! I'll never explore everything that's in there in my lifetime!"
"No, you aren't. Now, let's get going and find the First Enchanter. He'll be eager to see you."
"Who is that?" The boy asks with sincerity, his eyes round as a bowl.
"He's the man that will be responsible for the havoc you'll cause inside the tower. Now, go on already. I'm not here to chat."
He quite rudely pushes the boy forward with his steel boot. Slowly, he starts walking behind the child while he runs to keep up with the full-grown man's step. The knight-commander pushes two heavy gates open with another templar and all six of them enter the tower of magic and stone. They're greeted by an old mage with grey hair and a long beard. His skin shows the signs of age yet his eyes are full of life. He walks to the boy, kneels down and looks in his eyes. His voice is raspy and slightly wheezy when he starts talking.
"This is him, i presume?"
"Yes. We found him in the middle of a massacre. His home was torn apart and we saw signs of magic."
"What kind of magic?"
"Blood magic. The poor kid's parents were dead and their bodies worn out. Obviously they were reanimated at some point."
"Did you see the maleficar?"
"It really isn't your business, but no. No sign of any mage and the only presence of magic that we had was the slight aura we sensed from the child. He was sleeping at his mother's corpse. A sad sight to behold."
"Well, let us be glad at least he survived. Although we cannot know how. You did check him, didn't you?"
"Of course we did. it wouldn't have been the first time a mere child has been possessed. No, we found no signs of him being an abomination. If there was a demon in there, it hid itself well."
"Well then, let me ask the boy himself. First of all, what should I call you, child?"
"Call?"
"Yes, what is your name? We all have a name, don't we?"
"What's a name?"
"He might have forgotten. He was probably too frightened back at his home that he forgot it all, including his name. I've seen another mage once who was attacked by wild beasts. He didn't even remember anything the Circle taught him-"
"Yes, yes, Amell. I remember him. If you truly do not remember who you are, then let me give you a new name. A name is what you shall respond to. My name is Irving. If someone says that name, I know they are looking for me. Understand?"
The boy nods slowly, observant and vigil.
"Then I will name you Monde, if that's fine with you."
"I think it's a great name, sir!"
"My name is Irving, Monde."
"Right. Irving."
The knight-commander grows impatient and steps in.
"Allright, enough with the father and son-relationship. Now get him a bed. I'm tired and in need of a pint. This boy is now in your care, Irving."
"As usual, knight-commander."
Monde watches as the templars walk away, their faces hidden by steel helmets. They felt like machines, unfeeling and ruthless. Fear clutched his heart. Irving took his hand and showed him his room. After Monde looked around a bit, he was about to ask a question about food. But Irving was gone. Disappointed, he closes the door and lies on his bed, tired by all that has happened during the day. Once he closes his eyes, he instantly falls asleep and enters the Fade.
[oh right, it's also a work in progress. I just want criticism on the story-telling style that i have.]
I read it all. In one go.
:suicide:
Where's the disgustingly hardcore sex scene? Doesn't every fanfic have one?
[QUOTE=eXiv2;28804544]Where's the disgustingly hardcore sex scene? Doesn't every fanfic have one?[/QUOTE]
Not mine.
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