How can I stop being such a fucking slow-witted cunt - General

I'm sick of being humiliated and embarrassed by my friends and colleagues putdowns, I can always think of a great response to them but only about 2 hours after they said it. So whats the secret of being quick witted? Is it a case of thinking of a great putdown for everyone you meet before they insult you first? Or should I try and improve my intelligence and response times by reading more books or perhaps buying that brain training thing? Thanks in advance

dont copy peoples post's on facepunch

Stop being dumb

Great top-shelf friends you have mate.

you should rape your mom and say what she said to your friends Rate me dumb if you agree [highlight](User was banned for this post ("Trolling" - Jaanus))[/highlight]

There isn't really a secret. The respose just comes to you.

I was born quick-witted, or so it seems. But your "friends" are dickheads for ridiculing you for being not. Anyway, pay attention to them, watch movies/TV shows and read books for nice phrases and so on. Try to pick it up, that is.

[QUOTE=DrTaxi;19682705]I was born quick-witted. But your "friends" are dickheads for ridiculing you for being not.[/QUOTE] What's the secret?

-snip-

Kick them in the balls.

Here's a little trick I use: If you've been stumped by someone's put down, punch them in the genitals, and moonwalk away.

Punch them in the face on the spot.

You said you can think up comebacks but only 2 hours later. Simple. Keep a memory bank of insults and their associated comebacks. That way, if they ever reuse an insult (and believe me, they will), you'll have the comeback instantly.

[QUOTE=Pegleg;19682749]Here's a little trick I use: If you've been stumped by someone's put down, punch them in the genitals, and moonwalk away.[/QUOTE] I just got a mental picture of this, needless to say, I lol'd.

Yeah, I always think of good things to say during conversations hours later than they happen.

Laugh at their grandparents being dead. If they say their alive, well. You know what must be done.

Just try memorising some comebacks and insults you could use and wait for the opportune moment to say them. Avoid the trap of saving a comeback that got you a lot of laughs for further use because it becomes irritating whenever someone repeats something over and over again because it was funny once. You can't really change not being able to come up with comebacks on the spot, you either have it or you don't it seems. Reading a lot of books, watching a lot of TV and going to see a lot of movies or the like could help you with coming up with a healthy sized list of them though.

Some people are witty, some people aren't, guess which one you are. [editline]22:07[/editline] Ratings, gotta catchem all

Pisses me off, cause I used to be witty. But all these years sitting on a PC have made me less of what I used to be. I'm almost not human anymore...Nah i'm kidding, I suck nowadays cause I went to another country for 3-4 years, so when I came back to the UK, I didn't know how people acted and stuff.

How 'bout those tv dinners?

Try "Your muzzer".

Beat the hell out of your friends and colleagues. Worked for me

Yell "I WAS FROZEN TODAY" [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQZX64Z2-3I[/media]

Go to youtube and cause shitstorms against fanboys, easy practice to get you in the game. Then move up to forums where somewhat intelligent life is found, to practice your kung-fu. Then go to the actually intelligent forums and learn how to troll with minimum effort. Then, after enough practice, go outside and see how it works out for you.

say you have 2 lvl 80s and you know a GM and can get their wow accounts banned

Ignore them.

dont copy peoples post's on facepunch oh shit

Whatever they say just agree to it. It'll stump them for a second, make them laugh, but in the end they didn't get to you because you agreed.

[QUOTE=CNN;19682716]What's the secret?[/QUOTE] Chemical X. [img]http://10.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ksy19bZoT31qzlrsqo1_500.jpg[/img]

Don't read books or watch movies, you just need to interact more with people and not the Internet and you'll know what to say.