• The Brink
    5 replies, posted
Its basicly a small section from the short novel im [I]trying[/I] to write, its called the brink and the basic back story/idea is: Its 5 billion years in the future and mars and various other planets have been colinised by man kind, all other galaxys apart from ours and the andromina system have been in red shift-there moving away with the expanding universe, the andromina galaxy is in blue shift-there moving closer to us. Andromina is still suposed to colide with our galaxy and the sun is suposed to, well, die. So, if i set these two events to happen on the same day then i could in theory create some form of interesting story line. P.S. bering in mind im disslecsic it takes a hell of a lon time to write this stuff, so i would realy apreciate if people didnt try to pass this off as there own (not that im emplying anything), so thanks. The Brink [I]Joshua McGahan[/I] 2 Days to the brink: He had no idea what they were called, how old they were or there names…he didn’t care. He just knew they were beautiful in there attire, the planets of the Andromina system stared back at him burning perfect silhouettes into his mind, lighting up the deepest darkest stygian corners of it. Un-naturally close, or in this case completely natural, for 4 billion years the Andromina system had been in blue shift, 4 billion years it had stood defiant to others of its kind. In that time Mars, Uranus and Jupiter had all been colonised, the early colonials were completely unprepared for Mars, as soon as they stepped off the ship the half gravity had taken hold, until eventually they found some of there fellows with there collar bones through there wind pipes, oxygen however had proved to be less of a problem, scientists had discovered a huge store of oxygen near the planets core, the air was kept fresh by means of natural convection current generated by the immense heat of the core, the legends say that the newly formed Spargo corp, which at that time was the space military, had smashed its way to the core by firing I giant copper rod into the crust. Of course no one on mars would ever know, well no of the common folk any way since the federal archives were on earth and inter stellar tickets were un-buyable by the slum folk, which was, well, everyone. Surprisingly it wasn’t the distance that determined which planets could and could not be colonised it was the elliptical alignment. Uncorrupted by Spargo as he was…Jacobe knew there was no way out of this now. Human kind had driven itself too far…this far. They had brought themselves to their knees, their garrotted sense of perpetuating self liberty eased their minds just enough for them to believe that all of man kinds impetuous beliefs of self rivalling pity were enough to shield them all from this, they managed to blind themselves with the tools that were meant to make things clearer. They had shrouded it all with a pearlescent, omnipresent force with whom they had made a false deal on the foundries of the unexplainable. It is fear. These arid, baked lands on which Jacobe now moulded the contours of the beliefs of a thousand into a poetic contract of unconventional inconvenience. He for only a moment decided to contemplate the dirt, passing his gaze over humanities metaphorical state. Immediately drawn to the distance to his left, muffled screams restrained by pain echoed silently through the night. He cast foot to floor to arrive at the co existing contrasts of extinguishing pain and beauty. The body of the young woman thrown backwards, breaking the path of the flying bullet, the two elements collapsing into each other. Jacobe turned on the gun man, his blood chasing through his veins, reaching his head and clouding his eyes in malice and distorted one way justice. His poetry now escaped him along with all sympathy and morality. He reached the man in under a second collapsing his eye socket with a jab from his elbow, screams of silent agony echoed through the minds of the passing people and from the beasts mouth. The passing swarmed round like flies taking it to another life with there minds of choked worries and sorrows as jacobe stood up to face his justice. 3 months 3 days to the brink: ‘’Hello?’’ Joseph’s ear was pressed fast against the clammy ear piece ‘’Hello..eh, yes, I’m calling on behalf of Spargo corporation I won…’’ The woman was cut of by the glimmer of sarcastic exuberance that spurted from Josephs mouth. ‘’Well next time tell them to call up themselves’’ He was on the verge of putting the phone down when he herd her name. ‘’It’s about Dr. Marian, she wa…’’ The woman was immediately cut off by Josephs astonishment. ‘’Marian?’’ ‘’Ye..yes, as I was saying she is very interested in meeting up with you, in her own words’’ The woman gave an abrupt cough and continued in a slightly higher pitched tone, still managing to sound as far away from Marian as possible. ‘’ I have reason to believe that you will be nearing New Liverpool in a few days time and was wondering weather if possible you would be able to drop by, I do believe you know the way, there is much to discuss.’’ ‘’ so if yo…’’ Joseph put the phone down. ‘’Thank you’’ he said in astonishment to the blank wall. 3 months 2 days to the brink: Joseph had always wondered weather or not he would ever meat someone so incredible that it was impossible for them to exist but at the same time impossible for them not to, his quire was answered when he met Marian; tall and slim, she was a figure moulded by pure, petrifying perfection. Her bright blue eyes set chasms of deep cyan oceans across the plain of life itself, dedicating entire worlds of bliss to the sound of her voice. He saw other things; Eleanor’s face as she was lowered down into the grave, he was on the run that day, but no amount of running would stop him seeing this, even from afar he had felt the cold that issued from the mourners reproachful anxiety, they knew her, they didn’t know her. He was reminded of them every day, especially now on his dreary road to nowhere. The tears congealed with the rain as he continued to walk through the bustling highway of ghosts, the quietly loud street filled with the talks of their normal lives. What is normal in any case? When you walk down the street and you here them talking about their child pornography, drugs and all the other things that disguise their fucked up little lies can you honestly, truly say that you feel normal? Why is it that so many of us are out there, fit, healthy and without the various disorders that disguise society with a carpet of kindness and pity. So many, they, their lovers, friends, sons and daughters, so wrapped up in their incoherent, indistinguishable little lives to do any thing about the real problem, themselves! The ‘’one more drink’’ generation; their only thing to do? Wait for deaths forgiving forefinger to push the silicon circle of metallic annoyance, waving promises of salvation, redemption and liberty; all you have to do is pray like hell on your death bed. He was on his way through the grimy dirt drawn streets to the right decision, he would tell ‘him’ that she called, the right decision, as It turned out, had always been the hardest decision for Joseph and since he wasn’t the ‘best’ type of person he normally wouldn’t have even endeavoured this far. No not the ‘best’, but most certainly the smartest, his backward narcissism protected him from every thing and every one, he had know desire for any one to know anything. So why tell ‘him’? a question Joseph had asked himself as soon as he had put the phone down, he saw the receiver slot in place just as his knuckles did now, the contours of the soft skin gliding along the grains of one another; the grains the twists and tangles, the scars. Joseph was older his thirty something peachy skin replaced with, clammy freezing sheets of rubbery covers, his hair now matted and knotted, the white stumps in his mouth were fake, he had been burnt in the raging flames that were age, he saw this all in the mirror of his…The gunshot split the silence piercing the tire screech and the loud thud. ‘’Blood, what! Shit!’’ his hands clamped tight around the steering wheel, the violent shakes rupturing hi bladder, his crotch hot with fumigating piss, the woman’s head cracked through the glass on the passenger side, the pram and several bags of luggage dashed empty across the pavement, along with the baby’s skull. The gunman jumped the small gap that was the alley across the roof tops, Joseph twisted with his movements across the roofing, sending a flaring stab of pain through his abdomen ‘’ffaack!’’ the lisped elongation flying over the house heads and down the alley. He awoke on the pavement in the present day. Still wondering what the hell had just happened, he pulled himself through the window of ‘his’ house. 3 months before the brink: The warm touch of a cold friend glanced across the man’s face as he was heaved from a confined, claustrophobic sleep and into a bereaved state of concussed awareness. ‘’Christ.’’ ‘’Hey, hey.’’ The cold friend’s words were distorted in croaks of muffled anguish as he was grabbed by the throat, the other’s hands concaving his wind pipe. Through the friend’s splutters he made out only one word ushered from his lips. ‘’Marian.’’ On this he was instantly dropped, his legs giving way beneath him. ‘’Shit’’ he said as his fist pounded the carpet, his own words driving him on. ‘’What the hell was that, you can’t…you can’t just do that.’’ ‘’Then consider next time using the door instead of the windows, what do you want?’’ He looked around the room in disgust before answering the question. ‘’Well certainly not a bed and since drinks are off the menu I guess I’ll get straight to my question’’ He sighed, spilling exasperation over the table as he hoisted himself up. The other man started to prowl down the corridor out of sight. The friend followed. ‘’ I’m putting the team back together’’ A moments silence followed. ‘’Hey, will you listen to me…Mack, Mack!’’ ‘’I told you last time.’’ Mack grunted as he continued out of the hall turning left into the kitchen. He clamped his hand tightly round the broom handle, squeezing his anger into the grain of the wood, channelling a course down past his waist towards the floor. He began sweeping, tidying the glass into one corner of the room underneath the counter. ‘’No.’’ ‘’She told me to come, Marian, told me to come, said it was important’’ ‘’You might be telling the truth but it’s more likely you just chasing up old habits’’ ‘’Your sick…she was my girlfriend’’ ‘’But more importantly my wife after your parting, what you did, cost so much for every one. Your daughter is dead and buried along with yours and Marian’s friendship, so why the fuck would she want to contact you Joseph?!’’ Spasms of rage tore through Josephs mind embodying every cell in his body, willing him on. He withheld. ‘’ You’re a big boy, you can make your own way there, sector 12, block 16, tell the guard at the gate your name, he’ll let you through. You’re a scientist Mack, don’t rot yourself down here. ‘’She’s still my wife Joseph!’’ he raged ‘’still my wife’’ The shouts followed Joseph down the dingy corridor but were immediately phased by the slamming door. Mack fell into the arm chair next to the counter, he looked around the room and his eyes immediately began to play over the glass in the corner. The directions had completely passed him by, he scrambled through his thoughts maliciously tearing towards the slightest trace…12:16 that was all he got, but enough, he switched gaze to the address directory which was just in reach. 2 months 10 days to the brink: Marian ran her fingers through her sleek black hair as it wrapper around the tips she contemplated the pulsating blue dot on the screen. It was tiny. The rest of the monitor was taken up by the steady green glow of the complex, mapped out to perfection in full 16 bit colour shielded by a gigantic sheath of pressurised glass, due to the low pressure on mars almost no standing structure on earth could survive on mars or for that matter anything used to build them, the only non-reinforced substance that could partially withstand mars was aluminium and its recourses didn’t exactly flourish here, low grade 21 century relics hade to be used to construct the inner workings, as anything to small and fragile was destroyed on the 1 and a half hour decent through the storm clouds that ravaged the face of the planet, ever ripping, ever tearing chunks of volcanic flesh from the scared planet. A voice echoed past her dulled thoughts. ‘’…nside the perimeter mahm…mahm!? His cockney accent continued, the first of the words lost in the space between distance and recognition. ‘’wh, what?’’ her childish reply incomprehensibly subdued by his harshly consistent tone ‘’Mahm, there’s an unidentified personal inside the containment zone, they must have breached the perimeter through access point D, it’s the only post this week that’s unguarded, due to the refurbishments to that sector.’’ ‘’wh..well have you sent some one down there!?’’ ‘’ahh, no worries mahm, theres a squad on there way right now, they should aprihend the personal in just a m…’’ Red hot piercing neon scared the dully blue flooded lab as an aperitif of hell rang through them both, the stinging cry of the alarm sliced through there conversation as it echoed down the hall, the sergeant had already followed it, when, without thinking she grabbed the relic of a gun strapped to her side, she snapped back the hammer on the .44 magnum and listened in silence as it echoed its vain cry of deadly redemption, bouncing around the room in screaming silence. Her head was hammering itself inside out. She sighed as she slumped her dreary body into the nearest chair, curving her spine over the back of it, pushing her weight into its frame witch began to grown with her in its age, she sank forward toward the silicon smeared desk and pondered on its uniform, institutionally dreary existence. She swabbed her lab coat for the cylindrical, blearing orange container…after a moment of frisking herself and finding the right pocket she eventually clasped her palms round the meds, she popped two and began to lay the rest out along the edge of the table in a row as she counted them out aloud. ‘’one, two, thre…fou..er..’’ she blacked out on the desk with her right cheek pressed fast against the peacefully jagged edge of the desk. Some hours later: ‘’tranquiliser!? Tut, tut, tut.’’ He smirked as he stared at her limp form, sprawled over the desk, clasping onto the gun and the edge of the metallic, hard edged island, swamped by Josephs huge carpet of a coat. He slipped the magnum from her grasp and emptied the chamber into his palm, the sound of the cells bouncing off each other, pinging and reverberating a call across the room…’’were gona free the shit out of you’’ he chortled to himself, ‘’any way’’ he said as he flung himself at the empty chair closest to his love, allowing it to slide along the room until it and he, reached the main system at the centre of the row, he fumbled the cartage as he slid it into the scanner. A dismal five minutes hauled themselves by, as if they had managed to detach themselves from the fabric of time itself, ‘’Jesus Christ, it couldn’t be an…’’ he was cut of by the two simultaneous ping from both the monitor and external hard drive, telling him that the cart had booted correctly, he watched as the monitor fizzed into life with his custom OS already beaming at him through the mass of pixels.
p. cool over all, on the plus side it is mostly pretty well written, with some good uses of phrases and words and concepts and stuff. On the negative, you might want to work on your science (not sure how low gravity makes collar bones break or whatever) and secondly you move from one idea to another pretty quickly, which makes it sort of hard to follow. I think it would work well as a comic or something.
What only one reply? I know you can do better than this :D
There are some spelling errors but that's understandable. I suggest you get a friend to proofread it for grammar and spelling. But this is decent. Keep working on it.
thanks man :D
thanks for the artistic also.
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