A text I've written for my friend's song - my first attempt in versification

[Antianan]

I'm searching you
Through thousands miles,through my porthole
the clouds flew
beneath my stainless burning soul
and when i'm gone
the rising sun will be my wonder
high winds rise up
the lightning strikes with rolling thunder

ch:
I'm flying away
Right to the stars,they are my bait
you dug my grave
but it's too late..

The ages gone
My death delayed,that makes me sigh
Bright streams of light
Are singing me the lullaby
The homeless tramp
I am still seeing your sunny face
that made me dump
That dipped me deep into this strange disgrace

ch:
So that's my fate
My faithless sorry,ruthful pledge
Here comes due date
the price alleged..
...
It's perjury stage

The hope is one big trap
Don't fall in it's alluring web
The hope is lovely trap
you won't regret

So take a step
[back]you'll be surrounded by joy
Your soul is dead
[back]and it will be the last you'll know
The star in hands
[back]But it will burn right through your skin
You're understand
It's wicked sin

[Seppe]

I'd listen to it.

[JoeyZ]

Jesus Christ this is so over-done

[editline]27th March 2011[/editline]

I understand you're trying to be poetic, but to me this seems like you just slapped line after line of stereotypical lyrics with no rhyme or reason

[Joey Skylynx]

Your over-doing it, brother. Being poetic is great, and all, but you don't write a song to be poetic... You write a song too tell a story or a point of view.

[deadoctober]

A good song doesn't need any lyrics.

[WastedJamacan]

[QUOTE=deadoctober;28848996]A good song doesn't need any lyrics.[/QUOTE]

The best song is one that doesn't need lyrics but any lyrics added improve the song.

[DasherDigital]

[QUOTE=antianan;28835481]I'm searching you
Through thousands miles,through my porthole[/QUOTE]

That sentence made me giggle. Don't ask why.
Also, the lyrics are a tad overdone. I cant see how anybody can actually sing this, but it's great material for a poem.

[JoeyZ]

[QUOTE=DasherDigital;28853935]That sentence made me giggle. Don't ask why.[/QUOTE]

Really?

I lost it at

[QUOTE=antianan;28835481]that made me dump[/QUOTE]

[DasherDigital]

This thread now reminds me of ass.

Good job.

[Kagrenak]

[QUOTE=deadoctober;28848996]A good song doesn't need any lyrics.[/QUOTE]

"In music, a song is a composition for voice or voices, performed by singing. A song may be accompanied by musical instruments, or it may be unaccompanied, as in the case of a cappella songs. "

Lyrics are what makes something a song. An 'instrumental song' is really just a composition.