Mysteries in Masturbation: The Shrouded Enigmas of Penis Dongery - General

[b][u]Part 1: The Greatest Mystery of all - The Oldest and the Stickiest[/b][/u] For thousands of years, people have told a philosophical question to one another, but none have been able to logically answer it. Lets see if we can. So here it goes: "Thomas told Fredrick that he was going to masturbate [b]once[/b]." (this leads to another question, skip ahead to "Part 2: Mastery of Masturbatory Urges - Just One") But what does [i]once[/i] mean? Is Thomas going to masturbate until he has an orgasm, or is he going to give just one stroke of his [b]weasel of wonder[/b]? Or would he masturbate for a certain amount of time? Some still think that he would masturbate until he releases his [b]dongleberry jelly[/b], but most do not find that satisfying. We know one thing: it is possible to masturbate [b]once[/b]. But how? Please tell me what you think about this conundrum. [u][b]Part 2: Mastery of Masturbatory Urges - Just One?[/u][/b] Previously, I mentioned something about stroking your [b]stick of pregnancy[/b] just once. Sounds easy, doesn't it? Well yes, it can be. But not when you have not masturbated for [b]two hours[/b]. It would be a truly legendary feat, we all know, but what living soul has been heroic enough to manage it? Just one person, so far. Ranging far back into the late 1690's, a man in Britain named [b]Senip Dickerycock[/b] had stood up on the top of his village's largest stone structure, took off his [b]garments of undery[/b] and took one stroke of his [b]virginity-thief[/b], after roughly 6 hours without masturbating in front of all of the townspeople. This man was a bigger man than all of us here combined. I have once attempted this feat, but naturally, I miserably failed. I stroked my [b]rectum penetrator[/b] once after exactly two hours, but my hand automatically moved toward it, as it is one of our human instincts. I dare you, my fine man, to complete this achievement. If it is done, I will give you no objective prizes. The only thing you deserve, if one, is the ability to never furiously rampage your probably sizable shlong: Whatever your heart, or should I say your penis, desires. Good luck, trooper. [highlight](User was permabanned for this post ("Dumb thread" - Jaanus))[/highlight]

This ranks high on the list of most immature things I've read.

i was gonna leave it at one account tonight but i had to register again to tell you what a shitty thread this is and how you should never try and be funny again

When I saw stick of pregnancy first thing I thought of was "TheBigBomb"

This could have been better.

[QUOTE=BANNED USER;25082911]When I saw stick of pregnancy first thing I thought of was "TheBigBomb"[/QUOTE]

COUPLE OF RETARDS ^^^ right?

Why am I agreeing with Doug?

[QUOTE=Hyper Doug;25082864]i was gonna leave it at one account tonight but i had to register again to tell you what a shitty thread this is and how you should never try and be funny again[/QUOTE]

Sorry, but that was just retarded.

everything about this thread is retarded

[img]http://img178.imageshack.us/img178/9869/ss20100927003215.png[/img] Now OP can't snip it. It is set in stone forever.

Who wants OP to be permabanned

~~dougpunch 2010~~

My dick synonyms are better

kill everyone

Stroking once you say? How does that define? Just down, or down and up... do you need to have an erection?

I'll jot this down in my school notebook for future reference.

[QUOTE=Craptasket;25083078]Who wants OP to be permabanned[/QUOTE] Can I vote yes twice

Just twice? More like 2000 times. And I was actually expecting a good thread :saddowns: Oh God I actually read the whole thread word by word now, and I have lost my will to live. What the fuck. This is literally so shit I want to die.

Where's the Internet detectives? We could show his peers how 'creative' he is

lol all ur different names 4 dicks r wonderful.

usually I would think something like 'doug, get the fuck out' but for once I agree with you

ufail@satire. For real.

This thread is too good, A+ to the OP.

I expected badage boys.

[QUOTE=DaAngryWeasel;25082781]Retarded thread postQUOTE] You know what, your not funny. On behalf of all the residents here, I would like you to log off, go find a perfectly nice ditch. Fill it with gasoline, jump in, and light it on fire. I'm not trying to be funny, I'm serious, go do that.

:wtc:

I did not laugh.

Now lets just imagine how well this thread would have probably gone if the first poster hadn't jeered the thread. Now lets think of what would happen if the first poster had. Or, rather, lets sum it up in an emoticon. :bandwagon: