• Have you or someone you known dealt with violence against women?
    26 replies, posted
Pardon me if this is in the wrong section. My current situation is as is, I have not seen my mom since I was 7 because my parents had a falling out. I basically had left with my dad to Florida which I currently still live in now. But I got in contact with her when I was 15 and have been calling her up till now. Me being 22. She's been doing fine for herself for a while. Job, boyfriend, place to stay etc. But come 2007 she had lost her job and since then the guy she has been with has been violent. Although I only found out last year. Now of course I want to help her but I have no money to do anything. She also has nobody around her to help her from what she told me. Like nobody to stay at a friends or something. I told her about women's shelters but she said you have to pay to be able to get accepted into one? Have any of you had to deal with anything related? How did you handle it?
Seen domestic abuse stuff, she should try and get in a domestic abuse shelter, they help get them stable with a job and get them a place to live while protecting them from those who harm them. It's free, for the most part, and it's definitely helpful.
Well, you are very far away. I would keep in touch with her and listen. If you can't give her money it's the next best thing.
what's the state if you dont mind me asking? one of my friend's mom was abused by her boyfriend, it was pretty bad but my friend found a state program that helped with that in georgia, the asshole was put in jail and she got a restraining order, counciling, and a stipend for several months. dont know if it exists like that in other states but [URL="http://www.womenslaw.org/gethelp_state.php?state_code=GA"]Women's Law has a good directory of local and state programs.[/URL]
[QUOTE=TheKingofBees;44639236]what's the state if you dont mind me asking? one of my friend's mom was abused by her boyfriend, it was pretty bad but my friend found a state program that helped with that in georgia, the asshole was put in jail and she got a restraining order, counciling, and a stipend for several months. dont know if it exists like that in other states but [URL="http://www.womenslaw.org/gethelp_state.php?state_code=GA"]Women's Law has a good directory of local and state programs.[/URL][/QUOTE] It's in Virginia. She said she called a place and said they she had to pay to be able to get in or something. That or she probably didn't call at all. She told me she would feel bad if she went to a place called a "shelter". But I mean there's really no other options.
[QUOTE=Pavy;44639460]It's in Virginia. She said she called a place and said they she had to pay to be able to get in or something. That or she probably didn't call at all. She told me she would feel bad if she went to a place called a "shelter". But I mean there's really no other options.[/QUOTE] here is a [URL="http://storage.cloversites.com/virginiasexualdomesticviolenceactionallianc/documents/Action%20Alliance%20Directory_4.3.14.pdf"]directory of programs in Virginia.[/URL] if needed she can file a pro se restraining order but i do believe that there are many lawyers working with the VSDVAA that would be willing to do it pro bono.
Used to see guys get shitfaced in the Army and abuse their wives, usually verbally at social gatherings...same wives would come in the company with a black eye or something of the sort.. Shit pisses me off to no absolute end...
When I was in middle school, I had a girlfriend that got on my nerves a lot, and I would beat her, yell at her, and pretty much control her. With that said, call the cops. Tell her to run away. Get her to come closer to you or something so you can keep a closer eye on her. Also, just as a precautionary, you might wanna think of a plan B if something fucks up.
I had a friend who was abused by the people that adopted her for 14 years, when she was 19 she ran away. I can't really think of much to do other than to call the cops
I live in the northern part of Virginia, and I've met several people who donate a lot of time to victims of domestic abuse. The support network around here is very strong and gets a lot of support from the community. If she is living near Loudoun or Fairfax County, I can put you in contact with someone I know who works with a firm that donates time to take on cases about domestic abuse.
[QUOTE=Pavy;44629176]Pardon me if this is in the wrong section. My current situation is as is, I have not seen my mom since I was 7 because my parents had a falling out. I basically had left with my dad to Florida which I currently still live in now. But I got in contact with her when I was 15 and have been calling her up till now. Me being 22. She's been doing fine for herself for a while. Job, boyfriend, place to stay etc. But come 2007 she had lost her job and since then the guy she has been with has been violent. Although I only found out last year. Now of course I want to help her but I have no money to do anything. She also has nobody around her to help her from what she told me. Like nobody to stay at a friends or something. I told her about women's shelters but she said you have to pay to be able to get accepted into one? Have any of you had to deal with anything related? How did you handle it?[/QUOTE] this honestly wouldntve happened if she knew self defense techniques and how to handle an assailant. its been said many many times that the best defense is a good offense. what about a sword? a ka ta na? maybe that would help [highlight](User was permabanned for this post ("Alt of permabanned user" - Craptasket))[/highlight]
[QUOTE=dan's rep;44661076]this honestly wouldntve happened if she knew self defense techniques and how to handle an assailant. its been said many many times that the best defense is a good offense. what about a sword? a ka ta na? maybe that would help[/QUOTE] Or a firearm if she truly doesn't want to be attacked/killed. Prorably wouldn't even have to fire a shot..
[QUOTE=Berque-IL;44663312]Or a firearm if she truly doesn't want to be attacked/killed. Prorably wouldn't even have to fire a shot..[/QUOTE] But she probably would
[QUOTE=Berque-IL;44663312]Or a firearm if she truly doesn't want to be attacked/killed. Prorably wouldn't even have to fire a shot..[/QUOTE] Statistically her getting a firearm is a bad idea. Most domestic abuse cases lead to murder and generally with the persons own weapon. If she is still with this dude it is more then likely she wouldn't even be able to use the weapon against him if she was being attacked. Domestic abuse cases suck, but most of the time the person who is being abused doesn't really realize it and more often then not does not want to get help. But they really need to be educated on the cycle of abuse so they can recognize it. They also need good support structure and help from outside sources. Its kinda like a snow ball effect - Tension building, then the attack, honeymoon stage and last you get the Calm stage. Every time this happens you attack/incident gets much worse gradually overtime.
Yes, though in my case my mother is also occasionally at fault. When I was a child my father had an almost uncontrollable temper and would often beat my mother and yell at us, nowadays he managed to control it to a point although they both still argue a lot over mundane things such as trying to figure out what to cook , which makes our household very loud on some days. Can go both ways, my mother has a habit of trying to egg him on but they haven't split up for the 17+ years they have been together since that would mean an overall worse life for us - the kids (this is the reasoning we were given and seeing the circumstances it would be true) [editline]28th April 2014[/editline] I suppose it isn't necessarily violence against women but instead violence against everyone in a way?
Try to get her to press charges against him, get him put away. From what I have heard Women Shelters should be free, especially if it involved domestic abuse. Might vary from state to state. But you need to get her out of that house asap.
[QUOTE=dan's rep;44661076]this honestly wouldntve happened if she knew self defense techniques and how to handle an assailant. its been said many many times that the best defense is a good offense. what about a sword? a ka ta na? maybe that would help[/QUOTE] Are you under the influence of something or just a moron? Not only does retaliation in domestic abuse cases lead to escalation of the situation nearly 100% of the time, but it also heavily raises the chances of there being a fatality involved. I grew up facing similar issues and having to redirect my dad's rage when he was drinking (he went through an alcoholic phase, we're all past it now and he's sober but it was bad for a few years) from my mum to me because it physically made me ill to see him hit her. There was only one time I had to play the escalation game, November 27th, 2008, that's when he had grabbed one of two handguns (a .22 caliber in this case) we had in the house and was threatening to go shoot our neighbors because they were drug dealers and then when my mom screamed at him to stop because he was scaring her, he threatened her, me and my brother. I freaked shit and grabbed the other handgun(a .45 caliber) pointed it directly into his face and disarmed him, the only reason this worked was because he was about to pass out like he does a few times when he was this bad. After he passed out I took, disassembled the guns and hid all the parts. When he woke up he beat me unconscious three times. I ended up running away from home that night. November 28th, black Friday was the day my dad decided to stop drinking. I came incredibly close to dying at the age of 13, and I place that blame solely on those guns. [editline]28th April 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=Berque-IL;44663312]Or a firearm if she truly doesn't want to be attacked/killed. Prorably wouldn't even have to fire a shot..[/QUOTE] Except you do realize that escalation of a situation is NOT the solution. Also you NEVER point a gun at anyone you aren't able to pull the trigger on in a split second. I want you to think about how hard it would be to point a gun at a family member and realize you probably have to shoot them, and you will probably get shot doing it. [editline]28th April 2014[/editline] I haven't shared this story anywhere or with anyone before.. I might snip this later, it's actually really embarrassing to realize how fucked my childhood was and how fucked up I am. Especially for it to be in a public place like this..
[QUOTE=draugur;44671353] I haven't shared this story anywhere or with anyone before.. I might snip this later, it's actually really embarrassing to realize how fucked my childhood was and how fucked up I am. Especially for it to be in a public place like this..[/QUOTE] If it makes you feel any better, you are less fucked up than what i am. Trust me.
That really sucks op, my friend had an abusive relationship with her girlfriend for a long time before she finally broke off, and had problems with it for months afterwards. It's just something you need to get away from and even that is very hard.
Yes its scarred me
[url]http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1390963[/url] Thank me later.
[QUOTE=dan's rep;44661076]this honestly wouldntve happened if she knew self defense techniques and how to handle an assailant. its been said many many times that the best defense is a good offense. what about a sword? a ka ta na? maybe that would help[/QUOTE] This is like the classic opinion of someone who has no idea what domestic abuse is.
Where your distance is spacial mine is.. 'blood-linear', but I feel you. Most you can do is call a domestic abuse program and have the adress registered in a watchlist. I'm not sure what they do and don't do from then on, tho. Let's hope for the best together. You have all my empathy.
[QUOTE=dan's rep;44661076]this honestly wouldntve happened if she knew self defense techniques and how to handle an assailant. its been said many many times that the best defense is a good offense. what about a sword? a ka ta na? maybe that would help[/QUOTE] How old are you?
My stepdad was an alcoholic, drug user. Apparently he beat my mom, but I never had any clue. My mom was either good at hiding it, or I simply didn't recognize any of the signs because I was too young to tell. She divorced him, and I haven't heard from him since. Until a few weeks ago, my best hope was that he had died from some drug overdose, but his son (my ex-step brother) went to visit him in Connecticut, so he's apparently alive. Recently my brother has gotten back on drugs. He spent a few years in jail from Grand Larceny and has since been trying to make an honest living by painting and living out of a rented room with his girlfriend. According to her, he is abusive to her. just 2 days ago punched her square in the face, fucking her lip up, and then dragged her by her hair back inside their house. Also according to her, he has recently been getting rides to DC to go buy crack (he used to be a heroin user, but apparently is a cokehead now). The cops were called, I don't know what is going to happen but probably (hopefully) he'll be arrested. when that happens, his probation officer will hear about it, hopefully drug test him, and hopefully he'll go back to jail. I used to pity him but when I heard about him beating his girlfriend, I lost all of that. I hope he goes to jail for a long time. Sorry that I can't offer any advice. Maybe save up some money and buy a ticket for your mom to come and live with you? flights inside the US aren't TOO expensive (unless you live paycheck to paycheck). A bus or train ticket could also work.
[QUOTE=lostboy111;44733716][url]http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1390963[/url] Thank me later.[/QUOTE]
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