I like to write scripts in my spare time because supposedly people say I have a creative mind and you know that's probably true so I tend to write down anything that comes to mind and expand on them.
I don't want to use this thread as an advertisement to what I've already done thanks to me actually using scripts but I sometimes look back on these and think they could've been done better like the wording or setting out, I'll give you an example for something that I'm currently writing
[CODE]Script
Characters:
B – Bob
D - Dylin
<B is watching TV>
<Power cuts off>
<Room goes totally black>
B: What the fuck? Dylin!
<D walks down stairs and trips, cue sound effect with pain noises through NaturalReader>
D: What
B: The power
D: What do you want me to do?
B: Check the switch box you dumb fuck
<D leaves house goes around house to the switch box>
<D stares at switch box then hears zapping noises>
<Sees a live wire, D picks it up and gets electrocuted>
<Sizzling noise until D drops to the ground>
<B enters the scene>
B: Oh no, Dylin is dead.
B: All the fun times I’ve had with him
<Insert flashbacks from episodes>
B: Oh wait; I didn’t have any fun with that sack of shit
<B leaves the scene>
Dylin: That was the best high ever
“Don’t touch live wires”
[/CODE]
Do you think there should be anything that I should improve on? I'm very new to this like I've said, I only have made a total of 5 videos that used scripts so I don't know whether I should continue what I'm doing now or dramatically change some things
thanks guys
btw i had no clue where to post this
I'd recommend using Cetlx, free software for automatic script formatting, honestly, I'm not really sure what the point of this script is, I'd only really be able to give feedback when it's a little longer
[QUOTE=Uzbekistan;41139753]I'd recommend using Cetlx, free software for automatic script formatting, honestly, I'm not really sure what the point of this script is, I'd only really be able to give feedback when it's a little longer[/QUOTE]
they're short videos on YouTube I make for a bit of fun
[url]http://www.youtube.com/CounterTunes[/url]
I normally never used to write scripts up but I always noticed that whenever I started something without planning it would always either not get completed or be utterly terrible
One thing you see in lots of tv/theatre scripts is proper novel-like descriptions of the scene. Gives the director a lot to work with.
Also you want more stage directions for the actors, as well as directions on intonation and emphasis on the words you want emphasised, that sort of thing.
[QUOTE=CoolCorky;41168433]One thing you see in lots of tv/theatre scripts is proper novel-like descriptions of the scene. Gives the director a lot to work with.
Also you want more stage directions for the actors, as well as directions on intonation and emphasis on the words you want emphasised, that sort of thing.[/QUOTE]
this is animation not live action, everything is a plan
I am atm writing a mockumentary series and I am collabing with some guy who lives down the road because he has better equipment to work with, so all of this will be new to me but I believe in making mistakes & trial and error
I've taken what you said into account it may be useful while I just sweeten up a few loose ends
[QUOTE=CoolCorky;41168433]One thing you see in lots of tv/theatre scripts is proper [B]novel-like descriptions[/B] of the scene. Gives the director a lot to work with.
Also you want more stage directions for the actors, as well as directions on intonation and emphasis on the words you want emphasised, that sort of thing.[/QUOTE]
No no no no no
This is the worst piece of advice you can give a script writer. Scripts are only supposed to cover the bare minimum of things that happen, and it's the director's job to fill in the details.
But I won't get too deep into proper screenwriting format, since these are just for personal use. That shit matters more when you're submitting a screenplay to a third party, or are in a formal professional environment.
This excerpt is pretty short, but I could make a couple suggestions... Like near the beginning, it might flow better if there was a little less back-and-forth between the characters, and I think some of the action is redundant. Like maybe:
[code]<B is watching TV>
<Power cuts off>
B: What the fuck? Dylin!
<D walks down stairs and trips, cue sound effect with pain noises through NaturalReader>
D: What
B: The power, you dumb fuck! Check the switch box
<D leaves house goes around house to the switch box>[/code]
And ordinarily, going outside would mean transitioning to a new scene, but it's probably not a huge deal here.
Anyway, I think the last part is kind of awkwardly executed. Bob walks into the scene for no purpose other than delivering a line and cuing a flashback. He walks in, speaks a couple lines, and walks out. I think there should be a little context there, like if he says one more line, like "what's all that noise?" or "you ok?" before coming into the scene, or if we see that he came out to fix the power himself. I don't know what comes after this scene, but it could be funny if Bob fixes the power in like two seconds after Dylin spent a while struggling with it, only to electrocute himself. I mean, that's just one option that I think would make the scene feel more natural.
I'm not sure what the "don't touch live wires" is at the end. Is that a sign that's present in the scene? Or a title card that appears at the end? I wasn't clear on that.
Also, it would drive my old screenwriting professor crazy if you used any "-ing" verbs. There was no "B [b]is watching[/b] TV," and it always had to be "B [b]watches[/b] TV." But again, that kind of formatting isn't of the highest importance in a casual environment like this.
s
[editline]3rd July 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=Loofiloo;41292772]No no no no no
This is the worst piece of advice you can give a script writer. Scripts are only supposed to cover the bare minimum of things that happen, and it's the director's job to fill in the details.
But I won't get too deep into proper screenwriting format, since these are just for personal use. That shit matters more when you're submitting a screenplay to a third party, or are in a formal professional environment.
This excerpt is pretty short, but I could make a couple suggestions... Like near the beginning, it might flow better if there was a little less back-and-forth between the characters, and I think some of the action is redundant. Like maybe:
[code]<B is watching TV>
<Power cuts off>
B: What the fuck? Dylin!
<D walks down stairs and trips, cue sound effect with pain noises through NaturalReader>
D: What
B: The power, you dumb fuck! Check the switch box
<D leaves house goes around house to the switch box>[/code]
And ordinarily, going outside would mean transitioning to a new scene, but it's probably not a huge deal here.
Anyway, I think the last part is kind of awkwardly executed. Bob walks into the scene for no purpose other than delivering a line and cuing a flashback. He walks in, speaks a couple lines, and walks out. I think there should be a little context there, like if he says one more line, like "what's all that noise?" or "you ok?" before coming into the scene, or if we see that he came out to fix the power himself. I don't know what comes after this scene, but it could be funny if Bob fixes the power in like two seconds after Dylin spent a while struggling with it, only to electrocute himself. I mean, that's just one option that I think would make the scene feel more natural.
I'm not sure what the "don't touch live wires" is at the end. Is that a sign that's present in the scene? Or a title card that appears at the end? I wasn't clear on that.
Also, it would drive my old screenwriting professor crazy if you used any "-ing" verbs. There was no "B [b]is watching[/b] TV," and it always had to be "B [b]watches[/b] TV." But again, that kind of formatting isn't of the highest importance in a casual environment like this.[/QUOTE]
The thing you need to take into account here is that the scripts I do are pretty much bare minimum, since I consider what I'm currently doing as non-serious I just write what I can think of, format it and then use it. It really helps because it makes going to the voice program then to the script as easy as possible, also gives me some idea on what to do
The scripts are short because the videos are supposed to run shorter than 50 seconds, the video I did for this ran longer, like over a minute.
This was the end result
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFN1o6nDhzY[/media]
I try to avoid natural vibes because the series is meant to not be fully natural more silly, it's been called random but I'm still trying to understand how that is so.
Also there are differences, it depends on how I'm animating it, everything happens within Sony Vegas because it adds that really shocking animation tactic, of course if I was going to take this seriously it'd be in Flash.
Bob also has no name, he's just called Bob because the placeholder name for what I do was called Bob Jane T-Mart, a tire company, Bob is usually generic.
However, I do thank you for that because it'll help me with some later serious projects that I'm planned on doing, I want to start taking my work seriously these videos just entertain a small group of friends and other people if need be
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