Poem I wrote for my girlfriend - General

Yeahh, basically, decided to write my girlfriend a poem, show her how much I love her and stuff, but i'd like to know what you guys think of it? It's my first poem! Not that that should be an excuse if you think it's shit So yeah, can you guys let me know what you think? You're are my everything. You are my world. You are my sweetest dreams, and you're also my girl. Always and forever, I will be there, to comfort and sooth you, whenever you're scared. My love for you is eternal, and will never die down, even if I seem stupid, or act like a clown. My heart is yours, and you hold it so near, For you are my princess, and I love you my dear. You've witnessed my highs, and been there when I was low, With a smile on your face, which I do love you know! Everything we are, i've never felt like this before, While I love you today, tomorrow I will love you more! Our love is everything, like the most beautiful of trees, Which will continue to grow, aslong as you're with me! Now look what you've done, you've only stolen my soul! But it's okay, it was that action there, that has made me whole. You're soft gentle touch, enough to drive me insane, Pressed together like playdough, my heart beats in your name. You own the key the my life, you never needed a door And now you've entered my life, i'm smitten to the core. Our love for eachother has given me reason to see That you'll always be mine, you'll always be a princess to me.

It's very cliché and cheesy.

It's very cheesy and cliché.

I promise you she will love it. I made one for my girl, even more cheesy than this, and she framed it. I would say that her opinion is the only one that matters, but then you wouldn't have posted it on FP, right? Sorry for the combo breaker.

Everytime I see that smile on your face My heart beats out of place. Everytime I see your skin in the moonlight. I tend to loose my sight to beauty. The first time I heard your name I knew I would never be the same. [B]In standard AB,AB,AB poem format.[/B] I have a crapload of poems I never sent to my best friend--just send this one to your girlfriend before you change your mind and it stays in your dresser as an unsent message..

Actually that looks like a couple of couplets with irregular meter. No problem, though.

[QUOTE=Homez;31512479]Actually that looks like a couple of couplets with irregular meter. No problem, though.[/QUOTE] Well.. English Honors only teaches you so much. We never learned about sonnets and the other formats. Just AB, AB, AB. AA, AA, BB, BB. And the biggest mindfuck was BA, BA, BA. Like.. wtf? Isn't that just AB, AB, AB?

I took the liberty of writing you a break-up poem, in case that dark day ever comes. I hope you don't mind: A I cherish the moments we've both shared B The movies, the sex, and the mush A Remember the window screen you teared? B Ninty-five dollars, no rush... C I wrote you a love song that one time B The ill-metered prose made you blush C I took shit on Facepunch for that rhyme B You forgot it, it rained... it's slush D There's one thing you did for me, baby E My post count's now two-ninty-five D Well, I'll see you later, maybe ? Go fuck yourself, bitch

Writing poems for girls is.. weird. I'm pretty sure most of them wouldn't even appreciate a poem.. but after all.. this is Facepunch, so I guess the targeted females might be not like that.

My only issue with it is that you start to get a rhythm built up while reading it and then you throw a line in there that completely throws it off. [quote]My heart is yours, and you hold it so near, For you are my princess, and I love you my dear. You've witnessed my highs, and been there when I was low,[/quote] Like this. The last part, "and been there when I was low" is too wordy to keep any rhythm of the poem.

How long have you known this chick?

Well your girlfriend will love it even if it is cheesy and cliche. Because she's your girlfriend and cares about you. DOH. My boyfriends poems to me are however much more awesome as they do not proclaim eternal love, but instead mention the little things he notices that are both hilarious and incredibly thoughtful for him to notice. I believe when someone is trying to tell they love someone it's much sweeter if they personalize it not just use the general description of eternal love and all that crap. [editline]4th August 2011[/editline] also LOLOLOL 'princess' at that part I'd be trying SO hard not to laugh out loud

It's very cliché and cheesy.

if I was a chick and you read this to me I would file a restraining order and move to Singapore

if i wrote something like this for my girl she'd be like "what the fuck are you doing lol"

Es muy cliché y cursi.

I wouldn't post stuff like that on facepunch. 98% don't take it seriously. P.S. It's very cheesy and cliché.

Its very original and charming.

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHS5DsTwPJQ[/media] Read it while listening to this, it becomes much better. [sp]call me a ponyfag and i will slice you because this is swagberg[/sp]

I write poems for my girlfriend all the time and she loves them even when they are cheesy