Bisexual: A Label With Layers; Tom Daley Comes Out as Bisexual, Igniting L.G.B.T. Debate
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[QUOTE][IMG]http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2014/01/05/fashion/05JPDALEY1_SPAN/05JPDALEY1-articleLarge.jpg[/IMG]
[I]Left: Tom Daley, far left, and the screenwriter Dustin Lance Black, who has been widely reported to be Mr. Daley’s boyfriend, in Houston last month. Right: The actress Cynthia Nixon, at left, had children with a man before having a son, Max, with Christine Marinoni.[/I][/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]“Of course I still fancy girls.”
Those six little words, tossed off like a request to please hold the mustard, were among the most deconstructed in Tom Daley’s YouTube video last month, in which the 19-year-old British Olympic diver announced that he was dating a man.
Leaning against Union Jack pillows, he continued, “But, I mean, right now I’m dating a guy, and I couldn’t be happier.” Mr. Daley’s message was sweet and simple, and gay rights advocates seemed thrilled to welcome an out-and-proud athlete into their ranks. (The cattier comments came later, when the “guy” was reported by numerous tabloids and blogs to be the screenwriter Dustin Lance Black, who is two decades his senior.)
But the cheers were premature, or at least qualified. Despite the trending Twitter hashtag #TomGayley, Mr. Daley never used the word “gay,” and there was the matter of his still fancying girls. While many commenters embraced the ambiguity (“I don’t care if Tom Daley’s gay or bi or whatever ... He’s still fit,” one tweeted), others raised eyebrows.
Was it a disclaimer? A cop-out? A ploy to hold on to fans? Was he being greedy, as some joked? Or was he, as the video’s blushing tone suggested, simply caught up in the heady disorientation of first love, a place too intoxicating for labels?
Whatever the answer, Mr. Daley’s disclosure reignited a fraught conversation within the L.G.B.T. community, having to do with its third letter. Bisexuality, like chronic fatigue syndrome, is often assumed to be imaginary by those on the outside. The stereotypes abound: bisexuals are promiscuous, lying or in denial. They are gay men who can’t yet admit that they are gay, or “lesbians until graduation,” sowing wild oats before they find husbands.
“The reactions that you’re seeing are classic in terms of people not believing that bisexuality really exists, feeling that it’s a transitional stage or a form of being in the closet,” said Lisa Diamond, a professor at the University of Utah who studies sexual orientation.
Population-based studies, Dr. Diamond said, indicate that bisexuality is in fact more common than exclusively same-sex attraction, and that female libido is particularly open-ended. That may explain why female bisexuality is more conspicuous in popular culture, from Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” to “The Kids Are All Right” and the Netflix series “Orange Is the New Black.” (That straight men may find it titillating doesn’t hurt.)
In a recent Modern Love essay in The New York Times revealing her relationship with another woman, the actress Maria Bello wrote, “My feelings about attachment and partnership have always been that they are fluid and evolving.” Before marrying Bill de Blasio, Chirlane McCray identified as a lesbian, which has become part of the progressive credentials of New York’s first family.
Male bisexuality, by contrast, is more vexed, and much of the skepticism comes from gay men. In the aftermath of Mr. Daley’s announcement, Ann Friedman wrote a post for New York Magazine’s The Cut blog predicting that male bisexuality would become more visible as gender mores evolved. “Traditional definitions of masculinity — which tend to go hand in hand with homophobia — are going through a real shake-up,” Ms. Friedman wrote. “More hetero men are tentatively admitting that they’re turned on by certain sex acts associated with gay men.”
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[B]Read the rest of the article here:[/B] [url]http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/05/fashion/Tom-Daley-Bisexual-LGBT.html[/url]
As a bisexual guy, I feel like the media, and even a lot of the L.G.B.T. community forgets about the third letter of that acronym.
[QUOTE=kaine123;43457450]As a bisexual guy, I feel like the media, and even a lot of the L.G.B.T. community forgets about the third letter of that acronym.[/QUOTE]
The LGBT community forgets about the last two letters of the acronym a lot.
personally i reckon that people are just varying degrees of bisexual and that the whole STRAIGHT OR GAY thing is more of a social construct
[QUOTE=Lachz0r;43457475]personally i reckon that people are just varying degrees of bisexual and that the whole STRAIGHT OR GAY thing is more of a social construct[/QUOTE]
I wish...
When my gay friend implies that my bisexuality is just me being in denial about coming out as gay because I'm insecure about my sexuality it quite honestly infuriates me just as much as when my homophobic friend implied that I needed to choose whether I liked girls or if I liked guys as if I have a choice in the matter. The idea that there exists no middleground is a bullshit assumption.
Just because you are in the lgbt doesn't mean you can't discriminate
Iunno, I've had relationships with guys and girls, and people tend to take someone being bisexual differently than they take someone being homosexual. The gay crowd seems to shun us or not as openly accept us, the straight crowd considers us gay or just some weird anomaly. I tend to lump bisexuals in with "gay" when used more widely because the struggles and issues are the same- gay marriage, gay adoption, gay rights are all things that cover bisexuals just as much as homosexuals, and in the opposite way, when they say "fence up the gays" or "kill the gays" I don't think anyone's drawing the line at homosexuals- we'd be included in that just as much.
All the same the solidarity is only half there. I've had people who said "Oh, you're gay" when I've said I'm bi and people who've said, "Oh, you're bi" when I've mentioned I like men, but also women. What you "are" when you're bi is pretty much up to the interpretation of the person viewing you.
So there is some discourse on this and I'm glad that it's getting some public attention through a positive way like this.
tom daley is well fit
phwoarrrrrrr
[QUOTE=Lachz0r;43457475]personally i reckon that people are just varying degrees of bisexual and that the whole STRAIGHT OR GAY thing is more of a social construct[/QUOTE]
Well you're right.
The [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale]Kinsey Scale[/url] deals primarily with that exact notion. It's almost certain that sexuality is fluid, and there was recently a study that suggests that social situations create more or less plastic sexuality, with it describing how historically the more prominent the sexualization of women the more plastic women's sexuality is in that society- that is, women tended to be more homosexual and bisexual the more sexualized women were in that society.
Sexuality isn't has concretely defined as most of us think. What you are sexually interested in today can change pretty quickly tomorrow given the right social factors.
A lot of people in the L.G.B.T. dislike gays because they're on the 'fence' or are 'greedy' are not true homosexuals
As a Bisexual guy I see a lot of people mixing up being bisexual and being an unfaithful non-trustworthy slut that fucks everything. Probably doesn't help that on the girls side a lot of the ones calling themselves bi are actually huge untrustworthy sluts.
I don't really give a fuck though. I know some people who do though, understandably.
i have always thought about sexually as something about percentages. Even when people dont like the idea of being with someone of the same sex, there are some aspects that in a sexual form are appealing to us from the same sex, like when we see a good body and we wish we could look like that, or certain "male" or "female" aspects of a personality that we like and wouldnt mind having by our own.
The assumption we feel disgusted for the same sex as straight people is pretty, pretty stupid, imho.
[QUOTE=A_Pigeon;43457543]Just because you are in the lgbt doesn't mean you can't discriminate[/QUOTE]
Reminds me of that bunch of feminists who were protesting somewhere and when a trans woman tried to join in they kicked her out and yelled at her because she wasn't a true woman or some bullshit
The irony is delicious
[QUOTE=wulfe8857;43457470]The LGBT community forgets about the last two letters of the acronym a lot.[/QUOTE]
They should change the acronym to [b]LG[/b]Bt to more accurately reflect how people are treated
I will suck a dick and fuck a chick. Fight me. [IMG]http://i.imgur.com/ed9vAWO.gif[/IMG]
I can't be the only one here that really despises people bragging or never shutting up about their sexuality, right ? There's very few things that annoy me more than someone acting deliberately gay for the sake of being noticed.
LGBT needs to add a P in there for us pansexuals. Just saying.
[QUOTE=Apollo;43457718]I will suck a dick and fuck a chick. Fight me. [IMG]http://i.imgur.com/ed9vAWO.gif[/IMG][/QUOTE]
Will you do both at the same time? That's the big question.
[QUOTE=Rich209;43457762]LGBT needs to add a P in there for us pansexuals. Just saying.[/QUOTE]
LGBT is the shorthand version of the full thing which is more like LGTBQAPIH. I think there's a few more that I'm forgetting.
[QUOTE=Rich209;43457762]LGBT needs to add a P in there for us pansexuals. Just saying.[/QUOTE]
No, no it doesn't. Pansexuality is a slight variation that can be put under the wider term of bisexuality without anyone being left out.
Technically by the year 2013 LGBT was actually LGBTQAP-something and no one bothers with the rest because the more you add, the dumber it sounds. No one is going to bother writing down the whole thing.
Trying to specify every single kind of sexuality type when you are trying to prove that sexuality is fluid and can't be classified under specific terms kind of creates a pretty tough contradiction.
One thing I'll never understand is why anyone with any amount of fame feels the need to announce to the world who they're currently fucking and which sex they prefer to fuck.
I can't wait for the day when coming out as a homosexual, bisexual or transexual is looked upon as just as bizarre and pointless as coming out as a heterosexual is today.
[QUOTE=Ganerumo;43457796]No, no it doesn't. Pansexuality is a slight variation that can be put under the wider term of bisexuality without anyone being left out.
Technically by the year 2013 LGBT was actually LGBTQAP-something and no one bothers with the rest because the more you add, the dumber it sounds. No one is going to bother writing down the whole thing.
Trying to specify every single kind of sexuality type when you are trying to prove that sexuality is fluid and can't be classified under specific terms kind of creates a pretty tough contradiction.[/QUOTE]
Saying that bisexuality should be counted and pansexuality shouldn't is stupid. Just use GSD instead, you don't have to add or remove anything.
[QUOTE=A_Pigeon;43457543]Just because you are in the lgbt doesn't mean you can't discriminate[/QUOTE]
this is ironically the main reason social movements everywhere tend be drastically slowed down and/or fail.
petty infighting, oppression olympics, just plain bullshit, etc.
[QUOTE=Lachz0r;43457475]personally i reckon that people are just varying degrees of bisexual and that the whole STRAIGHT OR GAY thing is more of a social construct[/QUOTE]
I don't think so, my mother thinks of bisexuals as "Just wanting to fuck everything" and "at least gay know what they want" or something to that extent.
I'm pretty sure a lot of people think Bi either means you're a wannabe or gay currently. A lot of people just can't accept some of us can just accept sex for what it is, and don't really care about the gender/sex of the partner.
[QUOTE=mugofdoom;43457820]One thing I'll never understand is why anyone with any amount of fame feels the need to announce to the world who they're currently fucking and which sex they prefer to fuck.
I can't wait for the day when coming out as a homosexual, bisexual or transexual is looked upon as just as bizarre and pointless as coming out as a heterosexual is today.[/QUOTE]
because gays bis whatever are still heavily discriminated against and it's still seen as abnormal, famous people have to deal with a whole lot more scrutiny than the average person so sometimes they say it before it can be plastered all over tabloids or just as a way of showing the world that it's normal and also to try and be an inspiration to people who are insecure or mistreated over their sexuality
[QUOTE=supersnail11;43457829]Saying that bisexuality should be counted and pansexuality shouldn't is stupid. Just use GSD instead, you don't have to add or remove anything.[/QUOTE]
Pansexuality is literally just a slight variant of Bisexuality with some barely noticeable differences. Seriously, the only difference is that bisexuals like both genders, and pansexuals don't take in account gender at all. Practically, it has the exact same consequence. It's not even important, like technically I should call myself Pansexual but I don't give enough of a fuck and I don't want to confuse people so I just say bisexual because it's simple to understand.
[editline]8th January 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=mugofdoom;43457820]One thing I'll never understand is why anyone with any amount of fame feels the need to announce to the world who they're currently fucking and which sex they prefer to fuck.
I can't wait for the day when coming out as a homosexual, bisexual or transexual is looked upon as just as bizarre and pointless as coming out as a heterosexual is today.[/QUOTE]
Sex sells and tabloids fucking love selling.
[QUOTE=Ganerumo;43457858]Pansexuality is literally just a slight variant of Bisexuality with some barely noticeable differences. Seriously, the only difference is that bisexuals like both genders, and pansexuals don't take in account gender at all. Practically, it has the exact same consequence. It's not even important, like technically I should call myself Pansexual but I don't give enough of a fuck and I don't want to confuse people so I just say bisexual because it's simple to understand.[/QUOTE]
I think pansexuality has some pretty important tones to it, considering Bisexual means you're ok with both genders/sexes and pan sexual means just about everything. But to be technical, I think most Bi people are really pansexual, or at least from my experience they are.
Well they they are practically the same thing, it's a generalization that's harmless and easy to understand. Actually differentiating bisexuality and pansexuality is just going to forward the impression people have that LGBT is a huge attention-whore fest.
[QUOTE=Ganerumo;43457858]Pansexuality is literally just a slight variant of Bisexuality with some barely noticeable differences. Seriously, the only difference is that bisexuals like both genders, and pansexuals don't take in account gender at all. Practically, it has the exact same consequence. It's not even important, like technically I should call myself Pansexual but I don't give enough of a fuck and I don't want to confuse people so I just say bisexual because it's simple to understand.[/QUOTE]
Bisexual means you have interest in both sexes, pansexual means that gender or sex aren't part of sexual attraction for you. You can be bisexual with a female preference, or bisexual with a male preference. As someone who goes by bisexual, gender and sex definitely play a part in who I am sexually attracted to.
[editline]7th January 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=Ganerumo;43457919]Well they they are practically the same thing, it's a generalization that's harmless and easy to understand. Actually differentiating bisexuality and pansexuality is just going to forward the impression people have that LGBT is a huge attention-whore fest.[/QUOTE]
We could also just ignore the whole labeling thing and just accept that there are many factors to sexuality and it isn't binary/ternary.
I know what the difference is. I just don't think it's worth making a fuss about at all.
Gay/Straight/Bi is just an easy way to quickly say what you are. The nuances probably don't concern whoever you're talking to if you have to use these words to describe your sexuality to them.
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