• Some little story I began writing on my iPod
    2 replies, posted
I've been writing this little story for a small while now. The orphanage was a weathered old building that many people would just turn their head up at. God's Daughters, the charity that founded the orphanage, hadn't funded the orphanage for three years straight now. Through the entrance and up the stairs lay Agnes' room. God's Daughters used to have Agnes on board for volunteer work, however after funding drained, her two-week shift at the orphanage had been prolonged to a standalone job. She was essentially a self-employed volunteer extended daycare. For orphans. Unfortunately a new virus had reached the orphanage. The virus had been nicknamed Conabies, which was a portmanteau of contagious and rabies. So far, only England had the outbreak. The orphanage was one of the places that hit hardest, with 40% of the orphans being Conabies-positive.* Among the orphans was Eric. Eric *was found injured in the sewers with no memory of who he was, or what had happened. He was assumed to be a feral child. Eric kept to himself for most of his childhood. Occasionally he would have to cooperate with the other children whenever Agnes took them on activities, but aside from that he was a loner. The only beings he would willingly talk to were Agnes and Buddy, one of the orphanage dogs. There were four dogs, three of them every single orphan adored. * Declan, Rambo and Gary. All three were previously strays that had been taken in. So was Buddy. However Buddy was regarded as the 'ugly dog'. The dirty dog. The one who always had a pungent reek of mud and urine. The filthy animal. The only people Buddy would willingly accompany were Eric and Agnes, as they were the only people in the orphanage to see him for the loyal dog that he was. [editline]5th October 2011[/editline] Conabies is a placeholder name. [editline]5th October 2011[/editline] Also I'm not sure where the random *'s came from.
It flows quite badly. You should try to string sentences together better. In addition, you could make the structure more streamlined, not just a bunch of random paragraphs/lines all over the place.
Thanks. Normally what I write is loosely based off of other works, this is the first time I've tried writing a completely fresh story. As for the structure, I don't have all the control in the world on my iPod. I suppose I could post here and then fix it up.
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