Aspiring lyricist? Post your stuff here

[Lord of Awesome]

Ok so over the past few nights i've gotten stupid drunk and apparantly I write raps in the notes section of my phone. Since then I've decided to write some stuff sober and lo and behold, I can't criticize myself in a productive manner. So I thought, "What better way to get feedback than to ask a group of anonymous online forum members to judge my shit?" Give me your honest opinion; word choice, flow, lyrical content, whatever. It's not something I'm going to pursue, but if I'm going to do it, I might as well do it right, right?

[url]http://pastebin.com/MW591SBL[/url]
[url]http://pastebin.com/NfA4RFft[/url]
[url]http://pastebin.com/XfvLwr12[/url]
[url]http://pastebin.com/crxJxXnb[/url]
[url]http://pastebin.com/1VPrkHqe[/url]

For everyone else who is thinking of writing music, whether it's sheet or lyrics, feel free to post it here for critique.

Updated one to be more complete

EDIT:
Alright I found a solo verse and a rap about pizza, I think I got some issues holy SHIT LMFAO

[url]http://pastebin.com/xuZLTdkF[/url]
[url]http://pastebin.com/5Q8fpvRE[/url]