Dumbest Excuses, Arguments or Backpedals You've Ever Heard/Read - General

At one time or another, everyone wants to get the last word or desperately be the one who wins an argument, or at least make it sound like we've won. Sadly, not everyone is smart or creative enough to think of something clever to say, so they just end up making themselves look horribly stupid in the process. Or if they're really dumb, walk away smug thinking they've spouted something slick, when in actuality they've unknowlingly said something beyond retarded. Let me get the ball rolling: • I had a friend who picked up a bee with his bare fingers in an attempt to "look cool". You don't know how scary someone's face looks when they try real hard to 'smile it off' and scream in horror at the same time. He said "It didn't even hurt!" despite the panzy scream he made. 10/10. • I've known so many kids in middle school constantly repeat "my girlfriend, my girlfriend, my girlfriend" but never reveal her name. When I coax a name out of them, I know for sure who the said girls were dating at the time. The only defense I got from these dumb kids were "sh.. shut up!" when you took away the fun of their made-up girlfriends. • The last time I played Zombie Panic! Source, it had a fucking TOXIC community. It was also pretty easy to grief in the mod depending on the map. I brought this up at the official forum, and the reason I got for the douche community was "there's something about da game engine that attracts the baddies." What made it worse is that like 4 people agreed with him. Makes perfect sense right? Okay, your turn.

I had a friend that denied the holocaust happened and claimed that Hitler was a great guy. His "sources" ranged from photoshopped pictures from /pol/, poorly made YouTube videos, and the rants of David Irving and Fred Leuchter. Upon pointing out that Irving and Leuchter are both discredited idiots, the pictures are photoshopped, and pointing him to legit sources that had answers to his loaded claims, he called me a "blue-pilled shill" and said that "the Jews are behind it". He never responded to a single claim, said that everything was magically forged, that everyone involved was a lair, and that I was ignorant to the truth. I stopped being friends with him pretty fucking quick.

I had a similar situation. Found out a friend was a holocaust denier. His sources were some dumbfuck youtube videos and a photo of a wooden door he claimed was from the gaschambers. "Wood can't stop gas" he said. I haven't spoken to him since.

Someone in one of my classes crashed their car into someone on the highway while snapchatting. They legitimately tried to argue that they weren't at fault and that "the dumfuck in front of them shouldn't have stopped on a highway." Never mind the car crash that caused the traffic.. Never mind that he was clocked doing 88 in a 65. Nope, not his fault.

I think that one of the reasons why people deny the holocaust is because they emotionally have trouble dealing with how something so inconceivably demented actually happened.

That could be true, if it wasn't because their arguments always then turn around to hate-based victim-blaming and anti-Semitism.

I was reminded of the story how 300 men of the iraqi army were ordered to put on civilian clothes and run for their lives. ISIS captured all of them and executed them all in mass executions. I asked my friend what would he do if he was in the tower, overlooking the horizon with a sniper rifle. And what would he do if he saw a ISIS convoy roll up. He said that he would run because some of them could have bomb vests.

Me and the mod team could probably write an entire book about the excuses banned Rust cheaters make up, but that's a well-trodden subject at this point. In some groupwork coding projects, i've had group members who'd be given a task, tell us they'll get right on it, then say two months later that they've got no idea what they're doing and need help. Usually if the deadline is within two weeks or so. They claim that they were spending that time trying to do it themselves, but that seems unlikely. We've always told them to ask immediately if they need help; more likely is they either forgot or simply didn't do anything for those two or so months, then shit themselves when the deadline approaches and realize that they're not getting any credits since they've done sod all.

I think I said this one before but I don't care. I knew a dude who says he got VAC banned because "he was doin' real good in cs:s and they got suspicious!" By that logic, 70% of all players of that toxic game would be banned.

That one post on here where some guy was complaining about his wife having insurance rates increased due to causing an accident by texting while driving.

In /r/denmark recently someone posted an article (of nonsensical drivel) about how it's more expensive to have a string left wing than a strong right wing. Someone asked if he blamed Hitler on the right wing and I found an article by him about how hitler and fascism was actually left wing. I didn't really look into it until someone wrote about how it made sense. I looked into it and it's drivel. His reason for fascism being left wing is: Muosolini was part of a socialist party in his youth Fascism requires there to be a big state Then Hitler. Hitler was left wing because he was once asked to infiltrate the Deutsche Arbeiterpartei (a party that only existed for a year btw) and the fact that the fact that the nazies were called the nazis called themselves socialist.. Nothing about their policies or anything. Then I started skimming a bit and got to a quote by Gregor Strasser (who according to britannica.com was too left wing for Hitler and) who was killed by hitler.. No, really

Oh, what about that gem of a post when some idiot blamed a kid for getting shot when she hid behind her dad. Then when he was called out on being a complete dumbass he doubled-down and blamed the kid for lack of gun safety knowledge or some shit.

Was playing Dota 2 one time, early on in the match one of the players admitted to having had purchased his account. He could not understand why all other 9 players had troubles taking him seriously, and wasn't able to convince any of us that it was a good decision.

"Why the fuck are you blaming the father? The kid caused her own death by being behind the father, something that's a big no-no ESPECIALLY when she more than likely saw the fucking gun."

Since people have mentioned it twice already. https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/2014/52240ef9-8c10-448e-958d-daf1bb0f6c38/2016-08-09_00-54-50.png In its oldpunch glory.

https://twitter.com/Angelheartnight/status/984802851565309952

I know EAC bans are kinda low hanging fruit, but this one stuck out to me. https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/2014/ede53be4-2f8d-4400-9e61-f6ceda236d2a/image.png In case one doesn't feel like clicking.