I stopped going to the gym because of Trump. Now I can't open jars - Sensationalist Headlines

I stopped going to the gym because of Trump. Now I can't open ja.. It was November 2016 and the only person I knew who believed Trump would win the US election was the owner of my gym. This was clearly a ridiculous prediction so, seeing the chance for some easy money, I offered to bet him $100 that Hillary would win. But the gym owner, clearly not wanting to do his dough, pointed at this horrible thing in the corner with the name “sled” and said: “If Trump wins you have to pull 70kg on it.” It was double what I could usually pull. And, if I won the bet, the gym owner would pull double his personal best. Yeah, I could pull a pretend sled. But how was that going to help me when the world had been destroyed by nuclear weapons or climate change? Hungry and sore, I repaired to a restaurant down the road that I had never visited and where I had never seen anyone come or go from. The silent restaurant – no background music, no other diners – seemed like the perfect place to welcome the end of the global liberal order. What new political order had been born tonight? An elderly waiter appeared and handed me a menu. Most things on it were not available. The one dish that was was unspeakably awful and the colour and texture of cement. I never went back. But I also didn’t return to the gym. I associated it now with Donald Trump, the bad meal and pulling the sled.

This isn't a news article. It's a work of art.

I refuse to believe this isn't parody.

It must be a great time to be a journalist, just write literally anything with 'Trump' in the title for a big fat paycheque

Dogshit "journalist" writes article about absolutely nothing. Check out her other pieces: How do you play Fortnite? My week of trying to get addicted to t.. and Was there an apocalypse while I was asleep at the airport? | Bri..

these are gold from her fortnite article: But my godchildren are dying for V-Bucks, it’s all they want. Currently their avatars have grey skin. Wouldn’t it be great to play the game with cool pink skin? I watch them play Fortnite and have to remember to breathe. It is stressful and moves quickly. “Just hide out on the edge of the island,” I urge, as their avatars in their shameful grey skin, with their blunt non-V-Bucks axe, enter a barn where they will surely get killed. They explain that a storm comes through the island and you have to move closer in, where the danger of being killed is high. As they are explaining this to me, they are killed. In my hotel room, I try to download Fortnite onto my Mac, even though internet forums advise against it, saying that playing it on a Mac is “laggy.” During the partial download, my computer crashes and the 65 tabs I have open all shut. I am still yet to play a game and my week of getting addicted to Fortnite is about to come to an end. I speak to my godchildren who are loving their V-Bucks sick. One of them has bought a “tomato head avatar”; the other a “Deep Space Lander”. It’s alright for some, I think sourly. They have the friends and the equipment (and now the V-Bucks) to get addicted to Fortnite. The rest of us – with our old phones, our borrowed and missing Xboxes, our overloaded PCs – can only dream of being gripped in such a thrall. the absolute state of journalism

There's been dogshit writing since writing has existed. You just don't know about it because no one cares enough to document it - because it's shit.

I honestly had to check if it wasn't the Sunday Sport instead of The Guardian. And to think that people hear considered The Guardian as the peak of British journalism at one point. Absolute fucking shambles.

Yeah, I could pull a pretend sled. But how was that going to help me when the world had been destroyed by nuclear weapons or climate change? this entire article is like a fever dream of random ideas.

This isn't Journalism, this is blogging, what the fuck.

I feel sorry for this person, they don't even realise they have a mental illness.

this was very funny to read

Opinion piece or not the fact it got published at all still reflects badly on the Guardian.

https://image.ibb.co/h9mPZy/roflbot.jpg

Amusing, but not news