I'm not a popular user, chances are you don't know me. But I've been a Facepuncher since I was 10. In a couple months I'll be 22.
During these 12 years, I've had a very very rough life. Spending my teenage years on the streets of the Philippines and going through tons of physical and emotional abuse. I spent 7 years there, sometimes going weeks without eating, getting rocks and slurs thrown at me as I walked the streets. Getting into fights and getting pulled into the gangs there. I moved to America with my mom in 2014 hoping that life would be better, and in many ways it is. I don't worry anymore about food or shelter the way I did back then. But with American life came more complex problems. Worrying about social life, work, career and education. During this time, I was naive to the life I'm supposed to live in America, and I had ultimate faith and trust in my mother as we had just gone through 7 years of hell together, camaraderie blinded me to who she was and what she doing until it was too late.
I dropped out of college after being pressured into a degree I didn't want that made me miserable. Then was forced to work two jobs for no pay, giving all my money to an emotionally abusive mother who constantly berates me and insults me and treats me like a slave and not her child. She's thrown me out of the house twice for petty things, like a wifi password or a salt shaker. She hates me, and emotionally abuses me daily. Threatening to throw me out over literally anything, so I can't even say a word against her, or act against her in any way. But I was always a stubborn survivor with a knack of fighting against unbeatable odds. So for the past couple years, I've been planning and working towards the day I can leave in the night, everything settled, a place to stay, a car ready to use in my name. I was getting very close, but now she's pushing me into the military before my plans were ready, and if I go, I get tied down here and it'll be even harder to leave. She has her fingers in every aspect of my life, in my bank account where she takes all of my money, the car and phone I drive is in her name, she is petty and will try to claim even the clothes on my back are hers and so that I don't deserve to leave with them (She's done this before).
In the next month, I have to be independent and out of her house, or I'm going to be stuck with her for even longer and I really can't stand the idea of that. I know that if I leave, I'm facing hardship up the wazoo, tons of credit cards in my name that she has used, a bank account with not enough money to get by in California for too long. No car or any social connections here. It's an uphill battle.
I've been looking for places, and I'm still looking, I've had a few lined up. But I feel more comfortable if I could go with someone I'd be more familiar with or have something in common with. A Facepuncher for example. If anyone is willing to give me a corner of their house to stay in, and a shower to use, so I can stay under a roof and stay clean. So I can stay presentable and find two or three jobs (with paychecks that I keep this time). I can offer money and services. I'm good at cleaning, I'm a very hard worker, I'm practically willing to do literally anything you need me to do. Please, I'm desperate and falling, and I need somewhere to land.
I understand if you can't, this is a big thing to ask of anyone, especially strangers over the internet. But I figured: what do I have to lose, considering what happens next for me.
If you wish to talk privately, I'd be happy to answer questions and talk, so you can get to know me, or get any questions you've had, get them answered.
My Discord is: LadySevacre#3025
My Phone# is: 619-627-2775
My Skype is: Lady Sevacre (faithfullyflaming)
My Steam is: LadySevacre
I will also be here in the thread to answer questions and talk.
Thank you.
I'd suggest going over to one of the narcissist subreddits. r/raisedbynarcissists/ for example. I'm not a psychologist, but you mother does sound like a textbook narc parent and they should be able to offer advice.
Sounds like you need to move out and tell them to go fuck themselves.
Also in terms of bank accounts, as soon as it's safe to do so either remove her from your account, or if you can't do that (such as if it's technically a joint account), open a new one and transfer ever last cent over to it.
I can't do much from over here mate but I wish you the best of luck and a bump to this thread.
Fuck, I don't think I'd be able to survive your situation. As in I think I'd be dead by that point. You're an amazing person.
I don't need advice to deal with her, continuing to live with her seems fruitless by this point and it's just much better for everyone if I were to leave and live on my own.
That's kind of what this thread is about, I'm moving out but it's not as simple since she's got control of my finances and the car is in her name. I'm hoping someone here could house me for a month or two, any time really, just so I can separate myself from her and start looking for my own place using my own money.
I plan on immediately closing down the bank account she's in and transferring over to a bank account i've been saving money up in that she's unaware of. But I have to do that when I'm already gone, or else she's going to make sure I leave with not even the clothes on my back. This is why I need a place to stay, so I can do these things without fear of being homeless here in America too.
I really recommend removing your phone number and only giving it out via Discord or Steam. It's a bad idea to post it on the Internet for anyone to see, friend.
From my impression, it sounds like there's not much holding you in place. You said yourself that you don't have enough money to last in California, and you don't have any property or connections either.
If I were in your shoes, I would make plans to leave the state altogether - maybe head east. Distance is one of the best obstacles you can set up between yourself and your mother, and the cost of living is lower, too. I'm paying $2.21 for a gallon of gas in Missouri, for example. There's Facepunchers all across the country too, and if you could find someone willing to help, it would ameliorate the risks involved with pulling up stakes.
I wish I could offer you something a little more solid, but it's a strategy at least.
You have a point, it's more a matter of ease of moving. It's a lot easier for me to move around California via transit (since I don't have a car) and I have a couple friends around here I've met online (that due to their own living situations, can't offer anything right now). I've considered moving eastwards to the flyover states since I know their cost of living is exceptionally low compared to something like San Diego or Los Angeles. But it's something that might take more funds and planning and most importantly time, a commodity I'm very swiftly running out of. If anyone from anywhere can help, I'd appreciate it, I have nothing here and am willing to go anywhere. California just seemed to be the most sensible option given the circumstances right now.
Thank you, I very much appreciate it. I've been through a lot and I'm only touching up on a little in this thread for the sake of helping people understand who I am. But it's been insane how far I've been able to keep going. Part of me wants to chalk it up to an unbeatable spirit, but I also acknowledge that when push comes to shove, I firmly believe anyone could take the same beating from life I have. What few friends I have encourage me to write a book one day detailing my life with how unbelievably insane it's been.
It seemed sensible to me, I didn't really think anyone could use my phone number for malicious purposes except for maybe giving it out to telemarketers or sending me some nasty stuff over text. But you're right, so I removed it. Thanks!
10th Generation Californian and live in the bay area there's nothing i can really do for you but do you think you could get your mom's name off of some stuff like your bank account or maybe the car?
I agree with the others. If nothing is tying you down then try to make your way to AT LEAST a part of the state that has a lower cost of living. Also there ARE community organizations out there that could potentially assist you more than any of us can. For example I found this service on a local newspaper's website that seems to help people in need.
The car is completely in her name. Nothing says it's mines except for that I'm covered by her insurance and using it.
Her name isn't on my bank account, back when I was more naive I basically gave her full access (pins and passwords) and she knows my SSN and birthday (obviously). She's been putting and taking funds, using it as her own bank account just under my name. I could close it off to her by changing passwords and pin, but the problem is if I do that now, obviously she'll know and kick me out. I can't do that until I already have a new place to stay.
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I'm going to sleep, I made this thread now so that when tomorrow rolls around, and California wakes up: this thread will be here for everyone to see. I thank everyone so far that has given their time to read, give thoughts, and support. Thank you so much. I'll post in this thread and reply to any questions when I wake up.
Godspeed, man.
Good morning everyone! I'm awake in case anyone wishes to talk.
Leaving San Diego and going to cheaper parts of the state seem the most reasonable, the problem is still just finding the first place to stay in. Everything after finding this first place should be fine enough. Also public services! Of course! I never really thought of them for whatever reason, I guess I just had it in my head that they don't work. I'll look into this, thanks.
: )
I don't know how your mother can even treat their own child like that, even growing up from a brutal 7 years of poverty back home can affect people in different ways. But mentally it is pretty common tho, having to finally gain income... only to have it swept away from your mother due to the poverty experience.
I have a friend who almost has the exact same issue, who works but has a mother who has mental issues and leeches off of him and his dad, and is still occuring to this day.
Anyways, I would like to help somehow but all I can give is a message of support to ya, and hope that from here on out it only gets better once you take action to become independent.
Do you have a paypal or donation link or something. I can't definitely spare 20 Canadian dollars so you can buy a few burgers once you start moving away.
Some people just aren't fit to be parents, a couple of years ago my mother had an alcoholic boyfriend who abused all of us. Both me and my older bro tried to make her leave him but whatever we said didn't matter. She and her fucker ruined my life, I never had "normal" teenage years, and I'll never get them back either. Thanks to all the abuse, I've still emotional scars that will probably last my whole life. I'll never forgive her for what she did to our family. She protected him more than she protected her own children and in the end abandoned us at her mother's place, who had cancer.
And to OP: Don't take shit, but be rational. I don't live in the US and I don't really know a whole lot about it either, but as a person who's lived with abuse most of his life, I can tell you that distance is the best cure. I tried to live with my mom again after her fucker left the country(criminal record), and it was like I was some kid again, living in the same room as I got abused, beaten and messed with by an alcoholic. Unfortunately I can't help you more than with advice, and my advice is: Get out as soon as possible, lock down your bank account and get a new one, maybe change state and put some distance between you and her.
I'd suggest you head over to r/raisedbynarcissists for advice on how to deal with your mother personally, as well as hear from how other people escaped similar situations. Believe it or not, the car, bank account and taking your money is a very common issue there. You could also consider posting on r/legaladvice - there have been two very similar threads up there recently that have included bank/credit card debt issues. Both of those subreddits will be able to provide you with some valuable legal and personal advice.
My advice would be; don't take the car. She's likely to report it stolen. Do prepare to take all the money out of your bank account. You should focus on making sure you have a mobile phone that won't get shut off by your mum, because you'll need it to keep get/keep any job. If you can stomach living in the same area as your mum for a little while, you could try asking your two bosses for an advance on pay so you can sort out rent. It sounds like you're a hard worker, so if you think they'll be sympathetic it might be worth a try. You can always move away later.
If you want to stay in California, I would suggest going for the North Bay, more specifically Vallejo or Brentwood. There is cheap housing and in close vicinity of a lot of other interesting cities. If you decide you emancipate from your parent, then you will be entitled to a lot of beneficial financial aid that you could assist you in going to a community college, then transferring to a good university (if you choose to do that). Vallejo and Brentwood are close to one of the best community colleges in California, Diablo Valley College.
I would also suggest going to a church and seeking guidance in the community there. Regardless if you are religious, you will find people who are willing to help you through your situation (and possibly financially help you).
I was in a similar situation except my mother was always a sweet talker. By the time I left her I had over 10,000 in debt.
I lived in the back of a truck in north hollywood after getting a job at a weekly cash only hotel.
I kept my food/ate and showered there.
A gym membership is about $20 per month at planet fitness (for showering)
I did that long enough to pay off a few credit cards but the only reason I'm not homeless now is because I live with my girlfriend and her parents.
Ive used a $50 straight talk phone with the unlimited plan because data goes by quick when you're homeless.
I don't know what type of jobs you do but if you need money quick temp agencies mostly pay daily in Los Angeles.
One thing against moving to the SF bay area is it gets almost freezing, if you cannot find shelter you could die or loose fingers/toes.
Whoops, I didnt mean to accept your answer, shit, I meant to click reply. enjoy the coins I suppose!
Anyways, my mom was heavily abused as a child in the philippines, she'd come home and get her fingers broken by her mother. She is riddled with scars. She's suffered more than I ever have and I have suffered a LOT during these years. Stuff like that changes and damages a person, especially when you're only 5 years old and already getting your skull cracked in by your parents.
I understand completely that you cannot help, I appreciate knowing there's people in my corner rooting for me. Thank you
I've thought about it, I wouldn't want to accept your money but at the same time every dollar counts. I can probably set one up later. I would like to eventually pay you back somehow though. Thank you for considering it! I will try to make one later.
Thank you, it's sad that people have to suffer through these things, and I hope your life is better now.
Advice is always welcome, I plan on making as much distance as possible and making sure I can't be tracked down.
As I've stated earlier (although I appreciate you even giving your time ), advice about staying with her or dealing with her is basically completely useless. What's most important is disconnecting myself completely and fixing whatever issues she's caused. I'll look into r/legaladvice to see if I can find the stories you mentioned (if you can find them or have them on hand, I'll appreciate it) and see if there's any help or details I can gleam to help me further myself.
I already know not to take the car, but everything else is up in the air. I'll explain more at the end of this post.
This is good information! I appreciate it, I've already decided on a move to a different place, with lots of behind-the-scenes discussion. But I very much appreciate you telling me these things, they are helpful to me and I hope they will be helpful to anyone that might stumble across this thread and have the same issues.
This is probably the most useful post so far! I came from a completely different world, coming from the homeless criminal underworld of the Philippines. Many of these things never even crossed my mind! I'll definitely keep these things in mind, it's very very helpful to hear these things, and know what pieces are on the table. Thank you!
I'm glad that things have improved, even if its not a great situation yet, for you. I hope things turn out better for you.
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I'm leaving this Friday, to Tacoma, Washington. It's really scary! But I've been through a lot getting to this point, and I'm hoping that I have enough guts to keep going through whatever hardships life throws at me. If there's anyone in Washington, or even Tacoma, please give me a ring. Staying a night, or even just having someone to hang out with is really helpful.
This is after a lot of thought and research. Everything is already ready, and the only reason I'm waiting until Friday is so I can tie up one final loose end and say good bye to a lover I've made since I've gotten here. It's a terrifying and extremely depressing thing, making a jump and knowing you have no family or friends to rely on. But in the long run, if I get through this: this is better for me.
I'll try my best to keep this thread updated, in case anyone is interested in keeping up with what's going on with me. I hope things go well!
As always, please message me or send posts here. I'll try to answer questions, tell my story, and stay connected as much as I can.
Thank you everyone to all the time you've given me. I appreciate it in a way I could never express.
And this, my friends is why Facepunch is a great community.
Damn, best of luck to you. Please keep us updated when you can so we know how you're doing, okay?
Hey man I'm an hour north of you in Lake Forest.
I'm sorry to hear about all this- I'd offer you a place to stay if I owned the current residence but I don't, sadly.
Honestly your plan for moving up to washington state is a smart idea- get some real distance so she can't get to you, and you're not tempted to reconsider. Like other's have said, if you need to live out of your car invest in a monthly gym membership so you have access to a shower and hygiene facilities at least.
Wish you the best of luck, and stay in touch with FP when you can.
Hey guys!
I'm in Tacoma, Washington right now. Staying at a homeless youth shelter.
They take care of food, shelter, and charging my laptop. They also have a storage container for me so I only have to bring what I need.
There's a YMCA right down the street that I can shower at, so I can stay clean. There's a tram that's free and buses that are cheap. It's a lot niftier than I thought it would be.
The hardest part was at the beginning so far, when I had to quickly pack my bags and run out into the night. Terrified that at any time I could be caught and there'd be hell to pay. But it didn't happen, everything went by smoothly and after a 30 hour bus ride, I was finally in a new place. It's very cold up here compared to the Philippines or even San Diego, but I hope I get used to it eventually. Really excited to see snow for the first time.
I miss my little brother and sister, I hope they're doing well and my mother hasn't gone nuts and fucked everything over. I haven't heard from her since I left. Cried in a Walmart when I passed by a toys section and realized how quiet everything became now, and how for a few months I finally had a complete, albeit kind of dysfunctional family. It's really hard to go on knowing you left people behind. Especially since my last night in San Diego was spent cuddling someone I never got to start a relationship with but we had always known we had something together. Leaving behind these 3 connections I had to people, the only 3 I really had since coming to America. I miss them a lot.
Right now I'm applying for jobs and trying to keep presentable so I don't look like a homeless shmuck running around a shelter. It's kind of suprising how many people there are here, homeless youths. What's more suprising is it seems like they're okay with it? I have experience being homeless so I have everything planned out and ready and I can do this, but it seems to me like these kids are just meandering about and it's kind of sad. I'll look around and see if there's anyone trying to get out of this hole. Most of them seem to be either people running from domestic abuse or people who were kicked out for being irresponsible.
I'm excited to see how this goes. As always, please feel free to message me or hit me up somehow. Just to talk, ask questions, give advice, give help, etc.
I hope no one minds if I use this like an open diary.
We want to know if you're okay and see how things progress for you. Please do.
Phew, those [VIDEO]s sure do drown threads now huh?
I'm super tired, I feel like the shelter is a safe space but it's not as safe or secure as I'd like it. Especially with my past on the streets of the Philippines. I'm comfortable and don't mind being 'in danger' so to speak, but now I have a backpack with stuff in it. So I'm constantly waking up in the night and finding different ways to sleep in a way that lets me make sure no one can get the bag without waking me up. I've thought about making a shiv, looking around for some metal in a nice shape, filing it down and working it into something small and discrete but deadly. I think that's just my past experiences talking though, I don't think I'm in any real danger. I just feel the need to do it.
I've been running around a lot, applying for places, exploring Tacoma, and seeing what other resources they have for homeless fellas. There's a lot of neat stuff that suprises me, Tacoma has a ton of things in place to help people out and about. I'm glad I was sent here.
In a few minutes, after this post: I'm going to with a group of the other guys to a Salvation Army thing and get a job as a bell ringer. 12 dollars an hour. Not really something I want to do but hey, 12 dolla is 12 dolla.
One of the things I'm very pleased about is that I get to draw a lot now, I'm passionate for making animations and movies and comics and such. It's my dream to go and do that shit eventually. With an abundance of spare time I'm planning on using it to try and work more on those things.
I don't have any friends, and I don't really like talking to people though. Signing up for these help and resources stuff has been bugging me because to get the best benefits I have to open up about a lot of vulnerabilities, stuff I've picked up along my adventures like a bad leg and shoulder, messed up arms, potential brain trauma? Tons of things wrong just physically, and I haven't even been that open about whats emotionally/mentally wrong. I'm very averse to self diagnosis and I'm very averse to using these things for sympathy.
I'm still very sad and lonely, and I wake up a lot or just get hit with sudden realizations of "Hey, remember, you're homeless now! You've got no one to fall back on! This isn't a dream!".
Being in completely public places only, and having no friends or anything like that: it's hell on an overactive sexdrive like mines. Can't even masturbate man, it's fucked.
I have a friend coming from Seattle, he's one of the reasons I came up here since he and his group of friends know a lot more about lower class conditions in America than I do. But he's not going to be free until after the 20th so I'm just waiting for that. Anyone feel like hanging out? Send me a message!
I'll try to space out things, don't want to spam the thread or anything. As always, feel free to send messages or posts and I'll respond asap (I have pretty easy access to internet). If anyone has advice, or wants to help. I would greatly appreciate those too.
Happy to see you're doing well! It sounds like Tacoma is the right place to get your footing. Just keep moving forward, working hard and doing your best. As for the traumatic experiences and stuff, I'm not sure there but I know here and around school campuses, there are a lot of free or cheap clinics to talk to psychologists or therapists. It might be something worth looking into the help with the emotional side of things.
I think this thread and your posts have more legitimacy being on FP than most other content posted here. Keep up posted regularly, man.
haha sorry for the late reply, I usually pop into this thread to read and then lay my shit down before I work on other things. It's okay and I understand, asking anyone to let me live with them for a little is asking a lot and sometimes even if they wanted to say yes, other aspects in their life force them to say no even to their friends, not to mention that I'm not even a friend and that I'm a stranger. Thank you and I'll do my best to pop in here, I mainly just go to Starbucks and the shelter has a wifi connection thats pretty solid.
Thank you, I came into this pretty prepared with a plan, and I have a lot of experience with this side of life, more than I do on the other side, honestly. So I'm handling myself rather well and I think I'm speedrunning this whole "get out of homelessness" thing. I don't expect any miracles but I'm sure I'll probably be stable and have my own place within the year, probably earlier than that, honestly.
I have a lot of traumas, you don't really go through what I went through and not get them. Especially at such a young age. But I think my life's experiences and personality kinda helped me along because most of the issues aren't that bad. I'm not a nervous wreck who gets triggered by the sound of firecrackers or something. It's mainly just that I grew up and matured and became an adult of sorts in the Philippines, when I was homeless and everyone hated me and wanted to fuck me over. Where simply walking out on the street was a gamble because at any time some motherfucker could come by and gut me. It was like being target number #1 for a village of people. Everyone knew me and everyone had very strong opinions on me, especially when I started getting my hands dirty and getting more involved with the bad guys over there. I did anyting I had to do to keep going and in turn I did a lot of really fucked up downright inhumane things. I stole, I lied, I was overly violent, and I used every skill at my disposal to get myself out on top. People died for me and because of me, and me getting here to America was a fucking ride that I'm always happy to have made, but always remorseful of the people I stepped on. The worst part is that I became very accustomed to that life, and even when I was safe here, I slept on floors with weapons nearby. When trying to be normal and human, these issues definitely come to light and make it really hard to be human. But when put against adversarial conditions like I am now: my experience and 'problems' suddenly become useful as it feels like I'm dropped right back into my element.
I don't think, right now atleast, I need or even want to get therapy for these things. It's useful as it is and I need every edge I can get for more important priorities.
Haha thank you very much. It was very scary, and honestly I miss a lot of things about my old life already. But I have to admit that at the same time, I'm much happier now being free in the mud than I was being trapped in a gilded cage. I think anyone can do what I've done and will continue to do, it's all about that fancy human spirit thing we all got. If and when push comes to shove, I hope it never does for you, but I'm sure you'll be able to do what I've done.
Thanks Strawberry, I appreciate how supportive you've been this entire thread! When I said space them out I meant I'll probably just make sure a few days to a week are inbetween my posts (especially if there's no replies) so that I don't appear to be bumping a thread no one is interested in, or burning people out on my stories and talks.
I also want to make sure my posts do contain enough talks to remain interesting enough. Even if I'm thinking a lot, a day of accomplishing very little and having no noteworthy thoughts/conversations in my head is going to be kinda nonsensical to write about. No sense in spewing hot air, yknow? If I talk here I want it to be worthwhile of my time and other people's times, like posts full of stuff, or replying to other people.
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As always, please do talk in this thread or message me privately, I will do my best to respond (even if it looks like I didn't). I don't mind answering any questions (I'm a pretty open person), and talking does help keep me sane/pass the time when there's nothing to do. For example I'm going to an orientation today for a job, but thats in about 3 hours. Not much else for me to do until then except for goof around and go exploring some more. Both of which are fine things, except I have a bad leg and while I'm stubborn enough to push myself to walk miles uphill with a bad leg, I do recognize I need some rest.
Thanks! <3
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