Aight lads xx, don't want to come off as pretentious or anything like that, but I idk, I've been mixed thinking about this recently and this thread'll just be a bit of disjointed rambling.
TL;DR: No guiding goals, no idea who I am and how to build myself up, I've changed and it's odd to look back, online presence is split and I don't really feel 1:1 with any account/name/etc I go on. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I've never really been one for hopes, ambitions, or goals really; it isn't you know, healthy but I've been surviving I guess.
But a few years back, about 2014~2017-ish, I decided to bite the bullet and chase something that I thought I'd enjoy doing; and honestly just pursuing what I did was a constant engaging challenge up until a brutal short slog at uni, which basically put me back to square one in terms of everything, and crashed my motivation for a fair while. Been surviving with a meh job since, which is only worth it for a handful of the guys there.
And this general long note my life's been riding on for a while has kinda coincided with a general loss of who I am online, I guess. I've changed but I don't internally feel all too different, it's the outside factors: My interests changed, communities I was in died, Tribes Ascend died again truly the most heartbreaking thing here, meeting different people, etc. But I will say that who I am online from 4 years back feels more different to me than my inner self, if you get me.
Currently I'm just feeling lost, I'll pick up a few interests, genres of film & music to immerse myself in, but then down the line I find myself feeling oddly fake.
Over this period I ran a few different small art blogs on Tumblr, with different monikers from my main self, carrying stuff under one key theme before I'd get bored and move onto a different one, never really sticking around or feeling comfortable with mixing them together with my different selves. Then the Tumblr buggery happened, and at this point I've kinda realised that I don't have - as pretentious as it sounds - a main self online. My account and associated ones from here kinda dwindled as things changed and my priorities got spread out, and each one of my art blogs - even the one I have active now - have given up the ghost. I'm feeling pretty lost online too.
Art side, it's developed a bit of a slump where I vaguely know what topics I want to focus on and scribble down some days, but I don't have the creative drive for it. I can at least keep my drawing self busy with a few things I find therapeutic and relaxing to draw, but it's not fully what I want some nights. I don't want to take up art full-on professional with commissions and all, I want to keep it as something I do on the side for fun.
I'm okay with just being a decent bloke, someone who makes people laugh and is a benefit to those around me, but I still want to at least feel like my presence both online and off is like... Productive? I don't know. And tbh I need a bit of a shove to get my head in motion to find out how to exactly build myself and identify myself as me.
15 coins to someone who makes me laugh I guess.
I mean it won't help kinda having reminders that certain things happened in my life a bit under half my life ago, it's kinda hard to internalise without feeling a little nostalgic, more over what you don't have now more than celebrating it. My Steam account hit 10 years old, it'll soon be 10 years since I picked up TF2 (which pretty much changed my life lmao), September will be 10 years since I started chilling about here and next March would be 10 years since signing up.
Like 2009-2013 sticks out pretty clear in my head because that's kinda where I formed the base of who I am now. It's shocking to think that stuff like Deus Ex 3 came out almost 8 years ago, and 2015 feels like yesterday. I'm constantly moving away from it quicker and quicker and, while I'm not sure as to what point I'm making, it hits me every time. I should just let go and get out more I guess.
Either way, I'm glad that being here formed part of me. The humour, culture, love for the things I've loved which haven't felt fake to me. Thanks lads.
Sounds like you need both a break and a muse, a break not in as doing something at all, but in doing things you know you can do.
You need to try something tangential that's outside of your comfort zone, like cooking; more importantly cooking for other people. It's still creative, it still requires discipline and a discipline, and you be able to see the results of your efforts right then.
Pick good friends with honest palettes and honest reactions.
Armchair psychology time
Maybe you need to take a break from the internet / forums try to learn what makes you happy outside of that?
You say you enjoyed art, maybe see if you can try a few different creative mediums (woodwork, metal, actual paintings, photographs.)
I don't know what art you enjoyed but I'm making the assumption it was digital art/sketches
It's my understanding that artwork that involves you moving more than your wrist is a much mentally healthier way of fixing yourself up.
I think it'd help us, help you, if you gave us more information about your previous passions and hobbies
I'm faced with a similar situation. Feels like I've been drawn and quartered by forces internal and external, and its hard to create meaning amongst the confusion.
I've usually been a bit of a loner/lurker in online spaces, but I'm only just now beginning to value the internet for its ability to bring like-minded people together. But as my tastes become more niche, I grow distant from local communities and find it extremely difficult to talk to have meaningful conversation with family, since we come from a working class background in rural Alabama. I don't really have anyone to go to for life/career advice, because I'm the only one that's pursuing a creative/artistic career.
That said, I don't even have much of a career, because I'm absolutely garbage at networking. I don't like hyping myself up, and I'm extremely honest when it comes to interviewing. I would prefer not to work for someone whose ethics I don't align with, so that really leaves me with freelance work, and then we're back at shitty networking/marketing skills.
I just don't know what my place in the world is, and I sure as hell don't know where the world is going. I want to believe that technology and automation will free us, but there's an equal, if not greater, chance that we'll just end up living on Earth, brought to you by Facebook.
TL;DR: Find friends and belonging somehow, and hold on tight.
I say art, most of it was small scribbles, doodles, or illustrations, and it was only the last year I picked it up to try and keep steadily improving and trying more things. All digital.
Never really had an interest in pursuing other forms, it's a mix of having no space to store supplies and work, nowhere to basically hide stuff, and also just being completely anal when it comes to touch & textures - certain paper can just work me up and I'd rather die than use coal with bare hands.
I guess I gave photography a shot over the last year or but it didn't mesh with me really. I enjoyed getting pictures of certain dorky things but I dunno. It just fell out of favour over the year.
Eh, I don't know. I never really found myself pursuing any hobby. Picking up 3D art and studying that was basically what I did, and it was something I'd just hyperfocus on completely at times, it was a mix of being able to make what I was thinking of whilst treating it as a multi-faceted puzzle. I've no desire to go back to it whatsoever though.
I probably spent too much of my youth playing video games so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Ive got a similar issue where I try to focus on some single thing and get bored and just drop it. I've found that just rotating between multiple things you enjoy for hobbies works really well (at least for me). I've been juggling making a Doom mod, a board game, and an RPG System because I enjoy shooters, strategy games, and rpg's but I can't exist with just one or I die irl. I work on each for like a week or two at a time, and if I ever start to get bored, I switch to whatever I want to do next. I think the important part here though is that I try to commit at least a decent amount of time (In my case, about a week each) per, because it seems to be helping me develop a better ability to commit to a single thing for longer periods of time. On top of this I've also got rather small but more overarching goals like dropping soft drinks this year, or using spare time like when cooking to read a book. I don't think I'll ever get rid of my need to switch what my primary focus is every once in a while, but I have found that regardless this is still helping me develop my caveman brain.
fyi I just found I had this page open and I forgot to post this reply, and I don't feel like proof reading, so if my post is just pure racism or other useless shit then it was my clone I_v: The Sequel. Please do not hold me accountable for the actions of my clone.
I'm riding the same boat, not just online but also offline. I do have a goal in mind however and I'm hoping I will have the chance to work on it very soon. Until then I'm probably going to continue feeling a bit empty inside.
Losing motivation for your hobbies is normal. The big hobby I got is honestly just playing games and working on mods, code projects in my spare time, and so forth. And I haven't been in the mood for any of this for at least a couple of months. I think taking breaks is a good thing to do every once in a while because pushing yourself too hard to draw art as an example can easily burn you out. It has helped me personally to just go out on a trip somewhere and put my thoughts elsewhere instead of, well, sitting by myself locked in my room staring at a monitor all day long. That easily gets depressing, even if my hobby revolves around that.
So all I can suggest based on my own experience is to try and take a break from your hobbies. Maybe try doing new things you haven't done before? Maybe there's something you want to learn and study for? After you have been on a break for some time I'm sure you'll get motivation again to do what you like.
Say this joke out loud:
"Knock, Knock"
"Who's there?"
"Smell Mop."
"Smell Mop Who?"
"No thanks."
imo it sounds like your bored and lacking in direction which means maybe its time for a big shake up? Try new things or if you got cash go to new places?
Honestly, fucking mood.
But I don't know, I've never really felt able to climb outside of the holes I dig myself into, and I'm definitely lacking in any direction.
The problem is is that like, I can recognise a fair bunch of my problems and how to try and remedy them but there's always this part of my completely entrenched in just sticking with the way I am and I've never been able to overpower it.
I do plan on seeing someone soon™ over a handful of things, but yeah. If I got let go from this job anytime soon I feel like I'd rather waste away.
Ya I feel that, its all well and good me saying "just do things lol" but its never that easy. I guess be sure to keep an eye for opportunities to switch things up and pursue anything that can capture your interest.
Small update lads.
Been taking some small bits of action, going out more, pushing myself out of my comfort zone bit by bit, kept up staying dry and I've been getting a bit of exercise every day - I'm far from Arnie material, but you can pry the muscle emoji from my cold dead hands. Read a handful of things to try and identify & ease my problems, but there's still massive hurdles to go. But I've definitely been feeling more confident and sure of myself in the moment over the last few weeks.
I'm still having times where I'm doubting who I am as a person, but it comes back to knowing that I'm basically pretty lonely and a blank slate without the people around me - even though that's a pretty limited selection. I let the world overtake me, I'm not at college with the lads anymore, and not in the best place to get transport connections and meet up with others - I guess learning to drive after all these years is something to put on the list, just to be able to get myself out there.
If I could also properly solidify my idea of who I am independently of people around me, it would help me go further.
In terms of art? I don't know. I tried breaching back into that old moniker because it was the only place where I have a creative spark, it's nice making stuff to cheer up others, but I don't feel in sync with myself there, and it makes me more introspective about myself in a negative way. But if it wasn't for that, I wouldn't be scribbling anything at all down. You win some, you lose some.
The biggest problem when I look at the big picture? Holy fuck I'm scared of life.
The whole life as a bunch of roads analogy? Well in my head I'm stuck in a magic roundabout of spaghetti junctions hoping that one day I could just find myself somewhere decent where I'm happy with who I am - And right now I'm stuck where I've been or the last few years, just paralysed out of fear to take a major step. It's a big fucking world and I'm genuinely petrified by it, but the more I hold back, the harder it'll get to break free.
I don't really have any skills to put to my name, and just thinking about a career gets me thinking crazy. My current job was a random fluke and the longer I stay here, the more I hinder myself.
I'm not sure why exactly I'm updating here, but sod it. I need some help, advice, or just a metaphorical shoulder to lean on. And I've nowhere else but here. Thanks.
tl;dr: Small bits of progress. Online, no-one knows ur not the cool suave and fucking ripped shitposter you promised to be
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