Saw this on reddit awhile ago. Thought I’d share it here. Pretend you’re transferring your body to someone else. Almost like giving away your car to another person. What quirks does it have that you would advise anyone who takes it?
Ill start as an example:
dont sleep in front of a fan or any blowing air. You’ll wake up sick as fuck with a stuffy nose and shitty fan. Don’t wake up too early with no sleep. Especially when working, you’ll feel super shitty in the morning and want to throw up and you’ll have headaches. The remedy? Eat a small snack before you leave. Don’t swim in chlorine. Your scalp and skin between fingers and toes will rash up, itch and burn. It’s terrible. Actually in general just avoid swimming. It’s fun but not worth the issues it brings.
your turn
Avoid the Sun wherever possible, you'll burn quicker than an American flag at a protest in Iran.
be careful of your new huge meat B)
If you get a bloody nose, write your will and cancel your day plans, because it never stops and your fate is in the hands of god at that point. Also the left eye doesn't do much, its just there for looks at this point.
Can't fart again without having a little bit of sharting, have fun you depraved mortal
Dunno if this is a quirk or normal people stuff, cus I've never really dug deep enough to find out.
You know when you grab your nose and try to breath out thru it hard enough, your ears pop? If I instead try to suck air in I can do a reverse pop from whatever the normal state is. The result is everything gets more quiet. The volume difference between reverse popped and normal popped is pretty significant!
Don't smoke.
Don't get drunk.
Don't use anything with penicillin.
Don't use the same disposable razor blade more than two times.
Don't eat too much red meat.
Don't watch the news channel.
Careful with the sugar.
Careful with the salt.
Careful with the Sun.
Careful with the coffee.
Careful with the tea.
Sleep on your side to avoid the feeling of falling through the bed.
Keep the physical excercise.
Keep the mind active.
I would be a paranoid to whoever has it.
I always took care of my body because of genes (my family has a historial of high blood pressure and insomnia) and because it just feels good to have a body in good shape. And watching from outside being mistreated would really trigger me.
Contestant surviving the list without exceptions, congratulations in acquiring Barnek V1, shave only the face if you want to look like having 19 again. Put the razor on the genitals and your trial is revoked.
Jesus Christ dude you've got some big anxiety, I feel for you
Don't fast for an entire day, intense hunger comes back once you start eating again and it's the painful type of hunger.
Eat whatever you want, you won't get fat.
Don't forget to excercise or you will literally wither away to barely 120 pounds.
Sorry about the gender dysphoria. (Or is that coming with me?)
Don't worry if it just starts laughing for no reason. It's a defence mechanism with a faulty off switch.
Cigarrete smoke used to make me cough blood both from the mouth and nose thanks by a dad that always smoked near me since I was a baby.
Nothing against alcohol, it is only personal choice.
I'm allergic to penicillin.
Using disposable razor blades can give me ingrow hairs.
Nothing against meat, it is just taking care of my diet.
Family history of high blood pressure and insomnia means I have to be careful with sugar and salt. Same with Coffee, tea, etc.
Congenital melanoma was also present in some members of my family. Someone with light colored skin and hair like me can consider that.
Nothing with the sleeping pose, but I don't like that feeling of falling through the bed. It also helps me with hypnic jerks.
Excercise and reading are some nice habits to have for me.
If now we are saying that having some minimal care of yourself is over reacting we are having a problem here.
Now, the mileage is pretty low on this one but you do have psoriasis and eczema at the same time, so careful you don't Pentium anyone.
'you have been tricked. farewell.' then i'd draw a dick on the piece of paper
Be careful not to sit on your big balls.
Minor recurring lower back injury, keep working on it!
Don't let girls suck your right ball too hard, it's very sensitive. Other one is fair game.
Don't be surprised when you start involuntarily walking around in circles, my one leg is 1.5 inches shorter than the other
Welcome to being small. You can now fit anywhere.
Your new legs are hypermobile, and you'll never want to sit with your feet on the floor again.
Sorry about the knee, you get used to the pain. Hopefully it gets better, but probably not.
Oh, right, you might need this big list of allergies you're inheriting!
If you feel like there's insects crawling onto your body, you're probably wrong. But check anyway,
You'll check five times and still be dumbfounded
Sometimes when you have an itch no matter where it is you will smack the shit out of it with no warning. No you cannot stop it and there is no warning. Have fun.
You can't walk, your left eye doesn't work and you are missing 2 vertebrae so discount rate.
On the plus side you have super fuckin good hearing.
Don't sleep for more than 7 hours or you will get really sick. Like, 6 hours is perfect don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Trust me I went to the doctor they don't know why either, it isn't sleep apnea, saved you on having to go through those tests multiple times there.
Enjoy the fingers that bend backwards and the carrion elbows i guess (you never wanted to use a bow, right?). Oh, and when you do get the keys off me, maybe take a few days for the nicotine cravings to subside.
The third nipple's doesn't do shit so don't worry about that one, don't try to take off that tiny bauble of skin on the collarbone, trust me i've tried.
Enjoy being haunted by your eternal androgyny though! If you come up with an answer to that one, text me.
you'll have good eyesight and strong forelegs, but care the back, I fractured some vertebrae a while ago. Just sleep on your side and keep the tank filled up.
Also your legs are rotated outward which is kind of annoying in sports, but if you rotate your feet like nearly 150 degrees outward (which you can do) you can use this defect as a party trick!
you can probably dislocate your left shoulder by performing a specific motion (i can pop it out of the socket and back in but i never tried to full dislocate it)
also the little chunk of ear thats missing is fine, it doesnt do anything and you can kinda fold that ear outward which is kinda cool ig
Yes your legs are supposed to try and cross each other when you walk
Welcome to the New You™! Here are a few things you should be aware of before proceeding. There have been several patches since release however some persistent bugs remain:
Your ears get dry some make sure to lather them up in lotion.
You might be allergic to ibuprofen, the doctors weren't sure if it was the drug itself or a type of dye in it. As a general rule, avoid it.
Your bones and joints are going to make a lot of noise.
You won't be able to sleep on your left side due to a shoulder injury years ago. Sleeping on your back will also cause you to snore excessively loud.
You will need to relieve yourself at about 9:00AM on the dot, after your first cup of coffee.
You can't eat spicy food anymore or you'll get heartburn.
Actually you can't each much of anything without getting heartburn. Remember to take Omeprazole every morning to stop that (this is a new feature).
You will feel the need to bounce your right leg up and down whilst sitting. We assume it is a problem with the hardware.
First thing you'll probably notice is the hairline. Don't worry about it, it seems to wax and wane with the moon. Don't ask me why. Make sure to clip those fuckin eyelashes or you'll be blind at night. Ignore those weird sounds your neck makes.
It has a insanely quick metabolism but has no mechanism for feeling hungry and often forgets to eat, The eyesight isn't so good; you won't be able to see a clear picture past 1/3 of a meter without glasses or contacts but ironically has extremely good hand eye coordination. This baby also comes with facial hair that goes from clean shaven to lumberjack in just a month.
Oh and enjoy your newfound insomnia! I've tried everything and sleep meds just put you down but they won't keep you out for any more than 3 hours.
A bit of back pain here and there, if you want to do anything physical without straining it you'll have to go to the gym for a month or so.
Otherwise I'm proud to say I've kept it in good condition
Your joints are chronically cracking. Don’t it too much around people, they get a little annoyed.
A little taste from a shitty phone recording:
https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/185359/99d49b58-45d0-4b6d-82ec-c627d411e521/Ny optagelse 4.m4a
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