https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/157/c10421da-cff4-4da3-a1f2-093a6884d198/confession revengeance.png
Facepunch Anonymous Confessional - CLICK HERE
Ever wanted to air out some dirty socks or soiled undies, but didn't want to have to ruin your reputation? Boy howdy is this ever your chance. Click that there link above and tell me your deepest darkest secrets. I'll post them in this thread and comment on them, and stamp each confession with the number of the order I received them in.
When I say this is anonymous, I mean it's anonymous. I mean, about as anonymous as anything you do through Google is. Nobody will know who you are, and I especially won't know who you are. Fill it out in a private browser window if you want, I don't care. Also, I'm probably going to spread out responses, so don't fret if your response takes a few days or something. I don't know how many responses to expect.
I reserve the right to refrain from posting anything I don't want to post. That's only if I'm afraid of the FBI or something, though. If any confessions are really shocking or likely to make people viscerally uncomfortable, I'll likely post them but with spoiler tags.
Have fun!
Facepunch Anonymous Confessional threads are some of my favourite threads.
Not even to make fun of people, just because I'm genuinely curious about some peoples more out there stories.
1) I want to pound Atomicsans
Uh, thanks, I guess. I'd want to pound me too.
This confession is both #1 and #2 because whoever submitted it, submitted it twice, exactly five seconds apart.
Realtalk these were always among the best threads FP ever produced imo.
The sad thing is I tried to track the old ones down way back and we lost at least the first 3 threads, which were also the ones with the absolute most gold.
Checked with waybackmachine?
I'm not having any luck with those. Maybe im just not figuring it out properly...
but for convenience, we could at least add version 4, version 5 and version 6 to OP for newer members to get a fresh laugh and a hearty cry.
I started lurking in the Trans/Crossdressing thread about 4 years ago because I have a fetish for trans women. I was hoping for cute selfies and not "My parents are disowning me"/"NHS is trying to inconvenience me out of HRT". A month ago I went on r/egg_irl and realized I have gender dysphoria. As soon as classes end for the semester I'm going to talk with my therapist about transitioning.
Best of luck, friend. /r/egg_irl has helped a lot of people better understand their dysphoria, myself included. Something about extremely specific "relatable" memes is very helpful for peoples' introspection, for whatever reason.
I've gotten over 50 responses with more coming in every hour, and the vast majority of them are really interesting. Great work everybody, I'm so excited to share them all.
I plan on posting them in small batches each day to allow space for discussion. Does that sound like a good idea? I'm open to suggestions on the format.
Leaving time for discussion is a good idea. Post in batches of 5 or so at a time I'd say, that seems to have worked in previous threads.
I want to quarter-pound atomic sans with cheese
thanks but i'm taken
I absolutely hate when people get uppity about someone using words like
"retard", "faggot", or "autistic". If you're getting mad because I used
retard to insult someone, instead of the part where I'm trying to offend
somebody, then yes I am wrong, because you're the real retard in that
situation. Insulting people has already crossed a line and you may as
well go the whole nine yards instead of being a faggot about it.
you are rarted
This is the only place I'll get to say this. Every single day I'm so
conflicted between being myself and what people think I should be. I
feel like I constantly ruin every single conversation I join by being
myself, and any time I try to be moderately ok in a chat, everyone just
forgets I exist or just ignores me. I really just want to feel like I
matter, but I just feel like people think I'm annoying no matter what I
say or do, and that I'd be better off leaving this community altogether.
I hate my personality. I hate that I'm a casual asshole. I don't know
why I say the things I say. Trying hard to compensate through actions,
offering help and being selfless comes naturally to me, but why does my
vocabulary have to be the polar opposite of that? I've been trying for
years to change, but as soon as I get in a situation where I feel
comfortable, or at ease, I become a major dick asshole again...
It doesn't feel like 'me', if that makes sense, and I'm very seriously
considering and planning to off myself because there's no way anyone
could consider me to be a nice person to be around.
If you need the push to speak to a professional, please consider this to be your push. Self-image is a tricky bastard and can warp your perception. A professional can help you to learn when to trust it and when not to.
I hit a bong a few weeks ago. I'm 13. Stole from parents.
Weed isn't the whacky, adventurous, rebellious thing you probably think it is. It's just another mundane substance. Feel free to enjoy it every once in a while, but don't go hard on it, it's not great for the health of someone your age.
And don't steal. Have a friend buy it for you or something.
i fapped the wrong way for at least 3 years and i didnt find out until i read it in reddit
i still feel ashamed for that
When I first discovered masturbation when I was like 12, I did it by holding my flattened hand above my dick like a roof and rubbing the very tip of my dick back and forth against the length of my palm. It took me literal years to figure out the correct method.
So, like, I guess I understand not knowing how to jerk off correctly.
I contend that there's not really a right way to masturbate, it's all down to how you personally prefer it. Some people like a finger up their bum, some people like a fucking death grip on their dick. As long as you're not just fondling your balls and wondering why nothing's happening you're not really doing it wrong. There are definitely aspects that are common to most men but everyone's got their own way.
Just a tip, apply some light pressure/gently massage your taint (the bit between the balls and the bumhole) next time you do it. You're welcome. - Signed, your friendly internet creep.
Unless you're one of those people that essentially humps the bed (apparently that's more common than you'd think), because I remember reading something a few years ago that said, in short, it can fuck up sensitivity. That and the thought of flopping on the bed like a dolphin is really funny in my head.
Hey I told you not to tell anyone
Louis CK had a standup bit about a friend of his who would masturbate like that.
They would ask him to sit on their back so there would be more pressure on the penaglia.
This is fast becoming a signed confession thread For real though it's totally normal to be unique about your masturbation ways when you first discover your sexual drive.
Don’t start smoking pot at 13. Oh, and stay in school.
ok seriously people are here for confessions not your fucking commentary
ok I'll stop
But commentary has always been part of these threads?
Commentary is part of the confessionals. If you don't want to read the commentary you can just choose not to.
I chose to more or less copy the format of the old ones, so I'll continue with that and see how it works out.
Don't let anonymous dick heads insult you and tell you how to run your own thread. You're doing great.
If they're too much of a punk bitch to say it in the open then fuck em lol. If anything I'm down for more verbose commentary (if everyone else wants idc either way) cause maybe it could help rev up discussion, tho that also does come down to if the confession is interesting but who knows do whatever Im about as good at managing shit as I am at doing the sex (never did it)
Personally old commentary was more humorous and less life advice and I preferred that
Honestly I kinda prefer the new realtalk-y feel
I think we should let Atomic do their thing- no one else was bringing it back anytime soon, that we could tell anyways. Nobody's going to be able to get it exactly 1-to-1, so give them a chance and see after a few days how you like it.
AtomicSans is doing God's work by reactivating the confessionals. Keep it up dude.
the anonymous confessionals were honestly some of my favourite things and i actually have been wanted them back for a long time. if i weren't a nobody i would've seriously considered doing it myself. atomicsans should run it how he sees fit, imo. you don't have to read the commentary. plus, open dialogue about the confessions was always a part of it anyway.
I thought I was the only one. I was jerking off that way throughout my teenage years. Except I used BOTH hands. I only learned the correct way once I finally got a computer in my room and needed the other hand free.
Not doing the old format properly is literally why all the other revivals failed. They'd half-ass it or start responding with lame bullshit, like off-handedly encouraging self-harm and it just always fizzled out because of it.
Keep going.
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