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Time to be original, everyone. [I]Your jokes can also be really bad, that's more fun.
[/I]
[B]This joke is based off a convo with a friend:[/B]
"FUCK SCHOOL!"
"Remember to use protection, or else you'll have kindergardens running around and those are expensive!"
Once in Freshman year, I came up with this really, really bad joke.
I turned to my friend.
Put my hands on my face.
And asked, 'What am I?'
He said, 'A retard?'
I said, "No, a clock! Cause I got hands on my face!"
What's the capital of Alaska?
I dunno, Alaskan expert.
Biology joke:
Why did everyone want to hang out with the mushroom?
because he was a fungi!!!!!!!!
Not mine, but:
The definition of irony: not knowing the difference between a definition and an example.
[QUOTE=JgcxCub;39227345]Not mine, but:
The definition of irony: not knowing the difference between a definition and an example.[/QUOTE]
2clever4me
the tulomorian spy entered the enemy's camp and said to the vanksher:
"i didn't know your parnaps could glow"
[sp]purposely unfunny joke from mass effect 3[/sp]
you'll never have my jokes op
Hilarious pick up line:
Do you know what type of juice you are?
what?
Gorejuice
(well my mates thought it was funny :/ )
a great conversation starter:
How much did the Polar Bear weigh
<Insert look of confusion here>
ENOUGH TO BREAK THE ICE
ba-dum tsh
What do you call a vampire in the kitchen
COUNT SPATULA
I don't know maybe someone already came up with this
One Direction makes good music
Albert Einstein walks into a bar.
The bartender asks, "What's wrong Einstein? You look kinda out of energy tonight."
Einstein responds, "Eh, no matter."
original joke do not steal kthx
Was in Nicaragua with some friends. After having chicken every lunch and dinner for two weeks I asked one of them if he was getting sick of chickenn.
He said "Sort of"
I replied with
"Well"
*Put on sunglasses*
"Pollo self together"
[sp]Pollo is chicken in Spanish and is pronounced poyo[/sp]
What letter of the alphabet do pirates like the most?
You'd think it would be R but actually it's the C.
Why did the whore buy the expensive bananas instead of the cheap ones?
[sp]Because she is fucking stupid and doesn't know math.[/sp]
[QUOTE=Glitchman;39227588]What do you call a vampire in the kitchen
COUNT SPATULA
I don't know maybe someone already came up with this[/QUOTE]
I thought of this one when I was seven and thought it was the cleverest shit
What do you call a vampire who doesn't floss?
PLAQUE-ULA HA HA
hah...
[QUOTE=pike1337;39237167]I thought of this one when I was seven and thought it was the cleverest shit
What do you call a vampire who doesn't floss?
PLAQUEULA HA HA
hah...[/QUOTE]
I laughed way too hard
ur mom
My Life...
What did the apocalypse say while leaving?
Armageddon outta here.
There was once two bakers and a batter
Why do pirates take so long to recite the alphabet?
They spend years at C
[QUOTE=Samiam22;39239372]Why do pirates take so long to recite the alphabet?
They spend years at C[/QUOTE]
Reminds me of one, I didn't make it.
Why are prisoners such slow readers?
Because they can spend years on a single sentence.
What's similar about blacks and diamonds? Blonde chicks love them both.
What do you call Raisin Sex? Sun Maid.
How many Mexicans can you fit in a car? Depends how the Cartel cuts them.
How many Jews does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Oven lights don't need changed.
What do you call an African independence movement? Prison Riot.
How many Africans does it take to change a lightbulb? .... What lightbulb?
hy should the terrorists have flown his plane into the Newtown elementary school? Quicker path to 72 virgins.
How many bullets does it take to kill a classroom full of kids? Depends if I pistol whip a few or not.
What's the difference between Sandy Hook and Columbine? If I shot up Columbine I wouldn't eat the bodies.
It was situational humor, but at my college dining hall they have fortune cookies. One of my friends has one that said "An attractive person has a message for you" to which I replied "Stop staring at my ass."
"What smells like red paint and is green?"
"green paint"
Somehow I feel that once I post it here, it wont be original anymore, but...
"I don't believe in god, but I do believe in Morgan Freeman!"
*Rimshot*
Treffen sich zwei Jäger.
I can't help that I have premature ejaculations, it's in my jeans!
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