The Joke Thread - General - Facepunch Forum

In need of a good joke but can't come up with a good one? Then look no further because [B]this[/B] is the thread for you. In this thread you will post your favorite jokes to make other members laugh! I'll start of: Two black men where standing on a bridge when one of them said: "I have to take a piss," The other guy then said he had to take a piss too. When they where pissing the first black man said: "Wow, this water is quite cold," The other guy replied: "yeah, and deep too," :v: Now you go and post your funny jokes!

Why are black guys eyes red after sex? Pepper spray

Two atoms walk into a bar. The one says to the other, "I've lost an electron." The second one says, "Are you sure?" To which the first responds, "I'm positive."

[QUOTE=JohnnyMo1]Two atoms walk into a bar. The one says to the other, "I've lost an electron." The second one says, "Are you sure?" To which the first responds, "I'm positive."[/QUOTE] Prime example. [QUOTE=Ubergoose]Why are black guys eyes red after sex? Pepper spray[/QUOTE] Bad example. One night, a horny old geezer decides to get himself a hooker. Since the man doesn't have much money, he looks for the cheapest whore in the nearest Red Light District. A short while later, he finds what he's looking for and spends $10 for oral sex and intercourse. The next morning, the old geezer wakes up and discovers he has crabs. So, he gets dressed and heads down to where he had been the night before. He notices the same hooker on the street corner, so he marches over to her and says, "Hey, lady, you gave me crabs!" The hooker replies, "Hey, old man, what did you expect for $10? Lobster?

Hoy many jews can you fit into a car? 2 in the front 2 in the back 6 million in the ash tray.

How do you get pikachu on a bus? You POKEMON!

Why do they invent white choclate? So the black doens´t bite their own fingers hahahahaha. It´s not only fun [b]IT`S TRUE![/b] sorry if anybody felt offended. Saw on some danish tv show about two nazi´s.

This thread

What's the similarities between Michael Jackson and a carrier bag? They're both plastic and should be kept away from children. :v:

[QUOTE=ChaosUnleash]What's the similarities between Michael Jackson and a carrier bag? They're both plastic and should be kept away from children. :v:[/QUOTE] Haha, good one. I actually laughed at something on Facepunch.

So this neutron walks into a bar, and he goes up to the counter and says "Hey bartender, can I get a drink?" And the bartender replies "For you, free of charge." :v:

2 guys walk into a bar. The first one goes to the bartender and says "I'll have an H20." The second one goes to the bartender and says "I'll have an H20 too." He drinks his beverage and dies.

what is the different between posts in this thread and a gorilla? LOL I DON'T KNOW!!!

2 parts hydrogen 2 parts oxygen? What is that? hydroxygen :v: [b]Edit:[/b] Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A: A ferrous wheel

This isn't a spoken-word joke but it's related to where this thread is going: [url]http://www.dhmo.org/facts.html[/url]

Heard this one "How many Dragonball Z fighters does it take to change a lightbulb? - one, but 50 episodes"

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. A few minutes later a drunk man stumbles up to him and says, "I bet you $50 I can get from the roof of thisch building *Hic* to the opposite schide of the schtreet schafley." The man agrees to the bet and the two go onto the roof. The drunk man jumps off the roof and as he is falling suddenly he seems to glide across the street onto the opposite building. The man can't believe it and he jumps too, he dies from the fall. The drunk man walks back into the bar with $50 and buys another beer. The bartender looks up at him and says, "You're a real jerk when your drunk, Superman, Ya' know that?"

This man's in the line at the supermarket check out. But when he gets to the register he realizes he's forgotten to pick up his condoms. So he asks the checkout girl if she could have someone bring them. She replies, "Of course, Sir, but I'll just check your size. Drop your pants please." Wow, he thinks, this is great service, and he drops 'em. She reaches over the counter, grabs his c*ck, picks the store intercom and announces, "One box of large condoms to check out 10." Well, the next man in line thought this was interesting and, so, when he gets to the check out, he tells the checker that he too has forgotten to get condoms, and asks if she could have some brought up to the register. Sure enough, she asks him to drop his pants to check his size, gives him a quick feel, picks up the store intercom and says, "One box of medium sized condoms to check out 10." A few customers back was this teen-age boy. He thought what he'd seen was just so cool, and he'd never had any sexual experience with a woman, so this seemed like his big chance. When he gets to the register, he tells the checker he needs some condoms bringing up. She asks him what size, and he says he doesn't know. So she asks him to drop his pants for her to check. One quick feel and she picks up the intercom and announces, "Clean up crew to check out 10!"

A man and a monkey walk into a bar, I forgot the rest, but your mum is a whore.

What's worse then ten dead babies nailed to a tree? ten dead babies nailed to 100 trees. How do you make a baby crawl around in circles? Nail its left hand to the floor. How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles? Nail the other hand down. Hurr! :ahaw:

"You know what's so good about fucking twenty three year olds?" "What?" "There's twenty of them." *Blank stare* " :q: "

[QUOTE=TAU!]"You know what's so good about fucking twenty three year olds?" "What?" "There's twenty of them." *Blank stare* " :q: "[/QUOTE] Creeped me out when i got it :tinfoil:

[QUOTE=TAU!]"You know what's so good about fucking twenty three year olds?" "What?" "There's twenty of them." *Blank stare* " :q: "[/QUOTE] [img]http://img528.imageshack.us/img528/6779/20ce5zg5.jpg[/img]

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. He had no discipline problems with any of his students that term

Once there was this old guy and his wife. The wife sees the news and sees a car driving on the highway in the wrong direction. So she calls the guy and says, "Be careful, there may be a car driving on the opposite side of traffic." The old dude says, "I'll say. Everywhere I go, there is a car driving on the wrong side." :ahaw:

Chuck Norris built the house he was born it. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad. [b]Edit:[/b] [QUOTE=GruntlysMod][img]http://img528.imageshack.us/img528/6779/20ce5zg5.jpg[/img][/QUOTE] that picture does not work..

What's the similarity between a christmas tree and a black guy? They both have colored balls.

[QUOTE=Tyler_Durden]What's worse then ten dead babies nailed to a tree? ten dead babies nailed to 100 trees. How do you make a baby crawl around in circles? Nail its left hand to the floor. How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles? Nail the other hand down. Hurr! :ahaw:[/QUOTE] How do you get a baby in to a bottle? Using a blender. How do you get that baby out of the bottle? With a straw.

A baby seal walked into a club.

[QUOTE=Alteir]2 parts hydrogen 2 parts oxygen? What is that? hydroxygen :v: [b]Edit:[/b] Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A: A ferrous wheel[/QUOTE] Hydrogen Peroxide.