Hello Facepunch. I know it might not be a good idea to ask for relationship/social advice on Facepunch, but whatever. I have come to present a question. How do you talk to girls? This problem has troubled me for quite a long time. There's always girls I like, for instance, my friend introduced me to this girl and I like her but I don't know what to talk about. We've had some back and forth banter via Skype and text messages, but I can never keep the conversation going. I don't know what to say to continue the conversation after "Hey, what's up?". I've asked all my friends and they give me vague responses and responses such as "I don't know, just talk man, etc". That doesn't help. If I could "just talk" then of course I would. But I always get choked up and have nothing to say really or I think anything I say is gonna sound stupid to her and make her think I'm weird so I'm always quiet as a mouse around females. Has anyone experienced similar issues or could someone provide advice? Thanks.
[url=http://www.facepunch.com/threads/1089242-Maverick-s-Love-Relationship-Social-Advice-Thread-V2]There's already a thread for this.[/url]
Hobbies, her job, things she's interested in, food, sports, games, movies, books.
Whatever you guys have in common or pop into your head, don't just have the mindset that [B]you[/B] have to keep the conversation going, it takes two to tango.
Ask her out on a date or whatever, it's alot easier to talk about things in person rather then chat.
Worse thing when your texting is when women just reply with "soo", "nice :)))" or "aha" when you've obviously added to the conversation.
[editline]13th June 2011[/editline]
Like tactical bacon said, Mavericks thread has been going on for a while.
cup sizes
Yep. I was texting her tonight and sometimes she'd just reply with "LOL!! =D =D", literally. It doesn't help to further the conversation, it makes it harder on me. I just wish I could feel as comfortable around girls as I do around my guy friends, and talk to them just as easily.
[editline]13th June 2011[/editline]
Sorry, didn't see the thread. But it's better to make a thread because people in that thread will probably ignore my post or something.
[editline]13th June 2011[/editline]
[QUOTE=Bassmonger;30424663]cup sizes[/QUOTE]
Hey, I don't know much about women, but I think you have to talk about other things as well. I can talk about sex all day but she's gonna think I'm a perv/weirdo/creep if that's all I speak of :P
[QUOTE=MedicmanV500;30424669]Yep. I was texting her tonight and sometimes she'd just reply with "LOL!! =D =D", literally. It doesn't help to further the conversation, it makes it harder on me. I just wish I could feel as comfortable around girls as I do around my guy friends, and talk to them just as easily.
[editline]13th June 2011[/editline]
Sorry, didn't see the thread.
[editline]13th June 2011[/editline]
Hey, I don't know much about women, but I think you have to talk about other things as well.[/QUOTE]
Same. All she says is "LOL thats so funny...." even if its serious.
[QUOTE=Rocko's;30424726]Same. All she says is "LOL thats so funny...." even if its serious.[/QUOTE]
This is really haunting me. This inability to converse with females, it ruins every chance at a relationship I get. I've had one girlfriend in my life, and I didn't even like her that much. It was out of being desperate I think. When I feel like this it makes me so depressed, I just feel like complete and utter shit and I want to fucking punch myself for being such an ignoramus. All my friends have no problem speaking to and getting girls, yet [B]I[/B] do. What the hell is wrong with me.
you should relax and just treat girls like guy friends
unless you're trying to sleep with a manipulative bitch, girls generally like to be talked to in a normal way
of course ignoring the fact that you actually need tips to talk to girls but hey you'll cross that super-fun bridge when you reach it
I compliment their shoes and encourage them to wear flip flops, to satisfy my foot fetish
[editline]Lol[/editline]
I actually legitimately do do that by the way. In real life. Constantly telling girls I like their shoes
I just make blatant sexual innuendo when I talk to my boyfriend.
[QUOTE=thisispain;30424932]you should relax and just treat girls like guy friends
unless you're trying to sleep with a manipulative bitch, girls generally like to be talked to in a normal way
of course ignoring the fact that you actually need tips to talk to girls but hey you'll cross that super-fun bridge when you reach it[/QUOTE]
Yeah I try to treat them like guy friends and talk to them as such but it never works for me... I don't know. I can't visualize them as just a guy friend.
What do you mean by "tips"? Sometimes I ask my friends what to say via text to girls but I don't want them to be telling me everything to say because then I'm not being myself and if and when I see her in person, I'm going to be like a mute and have no idea what to say and be back at square one. So I need to know what to say on my own, but that's the whole problem.
If she replied with something that doesn't add to the conversation like "lol :P" or "i know right" then don't say anything else. If she has any real interest in talking to you she will eventually get around to producing a normal conversation.
[QUOTE=darcy010;30425097]If she replied with something that doesn't add to the conversation like "lol :P" or "i know right" then don't say anything else. If she has any real interest in talking to you she will eventually get around to producing a normal conversation.[/QUOTE]
Apparently my friends have talked to her and she says she likes me and such but she still responds with these kinds of stupid messages. She doesn't always send stupid messages like that but sometimes.
But she acts like she's interested in me because sometimes I say sexual things and she actually goes along with it in a serious way, not a joking kind of way.
[editline]13th June 2011[/editline]
However I digress.. this thread is more meant for my general problems of conversing with women, not just this one specific female I was discussing previously.
I'm going to assume that this is a girl you're interested in for the purpose of this post. Even if she isn't though, you should try develop a consistent 'framework' if you will of how you interact with girls or people in general, so when it does come to someone you're interested in, you seem natural and therefore calm and confident. When it comes to girls you have interest in, the only difference is you are more physical and flirtatious with them. For now though, we'll worry about casual, friendly conversation.
As has been said, you should just be treating them like any other friend. What this does is puts you in a relaxed state so you don't overthink and overanalyse everything that you or her say. It's just casual conversation with any other friend.
However, of course this is a lot easier said than done, so perhaps some more practical advice can help. When you engage in a conversation with her, you need to be a good listener. You should be looking for ways to further the conversation, in the form of 'threads' or conversational branches. Take this conversation for instance:
"So what sort of music do you listen to?" (a general opener, you shouldn't have trouble with questions like this).
"I like to listen to dance music, mostly what the radio puts out, but some classical music too."
From that simple response, you can go on to talk about dance music, classical music, or the radio; you have three 'threads'. You could tell her about a recent music festival you went to where they played dance music, you could tell her about some of your favourite dance music artists, you could give her your opinion on the radio, you could ask her what radio station she most enjoys, and so on. From the reply she gives to whatever you say next, you will have a bunch of threads to pick up and continue with.
"Nice nice. Haha classical music, that reminds me of this time in music class at school where we were analysing a Beethoven piece...
...So what classes are you doing?"
I know, it's a pretty bland example, and you don't really want to spend too long talking about boring shit like music tastes or favourite foods or where she's from etc, because she's probably heard those same questions a million times before, but with any topic of casual conversation the same general idea applies.
A good way to get more comfortable with talking to females, or people in general, is to just stop giving a shit. Again, easier said than done, but seriously just stop caring. Improvise, say whatever is on your mind, get out of your comfort zone. The more you do it, the further you push yourself, the more your comfort zone will grow, and the more confident you will become in yourself. And the more confident you become, the more comfortable you will get with putting yourself out there, and the cycle will continue and continue until you can hold a natural conversation with anyone you want with complete confidence.
I used to be similar, I would freeze up when talking to girls, hell I had enough trouble talking to people. I couldn't look anyone in the eye when talking with them, I just felt so uncomfortable all the time. I walked around with my hands in my pockets staring at the ground. I avoided social interaction at any costs, but all the while longed for human contact. Enough about that though, long story short I broke out of my shell, stopped giving a fuck about what people thought of me, and just spoke my mind whenever I wanted to. I'm still a bit of a shy guy, I'm still introverted, but I'm confident. I know that whatever I have to say is worth saying, so I say it. I'm now able to hold a conversation with any girl I want, flirting with them, making jokes at their expense, keeping them interested, etc etc.
I hope there's something you can get from all that, I got a bit carried away. I'm avoiding school work >__>.
All the best kid.
Thanks. Some good advice in there. Very helpful and a good read, and yeah, I am interested in the aforementioned girl.
Talk? With girls? [img]http://th634.photobucket.com/albums/uu64/ChumiixD/th_forever-alone-face.png[/img]
The horrible things I would do to them.
What's so different about women? I mean, talk about what happened recently, that both of you know about.
There's really no overall template. Women's (or girls) personalities vary just as much as men's do. Maybe she likes vidya, maybe she doesn't. But you're going to have to ask her about herself to know what to say to her.
Basically the same way you'd find out the interests and hobbies of a friend, except this one has tits and a vagina. We really aren't very different from men, at least not to the point that it's projected as.
"Hey, what's up?"
"hi"
Ask her name if you don't know it
Compliment her (in a friendly, non-creepy way--this might be saved until you're more comfortable)
Make a joke about something around you, e.g. terrible cafeteria food or whatever
Ask about what classes she's taking and if she likes them (I'm assuming you're in high school)
Ask her if she does any extra-curricular activities
If she has a job
What she does in her free time
There are a million questions you can ask to keep a conversation going. Talk about her, find out what she's like. And most importantly, don't lie about yourself. That's just awkward and we do notice.
[QUOTE=mr apple;30424637]Worse thing when your texting is when women just reply with "soo", "nice :)))" or "aha" when you've obviously added to the conversation.[/QUOTE]
This irritates me too. There was this girl on facebook that was bored so she decided to start a chat with me. She started off with "hwo r u?" "how :DX" I answered, "Fine, how about you?" "im ok" from there I had to do all the talking, with most of which consisted of replies from her like "aww :DX" and "lol :DX".
Video games.
And pretty much stuff I would normally talk about to any other person about.
Talk about the retarded kids in school and how gay they are
Penises.
What do you talk about with boys?
[QUOTE=Sumap;30428748]Video games.[/QUOTE]
If I were you, I wouldn't do that. Not unless you don't really care about what the girl thinks or you know that she does LIKE video games. If you drop in a couple of words they possibly won't mind, but talk about games as you would to a guy, and they'll get bored. I suppose games are the same to them as the soaps are to me, I hate the soaps, they depress me.
Well, with my girlfriend, we talk about tons of stuff. Mostly about video games, books, stories, art, and fancy shit like that--oh, and our feelings. :v:
I have confidence issues. I feel like no one wants to talk to me, and am quite quiet in my circle of friends. They are guitar players, and mostly talk about guitars and musicians. This has also impacted my ability to talk to girls, and I find it extremely hard to look into a girl's eyes when I'm talking to her. I feel as if she thinks I'm a creep. What should I do?
I usually talk about events that had happened in school, studies, finals, the summer holiday, certain students, all that stuff.
[editline]13th June 2011[/editline]
Surely stuff happen in your school/workplace/whatever.
Awkward silences.
Find out what she likes, hopefully you'll like something she also likes, you now have something to talk about.
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