So if you had a chance to lay out simple man rules to women, what would they be? Here are a few I can think of:
- If it's itchy, we're going to scratch it.
- If there's something on our hands, jeans are used to wipe it off.
- If we say something that has multiple interpretations, and one or more of them is hurtful, then we meant the one you wanted to hear.
- If we're watching a TV show or a movie, whatever you have to say can wait until after it's over or during commercials.
-Tell it like it is
-periods are gross
-Don't make eye contact it's really gay.
-Yes your butt in fact does look fat in that pants.
Have sex with me before we do something romantic or whatever. I'm most productive when I'm not horny and my mind isn't clouded with hormones.
- If something's wrong and you say there isn't, then I'm going to take your word for it because I won't play your fucking games.
-You will remain in the kitchen until prompted to leave, you will return to your kitchen when a lockdown commences.
[QUOTE=Franke_R!?;28529029]-Yes your butt in fact does look fat in that pants.[/QUOTE]
"No the pants are fine. It's the fat that makes you look fat!"
If I say you have a big ass and am smiling, I mean it in the Sir Mix-a-lot way, not in a "You're fat, lose weight." way.
[QUOTE=Silent-Bob;28529224]- If something's wrong and you say there isn't, then I'm going to take your word for it because I won't play your fucking games.[/QUOTE]
I fucking hate that. I want to be caring and all, but we all know where it leads. I go "No, tell me what's wrong" "No" "come one, I want get mad" and this can go on indefinitely, but almost all the time, because we want to hear, and we know you want to tell us, so just cut the shit already.
I'm going to use Bill Engvall's stand up to make a thread on facepunch about man rules.
-I'll text you back just as soon as I finish mining all this cobble.
[QUOTE=EtBuh;28534623]I'm going to use Bill Engvall's stand up to make a thread on facepunch about man rules.[/QUOTE]
Actually, no, that's not what inspired this at all. Go be an asshole somewhere else.
- The position of the toilet seat is to be determined by and adjusted according to the needs of the last individual to use it. Look before you sit.
I am a horny mother fucker, deal with it
-I don't care that you're on your period. I want to have sex with you anyway.
This applies to public restrooms.
-Don't gawk at the cock.
also this book basically sums up all man rules:
[media]http://alphabetofmanliness.com/images/aom_cover_main.jpg[/media]
-If it involves explosions, mindless violence, and/or blood, I'm probably going to focus more on that than problem #51412 that you are currently having.
- Never make direct eye contact with another man in the restroom.
[QUOTE=TEAMGiant;28539879][media]http://alphabetofmanliness.com/images/aom_cover_main.jpg[/media][/QUOTE]
Men can wear skirts now?
Sweet.
- You're paying for the whore to leave
-At 9:30 in the morning I expect you to give me a handjob until 9:45 where you will rush to the kitchen and make me French toast. Afterwards you will fetch my jacket, boots, and lunch bag while I head to work. When I arrive home at 5:30 you will cook my dinner of steak and fries. You will then hand me a beer from the refrigerator and wait till I get buzzed. When buzzed you will give me a blowjob then commence to strip until fully naked. I will then have sex with you and use you as a sex toy until 8:00 where you shall give me a sponge bath. Then you will return to your quarters without hesitation and wait for me to arrive. When I arrive and get into my pajamas you will then get into your bed and go to sleep. I will then sleep next to you and rub you as I please until I fall asleep.
Sex gets really boring after 30 minutes or so. Nice thought though, Panda.
[QUOTE=Matix;28545468]Sex gets really boring after 30 minutes or so. Nice thought though, Panda.[/QUOTE]
I would have to disagree. With my ex, I would usually go for two rounds because the first time I would climax would only be about 3 or 4 minutes in. Since I am a selfless lover, I would always start on round two, which would last up to 45 minutes. I didn't get bored of it. In fact, that's when you get to experiment with new positions.
-It is okay to call breasts, Hooters, Bigg'uns, Pillows and sometimes, snackplates.
[QUOTE=Matix;28545468]Sex gets really boring after 30 minutes or so. Nice thought though, Panda.[/QUOTE]
I wonder if it's just the compulsive internet masturbating group/generation that feel this way.
[QUOTE=Mr. Someguy;28541173]Men can wear skirts now?
Sweet.[/QUOTE]
Yea dude, you're a few hundred years late :v:
-Instead of eating unbearded cornflakes with milk, a man fills his mouth with wheat and chews on a cows tit.
- I will explode what I want.
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