[url=http://wauterboi.com/facepunch/read_for_facepunch_promo.mp3]Listen to this for a story for your ears[/url]
(song is "One Man Bank" by Guano Padano)
Basically, I suck at recording myself, and I really want to get into making videos and using my voice for good. And I think before I even enter the realm of improvisational speaking, I should nail down reading. What should I read? That's up to you. I'm taking suggestions. I'm taking requests. It all goes onto my website where no human being can give it a view and make a profit off of it. I'm sincerely just looking to have some fun and get out of my vocal shell.
[B]Current readings:[/B]
[url=http://wauterboi.com/facepunch/readings/facepunch_readings-maddox_hate_mail.mp3]"You basterd"[/url]
[url=http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=new_hatemail_disguisting]Source[/url]
[url=http://wauterboi.com/facepunch/readings/facepunch_readings-reading_a_crazy_guys_posts.mp3]Reading Camiib's Crazy Magnum Opus[/url]
[url=https://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1396135&p=45797795&viewfull=1#post45797795]Source[/url]
[url=http://wauterboi.com/facepunch/readings/facepunch_readings-doom.mp3]DOOM: Repercussions of Evil[/url] (has a brief intro update thing)
[url=https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8181390/1/Doom-Repercussions-of-Evil-Repost]Source[/url]
[url=http://pastebin.com/4RDEnBGD]Here you go, buddy :^)[/url]
Make one of those "create a story one sentence/word" at a time threads.
A while back I was thinking "Would be cool if the more voice talented people on FP tried to read the dumb bullshit people post here." And here you are.
Anyway, I may have sadistic tendencies because I give you this [URL]https://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1396135&p=45797795&viewfull=1#post45797795[/URL]
I think a new rule should be in place because I don't really want to read anything over two minutes long and I'm not sure that people would actually listen to anything that long either. With that said, I'm fine with reading sections out of your guys' posts. I remember that caamib guy and he had a goldmine of ridiculous nonsense posts.
Ok, can I change mine to a request that you cram as much of his insanity in those 2 minutes?
[QUOTE=ShimTaco;50126409]Make one of those "create a story one sentence/word" at a time threads.[/QUOTE]
[url=https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/965202/facepunch/sorry.mp3]One time I turned one of those one-word rapping threads into an actual rap[/url]
[editline]13th April 2016[/editline]
[QUOTE=kilerabv;50126474]Ok, can I change mine to a request that you cram as much of his insanity in those 2 minutes?[/QUOTE]
I'm going to look through his other posts because I've found that a lot of that post was copy+pasted from other places. It might be original, it might not be, but it's popping up in multiple places so I don't know if he just copy+pasted that entire post.
Actually, he may have, but I think I'm going to compile all of his posts into a giant text file and read that tomorrow.
A dramatic reading of [url=http://www.metrolyrics.com/slob-on-my-knob-lyrics-juicy-j.html]Three 6 Mafia - Slob On My Knob[/url].
EDIT: Or [url=http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/akinyele/putitinyourmouth.html]Akinyele - Put It In Your Mouth[/url].
[URL="https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5565702/1/Garfield-First-Blood"]Garfield: First Blood.[/URL]
[QUOTE=Water-Marine;50126307][url=http://pastebin.com/4RDEnBGD]Here you go, buddy :^)[/url][/QUOTE]
jesus fuck me what the fuck did i just read
please read some of tropsical guys posts
[QUOTE=Water-Marine;50126307][url=http://pastebin.com/4RDEnBGD]Here you go, buddy :^)[/url][/QUOTE]
oh my [i]god[/i] someone please read this
[QUOTE=Water-Marine;50126307][url=http://pastebin.com/4RDEnBGD]Here you go, buddy :^)[/url][/QUOTE]
This is the hottest thing i ever seen.
[QUOTE=Water-Marine;50126307][url=http://pastebin.com/4RDEnBGD]Here you go, buddy :^)[/url][/QUOTE]
[url=http://wauterboi.com/facepunch/readings/facepunch_readings-maddox_hate_mail.mp3]You basterd[/url]
[url=http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=new_hatemail_disguisting]Source[/url]
[QUOTE=fudge blood;50126754]oh my [i]god[/i] someone please read this[/QUOTE]
Most famously known from Counterstrike micspam
[url=http://youtube.com/watch?v=AqnpwixB7P8]HIGHLY nsfw[/url]
[url=https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10448711/1/The-Dumbledark-Knight]Can you read some of this please[/url]
please read this
[QUOTE]Another child died today Garfield. He was terrified. In that moment I wished I could merge with his fear and slip into a saccharine foreverscream. But this is my duty Garfield, have you stopped eating my lasagna? Have you ever looked in that pan? When was the last time you tasted what you were chewing? You shuffling, bumbling, crusty, dumb fuck cat Garfield. If I pelted you with rocks who would hear the dumb screams? If I set myself on fire and smothered you who would die first? You're a tumor Garfield, but God made cancer, just like he made lasagna, except I made the lasagna. Does that make me more than a man?
They call you a "bad cat" but they will never drink from the fat and rotten juices, they are unfit to be in the kingdom of Heaven and Hell Garfield. You are cut from the nape of the Earth, you little bitty cat. Don't kick Odie off the table!! Gaaarfiiieeeeld!!!!
You stumble home drunk and your bits are all cut away. Did you let someone get to them? Did you snip them off yourself? You won't tell me. Instead you sit in front of the telly, sagging and staring at a sitcom. Your bits are still bleeding. Chunks soak into the upholstery. You'll be fine tomorrow Garfield
You live here, Garfield. You are in between the walls and the beams but you live here. I breathe you in sometimes. It makes me remember innocence. I scream and shake outside of the shower. I try to step in but I slip on a wacky tie. I catch a glimpse of you on the way down just outside of the door frame. Your smile all pus and burn scars. Whose face will it be tomorrow? Garfield, I am your keeper. I just can't seem to get a date!
A thousand shifting fever dreams couldn't molest my love for you, Garfield. It runs through the wires and the cogs and the paper cuts and the plushies. It died twenty years ago. It's pumped up again from a black river bottom and vomited onto naked little bodies. Can I remove myself from its fate?
They pick at you like a great big feast. Garfield, your bulbous thoughts were always clear. I just didn't want to hear. But now it doesn't matter. Now you will see tomorrow. A thousand million living things melted for you. A hundred thousand writhing tongues coming from you. It's a wonderful world and this is all that there is. Tell me you're happy, you fatty cat. Tell me to sleep. Nermal comes to visit[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=kilerabv;50126474]Ok, can I change mine to a request that you cram as much of his insanity in those 2 minutes?[/QUOTE]
I went through his entire post history excluding that really long one. I compiled a list:
[quote]“I didn't beat up my mother for not having sex with me, I asked her for sex in desperation but what you talk about happened on a different occasion.”
“What degrades them is a society of animals like you who think it's all men about ‘getting laid’, while picky, stuck up skanks who end up dating stupid omegas ‘can't find the right guy’”
“Many men have killed themselves over incel but they are not noticed, while men like Sodini and Rodgers are. So I think it could be said that shooting sprees are more politically useful.”
“Only an animal would write the kind of things you do. I am not on anything, drinking some mineral water now.”
“In any case, women are attracted to haughty behavior, but only if there is a man is immoral and stupid enough. I unfortunately lack both of these crucial traits.”
“No surprise there. I get supportive messages from women every week or so. I am even considering revealing all of my info to get local women.”
“Women don't give a shit if a man is confident unless he is stupid and immoral.”
“I would recommend you some studies but showing them to you is like throwing pearls before swine.”
“I don't think it is women putting me down. It is bad men who are doing so. If men came to their senses they'd revoke women's suffrage and re-institute monogamy tomorrow. Women don't have any power but power over men. This power was given to them by men themselves. So don't think I blame women.”
“I have no idea what you mean by don't deserve any rights. Voting is a power, not a right, and a power to abuse men via women's suffrage shouldn't be a power given to women.”
“A misogynist is a man who hates all women because they're women. I don't hate women, I just don't want to give them power to abuse men.”
“I didn't say it's a privilege but a power. I think it should be a privilege reserved only for intelligent men. If I could choose the electorate I'd probably chose top 1 percent of male Go players.”
“As for your silly assertions, when women get the vote they, along with immoral men, vote themselves privileges and a big government to take care of them. This makes them no longer value decent men or providers but value men who use seduction. These men are the scum of the Earth.”
“The problem with women voting is that they vote themselves money from the government.”
“While in America, women are supported by enslaving a husband, in Europe women are supported through taxation and forcing companies to hire incompetent women. Since women can suck men's money away via the government in Europe, they don't depend on a husband.”
“When women no longer need moral, intelligent and decent men who provide for them they turn to men who use seduction.”
“Because I find that 99 percent of women have the same traits.”
“What are you trying to prove here? That your IQ is a single digit number?”
“So help me. Psychiatry isn't help, it's pseudoscience worshipped by liberals who also mock it.”
“Do you know a therapist who will pass my test of hurting a feminist first? I don't.”
“I don't enjoy [incel] but psychiatry won't help. It would be merely treating a fever in a leukemia patient. My problems are due to my incel. It's idiotic to believe I can have a normal life as an incel. Whoever believes that is a mental patient.”
“Americans are utter scum. If America were nuked world's average IQ would raise by about 80.”
“No, I am not an idiot. If I were an idiot Americans would agree with me. Americans are the worst people on Earth. None of them have an IQ over 10.”
“[Telling someone to commit suicide isn’t] horrid if they are horrible scum who creates horrible children and will eventually destroy the Western civilization… It denotes how much I think that moron and his kids are worth or how stupid I believe Americans to be… And the world will have one less person supporting feminism, so it will be a good thing.”
“No, you are not correct. We humans are closest to chimps and in their groups alphas and betas don't seduce. The ones that do are omegas, who are the most pathetic males and have to resort to a degrading process of seduction. These males are beaten up by alphas if caught doing so.”
“[I probably won’t have kids] because modern Western women are repealed by intelligence and morality.”
“Alphas get women by strength, betas by resources and coalphas by cooperation/fair dividing women fairly.
Everything else, like humor, charm etc is seduction and is used the worst men -omegas.” “You lack knowledge of history. As Rome declined women got more and more rights.” “I don't take care of my body because that is irrelevant - what matters is stupidity and immorality.
I explained why I can't use seduction.”
“Nobody with my level of intelligence and morality could have find even a single Western woman no matter how they physically look like. Btw, I am sure your tiny brain thinks I look like those fat people at Wallmart. I look completely average, like 80 percent of people here.”
“[Paying for a prostitute won’t help me.] Men who pay for sex are still incel. Incel is about a relationship/unpaid sex. That being said, I am currently gathering money for one here.” “Prostitutes are among the rare decent women in the West, as they provide a useful service for a fair price. Other decent Western women are those in Amish and Hasidic religions.”
“There is no such thing [as a perfect woman]. She mustn't be modernized (which means she mustn't be a liberal or a feminist), have at least average looks and average intelligence, along with a good heart.”
“I'd rather try to marry any female serial killer than a modern American woman.”
“Men and women should be equal but different. A liberal/feminist woman would demand that her husband submit to her while she'd cheat on him, deny him sex and steal half of his property.”
“…I never met a feminist/liberal I respect.”
“…modern women are sex slaves to retards and thugs.”
“And why would these women not want us?”
“What is so weird about setting about a society of remaining few sane men?”
“Read that text. All of my problems are caused by feminism, which turned women's preferences to men who use seduction. Unless feminism goes away none of my problems can go away.”
“A therapist can be of some support but not if he doesn't agree with what the cause of the problem is.
Since the cause of my problem are feminism and liberalism, which make decent people unable to find a partner because only scum is found attractive, and since this problem already resulted in massive deaths of those who aren't morons, it is important for my therapist to recognize this and prove his/her anti-feminist stance.
But since it won't happen I, for all intents and purposes, don't really need one.”
“Modern Western women want to be manipulated and seen as objects. The moment you show them think of them as human beings is the moment they will permanently lose all attraction to you.”
“I don't know what you mean by weak males being favored by society. It's just that modern Western women are attracted to seduction and weak males use seduction.”[/quote]
Perhaps I should read this.
[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIho2S0ZahI&ab_channel=TED[/url]
Pretty cool video on "how to speak" the stuff about "tone" of your voice would help spruce up that first recording.
[url=http://wauterboi.com/facepunch/readings/facepunch_readings-reading_a_crazy_guys_posts.mp3]Reading Camiib's Crazy Magnum Opus[/url]
[url=https://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1396135&p=45797795&viewfull=1#post45797795]Source[/url]
This was a good practice in [url=http://wauterboi.com/facepunch/readings/facepunch_readings-laughing_at_camiib.mp3]not laughing[/url].
You have a splendid voice.
[QUOTE=ejonkou;50133195]You have a splendid voice.[/QUOTE]
Thank you! That reminds me of a peculiar and pretty funny moment of life, where a girl I didn't know walked up to me after a speech and said, "You have a sexy voice." I've also been told that I should do radio.
Read Mikenopas strange love letter.
[URL="http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1386044"]http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1386044[/URL]
Why not a random page from john milton paradise lost of your choosing?
