Planning on making V2 if this gets popular (hopefully)
I've been trying some luck with making the jokes with ms paint, but they turn out shit. So i'm just gunna post the dirty jokes
[B][U]Rules:[/U][/B]
-No Racism (unless you want to get banned :downs:)
-No Jokes about other members (unless they're permabanned)
-No pics/memes/comics, that is for LMAO pics
-No Knock Knock jokes
-There are no limits on how dirty the joke is.
Contributing:
Jane was a first time contestant on the $65,000 quiz show , where you have to answer questions to win the cash prize. Lady luck had smiled in her favor as Jane had a gained substantial lead over her opponents. She even managed to win the game, but unfortunately, time had ran out before the shows host could ask her the big question. Needless to say, Jane agreed to return the following day. Jane was nervous and fidgety as her husband drove them home.
"I've just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers are!" Her husband, Roger, then phoned a few people and and managed to get tomorrow's question and answer
"The tomorrow's question is :'What is the reproductive organ of the male?', the answer is 'The Penis.'"
Jane then went to sleep trying to remember the answer.
Roger kept waking her up and asking the question over and over again.
"The Penis" she kept replying.
The next day, the show was on the air, and Jane and her Husband in the audience. And then the Host asked the big Question.
"Jane, for $65,000, what is the reproductive organ of the male?"
"Uhhhh, darn!" Jane said, "my Husband drilled it into me last night and it was on the tip of my tongue...."
"Close enough!" said the game show host "YOU WIN!!!"
A woman found out that her husband was cheating on her while stationed in Afghanistan before he joined the military forces. So she sends him a package of baked homemade cookies and a VHS tape of his favorite TV shows. He invites a bunch of buddies over and they are all sitting around sitting around having a great time eating cookies and watching south park. Right in the middle of the tape, it cuts to a home video of his wife, on her knees, sucking his best friend's dick. After a few second, he blows his load into her pie hole, then "spits" it into a batch of cookie dough. Then she looks into the camera and says "By the way, I want a divorce."
first
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.
-No Racism
-There are no limits on how dirty the joke is.
:psyduck:
A dirty jokes thread without racism? Boring!
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $ 1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $ 2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the man, "Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "Indeed I am."
The man replies, "Well wash your damn hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"
When fucking different women, replies are different:
Waitress: "Anything else?"
Teacher: "Let's try that once more, shall we?"
[sp]What do you call white people falling down a hill avalanche
What do you call black people falling down a hill Prison break[/sp]
Oh shit that's racist.
I hate sexist jokes, and dead baby jokes are a little bland
Penis
[editline]05:27PM[/editline]
hehehe
A man goes to the dentist for a yearly checkup. He is told to get into the first room and sit down in the chair.
The dentist comes in and welcomes the man. The dentist takes his tools and looks inside the mans mouth.
Then he asks if the man has a girlfriend. The man says yes whit his mouth open.
The man wonders how could the dentist know that for he has no ring on his finger.
After that the dentist asks if the man and his girlfriend is newly in love.
The man says yes and get abit worried. The dentist then ask a third question. Did you have sex yesterday?
The man gets abit nervus but get forth a clearly yes.
Hmm... Did you two do the 69? the dentist asks
Then the man gets furius and gets up. How the hell did you know that? Do i got pubic hair in my mouth or what? the man asks.
The dentist replys No, but you got shit on your nose.
A man is driving down a long road on the outskirts of town. After about a mile, he sees a farm. By the side of the farm, he sees a man fucking a sheep. 'Fuck! What is wrong with that man!?' he thinks to himself. After a while of insulting the man in his head, he decides to go an tell then man what he is doing is wrong. He drives back to the house and the knocks the door. A curly haired boy answers. 'Hello?' He asks. 'Hello young man!' says the man. 'Can I speak to your father?' 'Just a second' explains the boy. 'DA-A-A-A-A-A-AA-D!!' Baas the boy.
And for you who don't get it:
[sp]The boy is the sheep.[/sp]
A man opens a new restaurant. He doesn't know what to name it, so he decides to name it the first name of the first customer, and the order of the second customer.
A little while later, the first customer walks in.
The man asks, "Hi there. Can I get your name please?" after the order. The woman responds, "My name is Judy."
He says thanks and tells her her order is free.
The second customer walks in later, and the man asks, "Hi, may I take your order?"
The customer says "Yeah, can I get a bucket of chicken legs?"
The owner says yes, thanks and tells the man his order is free.
The restaurant was named Judy's Legs that day.
A few months later it's a big restaurant. A police man is patrolling when he sees a homeless man sitting near the entrance in the morning.
The police man asks, "What are you doing?" to which the homeless man replies, "I'm waiting for Judy's Legs to open up so I can get a drink!"
[QUOTE=GameQude;23420511]A dirty jokes thread without racism? Boring![/QUOTE]
Unless you want to get banned, then go ahead
A husband says to his wife; "We should wash your knickers in slim fast, it might make your fat arse look thinner". The next day putting his own underwear on, he notices they're covered in powder. "Have you put talcom powder in my pant's, babe?" he said. "No" she replies, "Fucking miracle grow".
Just remembered another, slightly better one.
A man walks into a bar with a crocodile under his arm. He puts it on a table and shouts to everyone sat drinking, "I'll bet anyone in this room £500 that you can't do this!" He then takes out his cock, puts it in the animals mouth and punches down on it's head as hard as he can. He winces slightly, but he's ok.
The whole room falls silent. "Well?" he shouts. After a few minutes a little old lady at the back of the room slowly raises her hand. "I will if you like, my love" she says, "but you must promise not to hit me so hard on the head."
[IMG]http://i25.tinypic.com/15r1jl3.png[/IMG]
First dead baby joke.
Am I the only person that Cmd+f 'Funny' in this thread?
You know, many rude jokes are made by Freudian slits- I mean, slips.
So a man is pulled over by a female officer and is being arrested.
The officer says to the man "WHatever you say can and will be held against you"
The man yells "BOOBIES"
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