Facepunch, I bring you the most serious subject in the world.
Since as early as I can remember I've always hated shitting with my parents upstairs, the thought of sitting there releasing the chocolate hostage whilst your parents are in the other room unintentionally listening to every detail which is happening is simply too weird for me to handle.
This usually results in some slightly larger than normal shit's when I do get the chance to go to the toilet, and believe me when I say I take every oppertunity I can. Unluckily, for the past few days my parents had been upstairs more often than usual, forcing me to continually tame the [B]monster[/B] which was lurking inside of me.
But about 30 minutes ago I had my golden oppertunity, my parents went downstairs to watch TV for a while, so I literally sprinted to the bathroom and my ass hit that rim faster than the speed of sound, little did I know what was about to unfold. It started normal, I just sat there chilling, happy I was about to grace the Earth with this thoughtful presant.
I started pushing, all was going well, I could feel it slowly sliding out my ass with great success, but I started to get a little worried after that because the more which came out the wider and more solid it was becoming, by about halfway I had to lean my body position forwards because sitting upright was just too painfull, and I was beginning to panick. Now, I knew what was coming, I've seen this in movies, so I braced myself, drew a large breath of air and counted to 3.
Facepunch the only way I can describe the next part of this tragic story is literally the word [I]HELL[/I], neverbefore have I felt something so painful, so longlasting and [B]WRONG[/B]. My asshole felt like it was 5ft apart and I was shitting out a steel triangle, it was so painful that It actually [B]knocked the air out of my lungs and made me scream a little[/B], my entire life flashed before my eyes and I thought that this was the end, this was my fate, to be found naked on the toilet with half a shit hanging out of my ass by my parents.
Somehow in this horriffic situation, the overall pain I was feeling made me push so hard that I did manage to release this abomination and I was left there feeling violated, sweating and in agony. After about 5 minutes of contemplating my life and wondering where it all went wrong I stood up and looked down the toilet, it was like staring straight into the face of the devil, I could only see half due to the other side curling down the toilet pipe it was that big.
So now I'm here Facepunch, at my desk, with two pieces of tissue blocking my profusely bleeding ass, I have to change the paper every 10 minutes or so because it isn't stopping either.
Make sure you go for a shit even if the world is watching, I hope none of you have to experience what I just endured.
tl;dr - profusely bleeding asshole due to colossal sized demon shit.
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[U][B]UPDATE:[/B][B] 28/02/2010 20:15PM[/B][/U] - Just attempted to take another shit and I can't, the damage from the last fucking [B]meteorite[/B] makes it too painful, now I'm worried It's gunna build up again. :ohdear:
[U][B]UPDATE: 01/03/2010 18:04PM[/B][/U] - Okay, managed to take one small shit but had to stop due to the pain.
It's been almost 3 days after the incident and I'm still bleeding, I need a hug.
push harder
OP you win the funny thread of the day.
Sounds rather fun, actually.
What a turn on.
who would ever let shit build up? never in my life have i stopped and wondered if i could make the next leaning tower of piza out of my shit
Oh god what.
[url]www.poopnames.com[/url]
I think women feel worse when giving birth.
More like a [i]turd[/i] on
:gonk:
Pics please.
[quote]to be found naked on the toilet with half a shit hanging out of my ass[/quote]
Best line in the story.
Oh God I lol'd. We've all been there dude. Well, not to the point of bleeding, but giant shits are one of the most painful experiences a man can be asked to withstand
:v:Holy shit, I laughed so hard. That has happend to me before too, it's horrible.
I couldn't stop laughing.
Why would you let it build up?
It's called an impacted bowel. Do not hold your poop in weirdo
Oh siht, I too am scared that people listen to me poop:S Im scared, hold me.
Oh god OP you made my fucking day hahahahahhahahahaha.
i always used to as a kid
now my asshole feels no pain whether i dont shit for a day or a month
You just got assraped from the inside out
This is Bull[I]shit[/I]
Well, I had one that wasn't bleeding, but it felt REALLY painful when it came out.
should have took a picture of the shit
The bleeding might actually be a serious problem if it isn't stopping. Somebody made a thread a couple weeks ago about needing to see a doctor after a monster shit popped a hemorrhoid.
[editline]x[/editline]
Oh yeah, pics please :dance:
[QUOTE=Micr0;20455982][img_thumb]http://getoutofmyballpark.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/1109_final_biggest_crap.jpg[/img_thumb][/QUOTE]
What episode is that?
I read this while eating Coco Puff.
oh my god this is the funniest thread ever
Go to the doctors. You could get dysentery and die.
[QUOTE=Protocol7;20456009]i always used to as a kid
now my asshole feels no pain whether i dont shit for a day or a month[/QUOTE]
holy shit. i can only go without shitting for like a week
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