Reviewing shitty maps - should I continue? - Games

There should be a server with an "awful map" map list.

I'd love a server with a gimmick map rotation - not even the *chan ones do.

These reviews are hilarious, you should set up a website for them :v:

Swimbound has made a few shitty maps.

[QUOTE=Dlaor;19176149]These reviews are hilarious, you should set up a website for them :v:[/QUOTE] Oh and make it like the update pages. That'd be cool

[b]cp_roundabout[/b] Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas and all that crap. I broke up with someone who I didn't have feelings for the last few months today, so I'm feeling crappier than usual. [b]OVERVIEW[/b]: According to the readme "This map is popular in our ATF server for Rainbow Six: Raven Shield, so I ported it to Team Fortress 2.". Why the author thought it would be a good idea to port a custom map from a realistic game and slap it into TF2 is beyond me. Maybe he's the type that enjoys putting his dick onto various surfaces to see how it feels. He has also let us know that "The ATF homos in the TF2 division love it just as much as the original, so I'm sure it'd be a nice addition to your server.". The "ATF homos" have to be a figment of the author's imagination, because there's no way that human could enjoy playing this spamfest for more than 10 minutes before quitting out of sheer boredom. This map plays like Gravelpit in that the Blue team has to capture two points before being able to capture the final one, but there's a twist I'll tell you about later. You'll love it. [b]ART[/b]: After a long absence, colored lighting has returned! While not retina destroying, like in ctf_el_subterreno, the colored lighting can cause some eye damage. It took me about two days to recover from ctf_el_subterreno, and I hope this one will take me about a day or so. This map is made by someone that seems unfamiliar with "texture variety', becasue there about 8 textures in the map in total, just like in knux_pit. After seeing how awful this map's layout is though, I'm glad that he didn't use a large amount of textures because I'm sure they'd be placed around the map like a schizophrenic painting a wall. [b]MAP[/b]: You start off in a cramped room with an exit sign and a hole in front of you. If you are playing the map for the first time, I highly suggest you take the sign's advice and quit the game as soon as possible. However, if you are feeling that you are unworthy to live, I suggest that you go through the hole instead, because playing through this turd is one of the best justifications for living. You may feel worthless now, but after running through this failure of a map, you'll feel like the king of the world. [media]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/cp_roundabout0000.png[/media] this is the best part of the map because of how honest it is On the other end of the hole is a half-circle with three cabinets. However, only one of them is a resupply cabinet! That tricky fiend! I'm guessing he did this to trick "The ATF homos in the TF2 division" into endlessly running into the other cabinets, wondering why their health and ammo wasn't being resupplied. There's also a window a sheet of glass as long as the room that lets you stalk the enemy team in their spawn room. I don't know exactly why he thought the glass was good idea, but maybe he likes to jerk off to the TF2 characters once in a while and thought he could do a "photo shoot" with unwilling players by having them join the enemy team and take a few pictures of them in the resupply room. The colored lighting, which seems ripped from a strip club, help reinforce that idea. [media]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/cp_roundabout0001.png[/media] ohhhh red team you make me so hard. keep on respawning The next room is some sort of 1/4 circle that has your team's first control point in it. This room is so tight that I actually got an erection by merely imaging my sweaty teammates stuffed next to me. This is the first map I've ever played that has given me homosexual thoughts by just running around in it, and I hope its the last. The pile of anus-shaped tires just sitting around near the control point didn't help either. Of course, my hardon quickly went away when I realized that this room is so tight that anyone trying to enter it can be easily destroyed by a Demoman within a second of them getting near the Control Point. [media]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/cp_roundabout0003.png[/media] i wasnt kidding when i said your team's control point room is cramped The next room is very simliar to the last, but it has a twist; there are two acloves, one for each team, near the control point that are perfect for building sentries,. Even better is that it is impossible to toss any sort of grenade or sticky bomb in them, so whowever manages to build a sentry in their team's aclove first wins! Oh boy! There's also a "wooden cow" prop protecting the capture point for some reason. One time I heard it tell me to delete the map when I got close to it, but this happened right after I snorted a ton of gas fumes while pumping gas for my car, so I'm not sure if its actually a part of the map or the fumes. [media]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/cp_roundabout0010.png[/media] see that blue blob in the darkness? that's a Sentry. good luck trying to destroy it while coming from the control point on the left! This map is pretty crappy so far, but what pushes it over the edge is that YOU CANNOT COMPLETE THE MAP. If your team manages to capture all three points, the "You won!" screen will not appear and enemes will still be able to spawn. The only things you can do is either beat up the enemy team until they refuse to move out of their spawn room or quit the map and murder the designer for fucking up something as simple as "ending the round". How the fuck do you screw this up? I mean, how hard is it to copy the control point entities from Gravelpit and slap them onto your map? Jesus christ. [media]http://filesmelt.com/downloader/cp_roundabout0011.png[/media] here's what the scoreboard looks like after capturing all three points. i told you that you can't complete the map [b]FUN[/b]: If you're a Demoman that knows how to use sticky bombs or an Enginner, then this is an incredible map. Otherwise, you'll be bored to tears after getting nuked by sticky bombs/an invincible Sentry for the 100th time. [b]SHINING MOMENT[/b]: Seeing that you couldn't complete the map if you capture all three points. [b]FINAL WORD[/b]: Reviewing this map after having a shitty day made me realize that, at the end of the day, I'll never be worse than a guy that managed to fuck up level design so bad that its impossible to complete a multiplayer map. As an aside, I won't be reviewing maps for the next two or so days because of Christmas. However, 2fort "fans" will be happy to know that the next map lined up is an "enhanced" version of 2fort. [b]0 OUT OF 5 STARS[/b]

psst, you forgot the 0 out of 5 part

[QUOTE=wuzzimu;19175248]There should be a server with an "awful map" map list.[/QUOTE] That'd be a really neat idea. Back in the day, Something Awful ran a server full of awful Quake 2 maps, and I remember reading that people played on it, mostly to see how horrible most of the reviewed maps were.

This thread makes me all happy inside, knowing that my maps do not suck as much. Good thread.

Give Ziron Respected User I say!

How do you not catch the ROUND NOT ENDING in a playtest?

[QUOTE=Shibbey;19192310]How do you not catch the ROUND NOT ENDING in a playtest?[/QUOTE] I'm sure the author doesn't know the meaning of the word "Playtest". Nor does he know the meaning of the word "Quality Mapping" or the word "Thought Out Design".

[QUOTE=HubmaN;19128942]Do [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97QCwkvBQFI&fmt=18]whoaaaaaa[/url][/QUOTE] Whoaaaa is the best gimmick map ever, I love it

I'm going to help Ziron with his site for these reviews. He won't be doing reviews until the New Year (incase you don't know). Merry Christmas and happy map shitting!

[QUOTE=fullmetalninja;19153062]And this is Why the other Pac Man Map is superior [media]http://dog.fpsbanana.com/ss/maps/110869a.jpg [url]http://dog.fpsbanana.com/ss/maps/110869b.jpg[/url] [url]http://dog.fpsbanana.com/ss/maps/110869c.jpg[/url] [url]http://dog.fpsbanana.com/ss/maps/110869d.jpg[/url] [url]http://dog.fpsbanana.com/ss/maps/110869e.jpg[/url][/media][/QUOTE] well fuck me, there's already a pacman map.

By the way, here's an example of a GOOD neutral ctf map. [url]http://forums.tf2maps.net/showthread.php?t=8519[/url]

This makes me feel so much better about my first abomination of a map. How I decided to include a secret area leading to the other teams spawn I will never figure out.

You should link to each of your posts in the first post.

[QUOTE=Political Gamer;19173926][url]http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=650814[/url] Leaking information from 2f2f.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=DragonGenX;12624627]Looks great as did pl_hoodoo. Which reminds me, I saw hoodoo on an Aussie TF2 server a couple of days back, congrats.[/QUOTE] I say this got me a good laugh.

Go no clip and take picture of the whole map, this would be really helpful.

[QUOTE=Ziron;19121342] Reviewing shitty maps - should I continue?[/QUOTE] Yes, yes you should

[QUOTE=The Inzuki;19206134]I'm going to help Ziron with his site for these reviews. He won't be doing reviews until the New Year (incase you don't know). Merry Christmas and happy map shitting![/QUOTE] I think I'll do one in about a day or two.

[QUOTE=Ziron;19209563]I think I'll do one in about a day or two.[/QUOTE] Oh, okay. I'm working on the site right now too. [editline]1:26 PM[/editline] Site is almost done, waiting for Ziron to reply to my PM.

What's the site?

We need more reviews.